When I was 11 years old, my family and I went on a vacation and never returned home.
I left everything that I held dear and near to my heart behind in Iran. Our adventures first took us to Turkey for 3 years and then onwards to the US where we now live. I remember being excited about the prospect of a new life, yet it took me years to find my footing again. I had lost my sense of identity and along with it, all my self-confidence!
Culture shock can wipe out your confidence especially at a tender age, but you don’t need to move countries or have a dramatic life experience in order to suffer from this gaping hole between your present self and your highest self.
Confidence does not discriminate; it can leave any one of us bereft of its energy at any time. You can feel this way growing up in a perfectly good home and with a wonderful family. You can also feel this way without being bullied or mocked in school. You can feel it even when your life looks perfect from the outside.
In the first few years of life in America, I had a dearth of confidence and an abundance of doubt but it turns out I was not alone. I saw many in high school and college battling with the same thing in different disguises. Later, in the corporate world, I saw even more people going through the motions of life without confidence in themselves or their abilities.
Have you battled the demons that make you feel less worthy or deserving of who you are? Do you doubt what you can offer the world and what unique and special gifts you have to share?
My low confidence baffled me. After all, I was a well-educated, happy and accomplished woman; I had more in my life now than my 11-year old mind could ever begin to fathom. Why was I feeling such inner turmoil around confidence?
Well, the matters of the heart make little sense at times but they always teach us a lesson. I wish someone had taken me aside in my youth and whispered the wisdom of experience into my ears, but life forced me to learn on my own! I wish I had the overnight cure for
those of us who battle doubts and fears but instead, I found a slower and gentler approach that helps dissolve those insecurities and moves us closer to our highest and most confident self.
It is the simple approach of asking these 8 powerful questions and the promise to answer with the truth every time doubt sets in. These questions are going to help you tap into your true self. They will bring your beliefs to light and help you sift through all shades of grey as you search for the right colors in each situation.
Ask them loudly and in private – this is a conversation with you and you alone. No one else is invited!
Ask them when you are looking in the mirror. Ask them slowly and deliberately. Then pause and begin to answer and remember, be honest with yourself, search within yourself for the answer, and tell the truth every time.
1. Is it true that I am not worthy of love and happiness?
2. Is it true that I am not beautiful, handsome, and special?
3. Is it true that my life has no meaning?
4. Is it true that I don’t make a difference in my world – my family,
my community, my work?
5. Is it true that others do not value and appreciate me?
6. Is it true that I don’t offer anything unique to the world?
7. Is it true that my past defines my identity and my future?
8. Is it true that fears and doubts control my life and my destiny?
Repeat this process until you begin to believe the real answer, and until you shed the false beliefs that led you astray.
I found the process of asking the right questions to be the most comforting and effective way to dust off my doubts and wake up my confidence. It can do the same for you.
The source of all confidence comes from inside you.
You don’t need to go out in the world to “find” or “gain” confidence; you have it in abundance already. You were born with it and nobody can take it from you. The reason you don’t feel that way is because over the years, you have covered this purity with layers upon layers of doubt, fear, lies and guilt. You need to remove the layers first
before you can let that inner confidence breathe again.
When you tell the truth in your answers, you will feel a surge of energy and excitement – that is a beautiful sign. You are letting your true self come to light. You are nurturing and celebrating who you are in the process. The questions restore the nurturing, so keep asking and start believing!
You are a magnificent human being, and you are worthy of all that you dream and desire. Let your confidence show you this truth!
Farnoosh Brock left a 12-year career at a Fortune 100 Technology to start her own company, Prolific Living Inc. Her free 21-step confidence-building series and motivation book empower you tap into your inner confidence and be your highest self. She is also crazy about yoga, world travel and a little bit of photography and a lot of green juicing!
Photo credit: ‘Eyes‘ by Big Stock