Though a positive, successful, and engaging person, Pam avoided prolonged looks into her mirror. When she was brushing her hair or applying make-up, she stayed focused on the activity – but would intentionally not make eye contact with herself. Except sometimes. On those occasions a tirade of negative judgments erupted in her thoughts.

If she didn’t avoid the negative assessment machine in her mind by distraction or busyness, the stream of thoughts that flooded into Pam’s awareness would chide her, “Your nose is too crooked. Your skin is a mess. You’re getting wrinkles under your eyes. You’re too fat. Nobody would give you a second look. You need surgery to look better.” In these moments, Pam would cringe and feel the familiar black pit in her stomach suck the positive energy right out of her. And she would begin to doubt herself and her ability to create a rewarding life.

The strange part of this internal conversation going on in her mind was that Pam knew there was no truth to the accusations. Pam has a dancer’s body and is a highly accomplished dancer. In addition, she teaches dance to serious students. She also is a sought-after model due to her beauty and flawless complexion. Over the course of time, she has attempted to debate the negative voice and has tried thought stopping, positive affirmations, and positive thinking. And for awhile these techniques worked – then, like a thief in the middle of the night, the character assassinations would creep back into her thoughts and cast seeds of doubt in her mind.

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Everyone knows sex sells. Greed sells too, and again, this is something we all know. But little did we know that the really big, best seller of all is FEAR and it’s companion, dread.

Here are some current ‘epidemic’, ‘impending’ ‘catastrophe-in-the-making’, brilliantly-marketed FEARS: Fear of recession, depression, terrorists, war, disease, food, air, climate change, computer crashes, natural disasters, breast size, impotency, break-ins, drug czars and addicts, immigrants and aging.

Here I focus on an area closest to my own experience as a physician-psychiatrist: the fear of illness and dying. As you read about overcoming and transcending this fear, think of it as an effective metaphor for the other fears listed above. When you come to the end reread the piece substituting each fear.

Start with this fact: To fear our body is a powerful way to create disease. Why is this? Because fear is about being attacked and when you think you are going to be attacked you are both hard-wired and soft-wired for flight or fight. This, in simple terms, is bad for your physical health when carried on continuously or repetitively on an intermittent basis. Your body is not set up to be constantly on the alert for danger or shocked repeatedly by the unexpected. It is not necessary to go into the physiology of why this might lead to high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke and even cancer. Here is the rub: If fear can be created it leads to disease thereby proving that the fear was warranted. This is every politician, salesman and businessman’s dream: to create a need for snake oil.

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Bob was a normal sort of guy. One day, he set the goal of making a million dollars. He took a job in sales because he figured that was the quickest way to get there. And, after a few years of hard and determined work, he did.

Bob’s a success, right? Bob’s the guy we all want to be – whether we’re in sales, or in a big company, or working for ourselves.

But – here’s the rest of Bob’s story.

During his time on the road, he barely saw his wife and kids. He missed them, sure, but he thought there’d be plenty of time for them after he’d got that money safely in the bank. Bob didn’t pay any attention to what he ate. He didn’t have time to exercise. He barely had time to eat.

He made that million, but in the process, he severely compromised his health – and lost his family.

Bob is not the guy we want to be.

Are you risking losing everything that really matters, in pursuit of your goals? What’s most important to you in your life? Here are a couple of big areas:

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I never thought it would be such a relief to be wrong but I’m starting to love it. Ahhhh!

Does that statement surprise you when there are so many success texts on how to be, or do things, ‘right’?

Good!

Do you know the pressure of feeling you have to be right? Do you know what it’s like to not be able to stand being wrong? It’s not pleasant!

Maybe YOU don’t but I bet you know someone like that. Someone who has to have the last word!

It might be funny for a few minutes but ultimately it’s annoying. And destructive.

Being unable to admit you are wrong is what I call a ‘psychological knot’. Creating greater openness and being welcome to ‘get it wrong’ can untie you for greater success!

A pastor I know said: “I’m scared of a man who can’t admit he’s wrong.”  Hitler, for example, was that man at one point. Even when everything was going wrong at the end of the Second World War, the films portray his lieutenants saying: “He hasn’t led us wrong before. We should trust him.” Yeah, that worked out. Confidence does not equal correctness!

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In Western society, we often think of “learning” in very narrow terms: it’s what we do in school, and once we’ve got our college degree, the learning phase is over – it’s time to work.

Of course, things aren’t really that black and white: we carry on learning after we’ve left school, and not just in our careers but in every aspect of our lives. And learning often doesn’t equate to taking qualifications or passing exams. Approached the right way, learning isn’t a process of ticking boxes on a curriculum or course outline – it’s about exploration, growth and enrichment.

Learning Adds Depth to Your Life

For me, the primary reason to keep learning new things is because I enjoy it. It’s not quite the same enjoyment that I get from watching a movie, and there are always frustrating and even miserable moments in learning anything new … but I’m happier in the long run.

If you take the time to consciously learn new things, you’ll find that you live life more deeply. Instead of chasing quick entertainment that fails to satisfy, you’ll have the pure pleasure of those aha! moments when something finally clicks. The more you learn, the more you’ll be able to make connections between pieces of knowledge – and the more creative you’ll become.

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It’s a complex world, but most of us still manage to get on with it: whatever our job may be, we turn up every day and tackle the challenges that come our way.

When it comes to debt, though, it’s not so straightforward. Many people end up with serious debt problems they just don’t know how to deal with. Why is that?

• It could be because debt’s a complicated subject, full of unfamiliar terms and issues: repayment terms, APRs, early repayment penalties, and so on.
• It could be because we’re content to leave the details to the lenders. At the end of the day, it’s often tempting to assume that one set of terms and conditions is much like another – so all we want to know is ‘Can I borrow the money or not?’
• It could be because it’s just too easy to get credit – or at least it was until the credit crunch occurred. There are too many people who simply have too many debts: multiple credit cards, multiple store cards, an overdraft, a personal loan, a couple of hire purchase deals…
• It could be because we leave it too long before we look for debt advice.

In short, it’s easy to see how so many people who can cope with life’s other challenges still have a hard time coping with debt.

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Some mornings, you don’t want to get out of bed. Your goals and projects don’t fire you with enthusiasm – they make you feel exhausted. It seems like you’ve been working on them forever, and you still have a long way to go.

You feel like you’re beating your head against a brick wall. You’re not making progress – or you’re forcing yourself onwards with gritted teeth, if you are. This happens with all sorts of goals in different areas of life:

• You dread going to the gym because you’re finding it so boring
• You can’t face spending another evening working on your side business
• Your garage is still full of junk, even though you’ve spent several weekends trying to clear it
• Your novel is languishing in a bottom desk drawer
• You’re swamped by books and papers and journals for your research project

However motivated and enthused you feel when you start working towards a major goal, there’s bound to be a point where you just want to throw your hands in the air and quit. Here’s what to do when you’re feeling utterly demotivated.

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Many people go through life acting like trained circus animals.  They repeat the same antics they observed their neighbors, parents and family performing.  What they often don’t realize is that they are wrecking their lives.

Do you know someone that performs these tricks?

Understanding that these tricks change good lives into a zoo is the first step to freedom.  So, let’s take a look at the most common traps people fall into.

10 Very Common Stupid Tricks That Wreck A Good Life

I’d bet we’ve all witnessed at least some of these stupid tricks.  Unfortunately, they plague many people and are incredibly common.  Read over the list and let me know which one you think is the worst or most prevalent.

1.  Performing the starring role in a never-ending drama

It seems that some people want the days of their lives to mirror a soap opera.  They constantly behave badly and then wonder why their lives are so freaking crazy.  It is almost as if they are addicted to chaos!  These folks usually fail to see that they are their own worst enemy!  Do you know someone that is the big star in their own perpetual drama?

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Do you feel as though you’d accomplish so much more in your life if it wasn’t for all the obstacles in your way? Perhaps you’ve started on the journey towards numerous goals over the past few years … only to get knocked off course by all sorts of things.

If you’ve ever been on a diet, you might have faced obstacles like a vacation, Thanksgiving dinner, a box of chocolates, a busy or draining week…

If you’ve tried to write a book, your obstacles might have been social obligations, a lack of time or space to sit down and concentrate, no feedback or support…

If you’ve never managed to save up as much money as you’d like, you may have come up against obstacles like your car breaking down, invitations to pricy events, the irresistible impulse buy, or the expenses of Christmas…

Perhaps you feel as though you did your best. You had good intentions, you made plans – and then all sorts of things came up to derail these. Deep down, though, you know that people do succeed in dieting, writing books or saving up money … and that they sometimes hurdle seemingly insurmountable obstacles in order to do so.

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I’m a professional writer. I work for blogs and the occasional magazine, and in the past I’ve written for clients who wanted website copy. My fiction has also been published, including a couple of competition prizes. Small successes, perhaps; but even these wouldn’t have happened without a strong level of writing confidence.

Since I write for a number of blogs, I often get questions from would-be writers. Something which crops up frequently is a lack of confidence. Many (surprisingly good) writers never send pieces to an editor, or agonise over every post they write on their own blog.

It doesn’t need to be that way. Good writing isn’t the preserve of a few lucky individuals – after all, none of us were born able to write! And, in the 21^st century, many stifling grammatical “rules” no longer apply. You’re free to write in your own voice and your own style … and you can enjoy it. Here’s how:

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