When it comes to relationships, whether it’s romantic relationships or friendships, good matches are very important. The better you match with a person in terms of values, goals, beliefs and personality, the more chances your relationship has of being long, stable and satisfying.
The challenge we are confronted with today is that we live in a world with such diverse individuals that it’s hard to find people you match well with. It can take a lot of time and effort meeting new people and interacting with them just to discover one person who is properly suited for you.
However, there are ways to make this process a lot faster and more prolific. I’d like to show you 4 very effective steps that will help you find people you match well with.
1. Understand Yourself
Often we pass up opportunities to build relationships with people we match well with because we don’t even realize at first that they are a good match for us. And usually, we don’t realize because we don’t know ourselves too well.
Thus, it’s very helpful in finding people similar to you to have a clear understanding of how you are as a person. It will be much easier to recognize similar traits in other people.
So, dedicate some attention to getting to know yourself better. Think about the things that are important to you in life, the goals you have, the beliefs you hold dear, and your dominant personality traits. Asses yourself using a personality test if useful, and ask others for feedback about you as well. The more data you have, the better.
2. Choose Your Activities Strategically
One of the best ways to meet new people is what I call social activities. These are activities that are social in nature, that you do with other people or around other people. Such as classes, group sports, social events, house parties and so on.
When you choose social activities, in order to meet good matches, it’s important to do some strategic planning.
Look at each social activity you’re pondering and try to discern what kind of people typically get involved in such an activity. Try to profile them in terms of values, personality, etc. Then look at your own person and see how likely you are to find good matches among them.
If you conclude that you are likely to find like-minded people by getting involved in a certain social activity, do it. If not, look for a better alternative. An art opening may not be that good of an event for you to attend if you’re a lot more analytical than creative as a person, but a science fair may.
However, I have to add a caveat here: if the only alternative you have at one point to a not-so-well-suited social activity is staying home by yourself, then get involved in that social activity. Any social interaction is better than no social interaction.
3. Take Conversations past the Superficial Level
It’s almost impossible to accurately assess if somebody is a good fit for you if your conversation stays superficial. What you get is only the surface layer of that person, which can often be misleading since many of us seem different on the surface then we truly are deep down.
This is why I encourage you to always attempt to move conversations from shallow to more profound.
The weather and current world events are fine conversation topics for the first few minutes of a discussion with a person you just met. But after those first few minutes, try to take the conversation deeper and make it about yourselves.
For instance, ask the other person about their career goals and talk about yours. I do this all the time, since career is quite important to me. Ask them about the things they like to do in their free time, and talk about the things you like to do. These are reflective of one’s personality.
Be willing to risk being intrusive sometimes, and learn how to be more talkative if you’re usually shy around others. The kind of knowledge you’ll be able to gain and offer in conversation, and the kind of interpersonal connection you can create is worth it.
4. Meet Your Best Friend’s Friends
If you have best friends, which I hope you do, than these persons are probably a lot like you. That’s why you ended up being best friends, not just friends.
Well, it is possible that they also have other best friends, which you don’t know. And since these persons are a good fit for them, they are probably a good fit for you as well.
This is why one of the fastest ways to meet people you match well with is to have your best friends introduce you to their best friends. You’ll likely connect with them instantly and you’ll build friendships with them as well.
Then you’ll likely form a gang of best friends, in which each member has strong relationships with all the other members. Belonging to such a tight knit group satisfies many social needs and it feels very rewarding.
As you can see, finding people you match well with is mostly a matter of strategy, knowing yourself and being willing to take risks in conversation.
As long as you do these things right and you constantly meet new people, you will have no problems finding good matches for you and building strong relationships.
Eduard Ezeanu teaches others how to be authentic in conversation, as well as how to not care what people think of them when it’s useful, and helps them develop highly fulfilling relationships. He shares daily advice on Facebook and Twitter as @artofconfidence