“Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” – Unknown
In Mandarin Chinese, “a vinegar jar” is referred to as a person with a jealous nature.
As a recovering perfectionist and an overachiever, taming jealousy has been one of my biggest challenge on the self-discovery journey.
Truth be told, I had been a giant “vinegar jar” all my life ever since I was little. The tiniest situation with minimal threat could spark like a matchstick and prompt a strong, acidic inner fire running through my veins in just a second. It’s like having a built-in radar that can detect any level of external competition going on in the air…
“Why can she deserve all the attention and love?!”
“Life’s not fair. I work my heart out also, why can’t I get to that same level?!”
“She’s just born lucky…”
It can go on and on…
Almost all of us have experienced jealousy at varying degrees at one point or another. And It’s part of being human to experience different emotions. It’s normal to get jealous at people for the things we don’t have yet. But, often, it causes most of the drama in life. The need to measure up can really get into our psyche and make us act bizarrely when we don’t allow ourselves to process this awkward emotion. As a result, it sabotages our relationships with others.
For the sake of looking better than how we really feel inside, we either stuff that jealousy inside or let it turns into resentment. Either way, we are not getting more compensated emotionally. We become unauthentic towards how we truly feel and what we want to express.
1. Celebrate others’ success like it’s your own
It’s easier said than done. We are still living in a world of separation. Celebrating for other’s success isn’t a natural behavior in this social structure where we honor outstanding performance through constant competition. But the fact is that we are oneness. When we enable ourselves to celebrate other’s achievements with genuine blessings and open-heartedness, we are at the receiving end as well.
2. Hone in your unique gift
As human, we tend to rate our work-in-progress with other brilliant performers who share similar talents or gifts. It’s important to remind ourselves not to fall into the comparison trap so we can focus on honing in our crafts and skills with a growth mindset.
Practice makes proficient, not perfection. When we are aiming to be perfect, it’s easy to dwell on the need to be better and start beating ourselves up for being inadequate.
Every single one of us is born unique and special in so many different ways. The biggest difference is how much people allow themselves to appreciate and embody their own gifts and talents without getting into the subconscious competition mode. There is only one You. The innate traits in you are non-duplicable.
When you are willing to be comfortable in your own skin, and not to judge yourself by the social norms, you allow the true self-confidence to shine from within unapologetically.
3. You have “that part” to be cultivated
The fact that it’s so hard to celebrate other people’s success is because of our inner longing for the same thing that we don’t seem to have physically.
We are energetic beings. When things are really distant from your energy field, you don’t perceive them. But, when you perceive something that stirs up the jealousy in you, it actually means that you are drawing the things approaching your field. Instead of seeing the things as you don’t have them, start looking at it as “the things you want is coming closer to you.”
A mantra: “The more I celebrate for people’s success, the luckier I get.”
4. Count the blessings
We need to consciously heal this part of us that are coming from a place of lack. Deep down, we are yearning to be more of who we are. More successful. More empowering. More purposeful in life. More authentic. More self-honoring.
When you feel the wave of jealousy coming at you, it’s a great opportunity, to be honest with yourself. If the feeling sustains you, or it drains you.
Daily gratitude is the best tool to heal the scarcity in you. You can use sticky notes to put the word, gratitude everywhere to remind you to count the blessings so your heart can feel nourished.
The more you are grateful for what you have, the more it comes to you. Don’t go into jealousy for what other people have because that is a block. You tell the Universe that this is what you don’t have.
5. Exercise compassion
A negative comment can be a form of jealousy. We can develop more compassion towards the situation when receiving negative judgments from other people. Empathy is an awesome healer. Realizing that you probably have something (e.g., physical possessions, talent or gifts) people “desire to have,” and they don’t yet find the way to have it.
It’s important not to let in these energies as they don’t belong to you. They are merely the projection onto you from others. Understand where these comments are originated from, but continue to believe in yourself and march towards your dreams and goals instead of being hindered.
6. Open up to authentic communication
Rather than focusing on the negative vibe that jealousy can put on you, look at it as an opportunity to express your vulnerability. Where is this emotional flare-up coming from? Is there an underlying fear of loss, abandonment, judgment?
When we give ourselves permission to talk about the deeper feelings behind jealousy, we become more honest and open with not only ourselves, but it supports us build relationships with greater intimacy.
Jen Yang is an Intuitive Self-Love catalyst, an empath, and a recovering perfectionist. She is passionate about supporting busy professional women to tune into their own feminine power, to feel confident and enthusiastic about their life, relationships, and work, and to claim back their worth.