Dating confidence tips to get you and your date relaxed and having an unforgettable time…

Nervously early for his date, Dave had plenty of time to notice his sweating palms.

“Oh great! What if she wants to shake hands?” He briefly imagined his date’s hand slipping from his like an eel from a greased plate and started feeling a little sick as he frantically dabbed his palms with a napkin. A waiter watched with a seen-it-all blend of sympathy and disdain.

“Just be yourself!” his flatmate – a regular man of the world with more dating confidence than a roomful of James Bonds – had advised. “Blimey, it’s only a date!”

“What does ‘just be yourself’ even mean?” Dave retorted in a panicked tone, trying to cover his shaving rash with an extra-wide 1970s sports-broadcaster-style tie.

He had met Kate at a party during which he’d not been entirely lucid (thanks to some imported German beer). But, he reflected, he must have been entertaining enough; he’s secured this date, after all. Full of liquid courage, he’d finally blurted: “Would you like to meet up?”

Now he wondered: Had his speech slurred? Had she just been too polite to turn him down? Should he reassure her that he wasn’t an alcoholic? No, definitely not a good opener. Would she question why a witty and lively extrovert from the other night had morphed into a shy sack of nerves? Would he even recognize her when she arrived?

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Image courtesy of SpaceCollective

Have you noticed when your computer gets slow when you run many programs (or open many windows) at the same time? Likewise our brains get slower when our brains are filled with so many thoughts and other distractions. Have you ever noticed your brain is filled with incessant mental chatters, which make you worried, stressful, distracted or angry? These unwanted thoughts hinder your career and drain energy from your brain.

Incessant mental chatter (or simply incessant chatter) is a stream of thoughts, for example, a thought about your past, a worry about your future, criticizing yourself or others, fantasizing about something, arguing with someone, inner narration, (resentful) memories, non-constructive thoughts, images, tunes, and other thoughts. Incessant chatter can make you worried, stressed, depressed, distracted or angry. Usually one thought follows another. Some people may not yet realize it. Have you ever noticed your mind is not there with you? Try to see if your mind is in the car or in the shower next time you are driving, or having a shower. It is all too common our mind often absent in our daily activities. Incessant chatter makes your mind absent from your daily activities.

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Image courtesy of t_a_g @flickr

Better Because…You Choose

For over 25 years, we climbed the corporate ladder in Fortune 100 companies like Best Buy and General Electric and were fortunate to attend top-rated training and executive leadership programs.  After leaving behind our corporate lives, we realized that these same tools we used to achieve success in business also worked just as well for life in general.

So we’ve picked the best of what we learned along the way – from executive coaches, close friends and family – and are happy to share it with the PickTheBrain audience.

THREE CORE BELIEFS

FIRST. Life Is What You Think.

Consider this saying from the Mahatma Ghandi:

Let your thoughts be positive

For they will become your words.

Let your words be positive

For they will become your actions.

Let your actions be positive

For they will become your values.

Let your values be positive

For they will become your destiny.

Our thoughts influence our actions, which determines results.   As we’ve learned from our parents, positive thoughts lead to inspired actions, which can lead to better results.

So, remember this:  Thoughts + Actions = Quality of Life

You’ve probably heard this before, but it’s a good reminder. If we are to make the world better, it begins with how we think.

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It is already February in the year of 2010. I wonder how many people are still following through their goals or New Year Resolutions? It is sad to say this but most people have already started to put their gym memberships to waste or have stopped following up on their new business plans.

Why is it so hard for people to follow through their goals? How do some people stick to their goals no matter what they face while others falter easily in the face of obstacles? There are certainly some things that those who succeed know that others don’t know. Read on and I will share with you the art of following through your goals.

The Art Of Following Through

1. The Power Of Certainty

Most people set goals that they want to achieve but it is not impossible to achieve your goals when you have doubts and mix emotions. To achieve your goals, you need to have the feeling of certainty that you will be able to achieve your goals.

If you lack the feeling of certainty, most likely you will take half hearted actions and continue to doubt your ability. As long as this cycle exists in your mind, you will start to dread doing your tasks that can bring you nearer to your goals.

Eventually you will have so many doubts that whether the effort you are putting in will give you the results that you want. This will make you feel so frustrated that you will eventually decide to stop following through.

Set any goals that you want but always make it a point to generate the feeling of certainty that you will be able to achieve it. Set goals that can stretch you and not those that you think that it is impossible to achieve.

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We’ve done the binge thing for awhile; now it’s time to do the purge thing. Most of us have a tremendous amount of excess. Too many expenses, too much stuff, too many commitments and responsibilities.  Do you dream of calm over chaos? Do you wish you could hit a button and be transformed to the tranquility of another era? You can create an oasis of peace for yourself and your family, but you’re going to have to relearn what it means to simplify as I bust the top three myths about the subject over the next month.

Myth #1 – Simplifying means having and doing less.

Wrong! Simplifying is not necessarily about less. It can be about more. More time. More enjoyment. More joy. More fulfillment. More of what enriches you.

If you do or have a lot of things that don’t bring you joy or support your long-term plan, then doing or having less of that kind of stuff makes sense. But you can’t eliminate everything. If you throw out, reduce, cut back, and cancel as much as you can, you’ll be left with a void. The purpose of simplifying — at least as I see it — is to chuck what’s not important and add what is.

To understand what should be removed and what should be added, try thinking of activities and things as either assets or liabilities.

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When you were a child, you often had to wait for permission to do something. Perhaps you needed to be a certain age before you were allowed to use the oven or cross the road by yourself. Maybe you needed to ask mom before you got a snack. Even as a teen, you had to stick to rules: curfew, acceptable music volume, homework…

Once you’re eighteen, you’re free to do what you want (within the bounds of legality). So why do we get stuck waiting for permission?

You’ll know what I mean, even if you’ve never consciously acknowledged it. Maybe:

• You’re waiting for someone to say that you’re good enough before you’ll allow yourself to paint/write/sing/act
• You won’t take that course or qualification until you’re “ready”
• There are some things you’d love to try – but you’re worried what your mom would say
• You’re afraid to be yourself; you always follow the crowd

So often, the only person who needs to say “yes” is … you. Here’s how:

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Are you worrying, hurrying or stressed? Stress comes with a long list of damaging effects of stress like heart disease, high blood pressure, accelerated aging, anxiety, depression, anger, forgetfulness, learning difficulty and sleep disorder. When we are stressed, we try to forget about stress by doing something else such as shopping, eating, watching a movie, listening to music, or even taking mind altering substances. By doing so, we might get a temporary relief from the stress but often end up more stressed. A good news is that scientists discovered very effective way of reducing stress with our mind. Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor of Medicine Emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, was one of the first Western scientists who discovered and demonstrated the effectiveness of mindfulness in its clinical applications, especially stress reduction. Since he introduced Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) in 1979, University of Massachusetts Medical Center Research and other researchers elsewhere have found mindfulness is effective in reducing stress and provides other benefits. Mindfulness training is now becoming an essential stress reducing skills being offered growing number of hospitals, clinics, universities, psychiatrists and psychotherapists in US and other countries.

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Have you ever been blind sided by an unexpected event that threatened to throw your dreams, hopes, and life plans off-course? If nothing that grandiose has happened (lucky you!), how about just being surprised by small obstacles that threaten to ruin your day?

Big or small, unexpected events will happen. You can not avoid them, you can only control how you respond to them. It is in those critical moments after the unexpected occurs that ultimately determine your long term success. Think about it: anyone can do well when everything is going great. What separates people who succeed (the Winners) from those who don’t and just complain about it (the Whiners) is how well they respond to life’s inevitable curveballs.

How can you make sure you respond to the unexpected like a Winner and not a Whiner? Here are six traits that separate the two:

1) Whiners Focus on the Past, Winners Focus on the Present and Future

Whiners love to dwell on the past. “I wish this never happened!” or, “if you had just done what I said we wouldn’t have this problem,” or everyone’s favorite, “I told you this would happen!”  The past is done and over and can not be changed. For some reason this simple concept eludes Whiners.

Winners understand that we live in the here and now. Rather than dwelling on the past, Winners focus on the future they want to create and think of actions they can take in the present to make that future happen.

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Reports in the NY Times and elsewhere point to the rise of Chinese language instruction in our schools, against the backdrop of the demise of language learning in general. People justify this rush to Chinese by referring to the growth of the Chinese economy. The US government has declared Chinese a “critical language.” How realistic is this Chinese boom, and will it last? Here is a reality check.

1) Chinese will probably not help your kid get a job.

Chinese is being touted as the language of the future, given the growth of the Chinese economy. Some predict that a knowledge of Chinese will be big advantage in the job markets of the future. It is worthwhile remembering that Chinese is the language of business in only one country, China. Relatively few American kids are going to be working in China after graduating.

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Image courtesy of vhm-alex @ deviantART

What’s your guilty reality TV pleasure? The Bachelor? Survivor? America’s Got Talent? Of course, the granddaddy of them all — American Idol — just started a new season. Some 30 or 40 million fans have been waiting six months for American Idol to kick off. If this season is anything like last season, expect at least 50 hours of American Idol on your TV. No, that’s not a typo.

Last year I gave you a few ideas on what you could have done with those 50 hours instead of watch American Idol. For example, you could earn an extra $1,000, read several books, start writing your own book, burn 43,000 calories jogging, learn the waltz, and others. But, who am I kidding? If you like the show, you’re not going to listen to me. Heck, I’m not even going to listen to me because I’m going to watch this season!

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