Tired of Negative Events, One After Another?
Your neighbor’s dog barked at you. And he knows you!
Your boss sent you a nasty email.
Your special someone isn’t into you lately.
You’re not finding any joy anywhere, in anything.
Inside You/Outside You
Yes, the dog is dumb, your boss is a jerk, and your sweetie could be more loving.
But the things outside you aren’t necessarily the problem.
Nope, the problem is, you think that the events and their effects are both outside you, yet your fault. This mindset? Self-fulfilling negative prophecy and no perceived power to change things.
What can you do?
For starters: Think you’re powerless when these things happen? You’re wrong.
1-Consider this equation:
Perception (internal)+Event (External)=Your Experience (Situation)
Notice how big perception is.
2-Let’s drop back a step.
What’s in place BEFORE any event? Your core mindset. It’s there to help you or hinder you as you experience your day, helping you to avoid getting stuck, or so discouraged that you turn back, or don’t walk out of your mental house at all.
• Did your parents accept you as you were, or did you have to contort yourself to win their love and acceptance? Were they full of criticism? Then you probably developed that inner critic to keep off the outer critics. The inner critic never leaves. Send him or her off with a letter of recommendation to someone who needs one (though I doubt you’ll find any such person!!)
• Or maybe some recent bad experiences, a bad breakup or divorce, a firing, or other situations pulled down your self-esteem so you have an inner critic.
So, you INTERPRET adverse events as YOUR FAULT. You don’t take your own side, but with the inner critic that remains from critical parents or tough past events, so you make and will continue to make your life one long uphill battle.
The Good News: This is an Opportunity.
Believe me, from hard experience, I know what a challenge this is; in fact, it’s the biggest. But, if you change your inner situation now, others will envy you as they see you’ve transformed your life!
Get some positive reinforcement from a trusted friend helps, or better yet, a therapist, especially if your childhood is the main problem. Why? Because your inner critic is “disqualifying” anything good you’re saying about yourself.
The Therapist or that good friend stands in for the part of yourself that you’re born with who is ready to love and care for you. The self-compassionate inner voice is always there; it’s a still small voice, but it’s amazing how well you can hear it when if you start listening.
Talk TO yourself, and treat yourself as if you were your spouse or your best friend. When you hear the critic’s expected interpretation of things, talk back calmly, don’t shout. When the ego starts to shout because you now pay attention to your calm, core voice, you isolate and disregard negativity.
Talk back, sometimes use a diary to write out the critic’s comments and your compassionate voice’s answers. Expose those inner criticisms out in the light of day, and soon they lose their potency. Keep them inside, without review or response, and they stay potent, and you feel powerless.
Everyone makes mistakes…how else do we learn? The best scientists, artists, and entrepreneurs make countless mistakes that produce single, stupendous achievements otherwise impossible.
I just “reframed” failure, I repositioned it as an inevitable prelude to success, rather than an insoluble, life defeating problem.
Be ready every minute of every day with a fearless mental, emotional, and spiritual position with which to weather and transform experiences for current and future benefit rather than as the perceived inescapable, ever continuing spiral of events that make you hopeless and continually self-critical.
You have a choice and an obligation to transform the stories of your life into positive ones so that your life’s narrative is triumphant and joyful always.
What Will You Choose?
Will you be kind to yourself, being the defense attorney in every situation, taking your case without hesitation, with love, acceptance, and optimism?
If you do, you’ll not only win in the court of your psyche, you’ll be successful in every trial, escape your own jails, and soar to what should be your goal each and every day…and what’s that?
HAPPINESS. It’s inside you right now; just take it with you no matter what!
Lars Nielsen is a free-lance copywriter whose unique and image-rich selling voice combines the narrative power of his poetry, playwriting, fiction, radio, liturgy, and comedy. Go to www.larsnielsencopywriting.com and see how Ultimate Influence Copywriting can reframe the narrative of your business, speeches, ideas, and your life for success.