How much are you worth? Who gets incredible value from being a part of your life? How much does it cost for you to keep them in yours?
These might sound like harsh questions, but why treat a business plan better than you treat your life?
If you were standing in a group with your closest friends and family, what is the one thing you could stand up and say you do better than anyone, creating a wave of nodding heads to say “yep – that’s what makes you and why we love you”?
I pride myself on my generosity and loyalty but I carry it around quietly. No more would I have to state, “I have blonde hair” than I would have to tell a friend, “I am generous and loyal”- it’s who I am….always.
I am also impatient, not present and say yes to more things than I can possibly do -dragging all of the people I care about into a tornado swirling with stress, angst, driven by MY deep fear of disappointing people. This self-awareness hasn’t come easy or cheap, but it’s a great place to be – most of the time.
When I go to a business meeting I am known as a creative-genius-left-brain-powered-idea-machine. I love that. I do. And while my ego loves the boost, my heart is yawning.
Hearing from a respected peer, “Lori you have the power to move mountains by yourself, but you choose to inspire others to want to move them for you – you let everyone shine” sets my heart and soul on fire, with a warm feeling of goodness traveling down to my toes, fueling my momentum to empower everyone around me to be the best they can be.
When you know what you are worth, you don’t need to run around with a debit card, taking energy from your life’s bank account trying to fill up a void that wouldn’t be there if you only believed in yourself – this is taxing to everyone around you. By valuing you strengths, you’ll find your need to position to bring other people’s attention to your “goodness” will evaporate instantly. Your confidence in your gifts comforts others, giving them something to connect to, bringing ultimate satisfaction to the relationship.
# 1 Knowing Who You Are Builds Confidence in YOU
What kind of person are you? What kind of person do other people think you are? If we’re looking at two different people, you have to ask yourself why? Are people not seeing the real you or are you not being true to yourself and consistent?
If you are lost and feel that you do nothing well, take off your filter created by those who have tried to change you or mold you into what they want you to be. By nature, people must be able to “label” you or compartmentalize you. Do you think it’s because you aren’t good enough? Or could it be you have not committed to being consistent in your message?
If you are inconsistent in your truth for you, then others are left to just tag you with what makes sense to them. Pick a value, something you stand for, even if it is something as simple “I always show people I care” and do it. Every time.
If you are a person who cares, then handle stressful situations with a “caring” attitude towards the other person’s upset.
#2 Owning What You Stand For Builds Confidence In YOU With Others
If you own who you are, and accept it, others will too. They have no choice! How could you tell someone something isn’t true if it’s their absolute?
Have conviction in who you are. Never let anyone take your truth from you. Once you realize no one can take who you are or change who you are, then you will relax into your rhythm and your relationships will be more fulfilling.
Trust is key in any situation. If people trust you, this means they believe you. All you need to do is start believing in who you are and knowing you’re valuable, remembering your greatest strength is at times your greatest weakness!
For example, my incredible sense of urgency to get things done is tied to my impatience and can at times be hurtful to people. If you were a client or a business partner, you’d find this attractive. You’d know the job was gonna’ get done. If you were going to the airport with me, you might be terrified or horrified but you’d also think “This is the part of her that makes things happen for all of us!”
I accept my impatience and focus on my sense of loyalty and generosity, backed with compassion for the other person’s pain. Accepting your “faults” and empowering yourself with your gifts, will fill you with a burst of confidence whenever you need it.
#3 Consistency Is The Key To Delivering ROI To You And Your Relationships
Never try to be anything you aren’t. And make sure the value you want to add in life is something you can sustain. I learned a long time ago to accept the fact I need a great team to execute for me. I don’t like to live on my time-line ,battling every detail as I strive for perfection. It isn’t productive.
Understanding what you can’t do is the foundation to owning what you can do.
Doing this only makes your weakness your brightest reflection if it’s your focus.
What if you stopped trying to improve what you aren’t good at, and just made it your mission to get better at what you do well?
Focusing on constant improvement before you have integrated the parts of you that you love, will only lead to dissatisfaction, and confuse others in your life. Take everything you know about you that you love (even if it’s just one thing) – focus on only that. If you focus on being the best at the one thing you KNOW you can rock, then the rest will fall into place.
Confidence starts with understanding who you are, what you do well, and doing it better than anyone else.
What is the one thing you believe you add to your life’s recipe, which is deeply honored and appreciated by others? What do you want it to be? Please share your thoughts here so we can grow together. Sometimes putting it “out there” is all it takes to make it your new reality.
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