We all fall in the trap of comparison wherein we inevitably compare ourselves with others. This comparison does more harm to us than good. This does not mean we stop looking up to others. But there is a difference between learning from others and simply comparing yourself with them and then feeling, ‘Oh! Wish I was like her!’
This comparison is the main cause of inferiority complex. We compare ourselves with our neighbors, colleagues, batch mates, celebrities, siblings and with strangers too!
It happened with me several times that often while traveling I spotted fashionable women around. I looked at their dresses, their style and matching accessories and then glanced at my attire which was usually a comfy, simple dress. In the name of accessories, I generally wore a wrist watch and my make up comprised of a light color lipstick. That’s all. So each time I came across a hip girl on street, I was ready to sulk and to term myself a ‘dodo’. But this was long ago.
Over time, with some self conscious efforts and with company of some wise, supportive friends, I have overcome my inferiority complex of not being able to dress up in style. Also I realized that beauty lies in simplicity. In the process, I have learnt several lessons and am ready to share them here.
Determine your specific inferiority
It is better to be specific than generally feeling low. Narrow it down to a specific type first. Do you feel inferior to rich people, educated people, good looking people, famous people? First find out your category of inferiority. I had the weird complex with people who had a trendy, contemporary dressing style!
Once you are done with finding your category, lean it further with names. List down the names of people. I felt inferior with particularly two friends of mine. So come up with the names. Once you have the names, you need to know why you feel inferior to them. Do they make you feel low? If yes, dump them right now and move on. If no, then ask yourself ‘who says I am not as good as that Xyz’? You have the answer and that is the solution.
Your Thinking Matters
Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘no one can make you feel inferior without your permission’ and she said it so right. It is us who feel inferior and if we change our thinking, every thing about us changes.
There is a difference in being inferior and feeling inferior. Being inferior is simply a game of relativity. But not everyone feels inferior.
If we lay more emphasis on what others think about us, we attract more problems in life. This is our life and only our opinion should matter. Finding faults in ourselves based on whether others find us good enough or not is not going to help anybody. It becomes dangerous when we may actually be better than others but somehow feel worse than them.
Chuck that habit of taking others’ judgements about you seriously and then feeling low.
The one thumb rule for a happy life is learning to love oneself. I am totally in love myself so much so that many of my friends call me a narcissist. No doubt, earlier I was not too confident of my dressing sense but slowly, I overcame that guilt as well. And now, I love myself just the way I am.
We would never even find the need of comparing ourselves with others if we are satisfied with our ‘self’. Loving oneself is the first step to achieve confidence and that sets the path for high self esteem.
Stop wanting to be some one else. Just be yourself and create your own identity. Someone probably sometime told you that you were not good enough and you have been carrying that luggage even today! Drop it right now. I threw it off and I am much lighter and better and happier.
Seek Positive Company
It is very important to be in company of people who are very positive in nature. If you are surrounded by people who spend half of their time in analyzing others and judging them, probably you would get influenced too.
Be with people who like others the way they are. Seek positive company. In a good company and with people who gladly accept you as you are, you would grow up to be more confident of yourselves.
Finally, again, your confidence should not depend on others. It should exude from within.
In the end, I would like to quote the following lines:
Do what thy manhood bids thee do, from none but self expect applause;
He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self-made laws.
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