Drama is a habit, just like any other unproductive habit we acquire. When our lives seem dull or uninspired we crave to ramp things up. When our lives are filled with negativity we are naturally drawn to more negative. When we have lost our way and have been hurt, we become susceptible to drama.
How can you eliminate drama from your life? First you need to take a good hard honest look at your life. Then ask yourself a very simple question. Do you want to be drama free? We create drama to provide a mud pit to wallow in. Our comfort spot of pity and “woe is me” allows us to blame everyone else but ourselves for our problems.
After the nasty end to my marriage, I spent two years in a major drama fest. I craved drama. I perpetuated drama. Like a moth to the flame, I was drawn to drama, whether it be my own or others. One day I woke up and realized I was tired, overweight and unhappy. I had literally made myself sick from all the drama. I knew I had to do something to gain control of my life. However, even after this realization it would take me almost a year to stop the drama habit. It was not easy. I had to work really hard at recognizing what I was doing and why.
How can you stop the drama train? Habits are hard to break, especially ones we have perpetuated for years. But it can be done. I have listed the realizations and steps I took to become healthy, happy and drama free.
1. Why are you allowing someone to live rent free in your head? If you find yourself starting to relay a story about how someone has ruined your life stop and think, “Why am I allowing this person to live rent free in my head?” They are taking up valuable space for much more important and healthy thoughts. Why are you still talking about them? Are you following their every move on Facebook? Do you want justification from others that what they did was wrong? Kick the free loader out and move on!
2. We create drama because we are in pain. However, going on and on about how we have been wronged does not ease the pain. The only peace from the pain is the peace you give yourself.
3. We create drama in our lives because we are bored. Are you bored? Go find something to do, besides creating drama. You will be surprised at how much fun and non-boring peace and quiet are. When you free up space in your life by getting rid of the drama you can fill it up with tons of super ways to live. You can be creative, you can sit and watch the birds, you can play with your kids or enjoy snuggle time with the significant other. Go for a run, cook something yummy and decadent. There are so many wonderful and fun things you can do other than sit around and create drama.
4. When you find yourself getting worked up into a drama fest, ask yourself, “Is this behavior moving my life forward.” Make a promise to yourself that the activities you pursue, the conversations you have, the people you interact with will move you in the direction you want to go. Move forward, do not stay stuck in the past.
5. Distance yourself from the people in your life who feed off your drama. You know – the other drama queens. They will keep you stirred up because they are addicted to your drama.
6. Ask the people in your life who you trust and who love you, to firmly, yet gently, let you know when you are starting to create drama. At that point stop talking. Then make the conscious decision to redirect your energy into something more positive.
And last, but not least, give yourself a hug every day. Creating drama is often a symptom of a larger problem. Give yourself time. Then one day you will wake up drama free and be amazed at how good it feels!
Shelly is a personal development strategist and founder of The Rescue Yourself Project helping women over 40 step into their unique selves so they can create a life they love! A few years ago, she found herself living a life that wasn’t of her making. Deciding that wasn’t what she wanted she ran away from home and spent eight months “re-branding” herself. Today Shelly helps women find their unique selves by becoming experts about their values, strengths, passions, goals and purpose so they can design a life they love.
How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.