Photo credit: Carf
I believe we all want fulfilling relationships with other people. Which is why most of us have the desire to be very smooth socially and to make friends easy. However, there are few people who are naturally this way.
The good news is that social skills are perfectly learnable. Just as you can learn how to drive a car, you can also learn how to relate with other people in a way which creates powerful friendships.
There are certain things which if you integrate in your social behavior, will give you the ability to make friends with ease. Here are the most important of them:
1. Spend a lot of time interacting with people. Many of our people skills evolve simply from the exercise of interacting with others. Which is why a rich social life is one of the leading ways to improve your people skills. Go to social events, take on social hobbies, meet and interact with other people a lot, and you will see this effect manifest itself.
2. Be talkative. If you look at the people who make friends easy, you will often notice that they are very talkative. Not to the point of not letting the other person say anything in a conversation but still, they will talk a lot. This way, they create two powerful effects: they keep interactions going and they put themselves out there for others to know – two major factors in making friends with ease.
3. Be curious. The complementary trait to being talkative which will help you make friends easy is getting the other person to talk and open up in a conversation. The best way to do this is by being curious. Because curios people ask good questions and are good listeners, which encourages others to actively participate in the interaction.
4. Give value. The fundamental reason why a person wants to be friends with another person is the fact that person brings value into her life. It leaves them knowing, having or feeling something positive which previously was not there. Learn to leverage your strengths and to add value to each person’s life when you’re interacting with her, and you’ll see people being very friendly with you.
5. Make honest compliments. Nowadays, people receive very few compliments, and even fewer honest compliments. If you can pay a person an honest compliment, you will have a tool for making friends which few other people have. The way to make honest compliments is to look for the qualities in every person you meet. And when you find each one of those qualities, point them out to her.
6. Be positive. People who are positive have this magnetism towards other people. They draw them into their lives. This happens because being positive is contagious: when you are positive, it makes those interacting with you more positive as well. Look on the bright side of life, see the beauty around you, be in a happy mood most of time and you’ll reap the social benefits of being positive.
7. Smile. This is one of the simplest and most effective body language tips I can give you. Smiling commonly communicates that you are positive, friendly and you enjoy the interaction with a person. Most people could benefit a lot from smiling more, especially in social situations. Practice this consciously, and it will eventually become habitual.
8. Keep your promises. One defining trait of a friend is the fact he keeps his promises. A true friend does what he says. Thus, you know you can rely on him in many situations and this creates a strong interpersonal connection. Focus on promising things you know you can actually do, and on doing the things you promise. When those around you notice this, they feel motivated to have you as a friend.
At the end of the day, your ability to make friends with ease is not about using some cheap tricks while interacting with other people. It’s about developing and having a social style which makes people want to be a part of your life. When this happens, you have the ability to create an awesome social circle for yourself and have meaningful, fulfilling relationships.
Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach with an attitude-based approach. He helps others to improve people skills they find relevant and get top notch results. He also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded, and you can follow him on Twitter at @eduardezeanu.