how to win a debate

5 Ways To Win An Argument

Posted on January 27, 2011 by Frank Jennings | CATEGORIES: communication, self improvement

Screw you! You Fu*k**g idiot.

Did you forget to pay your brain bill?

I don’t know why I waste my time with your stupid a**.

With the destructive force of an enraged carnivorous animal that has tasted blood we use our tongues as uncontrollable weapons of mass destruction. Although the original intent is to passionately prove a point sometimes disagreements transform into a clash of raw emotion that is just as spontaneous as it is combustible.

An argument is supposed to be a junction of ideas where different perspectives merge together cohesively to form a bond between two opposing viewpoints. Now they are an un-officiated cage match of mixed martial arts fighters inflicting demoralizing blow after blow in attempts to not only humiliate but also destroy anyone who dares to view things in a differently.

Just because we have different points of view does not mean we are mortal enemies. When did communication become so brutal?

Well today my intention is to give you some non-violent and less explosive alternatives to getting your point across without permanently damaging a relationship. Here are some tips on how to win an argument.

1. The Truth Hurts-Base it on the Facts

The worst thing you can do during an argument is base your conversation on what you feel. Even though displaying emotion is important it is not the best used technique to win an argument. When a lawyer presents a case before a judge they want to have as much factual evidence as possible. This gives them the greatest odds of winning the trail. Would you trust a lawyer who doesn’t have any facts?

2. Name Your Source-Challenge Information

A gentleman, whom I will not name for fear of retaliation, had the nerve to tell me that Rodney Stucky was the best point guard in the NBA. He then went on and on about why he felt that way wasting all of my precious time. Obviously I didn’t agree. To save you some time here a tip. If the person you are communicating with seems to be stating a lot of their personal feelings ask them for facts, proof, or statistics.

The best way to do this and not make the situation more uncomfortable is to ask open ended questions like, Why do you feel….? After reviewing the important statistics we were quickly about to move on to something more important like lunch.

3. Control Your Boiling Point-Self Control

Maintaining your focus and self control will swing the odds in your favor when in a heated debate. Try not to lose your temper. The purpose of an argument is to prove a point with tact and finesse. If you lose control an argument can quickly transform into a deadly war of words that might become a physical altercation.

Have you ever seen two people who were really upset try to talk to one another? It is a waste of time. The people spend more time screaming over the other person while they are talking that no actual communication is happening.

4. How Old Are You?-Ignore Statements without Merit

In an argument people will get angry. They might even raise their voice. The thing I want you to consider is the reason why people yell in arguments. They want you to hear them. So do you best to give your undivided attention. Even then some people are just immature and will say things to intentionally get under your skin. You do not have to respond to everything another person says.

If they call you a raging idiot ignore them and terminate the conversation. Last time I checked name calling was done mostly by kids.

5. Paint a Picture-Use Vivid Examples

I believe the best way to prove your point peacefully is to use factual information that you can describe so vividly that the recipient can visualize it.

“Down by two with 10 seconds left on the clock, Dwayne Wade received the inbound pass at the top of the key after fighting through two defenders. He jabbed stepped to the left, did a two dribble drive, and jumped stopped outside of the three point line to take a shot. As the ball left his hands the entire crowd drew silent until.. That is why I think Dwayne Wade is one of the best player in the clutch.”

This statement is a lot more power than just saying that Wade is one of the best closers in the NBA.

Don’t get me wrong even when using these tips you will still lose some arguments but now you have some tools that will swing the odds in your favor.

Now it is your turn to share your tips with me. What would you do to win an argument?

Frank Jennings is the founder of A Spark Starts where he writes stories of inspiration to help you reach your greatest potential. All it takes is one spark to start a fire that will change you life.

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  • http://www.bjarteedvardsen.com Bjarte Edvardsen

    For me, winning arguments seem to become less and less important, although it does feel good to win sometimes; learning and stimulating the mind is far more important than winning when it comes to discussions in general. The winning should be accomplished by doing something rather than saying something (in my illusional perfect world).

  • http://www.balancedworklife.com/blog Bryce Christiansen

    I’m always of the mind that no one wins an argument. If you let it get to that point it’s tough to call it a win.

    Some times this is unavoidable. Take some time to cool off, make your points based on facts and give each other your attention and time to speak.

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  • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

    @Bjarte,

    Thanks so much for the comment I greatly appreciate it. In my line of work unfortunately arguments are unavoidable. In the perfect world no one would disagree but in life there will be people who may have a different opinion or see things from a different perspective. I wish I didn’t have to argue but sometimes when people communicate they don’t see eye to eye.

    Take some of the most current debates of our time like abortion, homosexual marriages, and even all the different religions and clearly there will be differences of opinion. The goal of this post was to give some tips and ideas on how to present your point of view without transforming it into a shouting match.

    So to me winning an argument is peacefully sharing your point of view without being demeaning or condescending. It is a way to prove you case with tact, humility and purpose.

    Once again thanks you for your comment.

  • http://www.asparkstarts.com Frank

    @Bryce

    Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts. I am grateful for your comment.

    First let me apologize because maybe I chose the wrong title for this post. Maybe it should be 5 Ways How to Win an Argument Peacefully. The goal of this post was to help people learn to communicate their point of view with a party that disagrees with them, not a how to for winning a shouting match. My opening was to display what arguments transform into instead of what they are intended for.

    In my eyes and argument is a natural occurrence that will happen as we interact with people from all walks of life. It is unavoidable but I don’t believe we have to lose our temper, scream, or use profanity as a means of displaying our passion. I agree with you Bryce if we get in a difficult situation the best thing you can do is base your position on facts and make sure you are actively listening to determine where you are in disagreement.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  • Chris

    THAT GUY THAT THINKS RODNEY STUCKEY IS THE BIGGEST LOSER ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET!!!! lol…im just kidding…but i find it interesting that he thinks that…good tips by the way!!!

  • http://mazzastick.com Mazzastick

    I seldom find any value in arguing with another person. If I must confront someone I just stick to the facts as you said. Some people are conditioned to yell and scream when arguing, others avoid confrontation at all costs.

  • http://www.newagethinker.com David

    The point of an argument is to prove a certain point. The problem is once in a argument, people (no matter how hard they try) will become emotionally attached. Therefore, their level of logic goes down. So even with facts that support your claim it will be hard for the other side to just admit they are wrong (directly or indirectly). I think its hard to win an argument one on one, unless you have a 3rd person that’s unbiased judge who the winner is.

    But I have to say it is entertaining for me, at least when the argument is some what intellectual. Unfortunately with the people I argue with, they rarely ever are!

  • Khat

    An argument is two opposing viewpoints with each person believing their viewpoint is “right.” In reality, both viewpoints are valid and if you can look at it with that perspective, then you have a win/win situation and include both viewpoints which in turn, opens the door for communication and not such an infantile game of name calling and yelling like a two year old having a temper tantrum. Remember, you are people first, and what is more important, the issue or the relationship?

    I enjoyed reading your post.

  • M. Cole Jr.

    Frank, you’ve done it again! Great job on this one!
    I’ve been in my tanks share of arguments in my 20 years and for most of it, I yelled and expressed my feelings; I was very biased and rarely used facts. Sometime in High School, I learned that wasn’t getting me anywhere and that I was losing the arguments.
    Now, when I argue, I’m usually laughing at who I’m arguing/discussing/or debating with because they do what I use to do and I’m stating facts and remaining cool, calm and collective! I must admit that sometimes, I push buttons (purposely) in arguments, just to test the person (my button pushing is always on subject though, lol).
    Anyway, everything that you said… You’re on it brother!

  • Anthony

    I try to avoid arguments. Sometimes that means bending to another person’s point of view. (Not saying it should be done. You should stick up for yourself. It’s just what I do.) Every once in a while, if I find myself in an argument, I sometimes try to mediate a little bit and see it from the other person’s point of view. If they make valid points then I back down. If not then I try to get my point across. When having an argument about something with more gray areas than normal I tend to back down and let the person have his own opinions. It doesn’t mean that I have to change my own for this person.

  • Tomjay

    when both people are deep in to the argument, subtly start arguing against yourself. at this point, the other person will just want to prove you wrong and start arguing for you/Or simply state a fact with no relevance to the argument and throw them off course/ continuously speak in an obscenely calm voice

  • Jacobscout

    FACTS: (in an angry argument between two close friends)

    1. An argument is not equal to a discussion.  An argument is a discussion elevated by passion to the point of anger.

    2.  An argument requires the participation of two people.
    a. Neither is solely responsible but either may prevent the argument.

    3.  An argument can only develop when one party asserts the importance of his own opinion over that of peace in his relationship with the other party.
    a. He devalues his relationship by giving greater value to his opinion.
    b. Having seen the relationship devalued by one party, the other party more easily follows suit.

    4. Choosing to argue may make place for profanity and abuse which devalues the respect each party has for himself and the other.

    PREVENTION:

    1. The party that wishes to prevent an argument makes a decision in favor of the relationship that requires that he:
    a. Avoid introducing a controversial subject.
    b. Avoid responding to a controversial subject with argument.

    2.  These avoidances will require humility, prayer, wisdom and an intentional desire to maintain a happy and peaceful relationship.

    3.  Two persons will always have subjects about which they disagree either in totality or with varying degrees of intensity.

    4. The peacemaker must have an understanding that the other party is entitled to have a different opinion and that it is not a threat to his own well-being.

    5.  If, indeed (and this is not often the case) the subject of disagreement is a true immediate threat to the well-being of the other party, then:
    a. Creative means must be pursued to demonstrate the fact while also demonstrating a high value for the relationship… or,
    b. In an emergency, decisive action must be taken to avert the threat in spite of resistance.

  • Jacobscout

    The posting above was not meant to be a refutation of Frank’s excellent article which covers logical rules to making a persuasive point (true argument), but rather just some observations I have made about how to prevent an angry fight with someone you love.  Hope it is helpful!

  • Rima Christie

    Too many people seem to have the inability to stretch themselves and see the other side of the argument or discussion, they just are blocked by there own prejudices and short comings. Even when I agree with some of their points they still will not even consider looking at things from a different perspective. One of my college professors used a wonderful model…. if ten people sit around a circle and an elephant is in the middle … when asked.. each person describes their perspective on what the elephant looks like… there testimonial beccomes “THE TRUTH” but they are so short sided as not to consider that there is more than they might see.. it’s very frustrating!

  • Kayladoerr

    For me winning arguements i say stuff that will make them delete you off facebook or block you so they can fuck off. 

  • Hahaha

    errrrrr……..

  • Char

    I use passive aggression,  if this doesn’t work I use its unfortunate you feel that way…

  • Pastor Lee

    For myself, though I don’t always follow this – the best way to “win” an argument, is not to argue back.  It’s hard for someone to have an argument with you, if you don’t argue back.  I figure, if I don’t argue back – regardless of what the other person says, I “win” — in fact, we both “win”.  Arguments are a lose-lose situation, but refusing to argue back turns that into a win-win situation, and prevents the inevitable hurt.

    Pastor Lee

    • sharon

      how do i not try to argue back when it involves my mother putting in a whole bunch of lies to court over my daughter, i see you are a pastor, what is a christian way to prove yourself in court, how do i stay strong, i pray and it seems that i am still in the same boat as i was in 6 months ago PLEASE EMAIL ME selabnorahs@yahoo.com

  • GhshagH

    Guess what? Because of your floating ad bar, I wont be buying author’s book, or reading any more of his material. Grats!

  • Alexgarcia2013

    Women always win. Always :/