confidence doubt

Dust off Your Doubts and Awaken Your Confidence with 8 Questions

When I was 11 years old, my family and I went on a vacation and never returned home.

I left everything that I held dear and near to my heart behind in Iran. Our adventures first took us to Turkey for 3 years and then onwards to the US where we now live. I remember being excited about the prospect of a new life, yet it took me years to find my footing again. I had lost my sense of identity and along with it, all my self-confidence!

Culture shock can wipe out your confidence especially at a tender age, but you don’t need to move countries or have a dramatic life experience in order to suffer from this gaping hole between your present self and your highest self.

Confidence does not discriminate; it can leave any one of us bereft of its energy at any time. You can feel this way growing up in a perfectly good home and with a wonderful family. You can also feel this way without being bullied or mocked in school. You can feel it even when your life looks perfect from the outside.

In the first few years of life in America, I had a dearth of confidence and an abundance of doubt but it turns out I was not alone. I saw many in high school and college battling with the same thing in different disguises. Later, in the corporate world, I saw even more people going through the motions of life without confidence in themselves or their abilities.

Have you battled the demons that make you feel less worthy or deserving of who you are? Do you doubt what you can offer the world and what unique and special gifts you have to share?

My low confidence baffled me. After all, I was a well-educated, happy and accomplished woman; I had more in my life now than my 11-year old mind could ever begin to fathom. Why was I feeling such inner turmoil around confidence?

Well, the matters of the heart make little sense at times but they always teach us a lesson. I wish someone had taken me aside in my youth and whispered the wisdom of experience into my ears, but life forced me to learn on my own! I wish I had the overnight cure for
those of us who battle doubts and fears but instead, I found a slower and gentler approach that helps dissolve those insecurities and moves us closer to our highest and most confident self.

It is the simple approach of asking these 8 powerful questions and the promise to answer with the truth every time doubt sets in. These questions are going to help you tap into your true self. They will bring your beliefs to light and help you sift through all shades of grey as you search for the right colors in each situation.

Ask them loudly and in private – this is a conversation with you and you alone. No one else is invited!

Ask them when you are looking in the mirror. Ask them slowly and deliberately. Then pause and begin to answer and remember, be honest with yourself, search within yourself for the answer, and tell the truth every time.

1. Is it true that I am not worthy of love and happiness?

2. Is it true that I am not beautiful, handsome, and special?

3. Is it true that my life has no meaning?

4. Is it true that I don’t make a difference in my world – my family,
my community, my work?

5. Is it true that others do not value and appreciate me?

6. Is it true that I don’t offer anything unique to the world?

7. Is it true that my past defines my identity and my future?

8. Is it true that fears and doubts control my life and my destiny?

Repeat this process until you begin to believe the real answer, and until you shed the false beliefs that led you astray.

I found the process of asking the right questions to be the most comforting and effective way to dust off my doubts and wake up my confidence. It can do the same for you.

The source of all confidence comes from inside you.

You don’t need to go out in the world to “find” or “gain” confidence; you have it in abundance already. You were born with it and nobody can take it from you. The reason you don’t feel that way is because over the years, you have covered this purity with layers upon layers of doubt, fear, lies and guilt. You need to remove the layers first
before you can let that inner confidence breathe again.

When you tell the truth in your answers, you will feel a surge of energy and excitement – that is a beautiful sign. You are letting your true self come to light. You are nurturing and celebrating who you are in the process. The questions restore the nurturing, so keep asking and start believing!

You are a magnificent human being, and you are worthy of all that you dream and desire. Let your confidence show you this truth!

Farnoosh Brock left a 12-year career at a Fortune 100 Technology to start her own company, Prolific Living Inc. Her free 21-step confidence-building series and motivation book empower you tap into your inner confidence and be your highest self. She is also crazy about yoga, world travel and a little bit of photography and a lot of green juicing!

Photo credit: ‘Eyes‘ by Big Stock

  • http://hackmymodernlifestyle.com/ Hack My Modern Lifestyle

    Thanks for the inspiring post Farnoosh Brock. Asking the right question to yourself is very important for your self esteem and personal development. Often people lost their ownself because of asking lousy question.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Yes, the right question makes the difference, it puts things into perspective and hopefully gets us out of the doubting mode! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  • http://hackmymodernlifestyle.com/ Hack My Modern Lifestyle

    Thanks for the inspiring post Farnoosh Brock. Asking the right question to yourself is very important for your self esteem and personal development. Often people lost their ownself because of asking lousy question.

  • http://pristineperception.com/ Suzanne

    I know people who move all over for something ‘new’. What they don’t understand yet is they are running away. They can go wherever they want but they still take themselves along. As you say everything we need is within us, and we will get to that place we wish to be by asking ourselves the right questions.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Suzanne, I know and I was totally one of those people – I think we just don’t know better sometimes, and we haven’t been taught to look within ourselves for answers. It can be an important lesson to learn at home or in our upbringing. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, especially the part about that we don’t need anything “new”! :)

  • Yellowbrownie

    Great Great reading, thanks for sharing it!

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Glad you enjoyed it! :)

      • Yellowbrownie

         Also youre gorgeous!

  • Ally

    This is awesome. Printing the 8 questions out to read every day.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Ally, that’s wonderful to hear! If you can think of more questions, go for it. Those are just the 8 that I use. Thanks for your comment.

  • http://www.kindredroad.com/ Mike Cook

    Farnoosh,

    Love the post and questions. Good on ya!

    A slight suggestion, though. You’ve setup your questions in a sort of double-negative fashion, where you end up answering “no” a lot. Why not take a more positive tone? While technically the same, I’ve found that how we say things to ourselves can greatly impact our subconscious mind. Maybe even try some affirmation/question combinations:

    I AM worth of love and happiness. Am I ready to let myself realize this truth? YES.
    I AM beautiful, handsome, and special. Will I let myself realize this truth? YES.

    Or something like that. You get my picture.

    Cheers on your great article and all the wonderful things you do over at Prolific Living. Your podcast especially rocks!

    Cheers,

    Mike

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Hi dear Mike, thanks so much for your comment and more for your suggestion. I can’t agree more but let me tell you why I set it up this way. When I was working on my Confidence Building program, I surveyed my readers and most of them came back telling me how much they struggled with these voices in their head – the negative phrases that you saw above – and I wanted to attack those very thoughts in the exact that they come to us …… to have a more direct conversation with the self, if that makes sense… that’s where I was coming from. Your suggestions would work brilliantly. :)) Thank you so much for the kind words. All the best to you.

      • http://www.kindredroad.com/ Mike Cook

        Ah, sure sure. I should have known you’d had a reason for phrasing things as you did!

        You might just be the most detailed blogger I know. You have a knack for consistently thinking of nearly everything (in my experience)!

        Mike

      • http://www.kindredroad.com/ Mike Cook

        Ah, sure sure. I should have known you’d had a reason for phrasing things as you did!

        You might just be the most detailed blogger I know. You have a knack for consistently thinking of nearly everything (in my experience)!

        Mike

      • http://www.kindredroad.com/ Mike Cook

        Ah, sure sure. I should have known you’d had a reason for phrasing things as you did!

        You might just be the most detailed blogger I know. You have a knack for consistently thinking of nearly everything (in my experience)!

        Mike

        • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

           Too much praise, way too much, I can’t take it :)! Just teasing, you are too kind, Mike. Thank you!!!

        • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

           Too much praise, way too much, I can’t take it :)! Just teasing, you are too kind, Mike. Thank you!!!

        • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

           Too much praise, way too much, I can’t take it :)! Just teasing, you are too kind, Mike. Thank you!!!

      • http://www.communicationskillsactivities.net/ Steve from Better Speaking

        I really like how you listened to the specific voices that put people down in their head and tailored the questions to address them! That is a great guide for people in figuring out what the right list of questions is for them. Sorry I hadn’t read this reply before my first post, but this is wonderful.

        • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

           All good, Steve, and I am so glad you enjoyed the post. :)

  • GEOFFREY gadewind@yahoo.com.au

    Thanks, a great read. These are the questions that I need to ask myself.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Geoffrey, one question at a time. You are most welcome! :)

  • GEOFFREY gadewind@yahoo.com.au

    Thanks, a great read. These are the questions that I need to ask myself.

  • totemtoetoe

    yeah, really got to me:)

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

      Hope it did so in a good way.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

      Hope it did so in a good way.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

      Hope it did so in a good way.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

      Hope it did so in a good way.

  • http://www.motivation.net.au/quotes/motivational-quotes Inspirational Quotes

    That was a great
    pleasure to read various posts here, as well as a fantastic opportunity to get
    a new knowledge. There is no doubt, your blog is the most exciting and
    breath-taking one I have visited for the past weeks.
     

    • Techtrades

      Wow…. I was just about to give up on it all! 

      • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

         Umm. Give up on what? :)

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       thank you!

  • Lol

    Fuck Off

  • Lol

    Fuck Off

  • Anwht

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    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Thank you – glad you enjoyed the post.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Thank you – glad you enjoyed the post.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Thank you – glad you enjoyed the post.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Thank you – glad you enjoyed the post.

  • Melissa_J

    This made me feel worse, not better. Pain and tears is what came out-not a zest for life but the contrary of the mess I am stuck in. I am in a catch 22 situation and I don’t know the way out. Any questions I can ask myself about that? I doubt it.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

       Melissa, I am sorry to hear that – you know, I subscribe to the theory that sometimes we have to go through the pain to come out on the other side ….. There are lots of questions you can ask yourself – don’t give up without even starting :)! Ask yourself the same questions above and see if you are happy with the answers. Ask what it takes to move past the way you are feeling now. Hope this helps?

  • http://www.communicationskillsactivities.net/ Steve from Better Speaking

    Hi Farnoosh.

    I think when we don’t have a strong sense of our identity, confidence is hard to find no matter what else we have.

    I agree that having a process of asking certain questions can help regain confidence. It is likely though that it is not the same list of questions for everyone. A great exericse would be to think about what the questions are for you that would do the trick when you lose sight of yourself to reground you.

    • http://www.prolificliving.com/blog Farnoosh

      Hi dear Steve, I just saw both your comments.

      You are absolutely right – some people get more out of asking a different set of questions. Well-put. Thanks for adding your insights.

  • http://www.communicationskillsactivities.net/ Steve from Better Speaking

    Hi Farnoosh.

    I think when we don’t have a strong sense of our identity, confidence is hard to find no matter what else we have.

    I agree that having a process of asking certain questions can help regain confidence. It is likely though that it is not the same list of questions for everyone. A great exericse would be to think about what the questions are for you that would do the trick when you lose sight of yourself to reground you.

  • Sam Irani

    I think you misused the word confidence. It seems what you were aiming for was self-esteem. Self-confidence is about trusting yourself in a situation. One might have great self-confidence in one area, but not much in another. Self-esteem on the other hand, is about respecting and valuing the self. It is the idea that I am no inferior (or superior) to others in my merits even when I suck at doing this or that.For instance, you may not have self-confidence in driving (because you know you are not good driver), but still respecting yourself and valuing yourself as a person (not belittling yourself) despite your poor skills at driving. In other words, self-esteem is about unconditional love of the self. 

  • Jonathan

    WOW! This is truly an eye-opener. I was looking for something similar for a long long long time, and there you go, Farnoos, you put it in a simple, yet divine kind of article. Thank you so much!

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