happiness

The Top 7 Reasons Why You Are Unhappy

Take a look around you.

How many happy people do you see?

How many of them are smiling or exhibiting other signs of happiness?

Unless you’re with a bunch of kids, I’m willing to bet the number of unhappy people far outweigh the happy.

Why is that?

Where did we go wrong?

Why are there so many unhappy people?

I was raised in Brooklyn and one place where unhappy people congregate is on the subway during rush hour. There are days when not one person on a crowded subway is smiling. You can learn a lot riding the MTA subway system and one of the most interesting things I’ve learned is why people are unhappy.

There are 7 main reasons:

1. Worrying

A weary mother sits with furrowed brows as she is thinking about her son’s exam this weekend. This is the exam that will determine if he’ll get into a good high school. She’s worried about him going to the zone school near their home. She imagines her son hanging out with the wrong crowd, dropping out of high school and getting a minimum wage job.

Mark Twain once said, “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.” When you worry, you’re creating an unreal negative situation in the future, believing it is possible and feeling all the negative emotions in the present. In simple words, you’re terrorizing yourself and really for no good reason.

Quick Fix: Don’t worry. Be happy (Who knew Bobby McFerrin was so insightful). There is no benefit whatsoever to worrying. If there is no solution, worrying about it won’t help you. If there is a solution, you should be using your energy to implement it.

2. Giving Up Control

A middle-aged business man sits slumped in one of the subway seats looking dejected. His boss just demoted him because of a project gone bad due to the slumping economy. He needs the job to pay his rent so he had no choice but to stay with the firm.

It’s hard to be happy when the world is conspiring against you. People who take on the role of a victim, are never happy. This is because they don’t have any control. They believe that their unhappiness has been caused by an external factor and it can only be taken away by the external factor. They live in the miserable land of “if only”.

Quick Fix: Empower yourself by taking responsibility for everything that is happening in your life. You always have the choice for the decisions in your life. Never give this power to anyone else if you want to be happy.

3. Holding a Grudge

A high school student is standing up with one hand on the straphanger and the other on his phone. His teeth are clenched as he looks at his phone. His “friend” just posted an embarrassing video of him on Facebook and now he is plotting his revenge and the demise of his “frenemy”.

How often do you hold a grudge?

With your family members? Your friends? Complete strangers?

Anytime you hold a grudge, the only person that is affected is you. Your target usually has no idea what hateful thoughts you’re throwing at him or what horrible fate awaits him/her in your imagination. Meanwhile, in the real world, you’re unhappy, angry and frustrated and it’s affecting every aspect of your life in a negative way. What are you really gaining?

Quick Fix: Forgive AND Forget. Remember that if you don’t forget, you’re not really forgiving. Do this as soon as you can because if you allow someone to make you angry, you’ve given them control over you (Reason #2). Let it go because the best way to get back at someone is to let them know that they can’t get to you. You’ll be much happier for it.

4. Having One Set of Rules

A woman starts yelling at another woman for not letting her off the train before getting on. They exchange words and it is clear that both women are upset over the situation.

The easiest way to be unhappy is to believe that everyone should play by your rules and that your standards were the ones that have been approved for use by the world’s population. Think about the last time you were angry, wasn’t it because someone violated one of your deeply held beliefs?

Quick Fix: Understand that your set of rules is just that, your rules. No one else has to live by them. Just because you think it’s rude that people don’t wait to let other people off the train doesn’t mean other people feel the same way. Accept that your standards are not other people’s standards and you’ll notice many things that used to bother you won’t anymore.

5. Comparing to Other People

A young professional is standing on the subway tired, frowning and in deep thought. He just met up with some old college friends and found out that they were moving up rather quickly in their respective companies. He’s reflecting on his life and wondering where he went wrong and why he wasn’t experiencing similar levels of success.

Comparing yourself to others can be motivating if you have a strong self-esteem but more often than not, you’ll end up feeling bad about your own inferiority. The reason this happens is because people usually compare only one specific part of someone else’s life and it’s usually the other person’s best part.

Quick Fix: Stop comparing. Accept who you are. If you must compare, compare with yourself. Were you better than you were yesterday. If you must compare with other people, then make sure you compare every aspect of your life. Roger Federer may play tennis better than me but I can speak Chinese better than him. (Yes I just compared myself to Roger Federer and he was found wanting…in one particular aspect of life)

6. Making Life Harder Than It Has to Be

A recent entrepreneur sits in the corner of the train thinking about his slow-growing business. He’s put so much effort into it and have done all the “right” things but sales are slow. He’s frustrated with the progress and broods in the corner.

“I’ll be happy when I make 10 million dollars.” or “I’ll be happy if I had enough to eat for the night.”. Which one of these people will have a better chance of being happy? This has nothing to do with high or low standards. Happiness and success is what you make it. Many of you are making life much harder than it has to be.

Quick Fix: Why make it so hard to reach your goal? Set your own definition of success and define it as something that is achievable today. Life is too short to be spending time on activities you don’t enjoy.

My definition of success is that as long as I am pursuing my passion, I’m successful. How much money I make doesn’t matter as long as I’m pursuing my dream. If I gave up my passion to make a million dollars a year, I’ll no longer consider myself successful.

7. Being Pessimistic

A young woman runs down the stairs just to have the train doors close on her. “I always miss the train.” she says to herself and lets out a sigh that deflates her whole body. A man on the platform says to her, “At least the trains are running tonight.” She gives him a dirty look.

It’s easy for us to see things that we look for or that we bring into focus. If you’re thinking about buying a car and doing research on a Mini Cooper, you’re going to begin seeing Mini Coopers everywhere.

The same thing happens when you’re pessimistic. If you think you have bad luck, you’re going to notice all the instances when bad things happen to you. It’s really tough to be happy when you’re only aware of negative things happening to you.

Quick Fix: Look on the bright side. Be optimistic and always look for a silver lining. Having a sense of humor really helps as well. Consciously record good things that happen to you so when something bad happens, you can honestly say to yourself, “That’s interesting. I normally have such great luck.”

So those are the 7 top reasons along with the 7 quick fixes. Here is the abridged version of the quick fixes for your convenience:

  1. Don’t worry.
  2. Empower yourself.
  3. Forgive and let go.
  4. Be open.
  5. Don’t compare.
  6. Define own success.
  7. Be optimistic.

Happiness is important.

It’s ranked up there with life and liberty.

And you should pursue it. It’s your right.

Use this roadmap to guide you there.

If you’re unhappy, which one of these reasons resonate with you?

If you’re happy, how do you do it? What ways do you find most effective?

 

Author Bio:

Robert Chen is the founder of Embrace Possibility and his passion is to help undervalued individuals reach their full potential. If you’re going through a tough time right now, check out Robert’s article on How to Feel Better Right Away.

If you find that you’re having trouble getting what you want out of life, check out How to Always Achieve Your Goals.

Photo credit: ‘Big Smile’ by Big Stock

  • Kirsten

    Great article Robert.

    I am an experienced worrier. You wont believe the kind of things I can worry about!

    Fortunately I am far more aware now than I used to be, and let go as soon as I relaize that I am at it again. Staring a worry journal is also a great help. At the beginning of every day, write down all your worries … then put them (the journal) aside. At the end of the month, go through your lists and cross off all those that never happened. You’ll be suprised at how few there are left.

    Kirsten Long
    Coach 4 Life
    http://www.coach4life.co.za/blog

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      What an excellent way to debunk your worries Kirsten! Although a worry journal is great in the beginning to challenge your limiting beliefs, I would caution against keeping a worry journal long term because then you are focusing a lot on what you don’t want which is compounded by writing them down. It might be better to keep a journal of how you want life to be so your subconscious can focus on the great things in life. Our mind only has room for one thought at a time and if we keep feeding them with good ones, the bad ones don’t get in.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      What an excellent way to debunk your worries Kirsten! Although a worry journal is great in the beginning to challenge your limiting beliefs, I would caution against keeping a worry journal long term because then you are focusing a lot on what you don’t want which is compounded by writing them down. It might be better to keep a journal of how you want life to be so your subconscious can focus on the great things in life. Our mind only has room for one thought at a time and if we keep feeding them with good ones, the bad ones don’t get in.

      • Kirsten

        Thanks Robert and I agree – the worry journal is definately a short term exercise. My clients usually stop after they’ve tried it for awhile and truly realize how much of what they worry about doesnt happen.

        • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

          That’s great Kirsten! I’m sure it must be surprising to them that very little of their worries actually come true. 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      What an excellent way to debunk your worries Kirsten! Although a worry journal is great in the beginning to challenge your limiting beliefs, I would caution against keeping a worry journal long term because then you are focusing a lot on what you don’t want which is compounded by writing them down. It might be better to keep a journal of how you want life to be so your subconscious can focus on the great things in life. Our mind only has room for one thought at a time and if we keep feeding them with good ones, the bad ones don’t get in.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      What an excellent way to debunk your worries Kirsten! Although a worry journal is great in the beginning to challenge your limiting beliefs, I would caution against keeping a worry journal long term because then you are focusing a lot on what you don’t want which is compounded by writing them down. It might be better to keep a journal of how you want life to be so your subconscious can focus on the great things in life. Our mind only has room for one thought at a time and if we keep feeding them with good ones, the bad ones don’t get in.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      What an excellent way to debunk your worries Kirsten! Although a worry journal is great in the beginning to challenge your limiting beliefs, I would caution against keeping a worry journal long term because then you are focusing a lot on what you don’t want which is compounded by writing them down. It might be better to keep a journal of how you want life to be so your subconscious can focus on the great things in life. Our mind only has room for one thought at a time and if we keep feeding them with good ones, the bad ones don’t get in.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      What an excellent way to debunk your worries Kirsten! Although a worry journal is great in the beginning to challenge your limiting beliefs, I would caution against keeping a worry journal long term because then you are focusing a lot on what you don’t want which is compounded by writing them down. It might be better to keep a journal of how you want life to be so your subconscious can focus on the great things in life. Our mind only has room for one thought at a time and if we keep feeding them with good ones, the bad ones don’t get in.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      What an excellent way to debunk your worries Kirsten! Although a worry journal is great in the beginning to challenge your limiting beliefs, I would caution against keeping a worry journal long term because then you are focusing a lot on what you don’t want which is compounded by writing them down. It might be better to keep a journal of how you want life to be so your subconscious can focus on the great things in life. Our mind only has room for one thought at a time and if we keep feeding them with good ones, the bad ones don’t get in.

  • http://samedayessay.com/ samedayessay.com

    Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles.Keep up the good work!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks samedayessay!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks samedayessay!

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com/ Farouk

    Robert
    your post is awesome
    you analyzed happiness really well, thank you 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      I’m glad you enjoyed it Farouk.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      I’m glad you enjoyed it Farouk.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      I’m glad you enjoyed it Farouk.

  • Dschriepe

    Thank you so much for sharing your observations! I couldn’t agree with you more and I have to admitt that I have behaved in all the ways you stated above at one time or another throughout my life. Awareness is half the battle of “being happy” and putting life into perspective!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Dschriepe, we do the best that we can with what we know and self awareness is a huge part of being happy! I would say it’s around 80%.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Dschriepe, we do the best that we can with what we know and self awareness is a huge part of being happy! I would say it’s around 80%.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Dschriepe, we do the best that we can with what we know and self awareness is a huge part of being happy! I would say it’s around 80%.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Dschriepe, we do the best that we can with what we know and self awareness is a huge part of being happy! I would say it’s around 80%.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Dschriepe, we do the best that we can with what we know and self awareness is a huge part of being happy! I would say it’s around 80%.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Dschriepe, we do the best that we can with what we know and self awareness is a huge part of being happy! I would say it’s around 80%.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Dschriepe, we do the best that we can with what we know and self awareness is a huge part of being happy! I would say it’s around 80%.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003069732734 Adam YahMum Cousins

     Wonderful article,
    I already feel a little better after reading it,
    thankyou.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      It’s great to hear that Adam. Thanks for reading.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      It’s great to hear that Adam. Thanks for reading.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      It’s great to hear that Adam. Thanks for reading.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      It’s great to hear that Adam. Thanks for reading.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      It’s great to hear that Adam. Thanks for reading.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      It’s great to hear that Adam. Thanks for reading.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003069732734 Adam YahMum Cousins

     Wonderful article,
    I already feel a little better after reading it,
    thankyou.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ali-Agha/100002867806097 Ali Agha

    Absolutely awesome post… honestly .. i am also dealing with depression and worry a lot.. I have written this on a poster and hung that on wall in my room.. Dealing with depression is tough.. I hope i dont sound stupid.. !!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Not at all Ali. It is tough to deal with depression so you don’t need to apologize for it. What’s important is that you’re facing it.

      Follow the methods in this article. You may also want to check out my How to Feel Better Right Away article - http://www.embracepossibility.com/blog/how-to-feel-better/Find the positive intention behind your depression. It’s an important starting point.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Not at all Ali. It is tough to deal with depression so you don’t need to apologize for it. What’s important is that you’re facing it.

      Follow the methods in this article. You may also want to check out my How to Feel Better Right Away article - http://www.embracepossibility.com/blog/how-to-feel-better/Find the positive intention behind your depression. It’s an important starting point.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Not at all Ali. It is tough to deal with depression so you don’t need to apologize for it. What’s important is that you’re facing it.

      Follow the methods in this article. You may also want to check out my How to Feel Better Right Away article - http://www.embracepossibility.com/blog/how-to-feel-better/Find the positive intention behind your depression. It’s an important starting point.

    • http://twitter.com/femgemwarrior Vanesa

      I printed it out to hang on my wall, too. :) And good luck with dealing with your depression.

  • http://www.tinaandersonOC.com/ Tina

    Awesome, to the point article. Love info that one can use immediately! 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Tina! I feel the same way that’s why I write in this style. 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Tina! I feel the same way that’s why I write in this style. 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Tina! I feel the same way that’s why I write in this style. 

  • http://www.discoveryourpeace.com/ Eri

     I’ve heard it said the pursuit of happiness is
    the source of all unhappiness.  Life can
    be simpler if we can (re)condition our minds to just be — stay present, and
    experience/deal with things as they come.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Eri, 

      If you are pursuing happiness with the focus on the final outcome and achieving happiness then that can lead to unhappiness but I believe if you are pursuing happiness and enjoying the pursuit itself then it’s not bad at all. 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Eri, 

      If you are pursuing happiness with the focus on the final outcome and achieving happiness then that can lead to unhappiness but I believe if you are pursuing happiness and enjoying the pursuit itself then it’s not bad at all. 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Eri, 

      If you are pursuing happiness with the focus on the final outcome and achieving happiness then that can lead to unhappiness but I believe if you are pursuing happiness and enjoying the pursuit itself then it’s not bad at all. 

  • http://www.thoughtful-self-improvement.com/Overcome_Shyness.html Natalie

    Thank you for this wonderful perspective. I agree with these and have often fallen into their traps.
    One way I have used to combat them is to remember all the goods things I have. All the things I’m thankful for: health, a cool breeze, stars in the sky, a nice house, good relationships, money in the bank.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Being grateful is one of the best practices to have. Thanks for reading Natalie

  • http://glynisj.com/ Glynis Jolly

    I feel that many people are under the impression that it’s someone else’s responsibility to make them happy. Life isn’t any fun unless you put some effort into it.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Well said Glynis! My life changed when I realized that no one is coming to the rescue

  • Asia

    This is my favorite post so far.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Asia! I’m glad you liked it.

  • steven parker

    what a perfect topic, it’s real what people need

    Parker
    النجاح

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks for reading Steven!

  • http://www.followomswami.com/ Navjot

    What an enlightening article…I love the way yo have given the quick fix with them especially for being pessimistic. Thank you.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Navjot, glad you enjoyed the quick fixes. Optimism is a good thing.

  • http://www.Passionpoints.net/ Jo

    Love the article!

    Great information on Forgiveness and Perspective!

    Here’s another great Article “5 Ways to overcome Negativity” http://fresh-start-blog.blogspot.com/2012/05/5-ways-to-overcome-negativity.html

    Thanks for the great information – looking forward to your next article!

     

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Jo for sharing your article

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Jo for sharing your article

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Jo for sharing your article

  • http://www.Passionpoints.net/ Jo

    Love the article!

    Great information on Forgiveness and Perspective!

    Here’s another great Article “5 Ways to overcome Negativity” http://fresh-start-blog.blogspot.com/2012/05/5-ways-to-overcome-negativity.html

    Thanks for the great information – looking forward to your next article!

     

  • Photov

    I agree with most except the forgive and forget. That is naive. Forgiving does not require forgetting. In fact, it hinders the forgiveness. To say that you ought to forgive and forget is to allow yourself to fall prey to the same mistakes you made in the first place. And that only leads to more unhappiness. There is nothing wrong with forgiving someone and keeping them out of your life.
    “The stupid neither forgive nor forget, the naive forgive and forget. The wise forgive, but do not forget.”

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Photov,

      It is possible that we may have a different perception of forgiving and forgetting. I see not forgetting as “keeping score” which doesn’t make sense if you have truly forgiven someone. What ‘s the point of remembering? True forgiveness is giving the person a real second chance without the asterisk. 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Photov,

      It is possible that we may have a different perception of forgiving and forgetting. I see not forgetting as “keeping score” which doesn’t make sense if you have truly forgiven someone. What ‘s the point of remembering? True forgiveness is giving the person a real second chance without the asterisk. 

      • Kim

        To me, true forgiveness is about me letting go of the things that hold me back. It’s not about the person that upset me, it’s about forgiving myself for carrying the anger with me for so long. In order to learn from history you have to know it, so ‘forgetting’ seems like å paradox in this context. I would rather say ‘Forgive and move on’.

        • RobertChen

          Hi Kim,

          Thanks for your comment. Forgiveness is about letting go. Remember the lesson and forget the experience. You don’t need to relive the pain to remember the lesson.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Photov,

      It is possible that we may have a different perception of forgiving and forgetting. I see not forgetting as “keeping score” which doesn’t make sense if you have truly forgiven someone. What ‘s the point of remembering? True forgiveness is giving the person a real second chance without the asterisk. 

  • Photov

    I agree with most except the forgive and forget. That is naive. Forgiving does not require forgetting. In fact, it hinders the forgiveness. To say that you ought to forgive and forget is to allow yourself to fall prey to the same mistakes you made in the first place. And that only leads to more unhappiness. There is nothing wrong with forgiving someone and keeping them out of your life.
    “The stupid neither forgive nor forget, the naive forgive and forget. The wise forgive, but do not forget.”

  • Mike

    Thank you Robert.  I have been using similar ideas to help my coaching clients.  I believe everyone needs to know that happiness–IS A CHOICE!   All of the points you mentioned are responses to external factors.  We can have the worst things pour down on us like dirt.  But we all have a choice like that one persistent plant, to use the dirt to grow.  

    A breakthrough comes when you realize the power to be happy is instantaneous and it is 100% yours.  So, to you for this awesome post…  Cheer, and Happy Happiness to you!

    Michael Deer
    Empowerment Coach
    http://blog.michaeldeer.com

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Well said Mike. It’s not what happens to us but how we react to it that matters. I’m glad you enjoyed the post and best of luck to you bringing happiness to others.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Well said Mike. It’s not what happens to us but how we react to it that matters. I’m glad you enjoyed the post and best of luck to you bringing happiness to others.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Well said Mike. It’s not what happens to us but how we react to it that matters. I’m glad you enjoyed the post and best of luck to you bringing happiness to others.

  • Mike

    Thank you Robert.  I have been using similar ideas to help my coaching clients.  I believe everyone needs to know that happiness–IS A CHOICE!   All of the points you mentioned are responses to external factors.  We can have the worst things pour down on us like dirt.  But we all have a choice like that one persistent plant, to use the dirt to grow.  

    A breakthrough comes when you realize the power to be happy is instantaneous and it is 100% yours.  So, to you for this awesome post…  Cheer, and Happy Happiness to you!

    Michael Deer
    Empowerment Coach
    http://blog.michaeldeer.com

  • Mike

    Thank you Robert.  I have been using similar ideas to help my coaching clients.  I believe everyone needs to know that happiness–IS A CHOICE!   All of the points you mentioned are responses to external factors.  We can have the worst things pour down on us like dirt.  But we all have a choice like that one persistent plant, to use the dirt to grow.  

    A breakthrough comes when you realize the power to be happy is instantaneous and it is 100% yours.  So, to you for this awesome post…  Cheer, and Happy Happiness to you!

    Michael Deer
    Empowerment Coach
    http://blog.michaeldeer.com

  • Crazeb44

    Good

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Craze

  • Alexalladice

    Very good arrival here Robert!
    I think I do some of these subconsciously to be happier but I think doing them consciously will make me alot more happier and more in control. If you had a whole book on this is read it from cover to cover in a day! All relate to all 7 numbers which is really “worrying” lol.
    I think if I learn to control numbers 1-7 I’m going to alot more happier!

    Day 1 of the quick fix trial!

  • Alexalladice

    Very good arrival here Robert!
    I think I do some of these subconsciously to be happier but I think doing them consciously will make me alot more happier and more in control. If you had a whole book on this is read it from cover to cover in a day! All relate to all 7 numbers which is really “worrying” lol.
    I think if I learn to control numbers 1-7 I’m going to alot more happier!

    Day 1 of the quick fix trial!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      If you focus on steps 1-7, you’ll definitely be happier. Let me know how your trial goes.

  • http://pristineperception.com/ Suzanne

    I am familiar with needless worry. 1 of 2 things happened. Either nothing at all happened, or I worried so excessively that I began acting/reacting on my fears. Neither did me a bit of good.
    Fortunately I was able to recognize it and deal with things when and if they occur.

  • http://pristineperception.com/ Suzanne

    I am familiar with needless worry. 1 of 2 things happened. Either nothing at all happened, or I worried so excessively that I began acting/reacting on my fears. Neither did me a bit of good.
    Fortunately I was able to recognize it and deal with things when and if they occur.

  • http://pristineperception.com/ Suzanne

    I am familiar with needless worry. 1 of 2 things happened. Either nothing at all happened, or I worried so excessively that I began acting/reacting on my fears. Neither did me a bit of good.
    Fortunately I was able to recognize it and deal with things when and if they occur.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      That’s great Suzanne. Recognizing it is a big step. It’s always surprising how much we run our lives on auto-pilot and how occasionally reprogramming the autopilot can make a big impact in our lives.

  • sanju

    M bcome lmpresed a lot nd feel better .would relevent in every steps of life ..waitin for next episode. Thanks

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Sanju, glad you enjoyed it. Will write more in the future. You can also find more articles of mine at my blog as well. 

  • Agnes

    Thank you Robert for the great article.  It made me feel more positive about Life!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      That’s great Agnes! I’m happy to hear that.

      • Rehman

         

        Hi…………………….??????

        I hope you are good and so happy I tell you that GOD is love
        who is created man ….

        He give us eyes to see and lips for smiling .. He give us
        legs for walking … and hands for working .. and  

        Summer and winter ………A person who will wish to live happy he
        control his hart desire ….. and kind on every live things so we speech gently
        …………????????

        I hope you like my comments and thanks for shearing pray for
        me…????????????

      • Rehman

         

        Hi…………………….??????

        I hope you are good and so happy I tell you that GOD is love
        who is created man ….

        He give us eyes to see and lips for smiling .. He give us
        legs for walking … and hands for working .. and  

        Summer and winter ………A person who will wish to live happy he
        control his hart desire ….. and kind on every live things so we speech gently
        …………????????

        I hope you like my comments and thanks for shearing pray for
        me…????????????

  • http://www.rpsmiles.com/ Del Mar Dentist

    A great article. I do agree. Having those thing will make you really unhappy. Worrying  just leads to frustrations. And also holding a grudge and carrying it everyday is really stressful. Is this article based on experience?

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Del Mar Dentist, 

      I’ve experienced all of these reasons. When I wrote this article I had flashbacks to all the times I was unhappy. At that time, I didn’t know what I know now and I thought it was caring to worry and realistic to be pessimistic. I now see how that didn’t help me at all. Applying the quick fixes in this article has really allowed me to live a happy life. 

      • http://www.rpsmiles.com/ Del Mar Dentist

        Thanks for that advice Robert. Looking forward to your articles. This has been a great help not only to me but to all your readers.

        • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

          Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy to hear that you found this helpful.

  • Mayuramvsankaran

    I should think that one’s response to life situations will vary with one’s age and one’s social, economic and cultural settings! It is not always possible to not worry about the future or not carry over regrets from the past, especially when one has been deprived of what one had (say, a home) or denied what one wants (say, financial security) or is frustrated in one’s endeavor (say, to find a suitable job or keep a spouse happy). One has to live a life of real struggle to know that happiness is not just a ‘state of mind’ as those more fortunately situated in life would have us believe!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      That’s a very philosophical point. Without bad, there is no good. Without unhappy, there is no happy. What I believe is that one’s response varies with knowledge (which is influenced by agem social, economic and cultural settings). People make the best choices they can with what they know. That’s what I keep in mind when I write my articles. What have I learned that has expanded my knowledge in a resourceful way. How can I expand people’s knowledge so they can make better decisions in life. 

      Thanks for your comment and for reading Mayuramvsankaran.

  • Mayuramvsankaran

    I should think that one’s response to life situations will vary with one’s age and one’s social, economic and cultural settings! It is not always possible to not worry about the future or not carry over regrets from the past, especially when one has been deprived of what one had (say, a home) or denied what one wants (say, financial security) or is frustrated in one’s endeavor (say, to find a suitable job or keep a spouse happy). One has to live a life of real struggle to know that happiness is not just a ‘state of mind’ as those more fortunately situated in life would have us believe!

  • Robert

    PLATITUDES…CLICHES….PLATITUDES…CLICHES…
    PLATITUDES…CLICHES….PLATITUDES…CLICHES
    PLATITUDES…CLICHES….PLATITUDES…CLICHES 
    PLATITUDES…CLICHES….PLATITUDES…CLICHES 
    PLATITUDES…CLICHES….PLATITUDES…CLICHES 
    PLATITUDES…CLICHES….PLATITUDES…CLICHES 
    PLATITUDES…CLICHES….PLATITUDES…CLICHES 

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Unfortunate you feel that way. Thanks for reading though. 

  • Dsveronica22

    Thanks for the great article!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Dsveronica22. I’m glad you liked it. 

      • Atg301

        Thanks for the great article. Now to implement this in my life by using both my mind and my heart and especially asking God for wisdom and help to do it.

        • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

          Best of luck to you Atg301. Thanks for reading.

        • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

          Best of luck to you Atg301. Thanks for reading.

        • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

          Best of luck to you Atg301. Thanks for reading.

        • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

          Best of luck to you Atg301. Thanks for reading.

  • Dsveronica22

    Thanks for the great article!

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  • Ninchsa

    great article! :)

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks Ninchsa!

  • http://twitter.com/femgemwarrior Vanesa

    Fantastic article.

    Often when it’s people that you blame for your bad moods, it’s mostly yourself. #3 and #4 is simply a person not thinking of someone other than themselves – they neglect to realize not everyone is there to please them or have the same goals and “sets of rules”. Once you stop letting others or external forces take control of your happiness, you’ll find yourself much happier.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Well said Vanesa. We often give our power away to other people because we don’t want to be responsible for what happens to us. It’s easy to blame others for our situation. It’s when we realize that we are in control is when we can really be happy. 

  • http://www.monkswood.wordpress.com/ Helen

    I really like your definition of success and has really helped me define my success – thank you. 
    Also, as regards holding grudges, one of the things I’ve said to others (and myself)  is that holding grudges has more negative impact on the holder that the other person, possibly especially if you get back at them.  After all the person may have unintentionally done something that led you to believe s/he meant to aggrieve you.  Better to first recognise that the other person may have a different perspective on what took place and talk with him/her about it than hold onto the grievance if that is a  possibility.  It’s certainly helped me taking this approach – then forgiving and letting go hasn’t been necessary!

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Hi Helen,
      You’re absolutely right that holding grudges is negative all around. I can’t see a benefit to holding a grudge. Life is too short to hold on to things that don’t matter. It’s all about moving forward in your life and not getting tying yourself to the life of other people. 

  • A Mojo Life

    Thanks for the post. Informative and to the point.

    • http://twitter.com/EmbPos Robert Chen

      Thanks a Mojo Life. I’m glad you enjoyed this article.

  • zpopy

    I agree with everything except #4. You said ” Just because you think it’s rude that people don’t wait to let other
    people off the train doesn’t mean other people feel the same way. Accept
    that your standards are not other people’s standards and you’ll notice
    many things that used to bother you won’t anymore.” 

    I think it is OUR RIGHT to say  “wait until we get off ” to the people who do not wait let other people off the train.  I wonder you have heard the train conductors announcing that let the people off the train first. The example you pick dose not justify your idea.

    • http://www.facebook.com/embpos Robert Chen

      Hi zpopy, 

      Thanks for your comment. 

      Anything that you feel is your “right” is your standard and you have ever right to it. Now when that standard gets violated, you’re going to be in a bad mood. This doesn’t matter if other people (even the government) confirm your standard, you’re still going to be in a bad mood.

      If you no longer hold on to that standard, then when someone rushes on the train before you get off, you’re don’t get mad because it doesn’t bother you that it happened. 

      Many people are unhappy because they want to prove to everyone how right they are. Who cares if you’re right if you end up being unhappy. Why not just let it go? What’s the big deal if someone rushes into the train? Is it worth ruining your morning over? Would you still get mad if you saw that he or she was running away from danger or if they were mentally ill? 

      Again, everything I write is just my view of the world and I accept that yours and many other people may have a different and equally valid view. 

      Thanks!

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