5 Reasons Why We Hold on to Anger

It takes so much energy to stay mad at someone. Making sure the person who did us wrong knows we’re mad at them by planning on being visibly angry in his or her presence is emotionally taxing. What about if you live with that person? That’s a lot of acting! Sounds pretty tiring, huh? Learning to forgive and move on takes less effort in the long run than holding on to anger does. But why do many of us still hold on to our anger?

  1. It’s easy!

Negative experiences are easier to recall than good ones…unless they’re extraordinarily good. Think back to that time when you had an angry confrontation where someone did or said something hurtful to you. Did you get over it quickly? Did it take some time to get over it? Are you still not over it? It isn’t pleasant to think about the times when someone has treated us badly.

I’m not suggesting anyone recall negative experiences to make them upset, but rather to show how easy it is to relive that bad moment and remember how it made us feel. All it takes is something small to trigger us and we’re suddenly right back in that moment.

  1. It makes us feel safe

I know it sounds crazy, but staying angry can make you feel safe. Anger is one of the first emotions we experience from birth. When those angry cries are met with coddling, milk, and fresh diapers, we realize that crying gets us what we want.

As adults, when we get irately angry, we stop thinking clearly and the rational part of our brain shuts down. There is no reasoning with us and no calming us down; just stay out of the way. When we are in that state, we can’t think clearly and we probably don’t want to – especially if someone did or said to us that hurt or disappointed us.

Our anger saves us from having to admit we are hurt. That would make us feel vulnerable, unsafe. Nobody likes being around someone who is always angry, so people avoid us. It prevents the threat of having someone get close enough to us to try finding out why we’re angry. Keeping emotions bottled up makes us feel a lot safer emotionally than sharing them. We get exactly what we want.

  1. It makes us feel powerful, in control

Some of us might get aggressive or even violent when we get angry. If we’re that upset, we might lack the words to express our anger in a more positive way. Sadly, this destructive behavior can make someone feel powerful. They were able to take this strong emotion and express it physically by destroying something (or someone). Just think. We actually have the power to destroy something.

It can also make us feel in control. Only we can decide we are not too angry to talk to the person who hurt us. Even if he or she wants to move past it, they can’t get past it unless we do. We can make them feel guilty for hurting us for as long as we want. We have the upper hand in the relationship (if we can still have one after what they did or said).

  1. It allows us to get sympathy from others

If we’re to be honest with ourselves, we have to admit that it feels good when people notice us. I don’t mean making us the center of attention; that could be embarrassing if we aren’t feeling the best. When someone shows they have been thinking of us or noticed we haven’t been our normal self, it can make us feel really good. When someone asks, “What’s wrong,” we shrug and say, “Nothing,” knowing they’ll continue asking what’s wrong. This game of emotional cat and mouse gives us the attention we want. At least somebody cares enough not to simply go away when we say nothing is wrong. It shows they care, and we like that.

  1. We don’t know how/don’t want to let go

We are creatures of habit. That means that if something good happens to us, we want it to keep happening. We develop superstitions and routines that we do all the time – sometimes without realizing we do them. All we know is that we’re mad and ignoring the problem definitely is not the right answer, but we may not know where to begin to properly address it.

If being angry with people for a long time has become our pattern and we’re able to manipulate the situation until we get what we want it must be working for us! Why change anything? We might not even want to let go of our anger.

The best way to let go of anger is to first identify where it comes from and then take active steps to resolve it. That also requires some work and a whole lot of honesty.

Here’s to releasing ourselves from our anger!


Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.
Fields marked with an * are required

37 Responses to 5 Reasons Why We Hold on to Anger

  1. 9ja news says:

    Keep up the great work, I read a few content on this site and I believe that your site is very interesting and contains sets of fantastic information.

  2. Stephenpep says:

    where can i buy viagra over the counter generic viagra viagra over the counter

  3. JamesHib says:

    generic viagra walmart buy viagra generic where to buy viagra

  4. KevinUsaby says:

    can you have multiple orgasms with cialis cialis taking l-citrulline and cialis together

  5. DanielNug says:

    viagra prescription viagra for sale viagra otc

  6. Wallyblula says:

    mexican pharmacy without prescription vitality ed pills injections for ed

  7. Wallyblula says:

    pills erectile dysfunction muse ed drug shots for ed

  8. Stevendub says:

    how to buy viagra buy generic drugs viagra otc

  9. Stevendub says:

    generic viagra online for sale buy generic drugs best place to buy viagra online

  10. Stevendub says:

    viagra price viagra canada cost of viagra

  11. Stevendub says:

    where can i buy viagra buy viagra online viagra otc

  12. Danielzef says:

    buy ed drugs online ED Pills Without Doctor Prescription natural ed remedies

  13. Danielzef says:

    anti fungal pills without prescription generic viagra drug prices

  14. Danielzef says:

    mens ed pills generic cialis ed treatment options

  15. Danielzef says:

    mens ed generic cialis doctors for erectile dysfunction

  16. Danielzef says:

    erectile dysfunction medicines cheap ed pills treating ed

  17. NathanHoake says:

    cialis 20 mg best price cialis online real cialis without a doctor prescription

  18. I just want to say I am just beginner to weblog and honestly savored your blog site. Most likely I’m going to bookmark your blog post . You certainly come with wonderful well written articles. Many thanks for sharing with us your website page.

  19. NathanHoake says:

    cialis vs viagra effectiveness buy tadalafil how often to take 10mg cialis

  20. WilliamRox says:

    cheap erectile dysfunction pills canada ed drugs ed causes and cures

  21. WilliamRox says:

    natural herbs for ed ed pills online pharmacy ed drugs compared

  22. Major thanks for the article post. Much obliged.

  23. I cannot thank you enough for the article.Much thanks again. Cool.

  24. film says:

    Thanks a lot for the blog post. Awesome.

  25. Thanks-a-mundo for the blog article. Will read on…

  26. Im obliged for the blog post.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  27. Roberttop says:

    cheap sildenafil sildenafil pharmacy

  28. Thanks-a-mundo for the blog post.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

  29. porn says:

    I have noticed that in digital camera models, unique sensors help to {focus|concentrate|maintain focus|target|a**** automatically. Those sensors with some camcorders change in in the area of contrast, while others utilize a beam with infra-red (IR) light, particularly in low lumination. Higher standards cameras occasionally use a combination of both devices and could have Face Priority AF where the camera can ‘See’ your face and concentrate only on that. Thank you for sharing your opinions on this blog.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.