Ask 100 people for a definition of success, and chances are, you’ll get 100 different answers. Many will be variations on similar themes. Wealth and its trappings define success for some. A high-ranking position in their career field signal success for others. Some will mention their large families including many grandchildren. Others will describe houses on the beach, in the mountains or atop Fifth Avenue buildings in New York City. A few might relay stories of fulfillment through volunteer work or giving to charity.

Baby Boomers Vs Generation X and Y

Each generation defines itself by its definition of success. For men and women that grew up during the Great Depression and then survived World War II, starting a family, keeping house and maintaining relationships with friends and neighbors were the ultimate goals. Societal norms of decorum and privacy influenced their children, who grew up during the 1970s when free love became the new standard of success. Breaking the bonds of societal norms meant that you had “made it.” The 1980s and 1990s were marked by excess in everything. Boomers and their children defined success in the most materialistic of ways. Big houses, fancy cars, big hair, and flashy jewelry were the new status symbols. Everyone worked hard and played even harder. With the turn of the last century, many have begun to reflect on the true nature of success.

Dropping Out and Heading Up

Today, amidst over-packed schedules, SAT score obsessing parents, and badge-of-honor college acceptance letters, some are pausing to reflect on what they truly want out of life and how to get it. Rather than staying on the part hamster wheel, part Stairmaster of the corporate ladder, many are re-assessing, re-organizing and dropping out of the median flow. They are forging their own paths. To these people, success is a state of mind, and to achieve it, one must know where one is going. They know they have achieved success when they realize self-actualization, the highest state of being on Maslows’s Hierarchy of Needs. At this state, one experiences creativity, morality, acceptance, spontaneity, and being all that one can be.

The following are stories of success in this vein. They are stories of real people who overcame odds, re-arranged their lives, and headed in the direction that made the most sense to them, internally, and beyond the reach of the judgments of others.
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The winning side - what is that exactly? To me, it is taking the appropriate courses of action (or inaction, as the case may be) to ensure we are affiliated with successful people and successful groups. One of the things I’ve learned over the past year is that if you want to be successful, you must be associated with successful people.

How did I learn this? The hard way, of course. Over the past 7 years I’ve had to do a lot of networking, both socially and in business. In fact, when I first moved to Arizona in 2002, I didn’t know a soul (except for a few relatives). By identifying successful people and attempting to network with them, I began to meet successful people in Arizona. In other words, I identified the side I needed to be on and then joined it. That is how I became successful in Arizona.

Over the past year, I have expanded my network even more. I realized that if I only associated with people in Arizona, I was cutting myself off from the rest of the country and the rest of the world. After much thought, I did a nationwide driving tour. In a 2 month time period, I visited over 30 states, spoke with over 80 highly successful people and drove 10,292 miles. Since that time, I’ve written a book about the journey and the people (which should be out in the next few months) and expanded my network. All this started by me identifying the winning side and then taking my stand there.

How You Can Learn To Be On The Winning Side

Probably the best way to make sure you’re on the winning side most of the time is to develop the ability to identify the right people and observe them. Watch their actions and learn from them.

As you observe their actions and learn from them, you are positioning yourself to take advantage of the three best ways to affiliate yourself with the winning side. Those three ways are:
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A deadline is a budget for your time. Just like a budget for your spending can help keep you out of debt, keeping budgets for your time can keep you productive. If used appropriately, a deadline can greatly increase the chances you’ll finish a project. But if you misuse them, deadlines can just become a headache.

When Do Deadlines Work?

Deadlines can help you become more productive if:

1. You’re worried about feature creep. If your project has the tendency to expand and become larger, deadlines force you to focus on what’s most important.
2. You might procrastinate. Deadlines can push you through work you don’t enjoy. Without deadlines, some work would always be pushed until tomorrow.
3. You’re outside your comfort zone. Keeping a time limit can force you to push through fears. There’s a point when you are prepared enough and just need to move forward. Deadlines can help you find that point.
4. You need to build experience quickly. Sometimes trial and error is the best solution. It might not be pretty, but it works. Setting short deadlines force you to put your ideas to the test instead of endlessly polishing them.

Those four characteristics are all good reasons to use deadlines. I know whenever I plan a several month project, that a deadline is critical. If I leave the timeline open-ended, I will probably expand the project faster than I can complete it. Often my first step in these large projects is to pin down the date of completion.

Deadlines are also great for kicking yourself into action. If your motivation is running a bit low, you can use a time limit to beat procrastination. My productivity system is geared towards to-do lists that have either a daily or weekly deadline. Without that deadline, it would be harder to get started.

When Do Deadlines Break Down?

Deadlines can be overused, or used for reasons that aren’t appropriate. When you see the impact a deadline has on combating procrastination or finishing projects, it is easy to branch that idea into areas that don’t really work.

There are more than a few mistakes you can make when setting deadlines. Here are a few:
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Often we are our own worst enemy. We make mistakes, but struggle to admit them. In some cases we try to justify our bad actions and motives, only to have our self deception heighten our mistakes.

To grow and develop we need to develop the capacity for honesty and self evaluation. It is only when we can admit where we are going wrong that we can start to put things right.

The following are some common things many of us struggle to admit. Can you see yourself in any of these?

Other’s Faults are Our Own

It is easy to pick fault with other people. In fact, often we gain a subtle enjoyment from highlighting the faults of others. If we are truly honest, however, we will see that when we criticize other people we actually have the very same weakness ourselves. Perhaps we may not make this mistake quite as frequently or as badly, but we still share it to some extent.

A funny example is how frequently people will say things like, “X is such a terrible gossip, he’s always negative and criticizing other people.” We say things like this; but ironically, we are doing exactly what we are criticizing them for! Another interesting point is that often people who grow to dislike each other are often very similar. The faults and personality traits we can’t stand in other people, are often traits of our own personality. I’m sure you can think of two people who dislike each other, but share many similarities in habits and personalities.

We are Wrong

Why can we find it so difficult to admit that we are in the wrong? It is because we worry about our ego and what others think. But, when we avoid the truth we only compound the situation and make things worse. We appreciate people who can admit they are wrong and then resolve to avoid repeating the mistake.
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