Stressful, isn’t it?
Dealing with people who intimidate you.
It can be as nerve-wracking as a job interview, or even speaking in public. And, unless you do something about it, it’s always there at the back of your mind, a constant worry.
I felt like that for years, anxious about almost every social and work encounter.
But I finally decided to get to the bottom of my lack of confidence so I could actually live life, instead of hoping it wouldn’t notice me.
Let me share with you the simple tactics I found that will ensure you never let people intimidate you again.
1. Stop trying to be them.
Your self-confidence can only flourish in the person it belongs to – you. Not a version of you, an imitation or a mishmash character of all the people you feel you should be, but the real, authentic you.
Trying to raise healthy self-confidence in a false persona is like trying to eat healthily on a diet of fast food.
Want to know what you’re absolutely better at than any other person on this planet?
Simple, being you.
Unearth the real you and you’ll have discovered your confidence
Until then, you’re right to feel intimidated trying to be someone else because imitating others equals feeling intimidated.
Self-confidence only asks one thing, be yourself.
2. Stop competing with them.
We compete with others intentionally or unintentionally on a daily basis by comparing.But here’s the problem:
Most of us are as lousy at picking fights as we are at picking comparisons.
We almost always choose a comparison we can’t win. If you have to play this game, try changing the rules:
- They may have great looks, but you may have great relationships.
They may have a better job title, but you may have the better job.
They may have more money, but you may be more altruistic.
They may be loved by their fans, but you may be loved by your children.
The point is, it’s a ridiculous game anyway because you can only compare like with like. But even if you do compare like with like, people aren’t things. You have to separate the two.
If you feel intimidated because they have a more important sounding job than you, understand that You aren’t your job – and neither are they.
And if they do have more money than you, then it’s the money that’s intimidating you, not them. Presumably if they lost all their money, you wouldn’t be intimidated by them any more?
So stop competing, separate the thing from the person and you’ll see that there really isn’t anything to be intimidated about.
3. Stop focusing on you.
Now that’s going to sound confusing. You’ve just read that unearthing your true self and being that beautiful person are critical to never feeling intimidated again.
...when you’re feeling intimidated, forget how you feel and focus solely on the other person
It’s a tactic you can grasp quickly with a little practice.
You see, by taking your own nerves and chattering self-depreciating thoughts out of the mix, you’ll be able to hear what they’re really saying. And you’ll hear their own worries, insecurities and anxieties. You’ll find a vulnerable human being, struggling in life, just like you.
Forget yourself and focus on the other person. You’ll find an imperfect human being, not a super being.
4. Learn to say no
Being intimidated is a manifestation of feeling powerless. It seems as though even if you summoned all of your inner everything, you’d still be the one clearing away everyone else’s trash at the end of the party.
There’s a very simple tactic you need to learn. It’s called saying ‘No’.
It’s a small word and one that you hear self-confident people use a lot.
Now that sounds very daunting. Sometimes speaking up can leave you totally tongue-tied as it is. However, saying no is like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.
Being a ‘Yes’ person will leave you overwhelmed, over-committed and seriously out of your depth. That’s no way to nourish your self-confidence.
Gently but firmly declining an unwanted invitation or unwarranted request is a great way to put your confidence in the driving seat.
5.Learn to say yes
On the flip side, learning how to say yes at the right time can give your confidence an even greater boost. You see…
…confident people say yes to opportunities even if they have to go outside their comfort zone.
Sometimes they say yes because it takes them outside their comfort zone.
Surely that seems a paradox.
Only until you try it. Only until you feel the incredible wave of empowerment, of resilience that comes with finding you can do more than you thought you were capable of.
By repeatedly stepping outside your comfort zone, you boost your confidence in believing you can go even further next time. And you can’t be confident and intimidated at the same time.
Remember however to step outside your comfort zone not your safety zone. Like a yoga-newbie, stretch gently at first and soon you’ll amaze yourself at how far you can go.
Saying yes to challenges becomes an addictive cycle that your self-belief will crave.
Stop feeling intimidated once and for all.
Taking small steps can break the patterns of feeling intimidated for good.
Be yourself, work on your self-confidence and stop underestimating yourself.
Imagine having no nerves, no matter who you’re dealing with.
Picture feeling an important member of the group, socially and at work. One that’s valued, even relied upon.
Imagine never dreading being intimidated again.
Stop missing out on the wonderful opportunities and experiences that await you.
Fight back with these simple but powerful tactics.
Mark & Laura are on a mission to help you increase your confidence and grow your happiness by simplifying your life. Download their free cheat sheet: 5 Ways To Say No Without Offending Anyone (Even If You Hate Conflict)