No matter who you are, there’s one person who never cuts you any slack, who is with you 24/7, who believes you can always do better, and somehow finds a way to make you feel bad about yourself – no matter how hard you try.
It’s no wonder your confidence is so low, with the daily butt spanking and beat down you endure minute by minute by this uncaring, demanding, perfection driven person…
It’s true! Is there anyone else in your life who talks worse to you than you? Don’t get me wrong, there are other voices knocking you around as well, but yours is the loudest…and the meanest.
How you were treated as a child by your parents and peers is directly related to how you talk to yourself today. While I’m a firm believer most parents do the best they can with the resources they have, financially and emotionally, I also know that sometimes your best is not good enough.
You must stop the mental spanking TODAY.
If you want to stop feeling depressed and build your self-confidence, it’s mission critical you change the tone of your inner voice. As an adult it’s easy to look back at your younger years and logically talk yourself into feeling better, ending the blame game with your parents (or peers), and moving forward to the new you. But it’s never going to happen if the voice inside your head is unforgiving and relentless.
Your soul craves be showered with grace and comforted with compassion; try these exercises to rewrite your “script” playing over and over again like the movie Ground Hog Day.
#1 Be Aware Of Your State And Pretend You Are A Character In A Movie
If you are distracted, disorganized, or barely holding your own, think of a favorite movie. Identify yourself with characters like Forrest Gump, Steve Martin in almost any roll, or even Tom Cruise in Rain Man—doing the best he can in a scene that’s frustrating for him, but humorous to you.
It’s not about laughing at yourself – if you are the butt of your own jokes you are enabling you to lower your self-esteem. Show grace and compassion for the inner child inside who is trying so hard, doing the best they can with the resources they have and still stumbling. Instead, find a way to start smiling inside at miscues and blunders, telling yourself it is ok to be you and building confidence in the process.
#2 Write Your Own Script, See Others As Actors In Your Movie And Own Your Casting Call
The key to having ultimate confidence is being aware of the frequency (low or high) level and type (angry, sad, etc) of your energy and noticing what situations or “exercises” are being drawn toward you.
Build your confidence by believing you are the only person in your life who calls the shots. Even when you feel as if things are out of control and you are the target for a universe game of dodge ball, remember you DO have a choice.
For example, recently I was feeling frazzled as I arrived at the airport, late for a flight. The TSA official forced me to shove my barely right size bag into a sizing bin as I held my ticket in my mouth. This caused problem for the ID checking TSA agent, who didn’t have gloves, delaying me another 5 minutes as they frantically searched for a white suit (or supervisor with gloves). Unfortunately, Fort Lauderdale wasn’t done with the monkey dance as my white noise sleep machine apparently looked “fishy” which won me the prize of a free personal bag check! Lo – it was positive for explosives, sending me through an invasive series of pat down sessions.
In these types of situation there are 3 ways you can look at it.
1. “Someone” is out to get me.
2. You are a masochist and punishing yourself.
3. Your energy is attracting others in the same “negative” space.
In the “energy attracts like energy” paradigm, it’s simple to build confidence once you start taking control of your moods and empowering your spirit. Acknowledge the madness swirling about, recognize it is under your control and stop trying to change the “actors” in your face to be “nicer” to you. They aren’t supposed to be nicer. You have called them to you to “snap you out of it”, not drive you deeper into it! Think of them as the perfect supporting actor in your movie to get you where you really want to be in life.
The best way to take control is to write a new scene by doing a quick casting call for new actors, and simply by shifting YOUR inner world.
#3 Be The Ultimate Parent To YOU
As you make these subtle shifts, keep in mind the director is the one who controls the tone of the set. YOU are the director, executive producer and more importantly the “stage mom.” Change the tone of your critical inner voice to one of a loving parent. Have compassion for YOU, not just others.
Start using language like “Of course you forgot that meeting, you are trying to hard to be a better mom to the kids and sometimes you can’t do it all”. When you try hard and feel as if you failed, think of yourself as a child on a playground who was running too fast, tripped and fell down. Run to yourself, give YOU a hug, wipe your tears and say “Honey it’s no big. You should be proud of yourself as you tried to play with the bigger kids. Did you see how far you threw that ball? Awesome. You rock. Keep trying baby, you can do it.”
If you did nothing else, but start talking to yourself the same way you’d talk to a small child if you were trying to build their confidence, you have access to an energy power up right on the tip of your “tongue” whenever you want it.
Let’s face it, believing “someone” wants to hurt you or you want to hurt myself isn’t much of a confidence boost. But if you knew your energy is your antenna, and you owned the fact you could power it up whenever you wanted, why couldn’t you believe you could truly attract the best people and opportunities?
Simply put, how could you ever fail again?
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