6 Steps for Communicating Calmly When Someone Upsets You

When someone upsets you, the way you reply can either bring calm and closure, or it can escalate the situation. To avoid pouring fuel on the fire of an already upsetting situation for you, it helps to stand back and reflect before planning what you want to say.

Here are several important facts about communicating when upset, followed by 6 practical steps for planning a calm and effective response.

Communication Facts to Understand Before Blurting Out Your Upset 

  • People receive much more than just your words when you communicate. They receive your energy, body language, facial expression, tone of voice, and then your words. If you communicate from intense upset, frustration or anger, that energy can cause the person to shut down or go into self-defense mode. This blocks them from clearly hearing the words you are saying.
  • It is possible to communicate to someone that you are upset or frustrated with them, without communicating in an upset and frustrated way. You say the words and explain the feeling, without enacting that feeling. If you remain calm in this way, you have more mind space, thus more clarity and control to get your core message across.
  • While it might initially feel good to blurt hurt back at someone who has upset you, it rarely (if ever!) feels good once the intensity of that moment has passed. Negative energy lingers, and we feel the bite of our own compounded upset long after we have fired it at the other person.
  • At times you might feel that your words alone are not powerful enough to show the other person what they have done to you. You might feel inclined to add strong emotion to your words thinking that will add weight to your message. Your ego can lure you into thinking you have to hurt the other person for them to understand how hurt you feel, or that you must show your frustration visibly to the other person so they understand the consequences of what they did or said. Yet, negative energy never adds valuable weight to anything. It only distorts your powerful spoken word, and provokes more negative energy from the other person.

6 Practical Steps for Planning a Calm & Effective Response

Having reflected on the above points about how to effectively communication, now you can get clear on what you want to say and why:

  1. Write down exactly what actually happened. Stay present to the hard facts. X happened. X was said.
  2. Now write down what your interpretation of the facts is. Notice any additional meaning you have added to the facts. Notice any assumptions, exaggerations or story your mind might have created. What have you made their actions or words mean?
  3. Next, close your eyes and ask yourself how you really feel about what they did/said. Anger and frustration are usually surface level feelings that disguise something deeper. Ask yourself, “What is the raw, underlying feeling that bothers me most?” Is it feeling misunderstood, disrespected, lonely, isolated, disconnected or sad.
  4. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment, and ask yourself, “What is going on inside of them that might have led them to do or say something so upsetting to me?” Pain only comes out of someone when they are in pain themselves in that moment. This is not to justify their behavior, but rather to understand. Understanding allows empathy. Empathy means you recognize their humanness, because you have that same humanness inherent in you.
  5. Now ask yourself why exactly you need to communicate. What is the point and what is the intended outcome? Use your conscious awareness to really hone in on the result you want. Are you doing this to create healing, resolution or closure so everyone can move forward? Or, are you doing this to “even the score”, to rectify their misdeed or point out their wrongdoing? The latter will only add further heavy energy to the situation, layering it with hurt ego in response to their pained ego. Choosing a desired result that is healthy for everyone involved will come across in your energy, body language, facial expression, tone of voice and words, and this aids a much better outcome. After all, what most of us really want is not to cause someone else pain, but instead to cause our own inner peace. Our peace never comes from hurting another person, but rather from conscious choice to focus on resolution as our desired result.
  6. Pick one or two key things that are most important for you to convey to the other person. While you may have many things you want to say, there are usually a couple of crucial points. It is easy to get lost in the mind when strong feelings are at play, and lose sight of what you want to say as the conversation unfolds. Having a couple of key points clearly written down will help you to stay on track.

——-

Bernadette Logue is an Author & Transformation Coach, and the founder of Pinch Me Living. She supports clients worldwide to unleash their inner peace, freedom and success, both personally and professionally. Visit Bernadette at www.pinchmeliving.com and receive free affirmation and meditation audio resources, and join her Youtube community for weekly mind liberation.


GET THE BOOK BY
ERIN FALCONER!

Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.

68 Responses to 6 Steps for Communicating Calmly When Someone Upsets You

  1. whoah this blog is excellent i love reading your posts. Keep up the great work! You know, a lot of people are hunting around for this information, you could help them greatly.

  2. society says:

    I enjoy what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and reporting!
    Keep up the excellent works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to blogroll.

  3. Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn anything like this before. So nice to seek out somebody with some authentic thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for beginning this up. this website is something that’s wanted on the web, somebody with a bit originality. useful job for bringing one thing new to the internet!

  4. Major thankies for the post. Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.

  5. Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to tears at work so
    I decided to browse your website on my iphone during lunch break.

    I love the knowledge you provide here and can’t wait to take a look
    when I get home. I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile ..

    I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, superb site!

  6. It’s my opinion that a property foreclosure can have a important effect on the applicant’s life. Foreclosures can have a 8 to several years negative relation to a applicant’s credit report. The borrower that has applied for home financing or any loans for example, knows that the particular worse credit rating will be, the more hard it is to secure a decent mortgage. In addition, it could affect any borrower’s power to find a good place to let or rent, if that results in being the alternative real estate solution. Great blog post.

  7. Stephenpep says:

    walmart viagra buy viagra online viagra

  8. JamesHib says:

    cvs viagra buy sildenafil generic viagra without a doctor prescription

  9. KevinUsaby says:

    $200 cialis coupon buy cialis cialis patent expiration

  10. Hairstyles says:

    Right now it looks like Movable Type is the best blogging platform available right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?

  11. DanielNug says:

    viagra cheap buy viagra online viagra over the counter usa 2020

  12. Wallyblula says:

    how to help ed best male enhancement how can i order prescription drugs without a doctor

  13. Free Stuff says:

    Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful info particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this certain information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  14. Wallyblula says:

    ed treatment options erectile dysfunction pills which ed drug is best

  15. Stevendub says:

    viagra online usa generic viagra generic viagra without a doctor prescription

  16. Stevendub says:

    where to buy viagra canadian pharmacy viagra viagra 100mg price

  17. Stevendub says:

    viagra for sale buy viagra how to get viagra without a doctor

  18. Stevendub says:

    100mg viagra cheap ed pills viagra pill

  19. Danielzef says:

    ed dysfunction ED Pills online ed drugs

  20. Danielzef says:

    how to cure ed generic ed pills ed treatment options

  21. Danielzef says:

    doctors for erectile dysfunction Cheap Erection Pills sildenafil without a doctor’s prescription

  22. Danielzef says:

    natural ed medications generic cialis errection problem cure

  23. As the admin of this website is working, no hesitation very soon it will
    be famous, due to its quality contents.

  24. I simply want to say I’m all new to blogging and site-building and absolutely liked this web page. Likely I’m going to bookmark your blog . You absolutely come with perfect articles and reviews. Regards for sharing your blog site.

  25. Danielzef says:

    male enhancement products ED Pills Without Doctor Prescription canadian online drugs

  26. NathanHoake says:

    lowest cialis prices generic cialis for sale online cialis

  27. NathanHoake says:

    liquid cialis buy cialis online liquid cialis source reviews

  28. WilliamRox says:

    top erection pills buy prescription drugs without doctor ed products

  29. WilliamRox says:

    legal to buy prescription drugs from canada cheap medication online prescription drugs online

  30. Hey, thanks for the article post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.

  31. Beauty says:

    There are definitely plenty of details like that to take into consideration. That could be a nice level to bring up. I supply the ideas above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions just like the one you bring up the place crucial thing will probably be working in sincere good faith. I don?t know if greatest practices have emerged around things like that, however I am certain that your job is clearly recognized as a good game. Both boys and girls really feel the influence of only a moment抯 pleasure, for the rest of their lives.

  32. Roberttop says:

    buy tadalafil cheap tadalafil

  33. Roberttop says:

    sildenafil generic sildenafil without doctor prescription

  34. Roberttop says:

    buy tadalafil online buy cheap tadalafil

  35. CaseyWenep says:

    real viagra without a doctor prescription https://sildenafilxxl.com/ viagra cost

  36. Rodneyalone says:

    natural ed treatments best canadian pharmacy buying ed pills online

  37. Rodneyalone says:

    ed drug prices ed pills online drugs prices

  38. Rodneyalone says:

    natural drugs for ed canadian pharmacy viagra drug pharmacy

  39. Rodneyalone says:

    viagra without a doctor prescription canadian pharmacy review treating ed

  40. Rodneyalone says:

    mexican viagra cheap viagra best over the counter viagra

  41. Rodneyalone says:

    ed tablets canada drugs online over the counter ed remedies

  42. Rodneyalone says:

    viagra without a doctor prescription usa viagra cheap viagra online canadian pharmacy

  43. Rodneyalone says:

    interactions for cialis cialis how does cialis work

  44. EdwardLip says:

    what is the best ed drug: prescription meds without the prescriptions homeopathic remedies for ed

  45. EdwardLip says:

    prescription drugs without doctor approval: ed meds online home remedies for ed

  46. Richardscove says:

    zithromax tablets zithromax price canada zithromax for sale us

  47. Richardscove says:

    cialis 30 day trial voucher liquid cialis buy cialis

  48. Richardscove says:

    real cialis without a doctor prescription lowest price cialis how much does cialis cost at walmart

  49. Richardscove says:

    canada ed drugs canadian pharmacy prescription drugs online without doctor

  50. Richardscove says:

    viagra price canadian online pharmacy viagra buy viagra online cheap

  51. Richardscove says:

    viagra without a prescription generic viagra how much viagra should i take the first time?

  52. Richardscove says:

    online pharmacy viagra buy viagra online cheap viagra without a doctor prescription usa

  53. 最高のダッチワイフはあなたを瞬間から引き離さない人形です、最高の現実的なダッチワイフはあなたがあなたの空想を生き生きとあなたの想像力を刺激することを可能にするものです piperdoll

  54. anyhill says:

    This was an awesome article. Thanks so much for writing it. I’ll return to see some more.

  55. tpe ラブドール ダッチワイフにはどのような費用がかかりますか?ダッチワイフは毎回本物の女性を打ち負かします!より根拠のある男性のオルガスムを評価するための5つのアプローチあなたの大人のダッチワイフのために衣服を購入する方法

  56. ppsdjs says:

    강남카지노강남사설카지노 ,강남오프라인카지노~!!

  57. You are a great listener. You constantly discover a means to make me grin.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.