Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours / Dale Carnegie
Social gatherings are unnerving.
Do you feel uncomfortable around other people?
They talk … and you sit there like a fish. You try to join in the conversation but you struggle to find the right words. And everything you say sounds bland.
Why can’t you be a bubbly and engaging person?
I used to be awkward at social gatherings. I was stressed out about finding the right words. And when I said something it turned out completely wrong. I felt dumb.
But I implemented a simple plan. A plan to become interesting. To compel people to listen.
Shall I explain?
Read Like a Psychic
As a kid I loved watching psychic shows.
The dim lights. The quiet music that raises the tension as the psychic picks a volunteer from the crowd.
As expected the psychic reads the volunteer like an open book.
But once in a while he would miss.
He would say that the 40-year old man in a suit had made a big investment lately. And when he found out he was wrong, he’d say that the image wasn’t clear, and he’d soon make a big investment like buying a car, or a house, or property.
But when I grew up I found out their dirty little secret.
They don’t have supernatural powers. They’re exceptionally good at reading people. They obtain a great deal of information by analyzing the person’s body language, clothing and manner of speech. And then they make an educated guess.
The same approach works when communicating.
When you meet someone, don’t just look at him. PAY ATTENTION.
- Notice his clothing, body language and manner of speech.
- Engage him with questions using what you have observed.
- Notice subtle cues such as changes in facial expression or body language. They indicate whether you’ve nailed it or not.
Make it a game. Discover as much as you can about the other person.
Did you make him excited? Intrigued? If not, keep guessing.
Enchant people with your observations. Captivate them with your questions.
Write From The Heart
Do you struggle with words?
It helps you develop your ability to express your ideas verbally. To come up with the right words every time.
But writing is not enough.
When you want something, how much logic do you use?
How much is based on emotion?
When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion / Dale Carnegie
Listening to an emotionless speaker is like eating a bland dish. It might look delicious but after one bite you lose interest and move to a yummy piece of cake.
Spice up your writing.
Write from your heart. Get excited. Touch your audience. Make them feel your words.
When you speak from the heart you become enthusiastic. When you speak your truth you get excited. And enthusiastic people are so much more interesting listening to.
You may not feel it happen, but it will change you. Drastically. You’ll still be you, but you’ll be a better version of you.
And you’ll see the results.
Where you used to get a halfhearted response from people, you’ll start getting their full attention.
Your thoughts will be formed better.
You’ll be more enthusiastic and your language more vivid, letting your emotions shine through.
Apply to emotions. Compel people to listen.
You know how this goes.
You’re enjoying a cup of coffee with your friend.
He’s ranting about his job, how his boss gives him a hard time. Riding his ass the whole day for being late. But you’re so immersed in your own thoughts that you hardly hear what he’s saying.
When having a conversation do you listen? Or are you trying to come up with something smart to say?
Don’t try to come up with a solution. Pay attention to what the other person is saying.
Be truly interested in him. Ask questions.
Most people think they need to have smart ideas to be a good conversationalist, but it’s far more important to ask good questions.
This makes you an interesting conversationalist even when you say almost nothing.
Heck, you might even learn something new.
The Truth About Becoming Interesting
Being interesting is not about being an extrovert.
It’s not about having charisma or not.
To have a good chat, you need to listen more than you talk.
Pay attention to the other person. Be curious about him. Encourage him to speak.
Make him feel you’re genuinely interested in him.
Captivate him. Fascinate him. Enchant him.
Sweep him off his feet.
Benny (@BenjaminMalev) is an energetic family man. He’s on a mission to help men live their life to the fullest, while putting their family first. Join him and learn to live a vibrant life at Vibrant Dad.