Many theories have been proposed as to why human beings seek out partners in their life. Some believe it is a “hard-wired” genetic predisposition designed to help us propagate and carry on the species! Others believe it is an environmental cue that we learn quite young that allows us to live in a social environment and get the companionship needs in our lives met!
While there may well be truth to both of these theories I believe that the purpose of partnership goes beyond these two theories. I contend that the purpose of partnership is to provide us with a living breathing example of our disowned parts that we haven’t learned to love yet so that we might learn to love ourselves more fully, wholly and completely!
In other words it is an opportunity to learn to love ourselves more and as a byproduct learn to love others more in the process!
That is why our partner is quite often the person who drives us the most crazy in this life! The person that we can get more frustrated at and more upset with than anyone on the planet! Yet it is also the person we trust, love and respect more than anyone else in the world!
By that very definition partners are supposed to “push our buttons” and make us come face to face with those parts of ourselves that are not whole and complete yet. Those parts that we haven’t learned to accept ownership of and/or those parts that we haven’t learned to see the value or perfection in!
Once we do see the perfection of those “disowned parts” we can then learn to love those parts for the good, bad and/or ugly things they represent in our lives! We all have them and that is part of our mission here on Earth is to come to accept that, love those parts and grow and evolve as a person in the process!
That is why our partner is quite commonly the exact opposite to us in many ways! They have to be that way for the partnership to work and for us to evolve and grow as people. They provide the opportunity for us to see the other side of ourselves and the issues we represent in a safe and nurturing way …… usually!
In my experience what couples often miss is the PERFECTION of their relationship and the understanding that it could be no other way! How the vehicle of partnership is actually a tool to force us to face our own “stuff” and grow and evolve in the process! Learning how to deal with each other’s differences in a meaningful and constructive way is one of the toughest things to do yet is one of the keys to a winning partnership!
I remember when a particular girl I was dating helped me experience this “perfection “first hand. Everything with her was following my typical routine that I had perfected with women. There was the chase, the connection, the conquest, which was quickly followed by boredom and/or stress if things started to get a little serious. At this point I would break out my speech on how things just won’t work out between us and how it is my fault not hers. With this particular girl I was halfway through my polished speech when she cut me off and called me out on my relationship problems (with some unmentionable names included in her offering). She had me pegged and brought everything to light about the pattern I had developed with women and how sorry she felt for me because I was going to be a very lonely 40 something year old. This was both shocking and sobering because no woman had ever stood up to me and my conditioning! I started to think, hmm maybe there’s something special about this girl and in fact there was …… she is now my wife of 29 years.
See one of the “disowned” parts I was looking for in relationship was strength of character. Someone who was very clear about who they were and who they were not and as a result were clear about the value they brought to a relationship. My wife was, and continues to be, very clear about who she is and who she is not and as a result that strength of character shines through in pretty much every aspect of her life. I was looking for that strength of character in a partner, which is why I would end a relationship fairly quickly if I was not sensing or seeing that strength. She stood up to my B.S. and as a result I valued her more highly than all others and our 32-year long relationship is a testament to that value and love we share.
One of my deepest desires for everyone in all your relationships is to get a “glimpse” of the perfection of your relationships and as a result have a greater appreciation for your partner and the role they play in your life. If all our relationships are designed to teach us a lesson, be it your kids, boss, or dog; observe the perfection of its existence and tweak it from there for optimal happiness. After all, happiness is our key desire!