Who Do You Want To Be? Create A Character Study For Your Ideal Self

“I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until finally I became that person. Or he became me.” ~Cary Grant

Who do you want to be? I’m not asking who you are now or what kind of life you want to have, but what kind of person do you want to be? One of my favorite literary characters of all time is Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird. Gregory Peck played the role in the movie, and he perfectly captured the character of the quintessential wise father and a man of compassion, honor, and integrity. I wanted to know him, and I wanted to be like him.

Role models are a good way to begin defining who we want to be. It may not be Atticus for you, but you probably know the people whose demeanor, behavior, and values are inspiring and motivating for you. You are a better person when you are around them.

Sometimes we look at those people and think, “I wish I could be like that.” They have their act together, but I’m too emotional, angry, sad, insecure — whatever the story happens to be.

  • We feel stuck in our feelings, heartaches, and life events.
  • We want to indulge our anger and feel glued to our pain.
  • We feel incapable of becoming the who we want to be because life throws too much at us, so we must react.
  • We believe that our personality is “set” and that substantial change isn’t really possible.

In relationships we seem to step farthest away from the “who” we want to be. Perhaps we defend our turf or feel certain we are right. We lash out because we’ve been wounded or misunderstood, and we want to equalize the pain.

But is that really the highest vision we have for ourselves?

Living that vision of our highest self, the “who” we want to be, is not impossible to achieve. In fact, you can be that person today if you first take a moment to step back and sketch out a character study for the “who” you want to be.

Here are some very simple exercises to help you define this vision for your ideal self:

1. Sit down with paper and pen and write down the qualities of this person, this new you. For example, I want to be a person who is honest. I want to be a person who doesn’t yell at my children. I want to be a person who follows through on commitments. I want to be a person who solves conflicts without condemning or belittling. I want to be a person who lives simply.

2. Dig a little deeper and write some examples of how and when you will become this person. For example, as an honest person, I will be true to myself and my own needs, as well as being genuine and trustworthy with others. Even when my children push my most sensitive buttons, I will strive to remain calm and centered. In my effort to live simply, I will have fewer daily tasks so I can focus on them mindfully and completely. Find the places where you are farthest from your ideal, and specifically define the actions that you aspire to.

3. Play the part of the character until it becomes natural for you. If you must pretend at first, then do it. Act as if. In your next encounter with your misbehaving children, act as if you are the calm mother next door. The next conflict you have with your spouse or another relationship, act as if you are capable of giving unconditional love and support — and then give it, in spite of their reactions, comments, or misunderstandings.Yes, it will feel false at first, but with practice, you will transform.

4. Rehearse daily and be a creator, not a reactor. Now that you have a character study of your ideal self, continue to create this person every day. You are the author of your life and your behavior. Don’t give away your vision just to defend your ego. It’s never worth it. Don’t let your initial reactions undermine your new creation. Revisit your character study regularly as a reminder of the role model you have created for yourself.

5. You can always revise and re-write your ideal self. Because we are human, we fail and falter at being the who we want to be. But every day we have the opportunity for a revision. We can correct our course and step back into our ideal self. And along the way, we might want to adjust our vision to accommodate our personal evolution. As we change and grow, we may want to expand our self-character study, adding more dimension, subtlety, and flexibility.

So often we struggle to make everyone else conform to the “who” we want them to be. Think of the hours spent trying to script the behavior of others. But there is only one character in your life story whose behavior and reactions you can alter — your own.

Write the story of who you want to be. Create a character who could be a role model to others. Define the actions, responses, and values of this person. Then go live it. Before you know it, that new who will be you.

Barrie Davenport is a personal and career coach and is the founder of Live Bold and Bloom, a blog about bold and fearless living. She is also the editor-in-chief of The Daily Brainstorm.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Articles:

20 Ways To Stretch Yourself

Words That Heal and Empower


Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.

70 Responses to Who Do You Want To Be? Create A Character Study For Your Ideal Self

  1. Stephenpep says:

    viagra online cheap generic viagra viagra pill

  2. JamesHib says:

    no prescription viagra cheap viagra generic viagra walmart

  3. KevinUsaby says:

    normal dose cialis tadalafil generic cialis at walmart

  4. DanielNug says:

    where can i buy viagra viagra low price viagra for men online

  5. Wallyblula says:

    pharmacy online natural ed medications drug prices comparison

  6. Wallyblula says:

    herbal ed remedies over the counter ed drugs herbal ed

  7. Stevendub says:

    no prescription viagra buy viagra generic viagra walgreens

  8. Stevendub says:

    canada viagra buy viagra generic discount viagra

  9. Stevendub says:

    viagra from india buy generic drugs buy viagra

  10. Stevendub says:

    viagra prescription online viagra non prescription viagra

  11. Danielzef says:

    medicine for erectile generic ed pills pain medications without a prescription

  12. Danielzef says:

    buy prescription drugs from canada ED Pills Without Doctor Prescription ed symptoms

  13. Danielzef says:

    prescription without a doctor’s prescription best price for generic viagra on the internet ed treatment

  14. Danielzef says:

    ed pills for sale pet meds without vet prescription ed help

  15. Danielzef says:

    over the counter ed ED Pills ed treatment review

  16. Danielzef says:

    ed treatment review cheap ed pills cialis without doctor prescription

  17. NathanHoake says:

    can you have multiple orgasms with cialis cheap cialis side effects of cialis

  18. NathanHoake says:

    what is cialis buy cialis cheapest cialis

  19. WilliamRox says:

    natural ed male ed drugs online canadian pharmacy

  20. WilliamRox says:

    online ed drugs prescription drugs online ed medications

  21. Roberttop says:

    compare pharmacy prices for prescriptions best place to buy generic drugs

  22. Roberttop says:

    compare pharmacy generic drugs from india

  23. StephenNup says:

    where to buy viagra buy viagra viagra over the counter

  24. 865620 56548really great post, i certainly love this site, go on it 100711

  25. RobinSeike says:

    best cure for ed india pharmacies shipping to usa ed drug comparison

  26. RobinSeike says:

    what are the side effects of cialis buy cialis cialis price

  27. RobinSeike says:

    over the counter ed remedies cheap Amoxil best online drugstore

  28. RobinSeike says:

    viagra without a prescription viagra professional viagra cheap

  29. RobinSeike says:

    online ed meds Amoxil ed treatments

  30. RobinSeike says:

    pet meds without vet prescription canadian online pharmacy meds online without doctor prescription

  31. RobinSeike says:

    interactions for cialis generic cialis hard erections cialis

  32. RobinSeike says:

    canadian online pharmacy canadian pharmacy viagra ed remedies

  33. RobinSeike says:

    generic name for viagra buy viagra online online viagra

  34. RobinSeike says:

    cialis or viagra generic cialis cialis coupon code

  35. RobinSeike says:

    over the counter ed drugs canadian online pharmacy natural ed treatment

  36. RobinSeike says:

    canadian viagra viagra online canadian pharmacy where to buy viagra online

  37. RobinSeike says:

    buy medication online buy Cipro online pet meds without vet prescription

  38. 171261 626875hey, your internet site is outstanding. We do appreciate your function 813939

  39. Traviserony says:

    pharmacy medications: ed medication online vitality ed pills

  40. Traviserony says:

    injections for ed: medicine for ed fast ed meds online

  41. LarryCague says:

    cheap viagra where to buy viagra online viagra canada

  42. LarryCague says:

    over the counter ed remedies canadian pharmacies online ed medications list

  43. LarryCague says:

    generic viagra without a doctor prescription cheap viagra 100mg viagra no prescription

  44. LarryCague says:

    generic viagra names when will viagra be generic roman viagra

  45. LarryCague says:

    cialis professional liquid cialis does viagra or cialis help with pe

  46. LarryCague says:

    mexican viagra viagra canada viagra otc

  47. LarryCague says:

    fda warning list cialis cialis and interaction with ibutinib best liquid cialis

  48. Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic blog post. Really looking forward to read more. Will read on… 等身大ドール

  49. usasexdoll says:

    Having read this I believed it was really informative. I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this informative article together. Sex Doll Blog

  50. 스모크밤786 says:

    The best e-cigarette liquid site in Korea. Korea’s lowest-priced 전자담배 액상 사이트 e-cigarette liquid.
    스모크밤786 스모크밤

  51. 스모크밤044 says:

    전자담배 액상 사이트 The best e-cigarette liquid site in Korea. smok25 Korea’s lowest-priced e-cigarette liquid. 스모크밤044 스모크밤

  52. GOnajS says:


  53. YPusHN says:


  54. baPedT says:


  55. toptan vozol says:

    Toptan vozol satın almak için buraya tıklayın: toptan vozol

  56. People have actually been going crazy concerning this for many years. Experience the power of Remarkable today!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.