how to be drama free

5 Ways to Live a Drama Free Life

Drama sucks.

Not “dramas” as in movies, TV shows, plays, etc that are serious in tone, but rather “drama” as in the petty ridiculous conflicts that get blown way out of proportion for no reason at all.

Urban Dictionary has my favorite definition of this kind of drama: “making a big deal over something unnecessarily.”

We’d like to believe that petty social drama ends the day we leave high school, but sadly, this is not the case. No matter how old they are, people can still find ways of adding unnecessary conflict to their relationships, be they at work, at home, or with friends.

This is truly a shame, because drama increases stress, ruins relationships, and eats away at that one precious commodity none of us can afford to waste: time.

If you want to stress less, have better relationships, and make the most of the limited time you have on earth, I would highly suggest you eliminate as much of the drama from your life as you can.  Here are 5 things you can do to live “drama free”:

 

Make No Assumptions

Assumptions are where drama starts. Somebody does something that bothers you, and then you run off and start making assumptions about why they did it.

What you observe someone doing is fact. If that bother you, then you need to deal with it. The moment you start making assumptions about their reasons, motives, or inner dialog is the moment you move out of the realm of rational thought and into the world of unnecessary stress.

You have no way of truly knowing what a person is thinking or why they do the things they do. Catch yourself when you start making those assumptions; if you want to live drama free, let those assumptions go and simply resolve to deal with the observable behavior.

Don’t Believe the Grapevine

Problems tend to increase exponentially with each additional person who is added to the communication chain. If I hear you say something, I can be pretty sure of what I heard. If Sandy tells me that John told Jane that Steve heard Sheila say something, chances are that the story you are hearing bears little resemblance to the actual truth.

Each additional person alters the story to some degree. They may remember things differently. They may add in emotion of verbiage that wasn’t there before. They may just be flat out wrong.

If you hear something through the grapevine, it might be worth investigating. But if you work yourself up into a lather based on third, fourth, and fifth party communication, then you are just feeding the drama monster.

Don’t get sucked into this. Skip the grapevine and go straight for the horse’s mouth. It will save time and cut the drama factor way down…

Be Direct

Drama is simply a byproduct of people’s inability to communicate like logical, rational adults. This is why it is so prevalent in highs school. This is also why it should be 100% unacceptable in the adult world.

If you have a problem with someone, talk to them about it. If you believe that someone has a problem with you, talk to them about it. Direct conversations nip drama in the bud. This is not to say that direct conversations make all problems go away, but they will help you cut through the nonsense and deal with the real issue.

Relationship challenges begin and are compounded by passive aggressive behavior and indirect communication. If you want to cut out the drama, be willing to have those “crucial conversations.”

Be the Bigger Person

Fighting fire with fire is good if you are trying to control a raging wilderness inferno. It’s not so good if you are trying to eliminate needless petty conflicts from your life.

When you find yourself the victim of some small offense, your first instinct may be to respond in kind. While this may feel good for a moment, it usually just escalates the situation and makes everything worse. If you truly want to live drama free, then you need to be willing to be the bigger person and let things go.

You don’t need to get in the last word, you don’t need to “one up” the other person, and you certainly don’t need to make them pay for wronging you. Just let it go, and watch the drama flow away.

Avoid Drama Queens

After you have made sure that you are not creating the drama yourself, the best way to keep your life drama free is to eliminate the drama queens (or kings!) from your life.

This is easy when you meet new people or are dealing with someone you aren’t very close to. Once you realize they are “drama prone,” minimize (or if you can, eliminate) the interactions you have with them.

With people you are close to, have a long history with, or are related to, or who are genuinely good people who’s one major flaw is their tendency to make a big deal over nothing, you don’t have to cut them out of your life altogether. Just acknowledge that quality about them and, when they start acting up, don’t get sucked into their “drama vortex.”

We are functions of our environment. To live drama free, get as many drama creators out of your life as possible.

You may never be able to eliminate all the drama from your life, but with just a little bit of focus and discipline you can certainly minimize how much you have in your life. It’s well worth doing – the less drama you have in your life, the room you have for fun, joy and great relationships!

***
Avish Parashar is the Motivational Smart Ass. As a speaker and on his blog, Avish makes people laugh while sharing with them simple ideas to make their lives easier and more successful. To read more of his ridiculous rantings on self improvement, watch videos of him in action, and download the free “How to Think Quick” MP3, visit his Motivational Humor Blog at http://www.MotivationalSmartAss.com

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  • http://www.transformationalmotivation.com/ M. A. Tohami

    I totally agree that making assumptions can increase the drama in our lives to very high levels. If our assumptions are not based on solid facts, then they usually are useless and just add more stress to our lives.

    “Most of our assumptions have outlived their uselessness.”
    - Marshall McLuhan

  • http://stuartwooster.com Stuart Wooster

    So true, I see this attitude time and time again.

    Good post :)

    I have got to a point in life where I don’t want or need the hassle of people acting in a negative manner around me. At the very least it will limit the success in life that people achieve who interact this way.

    I have already taken steps back from drama Queens/Kings and suddenly found my life has less ‘problems’/stress than it did before. I currently live in the city, so my next step is to move to the countryside to further enhance my environment.

    Stu :)

  • http://personaldevelopmentmovement.blogspot.com/ Mark

    Great article.

    I really like the part about talking to people to nip it in the bud. I have always found that when you do this that it may not always sort the problem straight away (it usually does) but even if it doesn’t its out in the open and you both now know where you stand with each other and have a better idea of where to go from there. Uncertaintly ruins friendships. Uncertainty is the root of fear thats why.

  • http://hanofharmony.com The Vizier

    Hi Avish,

    Nice article! We could all use with less drama in our lives.

    I would like to add that having expectations might also contribute to drama. When you expect someone to do something, their failure to meet your expectations would only serve to set you off. Thus it would be helpful if you could approach each situation without expectations and see it as it really is. In this manner, the drama is also reduced.

  • http://www.2achieveyourgoals.com Dia

    Hi Avish,

    Nice post! Many people tend to create drama from small things. Making assumptions increases the drama in our life. We shouldn’t make assumptions and always focus on the good qualities, not the small and trivial issues. Thanks for sharing

  • http://www.nsscoaching.com/blog Niko

    Haha I was kind of creeped when I read this post at first. I had to a double-take to make sure this wasn’t something from my own mind as it sounds like something I’d say.

    You’re spot on with the advice. Not making assumptions is SO huge. It’s a simple concept but so hard for a lot of people to actually implement it. When I actively started dropping assumptions, it completely changed my world.

    Have you read Don Miguel Ruiz?

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  • http://masteryourselfimprovement.com Shaf

    Hi Avish!

    I really enjoyed this piece. Drama is something very real and can become a big soul-sucking,energy draining problem. What I find most funny is that nearly all of the drama that I encounter–is from the people closest to me. That’s right…my family! I’m reaching a point where I limit the amount of communication–constantly entertaining the idea of cutting certain people out of my life forever!

  • http://enlightr.com Craig Thomas

    Nice post, I love this line “Drama is simply a byproduct of people’s inability to communicate like logical, rational adults.” I’ve never thought about it that way before, but now that I do, I can see that’s right. :)

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  • Handyman1320

    The best most sensible advice in the world…the drama vortex! Great analogy!

    • Yolee182

      Agree

  • Aliciadrinkard

    Very insightful. I find myself surrounded by attention-seekers and drama queens/kings. What gets me how contagious the drama queens/kings can be. I have caught myself taking on occasional characteristics and that concerns me.

  • Rockinthekitchen

    It’s really all about The Four Agreements… they help in every situation…

  • Prettyeyes79

    It’s hard for me because I love all the drama-queen reality Housewives shows, and I start creating drama like they do. I must stop watching these shows.

  • A. J.

    This is so true. Drama (and dramatic people) aren’t worth your time. I hate it when “Drama Lovers” try to pull me into THEIR problems. I will definitely take all of this information into thought. Thank you. ❤

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  • http://twitter.com/Diaryofananny1 Diary of a Nanny

    I shared your article on my blog! http://diaryofaprofessionalnanny.com/2012/11/06/drama/ 

    thanks for writting this i totally agree!! 

  • http://twitter.com/CircleSquared4 Circle Squared

    One is best advised to leave the dramas of our lives as we find them, and do our best to find ways to work within them.  http://circlesquaredblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/15/the-human-comedy/

  • Rita Bernadette

    great Post

  • Robbie

    This is all very well but if you have to live with someone with a personalty disorder the drama is persistent and unavoidable.It makes life desperate.I know Im living it.

  • Anamazingfriend82

    My life is FILLED with drama, maybe I shouldn’t have started dating at such a young age, I’m now 12 turning 13 in a while, me and this guy just broke up and he told me he used me for my friend, ever since he has been calling me a prostitute and such, I told the principle and that didn’t work, I have resulted in using my brother since my parents wont do anything… I can be what people call a Bitch at times when someone makes me mad, I am also a Drama Queen when someone talks about my family, my Uncle got blamed and arrested and so my ex said I’m going to end up like my Uncle and that he’s rather fuck a tree root because I told him to go fuck himself, once he told me that thing about the tree root his girlfriend was already mentioned so I verbally replied with a I’d rather fuck a tree root than yo’ girlfriends messed up pussy! How can I solve this drama? Also his friend did this similar thing but with better comebacks…

  • ChuckNoland

    Excellent article. I’m the antithesis of the drama person but have a white knight issue for women who drama central.