Want To Improve Your Life? Tell A Whopper!

Written by David B. Bohl - 23 Comments
Categories: psychology

whopper

We all know it’s not nice to lie. And most of us realize that, aside from the little white lies that get lumped under the innocuous (and incredibly flexible) heading of “social lubrication,” lying can be both negative and highly destructive.

But what about exaggeration? The average person would probably lump exaggeration in with lying, although most of us consider it more along the lines of a harmless and annoying fib than serious deceit. But that mindset may just need a bit of tweaking. In fact, a recent study shows that exaggeration, far from being either negative or destructive, may in fact be a vital part of our self-improvement.

According to psychology experts, lying causes stress and significant mental tension. People who are lying, and who have a vested interest in getting away with those lies, tense up when they lie, because trying to remember a lie and make it sound believable takes a lot of energy. But when people exaggerate, not only don’t they tense up, they seem more at ease when discussing those exaggerations than if they were talking about the truth.

This effect was discovered during recent study, published in the journal Emotion, which showed that students who exaggerated their grade point averages did not show the same levels of stress and tension when talking about their grades as they would have if they were lying about something, even when interviewers accessed the students’ actual grades with their permission. In fact, they were calmer than students who had reported their grades accurately. “It was a robust effect, the sort of readings you see when people are engaged in a positive social encounter, or when they’re meditating,” says Wendy Berry Mendes, senior author of the study.

What’s even stranger is that, upon follow up, researchers found that students who had exaggerated their grades later improved those grades – often by exactly the amount they had exaggerated them in the study.

So what’s going on? According to the experts, exaggeration isn’t lying so much as it is, “… an exercise in projecting the self toward one’s goals,” as Dr. Richard H. Gramzow puts it, in a recent NYT article (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/06/health/06mind.html?ref=science). We exaggerate not to get away with something, but to rehearse realities we’d like to create. And in doing so, we sometimes actually manage to make those exaggerated predictions come true.

In fact, it seems that exaggeration is a built-in mechanism for the ever popular “fake it ’til you make it” routine. We yearn for something so bad that we start acting, and talking, like it’s already true. But over time, wishing it were so (and the cognitive dissonance of it not being so) can lead us to making those dreams a reality. “Basically, exaggeration here reflects positive goals for the future, and we have found that those goals tend to be realized,” says Gramzow.

So the next time someone comes up to you and starts to tell you a fish tale of epic proportions, relax. Instead of becoming annoyed at their confabulation, look below the surface at what those exaggerations say about their hopes, dreams and desires. Who knows, you may just be getting a glimpse of their future.

This article was written by David B. Bohl – Husband, Father, Friend, Lifestyle Coach, Author, Entrepreneur, and creator of Slow Down FAST. For more info visit his blog at Slow Down Fast blog.

  • http://sidsavara.com Sid Savara

    This reminds me of BHAG (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals) from Built to Last. Even though the book discusses successful companies and how they are built, I like to use the same analogy when thinking about my life and what I am making of myself.

  • http://www.somedaysyndrome.com Alex Fayle

    As much as I’m a storyteller, I have to think about my ideas before I tell them – it makes me a very bad liar.

    My boyfriend on the other hand can tell whoppers at the drop of a hat, making up some fantastic stories, like the time a friend of his had lost her voice. He started telling people it was because by accident a bar down the road (name withheld) had served her bleach as a shooter and her throat was savaged.

    The stories he tells always make me laugh and every time I hear one I love him a little bit more.

  • http://www.yinvsyang.com Pete

    Excellent read. Anything is possible as long as the mind believes so. If exaggeration makes the mind believe it, so be it. I think it is great. However, I bet it works better in kids than in adults.

    I would like to see a study on that. B/c adults can exaggerate things with specific intentions such as making themselves sound more qualified, whereas, a kid will exaggerate something simply because he wants it to be true.

    http://yinvsyang.com/

  • http://effortlessabundance.com Effortless Abundance

    Interesting points. I think we do all clearly have a tendency to exaggerate, but I never really thought about why.

  • http://shanelyang.com/blogs/articles/ Shanel Yang

    Fascinating stuff, David! Thanks for this one! Exaggeration, embellishment, or artistic liberties are all part of the lost art of storytelling. And, I love to hear a great story! : )

  • http://successprofessor.ca/2008/07/19/a-wicked-example-of-customer-service/ The Success Professor

    I think that the appropriateness of exaggerating depends on the topic. There are times when it is NOT appropriate to exaggerate. This is true in sales presentations, legal proceedings, or any place where people need to make a decision based on your word.

    In sales, the best philosophy for long-term success is to actually UNDER PROMISE and OVER DELIVER. So while exaggeration may help you move towards your goals in some settings, in other settings they are harmful, and just plain wrong.

  • http://writerdad.com Writer Dad

    Exaggeration as projection. That’s awesome! From this moment on, I’m letting my hyperbole fly.

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com Peter

    Thanks David. As someone who normally shies away from exaggeration, this article is certainly “food for thought”.

  • http://www.createbusinessgrowth.com janelle

    I can see how exaggeration might play a role in self improvement, but I still think that it’s walking a VERY fine line between mere self gratification and lying. After all, at the end of the day, do you feel better about yourself because you exaggerated the details of something versus just telling the truth. If telling the truth doesn’t feel good, then perhaps you need to reevaluate why being truthful isn’t gratifying. That’s your REAL opening for gaining some insight into what about yourself you can begin to change so that you DO feel great when you tell the truth :)

  • http://www.cindysense.com Overcoming Lifes Obstacles

    I guess Exaggeration helps you build on your creativity. :-)

  • http://theonelastthing.com/2008/08/27/want-to-improve-your-life-tell-a-whopper-pickthebrain-motivation-and-self-improvement/ Want To Improve Your Life? Tell A Whopper! | PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement | theonelastthing.com

    [...] Want To Improve Your Life? Tell A Whopper! | PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement [...]

  • http://ourbestversion.com Ari Koinuma

    I agree with Janelle — I think you’re risking your personal integrity with exaggeration, if you use it in public. If you do it yourself to enhance your visualization or imagination, that’s perfectly fine.

    ari

  • http://www.slowdownfast.com/blog/exaggeration-get-way-out-over-those-skis/ Exaggeration: Get Way Out Over Those Skis! | Slow Down Fast Life Coaching and Lifestyle Design ~ David B. Bohl

    [...] my article Want To Improve Your Life? Tell A Whopper! at Pick The [...]

  • http://www.brianmaxwellpublishing.org Brian Maxwell

    I agree with you that exaggeration is the same as a lie. To Exaggerate or “stretch the truth” as it is commonly called is totally unnecessary. I feel that no matter the situation the truth should be the focal point, PERIOD. One lie or exaggeration leads to a bigger lie and exaggeration and before you know it the story or piece of information being delivered has been multiplied and is no where close to the actual truth. The story teller knows this and that’s where the stress and the feeling of “If anyone finds out the truth what will they think” come through and it can and will take it’s toll on your body and mind.

    Visit the Success Development Resource Center
    http://www.brianmaxwellpublishing.org

  • http://www.melissathinksoutloud.com Melissa

    Interesting article. Definitely makes one think. My thinking and my gut tell me that exaggeration has a place, but we need to be careful about when and how we use it. Calling oneself an entrepreneur when you have just opened up a second checking account and gotten an ebay screen name is an exaggeration, but it is clearly an positive affirmation towards your goal and dream. Conversely telling people you graduated from Harvard with honors when you barely made it though community college with a C+ is probably more in the lie category and not cool at all.

    Like they say, everything in moderation!!!!

  • http://rebelzen.com Seamus Anthony

    I like this idea! It makes me wanna say “Click on my name to visit Rebel Zen, the world’s most popular ever personal development blog !” ;-)

  • http://www.somedaysyndrome.com Alex Fayle

    @Seamus
    For a statement like that, you need to visit Dave Navarro’s guest post on IttyBiz: http://ittybiz.com/balls-on-marketing/

  • http://www.balancedexistence.com Stephen

    Nice article with some very interesting information. I’m currently engaged in actualising certain things in my life and I feel I can make use of the info in this article.

    As the commentor above me says, click my name to visit the web’s most read blog which will change your life forever. Heh.

    All the best!

    Stephen

  • http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com Stephen Hopson

    What an interesting way of looking at the difference between a lie and exaggeration!

    As a speaker, I have a poetic license to exaggerate for purposes of enlivening a story. It adds humor. It also adds a lot of visual cues in the minds of audience members.

    I find what Dr. Richard H. Gramzow said to be rather fascinating. Whether or not he intended to, he was tying his research notes into some of the Law of Attraction principles. What you focus on, you attract.

    The more you talk about something of epic proportions, the more you bring it into reality. LOA supports that notion.

    Quite interesting!

  • http://www.attractionmindmap.com Evelyn Lim

    I enjoyed this article very much. What a different way of viewing exaggeration! You are right…exaggerations may just be clues to someone’s hopes and dreams!

  • http://wikihow.com anna

    i really liked the article
    exaguratuons are the keys to know what someone’s future might be
    good article
    i enjoyed

  • http://www.coloryourlifehappy.com Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.

    David,

    I have to disagree with the findings on exaggeration, especially regarding grades. Students who exaggerate about their grades may be rehearsing realities they’d like to experience, but in 40 years of teaching I didn’t know many who were willing to do the work that would bring these realities about.

  • http://www.gtdagenda.com DanGTD

    Regarding grades, it might not work, because usually the school is not one of their dreams.

    But with other exaggerations, like “I will make 1 million” … you’ll be surprised.