What is it about life?
What is it that makes us afraid of what could happen or what is round the corner?
Why do we try to control, try to make things fit the way we want them to fit?
It seems mad to me and yet I do it too. You see I’ve just started my very own launch, launch of something I care about for my business and here I am struggling. I’ve gone into melt down, doubting and obsessing over it rather than being sensible and letting it unravel over time and work itself out.
That’s it right there – I’ve got to ‘let it’ happen in its own time.
The thing is it’s easy to let it happen when you’ve got plenty of money, plenty of time, happy with how things are going and you can let it glide by without a care in the world.
So is the answer not to care?
Not caring isn’t in my make-up, it’s kind of part of me, it’s why I do what I do. I’m the kind of girl who cries over a lonely old man walking the street or a dog being left in a rescue home with no one to care for him. Perhaps that’s a projection of how I feel, which is why I can relate? I empathize and I get sad because that’s how I feel sometimes; lonely, un-cared for, pretty exhausted and petrified!
I also think when you are trying to figure things out, trying to make certain things work it can kind of take over your life. When it’s that important you find it hard to let go, to loosen the grip and let it be.
So why are some things more important than others?
I don’t want to fail again, that’s the crux of it, I don’t want to hear people saying ‘another failure Paula, I knew it would happen again’. I also worry that I’m not going down the right path, that I’m wasting my time yet again. You see this time it’s different it doesn’t just affect me this time, there are other people’s lives involved and when you’ve got that in the back of your mind it’s hard to ignore.
I know that it’s my own self torture and thinking that gets me stuck in this rut. I am like a little rat going round and round in circles trying to find the way out of this tunnel I’ve got myself stuck down. The more I stress the more it gets dark, no light at the end just endless tunnels with no way out.
So what if I just stepped back a bit; slowed down and took time out to relax. Maybe just maybe I’d see something if I opened my eyes and believed that there was a way out. Feel my way around using all my sense instead of just one, perhaps there is a possibility; a possibility of freedom soon.
To be free you’ve got to step into the unknown
That’s exactly why I am stuck. I’ve become fearful, I just don’t know what is going to happen and that scares the hell out of me. There I’ve admitted it. But I also know that if I don’t step forward and take another leap of faith I’ll stay stuck and nothing will get done and I will have failed, but by my own doing this time.
It’s that need to know the answer, the results and how we will get there that stop’s us in our tracks. Except for anything worthwhile to happen in life, you’ve got to have faith, be bold and be courageous. I need to step out of my own way and keep pressing on because I want to be free, free to do what I want and free to live with purpose.
So what have I got to lose?
The short answer is I’ve got more to lose if I stay where I am. I also know that this isn’t the last of it. I’ll be back here again, but I’ll be a little bit more prepared – I’d better be!
Do you want to be free and are you prepared to step into the unknown to get there?
Paula loves people and connecting across the world. She has spent most of her life going from one experience to another ranging from her love life to her career choices. Her work now is to share those experiences and serve others by being authentic and real. It is her intention to help guide others to find peace, discover who they really are and live life to its fullest. After all no choice is a bad choice, merely a chance to take a new direction. You can find her at PaulasWork