Are You a Victim of Circumstances or a Victim of Self? 13 Ways To Gain Control

We were all born under circumstances that could have been better. None of us were born to the perfect family. It doesn’t matter how much or how little time our parents spent with us or how rich or poor they were. There were things we wish they had done differently.

We are all adults now and can make the changes necessary to live the life we deserve. There is no need to blame anyone anymore. We must now take responsibility for our lives.

Unfortunately, human beings like to blame everything and everyone for the situation in which we find ourselves. It is easier, to pass the blame on to someone else. We feel better when we place the blame somewhere else.

We were born with great gifts, some easier to identify than others. Many of us have to dig a little deeper to find ours but, we all know they are there.

Why then do we find it so hard to use those gifts to better our lives and those around us?

We blame our circumstances. We blame people around us. We focus on the issues and things that we cannot change and neglect to work on those we have the power to change so we can achieve the goals we set for ourselves.

We often spend our entire lives worrying or complaining about the problems and not taking the time to improve and use our gifts. Life is difficult for everyone, and we have to overcome obstacles every day.

I spent most of my youth blaming my parents for not being there for me. They weren’t the best parents, and so I had it rough as a child. I was constantly being sent from one home to another, and it affected my development. I became angry, frustrated, bitter and very hateful towards them. I too blamed the circumstances under which I came into this world for all my problems. If only I was born to a different family and even in a different country my life would have been easier, I thought.

I worked hard to change my life as an adult. I did my best to succeed, but I always thought I could have had a better life if only my birth parents had taken the time to be good parents. I blamed them for the fact that I had to work my way through college and had to pay my way. I blamed them for the fact that I didn’t become a medical doctor. As a child, my ambition was to become a doctor. I changed my mind during high school when the teacher told us to take a frog to be dissected. I blamed them for the fact that I hated dissecting frogs. I knew I didn’t want to become a doctor after that, but I still blamed them for my change of heart.

I blame my parents for every bad decision I made. I blamed them even for my bad relationships I had even though I was now an adult making all those decisions. Yes, they could have contributed to my insecurities, low self-esteem, anger, and bitterness and deserved all the blame for that but I am an adult now.

No matter how successful I became, it wasn’t enough for me because I was still blaming the circumstances under which I came into this world for all my problems. It wasn’t until I became frustrated with being angry, insecure, bitter and very selfish and decided to stop blaming the responsibility for my actions was I able to move forward.

If you are anything like me, you will always find reasons to blame someone or something. It will always be our circumstances that we find ourselves in difficult situations. We refuse to take responsibility and control of those things in our lives that we can change.   The things we cannot control we cannot change, so we only have to accept them the way they are.

Then again, the problems we faced daily aren’t the real issues. The real problem is us. We are our worst enemy. We stand in our way and block our progress and ultimately our success by placing blame.   We need to accept responsibility for our lives and start today.

Do not allow your circumstances to render you powerless anymore. Break free and take control of your life and your destiny. You have the power and tools to make a better life for yourself.

You must allow your desire to achieve your goals greater than any circumstance you face in your life. Whatever is going on around you are only distracters staged along life’s journey but you must develop a focus, so they do not affect you.

To quit blaming your circumstances and empower yourself to achieve all you can you must:-

  1.  Be passionate

You must find your passion and be willing to work until you have perfected it. You should live, breathe and sleep your dream. You should love it so much that even if you were not being paid you would to do regardless.

  1. Be convicted

You must be convicted and convinced that you are unique and talented and can do all things if you put your mind to it. Never forget that you are the only person who can prevent you from reaching your goals and not anyone else, not even your circumstances. You must understand where you are at the moment isn’t where you want to be in life. You must believe you have the power to make the changes necessary to bring you the success you need.

  1. Start out small

Do not focus on the end results. You have your goal well documented and how to get there but do not focus on the finale, focus on the little things that you can do consistently that will get you there. Do what is required to get you where you want to and keep doing them until you do.

  1. Do not be afraid to fail

Be prepared to fail. The key to success is not to quit. It doesn’t matter how many times you fail you will only be considered a failure if you quit. If things aren’t working out take a look at what you have been doing and make the necessary changes to reach your set goal. 

  1. Change the things you can

When you find yourself in difficult situations, work on changing the things you can change and those you cannot, accept them as they are. Do not waste your life on things you have no control over.

  1. Accept challenges

Do not be afraid to face challenges when they come. Life is filled with obstacles, but you can overcome them all if you are prepared to work. Nothing is impossible unless you make them as impossible. Remember it is all about self, not the circumstances. Your circumstances should not dictate your outcome. You are the one who will decide what the result will be.

  1. Be confident

Be sure of what you want and go after it. You must be unshakeable in your belief that you can reach your goal. Refuse to become a victim. See yourself succeeding and do what it takes to succeed. Push yourself harder and further every time, and you will realize the potential and strength you have within you. Know who you are and be proud.

  1. Set yourself apart

Do not accept mediocrity. Do things that will make you stand out. Give it everything you have and do so consistently. Work harder and longer than everyone else to get where you want to go. Do not accept anything less than the best from anyone and most of all from yourself.

  1. Be your motivator

Motivate yourself. Find the strength within you. When no one is motivating and encouraging you, encourage yourself. You know yourself more than anyone else and know what it will take to keep you going when all else fails. Dig deep and find that reservoir of strength to propel you to greatness.

  1. Accept that you make mistakes

Do not blame anyone or anything but accept that you aren’t perfect and that you make mistakes. Do not let those mistakes define who you are. You are not your mistakes. You err, correct it, move on and make things right. You do not have to be right all the time.

  1. Accept help from others

Even though, you are working on your dreams, and it is about accepting responsibilities do not be afraid to accept help from others. People are there to help you and will be able to give you the insight you might not otherwise see. Accept it and show appreciation. Learn from others to avoid making mistakes that you would otherwise make.

  1. Fight for yourself

Be strong and fight for what you want. Do not give in to the feeling of defeat no matter how dim the situation may appear. You have your goals, and you must see them through to the end and you will be receiving your rewards if you do not give in.

  1. Enjoy life

Take the time to enjoy your life as you work towards your dream. Do not get caught up in becoming successful that you miss out on life. You must take time out to smell the roses along the way.

  1. Avoid regrets

Too many times you will be tempted to look back on your past mistakes. Keep your focus on where you want to go and try not to keep looking back. Your past is in the past for a reason and can never be retrieved. Work towards the future with zeal and gusto.

Never allow the road blocks in life to cause you not to achieve your goals. Work hard consistently and avoid placing blames. Do not complain especially about things you cannot change.

Rose Costas is a big believer in the power of facing your challenges head on, and that boldly wearing your scars can help others triumph over their own challenges. An accountant by profession with a passion for writing and blogging, Rose can help you to get back the fire that once burned within you, starting with her eBook “31 Ways to Build Your Confidence Today.”


Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.

1 Response to Are You a Victim of Circumstances or a Victim of Self? 13 Ways To Gain Control

  1. world news says:

    A round of applause for your blog article. Cool.

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