There was once a frightening period in our history, my friend. It was a sad time (although we did wear colorful clothes…). You may have seen pictures of our past, though we shudder when we recall. It was a time when we used faxes (I’ll explain that word at a later date) as a speedy way to communicate, and even used paper that would yellow and dissolve quickly, though it was not a spy-esque mechanism… It was a time where people would actually stay home to watch a TV show they liked (OK, I’ll explain TV later too) or even wait a week or more for written correspondence.

And yes, there was a time before we had the “tubes” of the internet. And before social media. But you can put all those years of inefficiency and dismay behind you, because that time has passed.

So you are probably wondering how does social media improve my life? Here are just a few benefits:

1. Say Connected

At a recent conference, Cultural Anthropologist Grant McCracken pointed out that Facebook means your contacts are always warm. You’re always in touch with them in a subtle yet meaningful way. “This is communication with little hard, informational content, but lots of emotional and social content. Phatic communications doesn’t get much said, but it has social effects so powerful, it gets lots done.”

While you may not have seen that co-worker from a few years back, your newsfeed tells you what she’s been up to. Or you read that your friend is planning a trip to Boston so you decide to send her the email address for that couple you know who also enjoys Melanesian Throat Singing. And your Facebook status can inform business contacts that you’re “excited about the new job” – which subtly clues them in to the fact that you have changed workplaces – without any drama. And as Chris Brogan puts it, social networks can be as connective as a local pub.

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When we create, we come alive; we’re making love to life. We use our unique talents, perception and skills and make the intangible tangible. Most of us generally know what we want in life. For every person, the answer to what brings us joy will be unique. For some it’s playing guitar or dancing. For others it’s writing, hiking, spending time with family, photography, or drawing.

So if we know what makes us feel alive, why do we resist it? Why do we avoid doing what we love to do?

I think there’s a number of reasons that can help us explain this elusive phenomenon. Hopefully in discovering the blocks toward pursuing what is dearest to us, we can overcome them.

So why do we resist?

1. The inability to accept imperfections. Do you think that Mona Lisa was Da Vinci’s first painting? We think, if it’s not perfect, why bother? But when we pursue the creative act, it’s crucial that we suspend judgment. After all, you can always cull the fluff and ridiculous later.

What to do instead? Resist your temptation to have everything figured out before you start. Failure is fundamental to the creative process. If you don’t fail, you’ll never improve. Suspend your judgment and remember that whatever you don’t like, you can always take out or re-do.

2. Not respecting the gestation of improvement. Say you have a passion for dancing. The only problem is, you’d make a blind man cry. Remember that mastery of any art or skill takes time. No one starts out being a natural Michael Jackson. And anyway, look what fame did to him. Are you sure you want that?

What’s a poor Napoleon Dynamite to do? Respect the fact that mastering any skill takes time. Instead of thinking about all the things that aren’t right, think about what you can do now to improve.

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Personal development can be confusing. One moment we’re told to think big, set goals and take action towards creating the future we desire. The next, we are told to live in the now and be thankful for what we have.

I have come to the belief that a key to being both happy and successful is a balanced attitude. This is an attitude where, for example, satisfaction and dissatisfaction co-exist. To better understand what I mean, lets look at an example where a balanced attitude is essential: work.

A Fishy Philosophy?

My first “proper job” out of university was in a call center for a large corporation (sidenote: you may be interested to learn How to Deal With Call Centers). It was here that I first heard about the “Fish Philosophy”. The following passage perhaps best encapsulates this philosophy:

“I heard shouting and turned to see a fish hurling through the air into a man’s arms. A cheer followed, and the fish was expertly wrapped and given to a laughing woman. I was laughing, too. I watched for fifteen minutes. The shouts, cheers, and laughing continued—mixed with flying fish. At the Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle, Washington, it’s another day at work. We should all learn something from them.”

Now, let me state clearly here that I agree: there is something we can learn from these people. I have encountered many permanently cranky people in the workplace who would do well to take the Fish Philosophy on board. However, call me a cynic if you like, but I was always suspicious of the way in which this philosophy was promoted top down by a large corporation. Why? Because I see great danger in people tricking themselves into thinking they are in a good situation when that is not actually the case. The call center I worked in had some fantastic people and was often a surprisingly fun place to work, but strip those things away and what I (others’ experience may be different) had was an often stressful, and largely unfulfilling, job.

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I first learned about David Allen’s famous productivity system, Getting Things Done, several years ago. It’s an excellent book, building off a simple idea: the less you need to rely on memory, the easier it is to become productive. Since being popularized over the web, GTD has been associated with the art of productivity.

But there is only one problem, GTD is too complicated. When I first tried to set up GTD, I found it clunky and hard to stick with. The systems that Allen developed over years were being put in my lap on one day. Some of the ideas were immediately useful, others were wasteful and difficult to maintain.

GTD: The Swiss Army Knife (When All You Want is a Fork…)

Only several years later did I realize the source of my problem with GTD. The organizing system was robust, but it wasn’t tailored to my life. Keeping a notepad and calendar was a great idea. Keeping a set of dozens of folders to track action items over a period of months wasn’t.

To be fair to Allen, it wasn’t really his fault. GTD is a great system, but it’s difficult to create a system that suits everyone. The CEO of a Fortune 500 company has completely different productivity needs than a grad student. One person might need to track hundreds of pieces of information, while the other might need minimal tracking but a high degree of focus on one task.

Just saying “tailor it to your life” is a bit trite too. Obviously if everyone was born with the understanding of what productivity needs they have, they wouldn’t need to read books on productivity.

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When it comes to blogging, there are endless decisions to be made. How you approach these decisions can be the difference between the success and failure of your blog (of course these words “success” and “failure” will have different definitions to different people).

One thing I have come to realize is that many bloggers simply rely on truthiness when making decisions. For those readers unfamiliar with Stephen Colbert and The Colbert Report, “truthiness” is a satirical term defined as “the quality by which one purports to know something emotionally or instinctively, without regard to evidence or intellectual examination.”

Of course some people have a natural instinct for blogging and it therefore makes perfect sense to follow their gut – Leo Babauta and Seth Godin instantly come to mind as examples. But if your blog is drifting in the doldrums, or even if it has achieved a moderate level of success, what would happen if you relied less on truthiness, and more on the truth?

To help you better understand what I mean, the following are some ways that you can stop relying on start relying on solid evidence and facts with your blogging:

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“Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.”
~Anonymous

Life is made up of nothing more than a series of moments. If you can find some way to pull 15 extra minutes out of a hat, you’d better at least use them wisely. Where will you find these moments, and when you find them, how will you use them?

Just 15 extra minutes a day will convert into a powerful 91 hours a year. That’s a massive chunk of time that you can use to acquire new skills and get things done. The benefit is seen when we create a daily habit and commit those 15 minutes to something worthwhile. You can wake up 15 minutes earlier, steal 15 minutes from lunch, after work, or right before bed — the choice is yours.

Once you’ve figured out which sleeve those 15 minutes are hiding under, you’re ready to pick your target. You can mix-and-match from the list below, or choose a specific item to focus on over weeks, months, or even a year. The key is your commitment to cultivate a habit, from which your life will improve.

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Every relationship in our life – friendships, family, romantic and professional – can potentially be destroyed by conflict. The solution is not to ignore the conflict or keep moving around hoping to find a set of perfect people. We need to deal with the problems we currently face, otherwise they will just reappear elsewhere.

To a large extent, the only thing we can change in relationships is ourself and our own attitude. We can’t expect to change other people, but we can learn to deal with relationships in a way that promotes harmony and diffuses conflict. Resolving conflicts in relationships is one of the most important life skills we can develop and it is something we need to value.

Seeing the Issue From the Other Person’s Perspective

If we have a difficult issue, it is important to see the problem from the other person’s perspective. This does not mean we have to agree with their viewpoint; it means we try to see the issue from a different perspective. This empathy can at least help us to understand where they are coming from, and why they have their particular mindset. If we can do this we may wish to moderate our stance because we understand why they are acting in a certain way. If we only look at things from our perspective, conflict will be much more likely to occur. For example, a parent dealing with difficult children should consider the perspective that children can have at that point in life.

Tolerance

A major cause of conflict in relationships is when we expect people to behave in a certain way. The problem with expecting certain behaviour is that we get upset when they fail to live up to our expectations. Even those close to us are not our responsibility; we need to be tolerant of their mistakes and limitations. We have to respect their decisions on how to live their life. This detachment is not indifference; we shall retain concern and goodwill, but there comes a point where we need to give people the freedom to make their own choices – even if we don’t agree with them. This is especially true for parents who have an overbearing expectation of how their children will live their lives.

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I recently had a conversation with a reader over the 30 Day Trial method. The idea, made popular by Steve Pavlina, is that you stay focused on one change for thirty days. After that, it becomes a habit and no longer requires willpower. It’s a technique I’ve used to start exercising, switch my eating habits, wake up early and add various other productivity routines.

Our debate centered around whether you should implement one 30DT (30 Day Trial) at a time, or several. According to this reader, life was short, and he wanted to do as much as possible in a small timeframe. He was asking advice on whether he should implement 3-4 trials at a time, or just one.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this question, or the first time I’ve seen the results. Usually someone who stumbles upon the 30DT gets it in their head to multiply the effects by doing several at the same time. After ten days of this insanity, they slip and end back where they started. Nothing changed and nothing gained.

Runaway Enthusiasm

The problem isn’t that doing several 30DT’s at a time is impossible. I’m sure with enough practice and motivation, you could do it. The problem is that doing several trials at the same time is overkill. It’s taking something fairly simple and making it incredibly difficult, just to save a month or two.

This is just one case of runaway enthusiasm, but I’m sure you know of others. Runaway enthusiasm happens when a new idea or interest fuels you with intense motivation. For about two weeks. Then that motivation dies out and you’re left with the wreckage.

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Nearly all great minds have one thing in common; they had great mentors.

I’ve learned that if you don’t have any great teachers in your life, that doesn’t mean you should sit around and wait for one to find you. You need to be willing to seek them out. Fortunately, you have an endless number of great teachers to choose from. That is, if you accept that many of these great teachers will be dead.

Many of the greatest thinkers made a habit of documenting their discoveries. So while they are no longer alive, their words are still here, and in them their wisdom.

But before seeking out a great teacher, you first need to…

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