How to Install CALMfidence

“If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?”
-Rabbi Hillel
When the alarm goes off, does it only add to the “alarm” you felt when you went to sleep?

Is your big internal clock ticking loudly with the usual suspects?
• Anxiety?
• Indecision?
• Self-Criticism?
• Sadness?
• Lack of perspective?

Too many people don’t wake up with the alarm, they’re alarmed when they go to sleep.

Imagine waking up, enjoying life, and going to sleep with…CALMfidence.

Get Yourself Ready…Message Yourself

What’s CALMfidence? How do you get it? What’s it look like?

Hold on…remember something.


Message yourself.

Messaging has two parts:

1) Finding/defining yourself
2) Telling someone

For CALMfidence, “own” your happiest/most loved self.

You’ve already done it, just guest-owned it for others.

Do you 1) think of others first and wish the best for them always; 2) stand in for the strong part of them until they can pick themselves back up?

Thanks for telling them 1) they count in the world; 2) they have everything they need inside to matter; and 3) they don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel good and be their best selves.

Move from Guest Owner to Self-Owner

Okay, so you’ve been “for others”.

Now, be the first and last of Hillel’s ideas.

Self-love and self-accept.

Sometimes you’ll do better than others, but resolve to do it now.

Own Time

You can own this mind- and spirit-set safely. How about closing your eyes and stroking your heart? It’s a great and quite way to “own” CALMfidence.

Close your eyes, image raising a child, or being the best possible friend or spouse possible.

But own that ultimate compassion for yourself!

Remember some wonderful time when everything was easy.

You deserve it as much as those you’ve helped. Accept your life-changing gift that you offer to the ones you hold dearest.
That’s the “Royal Road” to CALMfidence.

Here’s what it looks like!

CALMfidence Inventory

-You’re present, avoiding being one place with your body, but somewhere else with your mind.

-You pay yourself first. That’s much more that an economic statement. Every success isn’t about impressing others, it’s building up your own emotional bank account, your assets. Don’t leave your success at the water’s edge of your mind and spirit. Deposit it!

-You know you can accomplish more by doing less and have more than enough time to do all required.

-Your instincts are so good, you do NOTHING, rather than indulge inlazy and compulsive productivity.

-You have enough space in mind and spirit to make unhurried choices every minute of every day to find not only the best action, but the best thought available.

-You only compete with yourself.

-Your mindset is always creating, a growth mindset.

-You don’t ignore negativity, but you observe it, you don’t judge yourself.

-You’re self-compassionate without effort.

-Because you’re generous to yourself, you are effortlessly so to others.

-Your aspirations are rooted in human being, not human doing.

-You know where “True North” lies and assess everything on whether it will get you there.

-You don’t need external approval or attention to be their best self.

Isn’t this the message you want to send to the world, simply by being your happiest self?

You’ve Owned CALMfidence…now use it!

Next time you feel stressed, ask yourself, what would it take to be CALMfident? Practice so that you remember.
When in doubt, reset owning your most relaxed and poised self to get the effects above.

1-Know that you’ve had it before, so you’ll get it again. Don’t hesitate to simply STOP and REMEMBER a time of ultimate peace and confidence.
You’ve had one, no matter how seldom or long ago. Find it!

2-Be patient, be present and kind to yourself, even in a negative time. DO NOT criticize yourself.

3-Write down how you are feeling every day, be specific, both good days and bad.

4-Record, at least in your mind, and, better yet, on paper or in some word file, everything you did that was positive on any given day, no matter how minor.

5-Remember that there is only NOW. You only have to feel good NOW, not in a minute, not in an hour, not tomorrow, or next year, or in a decade.
Just NOW.

CALMfidence potential was and is your birthright. You just have to rediscover it and refresh to keep finding it.

After all, it’s part of being kind to yourself…always.

As Hillel might say, the rest is commentary.

Lars Nielsen writes full-spectrum communication, and now’s your chance to sign up for his newsletter for his website, Make Message Matter. Go to and, download his free guide to messaging, “How to Make YOUR Message Matter Cheat Sheet”.


Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.

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