What kind of person were you growing up? Were you confident, popular or self assured? If so, you were the complete opposite of me. Me and my friends were called “the trolls under the stairs…” and that was by the teachers. The closest I came to social interaction was avoiding eye contact with anyone who walked past me… But I always wanted more.
I always wished I could reach out and talk to new people. To be like the popular kids, never being afraid of what I was going to say or if it was going to look stupid. For me it seemed like other people were always so confident, so sure of themselves and their ability. I wanted to be like that more than anything else.
Fast forward 3 years..
Since those days I’ve had the privilege of being a Bartender, PR & Party Host across Europe. I spent the last few winters working in the alps, skiing and meeting new people and the last few summers working, laying on a beach and partying at night. And this is all possible for ANYONE once they change the thoughts in their head!
But maybe travelling and working abroad doesn’t interest you. It doesn’t matter, whether you want to build your own business, network with new people, apply for your next big job or even something as small as talking to a sales assistant in a shop (something that used to terrify me), These steps will help you!
3 Actionable Steps To Change Your Life Through Thought
Step 1: Become Your Own Best Friend
How many times a day do you hear a voice telling you that you can’t do something? Or you’ll look stupid? That same voice is in everybody’s head. Always telling people they’re not good enough for something. But, it takes just as much effort for that voice to say something negative as it does positive.
There’s a quote “If you talked to your best friend the way you talked to yourself, would they still be your friend?” Well, would they? And if not, doesn’t that say something about all the negative things you’ve been telling yourself?
So, the first step is too start changing that voice in your head. Every time you hear the negative voice, start thinking about what your best friend would say to you instead. Or your mum or dad. Remind yourself of their words of encouragement. Sometimes you just need to believe in someone else’s belief in you.
Step 2: Imagine Your Future As Bright As You Can
This isn’t some positive, feel good “just imagine and your dreams will come true” speech. What I mean by this is literally sit down, close your eyes and envision where you want to be in the future. Visualise every minor detail. Because that is going to be massively motivational for you!
Think about it this way, what’s going to make you hungrier: Thinking about that delicious burger you’re going to eat for dinner, filled with a mouth-watering, tender patty, crispy fresh lettuce, Camembert cheese and a delicious, ripe, juicy tomato packed between two perfectly toasted buns.
Or a bog standard burger?
When you think about where you want to be with as much detail as you can, you’ll provide yourself with more hunger and motivation to make it happen.
Step 3: Stop Think About What Can Go Wrong, Start Thinking About What Can Go Right
In every situations there are hundreds or thousands of possible outcomes, which outcomes are you focusing on most? The negative ones or the positive ones? Like I said earlier, stop focusing all your time on a negative outcome that, chances are, won’t even happen, and start focusing on the positive outcomes. Believe me, I know this is easier said than done.
I’ve had days where negative outcomes keep popping into my head again and again, 100’s of times. And every time they do, I’d acknowledge them and then choose to let them pass. Because your time and energy is better off spent thinking about the positive outcome instead. This is a skill that takes time to develop. But that time is going to pass anyway. Do you want to spend the rest of your life only thinking of the negatives because you don’t want to spend time changing your habits of mind?
Even after all of this, there are going to be some times when you still don’t feel good enough. Or that you can’t do something. And that’s perfectly okay. But those are the moments when it’s even more important to just go out and do it. You need to prove to that voice in your head: “No I am good enough, I can do this”
The truth is, even if you don’t make the cut this time, you’ll be proud of the fact that you took the initiative, you were courageous, you believed in yourself and took a chance. And just because you didn’t quite make the mark once, you’ll be damn sure you’ll make it next time!
“The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.” – John Milton
Antonio Tourino is the owner of You Are Your Reality. He’s spent the last 5 years traveling, overcoming fear and conquering confidence issues.