Why Happiness IS Just a Choice

When I was a kid, people would ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My response was: “Happy!”

 “No,” they would say, “What do you want to be? You know like Doctor? Lawyer?” My response was, “Be happy!”

Apparently, this was not the correct response even though it made total sense to me.

As I grew up, I tried to get to that place of happy by doing all the things that others said I should do. Beautiful fiancé. Check. Successful career. Check. Living in a nice place. Check. I had ticked the boxes of what others told me was valuable and would make me happy and yet I was miserable.

If happiness is not the result of getting where others say you should go, then what IS it? More importantly, how do you find it? With many years of traveling the globe, facilitating classes and meeting lots of unhappy and happy people, I have discovered that HAPPY OR NOT HAPPY IS SIMPLY A CHOICE.

Everyone has a story, everyone has things that are tough, and when it comes to being happy and living a satisfied life, those things are irrelevant. You either choose happy or you don’t.

If you have been waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to show up or counting on winning the lottery or hoping for the stars to somehow align and deliver you the perfect life so you can be happy, happiness will always be in the future. If, however, you acknowledge that happiness is something you can choose to have now, regardless of your present circumstances, then happiness becomes your daily reality. Ready for that reality? Here are my top 10 tools that you can use to assist you with choosing happiness now.

1. Get clear on what you desire

A big part of choosing happiness is clarifying what’s true for you. Start to look at what you desire as your life. Begin to ask questions such as, “What else is possible here that I have not yet considered?  What things are fun for me?”

And, “If I let go of everyone else’s opinions of who I should be and what I should choose, what do I know?” 

A lot of unhappiness comes from trying to live someone else’s life and often we do that because no one tells us we actually have choice. But you do have choice and that choice changes everything.

2. Start a create list

Many people have wish lists. Things they wish to occur in their lives. The problem with wish lists is they keep you always in a state of waiting rather than a state of creating. Throw out the wish list and start a create list.

Wake up every morning and ask, “What action can I take today to create what I desire right away?” This is how you turn that wish list into a create list and start becoming empowered to have whatever you desire.

3. Don’t take on other people’s unhappiness

One of the most effective tools to get rid of cranky is a simple little question, “Who does this belong to?” Ninety-eight percent of the thoughts, feelings and emotions that we experience are not actually ours. We are just aware. We pick up on the unhappy of others and buy into the lie that we must be unhappy too. The next time you feel unhappy, ask, “Who does this belong to?” If you start to feel lighter, you are not the unhappy one. Let that unhappy go and find the joy of you.

4. Change your mind

Thoughts, feelings and emotions can change. If you are stuck in the idea that you should have a partner, that you should have a certain amount of money, that your family should like each other and get along, you don’t have to stay there. Every time you have a thought about how the holidays, or your family “should” be, stop and say, “Interesting point of view I have that point of view.” Say it a few times. What starts to happen is that all of the places where you are judging you or your circumstances become simply interesting points of view rather than truth. And, when something is just interesting, it can be changed. If you didn’t have any points of view of how the holidays were supposed to be, or how your family was supposed to be, you could have fun no matter what. Change your mind, change your experience.

5. Move your body

Moving your body changes the physiology of your body. It releases endorphins and can dramatically change the way you feel. For 20 – 30 minutes (ok, even 10 minutes a day) every day, get up and move. Jog. Dance. Go for a walk. Doesn’t matter how you move. Just move.

6. Start every day with asking questions

If you ever wake up feeling less than happy, ask a question. Asking questions can empower you to change anything.

Here are some questions you can ask:

  • What can I be or do different today to move beyond this unhappiness?
  • How does it get any better than this?
  • Universe, will you please show me something beautiful and miraculous today?
  • What else is possible here that I’ve never considered?

7. Stop trying to fix you

We spend so much time judging ourselves and our bodies and we are so used to believing that we are wrong, wrong, wrong. Would you be willing to let that go? Would you be willing to consider that you’re not nearly as messed up as you’ve decided you are? Try asking this question every day, “What’s right about me that I’m not getting?”

How much lighter you would feel if you weren’t in constant judgment of you?

8. Start a gratitude journal

What we acknowledge grows bigger. When you start to focus on the things that you are grateful for, more of those things show up. A great way to be more aware of all of the amazing gifts in your life is to start a gratitude journal and actually write them down.

Each day write down 3- 5 things that you are grateful for. Include what you are grateful for about you.

9. Ask, “What Can I Add to My Life?”

If you start to feel bored or less than satisfied, ask “What can I add to my life?” Often times, boredom or that sense of dissatisfaction is nothing more than recognizing that you desire more.

What is fun for you? What lights you up? What could you add to your life that would increase your joy? Hiking? Cooking? Painting? Spending time with friends?

Make a list of all of the things that you enjoy and daily choose to do those things. Even if just for a short time.  It doesn’t have to take long.

This is YOUR life. Start choosing to do what’s fun for you.

10. Practice

A great place to start is to practice being happy, even if it’s just for 10 seconds at a time. You can choose it again as many times over as you like. Let’s say you have 10 seconds to live the rest of your life and in that final 10 seconds, you’d like to be truly happy. Choose it! Choose happy. That lifetime is over.

You have another 10 seconds to live the rest of your life. What do you choose?

Happy? You certainly can. Every 10 seconds, if you’d like, you can choose to be happy. If you stop being happy and you notice, choose again.

“Wait! Somewhere my happy got lost. This is a new 10 seconds. In this 10 seconds… I choose happy!” It really is that simple.

Happiness is not something that happens to some people and not to others. You get to choose.

And in any moment, if you recognize that you are choosing unhappy and would like to change that, you can.

Simply make another choice. The more you use the tools above, the easier it will be.

All of life can come to you with ease and joy and you can have the adventure of living. What will you choose? Your life, after all, is up to only one person: YOU.

Dain Heer is an influencer of change and inspiration with a community of over 1 Million+ people. His real-life rags to riches story brought him from an abusive past in the ghettos of Los Angeles to being a source of inspiration and an inviter to greatness and consciousness. Dr Heer is a popular speaker and best-selling author and the co-founder of a diverse range of businesses around the world. A conscious and creative thought leader with a profound understanding of the power of personal creation, Dr. Heer draws upon his background and unique perspective to facilitate positive change in the world, and empower people from every culture, country, age and social strata to create the money, relationships and life they truly desire. https://www.drdainheer.com/


Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.

1 Response to Why Happiness IS Just a Choice

  1. Heidi-Marie says:

    I enjoyed this article and found your top ten tools for choosing happiness very useful. I have perceived happiness to be quite elusive and this is expressed in
    The pursuit of happiness: An exercise in futility? https://myvintageoutlook.com/the-pursuit-of-happiness-an-exercise-in-futility/

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