How to Get Unstuck and Gain Confidence (Even If You Are Ashamed to Make a Change)

When things go wrong, when things get stuck, and when you feel there is a reboot needed either in your personal life or professional life – that is the best time for small experiments!

Our problem is we acquire a certain image, type of reaction and behaviour and it runs through our life like a computer program. On the positive side – it helped us achieve all these great things we have. On the negative side, it sets certain limits of our “status quo” and we become constrained, too afraid to leave our comfort zone. For example, we were pushy and thanks to that we closed some deals, but we are too afraid to become more perceptive, because it seems counter logical for our mind.

There are 3 reasons why it is so difficult to leave our secure shell:

1. We do not know, how it will feel to be different than we are.

We have no idea whether people will like us or will hate, disrespect, take advantage of us in a new role. We doubt whether this new undertaking will bring fruit or will be a loss of time and energy. The choice is always ours to stay in our current situation or courageously adapt a change and embark on a fast track of “experiment – result”. When I was 16, I was super shy in school, though I really, really wanted to be successful. As a result, I found the courage to go out and start selling cosmetics door-to-door in the offices. It was difficult to do emotionally, but the results were overwhelming. I managed to balance my shyness and proactivity in a nice blend.

2. We are afraid to loose what we already have.

In our life, we always try to make something out of ourselves, so people consider us worthy of their love. For that we work on our bodies, secure our possessions, build a professional reputation – and these are good things because they spin our world. It is good to always remember, however, that we are not defined by our status quo and our stuff, but only by the source of it, which is our soul and the energy we generate out of it.

3. We are afraid to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is not perceived well in society and we are frightened to acknowledge it. For example, we do not want people to think we are dreamy, stupid, or poor because it will be easier for them to put us down and take advantage of us. The reality looks different. As the saying goes, “A soldier won’t hurt a baby”, the same is true for people around us. They won’t hurt us if we express something we consider “weakness”.

For me, it was a big change to stop doing business, to drop an image of a sharp businesswoman, to stop being professional, and to stop participating in intelligent IT events. Instead, I chose to write this blog, became soft, cute, and sensitive talking about love, happiness, and the wisdom of life. Might seem weird, right? I entered a very vulnerable state for someone like me who used to craft a very different image, but I truly enjoy this change of being more me, and the world is responding favourably.

The bottom line is that we are inclined to act in our standard way. We find all the reasons for doing so, explaining to ourselves and to others that this is the “right” way, the “normal” way, while in essence we are just masking our fear of looking openly at a situation and making a change.

In such cases, try to turn on a “Counter Logical Behaviour”. Counter Logical Behaviour is when you do something against your logic, something you would never have done in the past.  For example, if you always used to rely only on yourself, try to be counter logical and ask people to help you and support you. Or, oppositely, if you were always dependent on others’ emotional or material support – experiment with being self-responsible and self-satisfying. If you always expect love from others – start being the first to give gestures of love with no conditions. Or, if you are always loving, try to experiment and just receive more and more love.


  • Step 1: write down your dream.
  • Step 2: write down what you do now in regards to this dream.
  • Step 3: write down what you can do different, even opposite in regards to this dream.
  • Step 4: drop your fear and just go ahead, experiment with counter logical behaviour.
  • Step 5: analyse the results.

Did you have a life experience when you would argue with someone for hours, for days, months, and even for years, and the situation didn’t change a bit? Or have you had cases when you were very offended by people? What prevented you from doing something differently, from experimenting with your own behaviour and attitude?


About the Author:

Elena Lori (

I am a Happiness Trainer. I study human unhappiness, i.e. all the small and big issues in views and habits that separate people from happiness. I am the best at helping to entrepreneurs and business people with life and business related topics. More about my work at  Opt for my free book with 25 psychological exercises or book a session with me, I will bring you joy and awareness.



Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.

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