People gravitate around confident, charismatic people. Yes, we do want to be around hot, sexy people – especially from the opposite sex – which makes some people think they can`t go anywhere on the attractiveness chain just because they don`t look hot enough – or whatever bullshit story they keep telling themselves. However, I`ve known some people –me included- who aren`t the best-looking out there, yet they still managed to understand how charisma worked and used that knowledge to build tribes and tons of fans.
But, don`t get me wrong, I`m not here to brag. I wasn`t always that confident, but I taught myself how to have charisma and appeal to people where they are – while still maintaining a decent level of self-esteem – and today I`m showing you some of what I know is essential to building charisma. It`s called creating the right charisma mindset.
Where charisma really starts?
Charisma begins with your mindset. It`s like a code to a computer software. Get the code right, and you`re all set. Get it wrong, however, and you don`t have a properly-working software. Simply see the world through the window of charismatic people, and you`ll be like them.
So, as I said, you need to have the right mindset to have charisma. And without further ado, here are my top four mind-shifts you need to consider to build your awesome character.
Mindset #1: When things go crazy, I`ll be the calmest person in the room
A friend, a super cool one, once told me the secret to his outstanding poise under pressure. He once watched the former NYC Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, say nothing helped him stay calm during the 9/11 attacks better than an old advice he got from his father who told him:
“When things go crazy, get out of control, and everyone is freaking out, you become calm. You be the calmest man in the room. Go as far as to become unnaturally calm. Be so calm and focused that you can look at the situation objectively, see what can be done and that everyone looks at you to be the leader.”
My friend used that quote every day while meditating till its effect rubbed off on him.
And I want you to do the same. Meditate cause it can save your life —it can even make you lose weight —, and it’ll give you that unshakeable poise under pressure. The same one charismatic people have.
Mindset #2: I am lucky
You must believe that good things come to you because that`s how you attract them. All successful people —charismatic and not-charismatic— have a positive attitude towards life. This attitude is important because:
- It helps you win
It`s like: I believe I`m fortunate, so I`ll take those actions that make me fortunate. It`s a loop and should start using it.
- It gives you followers (which is the essence of charisma)
It`s rare to be positive and to have conviction. Most people don`t such believe, and most of them gravitate towards those who do. If you manage to build faith that you`ll get what you want no matter the obstacles, you`ll build charisma. How? Through positive self-affirmations. You won`t go anywhere without them.
But, can I change my luck? (You might say)
Richard Wiseman, the famous psychologist, did that with some of the most misfortunate people on the universe. I mean left-at-the-alter-had-8-surgeries-and-lost-all-my-money unlucky. And he helped them increase their luck through affirmations and positive thinking. So, no matter how unlucky you feel about yourself, you can change it. Period.
By the way, grab a copy of Erin’s book. She`ll teach you a lot of ways to work on your inner side and build a kick-ass attitude that rocks your world to the better.
Mindset #3: Go light on yourself
I was reading The Psychology of Selling by Brian Tracy where he mentioned that the top 4 percent of salesmen in the world all share the same skill which is: Knowing how to feel good about themselves. This requires you to be good at two things:
- Celebrating your wins and good qualities
Gary Veynerchuck, a decently charming person, says that a huge part of his charisma came early on when his mom used to make a great deal of every nice thing he did, even if it was opening the door for some lady at McDonald`s. Such anti-self-loathing way of raising a child helped Veynerchuck have an above-average sense of self-respect that guided him through his life.
- Building self-compassion
Talking nicely to yourself when it’s all doom and gloom is a skill that comes even before working well under pressure. Self-compassion gets a bad rap and people compare it to self-pity, but the truth is, a great level of compassion is more important than a high self-esteem.
“Individuals who score high on self-compassion scales demonstrate greater emotional resilience to
daily difficulties and fewer negative reactions to difficult situations, such as receiving unflattering
feedback. People who score high on self-compassion also have a lower tendency for denial.” Writes Olivia Fox Cabane the bestselling author of The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism.
So, how to build self-compassion?
It’s all about adopting a growth mindset that combines between accepting mistakes and using them as lessons and corner blocks for even bigger successes.
Know beforehand that you will make mistakes whenever you try something new. Be grateful and cool with it. Don’t call yourself names, and work even harder to benefit from these mistakes.
Also, know that everyone is different in their own way. You have your own flaws as much as you have your own qualities. Stress upon those qualities and embrace those flaws
Mindset #4: I must mingle with people
You can’t build charisma from the comfort of your own home. You must mingle with as many people as you can — Every Single Day. No matter how shy you think you are, you must risk it all out and test your people skills. Aim to spend at least an hour talking to people, decide that you`ll be more open to talking to strangers, and for God`s sake, leave those headphones at home and look people in the eye any and everywhere. It`s a sign that confrontation doesn’t scare you away.
It`s not rude to make eye contact with strangers. They won`t get creeped out or pissed off if you did. Throw in a nice smile in the mixer and you`ll win more hearts than if you did staring at the floor of the sidewalk.
Marwan Jamal is a soccer-playing, food-loving, joke-cracking New York-based wellness writer. You can say hi to me here
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