In our modern self-help-infused culture, we treat insecurity like the archenemy.
Everyone seems to be in agreement that it’s not only un-evolved or distasteful to feel insecure, but that insecurity itself is hindering us from happiness, love, and success.
But is it really?
Here’s why insecurity is a good thing in disguise:
Insecurity is a call to action.
It’s your mind saying HELP! I need more skills!
The skills that insecurity prompts you to develop are either internal skills like accepting yourself, or external skills like developing an expertise.
If you had all the internal and external skills you needed – including the skill of contentment – then you wouldn’t feel insecure.
Think back to your school days and when you used to take tests.
When you had prepared really well for a test, were you insecure when you sat down to take it? No, of course not. You were self-assured and confident because you knew you were going to rock it.
What about a test you did NOT prepare for? Yeah, sweating nervously and an upset stomach.
You didn’t feel insecure because you were somehow a bad person or “unworthy of success”. You felt insecure because you were unprepared for the task at hand. That’s where insecurity comes from: a lack of skill or preparedness.
Insecurity is nothing more than an indication that you need to build one of these three skills:
1. The skill of self-love.
Developing self-love is like quelling test anxiety.
Sometimes that’s it, that’s all you need. Self-love is the foundation for all other skill-building. Without it, things are much more difficult than they need to be.
This way, you’re no longer anxious about your inherent treat-taking ability. You can get better at self-love by accurately seeing the whole situation for what it is: an opportunity to build skills. It puts your mind at rest so it can focus on productive things instead of collapsing in a heap of false-alarm insecurities.
2. The skill of discernment.
Developing discernment is like showing up for the right test.
Sometimes you’re feeling insecure because you are in a situation you’re not ready for. You’re pushing yourself too hard, too fast, and you’re going too many steps ahead.
For example, if you’ve only just learned your multiplication tables and you roll into a calculus test, you’re going to feel intimidated because there’s no earthly way.
You can get better at discernment by objectively assessing where you are in relation to what you want. Once you have a lay of the land, then the emotional charge is gone. You can go about understanding the sequenced outline that will get you where you want to be faster.
3. The skill for the task at hand.
Developing specific expertise is like studying well for the test in front of you.
Sometimes you already have a lot of self-love and great discernment. At that point, the only thing that could possibly be missing is straightforward action-taking and patient skill-building for the task at hand.
When you study, you’re more prepared, and therefore more confident. You don’t see success as a measure of your self-worth; that would be silly. You see it as an accurate assessment of how well you prepared and integrated the material.
Life rarely appears as straightforward as a test in school, but if you consider it as an analogy, the world becomes much simpler. Insecurity becomes a tool to enhance your life, rather than a foggy hindrance. With that kind of approach, you can’t help but become successful in good time.
Sarah Jones is the founder of Introverted Alpha, where she helps smart introverted men attract women naturally. Download your free Core Confidence Training and free 60-page eBook, “Why Pick-Up Doesn’t Work For Introverts & What Works Instead” at IntrovertedAlpha.com.