Overcoming Addiction and Escapism

Written by Editor in Chief, Pick The Brain - 26 Comments
Categories: psychology

The screamA couple years ago I stopped believing in addiction. It’s not that I doubt the strength or existence of chemical and psychological dependencies — the bottom line is that everything is a choice. Addiction is somewhat like peer pressure–it hovers around, urging you to do something, but the decision to take action is yours. When people say that they can’t give up an addiction, it usually means that deep down they don’t want to or don’t believe that it’s possible.

The Good Parts of Bad Habits

The reason people stick with bad habits is that bad habits aren’t all bad. Even the worst ones provide short periods of intense pleasure. Others help people escape from the boredom of everyday life. Many bad habits remind us of happy times in the past, or relationships we’ve formed with friends and family over the years. Over time, we get used to enjoying these pleasant qualities.The majority of “bad habits” aren’t harmful until they cross a certain threshold. Alcohol, for instance, can be an excellent social lubricant when used in moderation, and I doubt the world would be a better place if chocolate cake and fatty foods didn’t exist. The point where most bad habits become destructive is when, instead of using them to enjoy life, we use them to escape from it.

The Cycle of Escapism

Everyone feels the desire to escape. No matter how good you have it, there are times when, instead of dealing with problems, you’d rather pretend they don’t exist. We turn to bad habits because they allow us to forget. They give us a pleasurable sensation that pushes problems out of mind. The downfall of this solution is that it’s only temporary. The feeling wears off and the problems remain, often made worse by our indulgence. Once again faced with our problems, the natural reaction is to escape again.This is the cycle of escapism. We feel pain each time we face reality, so we use a bad habit to escape, which only increases our pain, making us more desperate to escape. Each time around it takes more sensation to escape, increasing our dependency on a bad habit. When you get caught in the whirlpool of escapism, it can feel impossible to get out.

Developing Positive Beliefs

The only way to permanently break the cycle of escapism is to develop a positive perception of reality. If you associate reality with pain, you will constantly desire to escape. It’s essential to find happiness in reality that outweighs the suffering caused by its problems. Find the things in life give you true joy rather than temporary pleasure. These are the actions that will build up your belief in a positive reality.Changing your attitude towards reality is easier said than done. When you’re accustomed to the cycle of pain and escape, reality feels hopeless. The truth is that reality is neither bad or good, but an equal mix of the two. Your attitude is a reflection of the parts that you choose to focus on. By fixing your attention on sources of hope and joy, you can create positive beliefs and reduce the desire to escape.

Breaking Free of the Past

Perhaps the two most powerful factors influencing behavior are our actions in the past and the expectations of the people around us. This creates resistance to change. Our friends and family members can only judge us by our actions in the past, and frequently they have a stake in our bad habits as well. Maybe they share the habit and act as mutual enablers. Maybe they’re afraid of losing you–that you’ll start to consider yourself superior and decide to abandon them.Relationships can make dropping a bad habit more difficult because we need love and acceptance from the people around us. If you’re trying to break out an old pattern and the people around you aren’t, it’s likely that you’ll eventually give up and return to your old ways because of the need for love. The best way to permanently change habits is to surround yourself with people you’d like to emulate who will naturally pull you up to their level.That’s not to say you should ditch your old friends in search of new opportunities. The truth is that change involve difficult choices. You can’t remain bound by the past and change for the better at the same time. You certainly can’t force other people to change with you. Ultimately, you need to decide which is greater, the fear of loss and the unknown, or the fear of stagnation and perpetual mediocrity.

Creating the Future in the Present

Another mistake people make is waiting for the future. Do you have a picture of the “ideal life” you’d like to live? Is there an “ideal you” you want to become? Most people live based on the past, waiting for a revelation to make them who they want to be. It doesn’t work this way. Your actions in the present determine the future. The only way to create the future you want is to start living it right now.Once you start living according to the future you want to create, it’s easy to spot the behaviors that detract from it. When you realize that giving up bad habits is a necessary and inevitable part of creating the life you desire, addiction begins to lose it’s power over you. Temporary pleasure and escape doesn’t have them same appeal.The more progress you make towards your ideal future, the weaker the desire to escape from reality. Just like the cycle of escapism, the pattern is self-reinforcing. Over time, you are able to delight in habits that are congruent with your vision — that strengthen a positive reality instead of numbing pain. Eventually there is no need or desire to rely on addictions for relief and pleasure can be enjoyed for its own sake.Image: Pisco Bandito

  • http://drugaddiction.healthcareblog.net/overcoming-addiction-by-escaping-escapism/ Drug Addiction » Blog Archive » Overcoming Addiction by Escaping Escapism

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  • http://www.steve-olson.com Steve Olson

    John,

    I too do not believe in addiction.

    Escapism… Hmmm? I find myself doing that with the internet… I need to reply to this difficult email… but first… let see how traffic is… what’s new on Digg… Reddit… my favorite blogs. Ahh S#!% the email is still there… what’s on Lifehacker… Techcrunch…

    I liked this post. It’s something I needed to read today.

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

    Thanks Steve,

    You make a good point about using the internet to escape. GoogleReader steals an enormous amount of my time.

  • http://babblermouth.blogspot.com Aaron Simmons

    Excellent article! I think a lot of progress can be made in overcoming addictions once we stop kidding ourselves about their source.

    Addiction is not a disease, it is a symptom. Certainly there are physical and chemical activities in the brain that exacerbate the problem, but from addictions that I have witnessed, both my own and those of others that I have known, the true source is attitude and habits.

    Nicely done.

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

    Thanks, Aaron. Your point about addiction as a symptom rather than a cause is something to think about. It reminds me of the analogy Amrit used with adversity in this post.

  • matt

    great post John. The means by which I “escape” are through buying things and television/video games. I’ve started trying to cut down on the amount of television and video games and to spend more time reading instead.

  • http://bluesuedeschubert.blogspot.com/ Tim Goral

    Great article. It’s a philosophy I share–”faith in the future, outta the now,” as Lennon used to sing. Thanks.

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

    Yes, TV and video games are a popular way to escape. I’ve been trying to do that same and minimize my TV watching to only programs I’m really interested in.

  • matt

    Anyone with the TV problem: Tivo is one of the greatest inventions as it has allowed me to set aside certain times to watch my favorite shows and I no longer get stuck watching TV all night like I used to.

  • http://www.varsityblah.com/about Eugene (Varsity Blah)

    I think the biggest problem with addictions and escapism is that we’re afraid to stop for a second and actually FEEL what’s going on inside us. It’s an issue I was only able to fully explore after recently publishing a book and starting a blog.

    My suggestion would be to use the pain and other uncomfortable feelings as a way to let you know that something is wrong and needs to change. Don’t ignore them any longer! (http://varsityblah.com/why-climate-change-can-wait)

  • http://financialphilosopher.typepad.com/thefinancialphilosopher/ The Financial Philosopher

    “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

  • http://blog.nuancelabs.com Andy Ciordia

    Preach on.

    Finishing up Crucial Conversations this week and it has some parallels when talking about why we get emotional during conversations.

    The author explains that we’re telling ourselves a one-sided story that we are then reacting off of. Slowing down, asking yourself good questions, empathizing, finding what you want to achieve, communicating..leads to better dialog. It also leads to having clearer understanding of your motives which in turn are choices.

    Nice article.

    -a

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    [...] Much of the addiction we deal with, from drugs to sex to television, is about escaping reality. We associate reality with pain and difficulty, instead of positive experiences. Our natural inclination is to escape from pain. If we can change or perception, we can escape the desire to escape. [...]

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  • Jay

    Well written and very convincing! I have issues with addiction and the truth is that I do it to escape my painful memories. I have some very serious self-esteem issues and it makes my whole life a burden.
    I agree with everything you say; I hope I can gather enough strength to face my life…like I should.

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  • Dan

    Thank you! That was a great treatment of a very difficult topic. I have been trying to get out of this cycle for a long time. After trying self-help books and psychotherapy, I am finding that daily meditation is working to finally break down some very stubborn mental barriers. There are many approaches to this problem; keep trying new things until you make progress!

  • Anthony

    Reading is a form of escapism too. its just the older way, when people had to use thier imaginations :P

  • http://framingfrustrations.wordpress.com/2009/07/01/i-hate-fallout/ I HATE FALLOUT « Framing Frustrations

    [...] Everyone feels the desire to escape. No matter how good you have it, there are times when, instead of dealing with problems, you’d rather pretend they don’t exist. We turn to bad habits because they allow us to forget. They give us a pleasurable sensation that pushes problems out of mind. The downfall of this solution is that it’s only temporary. The feeling wears off and the problems remain, often made worse by our indulgence. Once again faced with our problems, the natural reaction is to escape again.This is the cycle of escapism. We feel pain each time we face reality, so we use a bad habit to escape, which only increases our pain, making us more desperate to escape. Each time around it takes more sensation to escape, increasing our dependency on a bad habit. When you get caught in the whirlpool of escapism, it can feel impossible to get out.” [http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/overcoming-addiction-by-escaping-escapism/] [...]

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  • http://www.futharklifehack.com Mathieu

    Escapism is a tricky subject because many times ambition for change and art is related to a certain kind of escapism. There are 2 kinds of escapism…one where the person’s life is not exciting and they escape to an exciting world. The other is where there is too much chaos in a person’s life and they escape to a calm world. Either way, the problem is not fixed. It is a temporary escape.

  • Will

    I can definitely find a lot of points in here that I agree with and can identify in myself. Mostly I identify with the escapism part. The only problem I face now is that I haven’t allowed myself to set up a concept of a well formed ideal self to be working towards.

  • Paulbitetto

    I’m always escaping, thoughts within my thoughts
    Nostalgia makes me happy and sad at the same time
    Escape is fed by nostalgia
    And I cannot wait to return to that reality
    It’s a drug to me

  • Paulbitetto

    At least that is what an artist once said :)