Marriage

5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage: Secrets every bride and groom should know

‘The Marriage of Figaro’ courtesy of TheIntelligencer

Despairingly, he looked at her, shook his head, and asked, “Whatever happened to us? We don’t laugh any more; we used to always be laughing!”

With contemptuous expression and voice, she retorted, “Yes, but not at the same time.”

This one line from a classic moment of the British sitcom Fawlty Towers illuminated Basil and Sybil Fawlty’s entire relationship.

Is a happy, long-lasting marriage really still possible? Well, I suppose we’ll find out in fifty years. Of course, if you’re being abused and bullied, your spouse has defaulted on ‘the deal’ (remember ‘to love and to cherish’?); no one should stay in an abusive marriage. But our ‘throw away society’ sometimes causes perfectly good relationships to be too quickly discarded because they don’t seem ideal.

How ironic that the recent obsession with ‘personal fulfilment’ – the importance of oneself at the expense of others – has resulted in more people feeling unfulfilled, sad, and lonely. Marriages crash and burn, spouses are upgraded to newer, ‘better’ ones. Have commitment, duty, and responsibility been abandoned at the expense of happiness?

Happy marriages for greater health

 

To some, marriage may seem old-fashioned, but research repeatedly shows that people who stay married to one partner are the happiest (1) and that married people are statistically happier and longer-lived (2) than their unmarried counterparts.

Fortunately, we now know why some marriages work and some don’t, what happy marriages should avoid, and what actions need to be encouraged for healthier and happier marriages.

Certainly no marriage is perfect, but many are happy. There are difficulties in happy marriages, but there is also an enduring sense of ‘us’, not just ‘you and me’. If both of you heed these strategies, who knows – maybe in fifty years you’ll be telling me about all the health, psychological benefits, and happiness you enjoyed.

Secret 1) Keep your relationship expectations realistic

 

As wonderful as it is to be romantic and see the best in your partner, you need to be able to except some imperfections over the (hopefully many) years with your spouse. In the initial throes of passion, the object of our romantic focus may seem perfection personified, but then we discover their ‘feet of clay’. For the marriage to last after this point, we need to see beyond personal failings and foibles – after all, no one is perfect. Now and again, all marriages need work; expecting it all to be perfect and effortless creates disappointment (as unrealistic expectations always do).

Idealize your partner, by all means – whilst remembering they are human.

Secret 2) Send these relationship-ruining riders on their way

 

Some happily married couples argue passionately. Other relationships experience fewer arguments, but suffer severe damage when they do happen. What’s different?

It’s how – not whether – you argue that determines your marriage’s likelihood for long-term survival. After spending almost two decades studying couples’ interactions, American psychologist John Gottman can now tell with up to 95% accuracy which couples are heading towards relationship breakdown and which are likely to stay together, simply by listening to the first five minutes of a contentious discussion.

Gottman highlights four relationship-rotting factors that he rather dramatically calls the ‘Four Riders of the Apocalypse’. They are:

1. Contempt: Displayed by face pulling, cursing at and insulting your partner, and basically acting as if you are revolted. Gottman and his researchers in Seattle (3) found that the relationship’s days were very likely to be numbered if contempt was a regular feature of the initial phase of a disagreement. Women who showed contempt whilst their husband talked were six times more likely to be divorced two years later.

 

2. Defensiveness: “Why are you looking at me like that? Don’t pick on me! What’s your problem?!”

“…I only offered you a cup of tea!”

Being overly defensive is another major predictor of future relationship breakdown. If one partner begins yelling as soon as the other broaches a subject and behaves as though they’re being threatened or attacked, and this is a continuing and repeated feature of the couple’s interactions, then the relationship is in crisis. Being defensive prevents communication and severs intimacy.

3. Don’t criticize, do compliment: Critical partners risk irreparable damage to their relationship. This doesn’t mean you should never complain if your spouse upsets you, but a simple complaint is much less damaging that criticism.

Criticism attacks the whole person, their core identity (even if that wasn’t your intent); a complaint is instead directed at one-off behaviours. For example: “You are such a lazy £”*tard!” implies they are always like that and it’s a fundamental part of their identity. Whereas “I thought you were being a bit lazy today! That’s not like you!” is time-limited and more specific.

Some people believe they are trying to ‘improve’ their spouse by constantly pointing out their faults. Even if the intention is good, the consequences are not. Public criticism is humiliating (for both partners), but saying nice things when in company is a wonderful thing to do.

People in happy marriages feel appreciated, loved, and respected. Spend more time reminding your spouse of their talents, strengths, and what you love and like about them. No one likes to feel they are under constant attack.

4. Withdrawal or ‘stonewalling’: Emotionally withdrawing or stonewalling, ‘closing your ears’ or ‘shutting off’ when your partner complains is another huge breakdown predictor. Men are more likely to stonewall, whilst their wives were generally more critical. Male biology is less able to cope with strong emotion, so men may instinctively use stonewalling in an attempt to avoid entering arguments or becoming highly aroused.

The partner may ‘switch off’ to withdraw during conversations or ultimately ‘escape’ by spending more and more time away from the relationship. The danger lies in the stonewalling pattern becoming permanent and that partner using this strategy to isolate themselves from potentially positive parts of the relationship.

Everyone needs space, but never responding to emotional issues leaves the other partner out in the cold.

Surprisingly, even if only one of these ‘riders’ is a regular participant in disputes, the relationship’s outlook is poor. Does your marriage contain any of these ‘riders’?

And how else can you make your marriage happier?

Secret 3) Know what not to talk about and when to stop talking

 

Younger couples often want to ‘dig deep’ to unearth all their ‘issues’, to be entirely open with one another, and to ‘talk everything through’.

However, studies of elderly couples happily married for decades show that they often don’t listen very closely to what the other says when conveying negative emotion. And they tend to ignore their own feelings about the relationship unless they decide that something absolutely must be done. This threshold is set much higher than in younger couples.

So the typical advice columnists’ plea to ‘air issues’ and get ‘everything out in the open’ doesn’t actually contribute to healthy long-term relationships. Agreeing to disagree and knowing what subjects to avoid is a key relationship skill.

Another key feature of arguments within long-surviving relationships is the habit of changing the subject once the discussion has ‘run its course’. The ‘quick shift’ decreases the experienced amount of negative emotion and reduces the chance for later rumination. It also conveys, “We can argue and still get on with each other.” Thus, the argument is contained, stopping it from contaminating the entire relationship.

Disagreements need to be ‘one-off specials’, not long-running serials. And don’t forget that fun is also vital…

Secret 4) Maintain a 5:1 good to bad ratio

 

According to Dr Gottman, stable marriages experience five good interactions for every not-so-good one. A ‘good’ interaction might be a loving hug, spending a fun afternoon together, or a pleasant chat about a movie; anything positive. ‘Bad’ interactions include rows, disagreements, or disappointment.

So make efforts to honor the 5:1 rule. Following the next tip will help this work even more.

Secret 5) Learn to read (love) maps

 

Remember the old Mr. and Mrs. TV show? (I think it may have been updated.) The basic idea was this: One partner went behind a soundproof screen whilst the host asked the other partner questions about their partner’s life and preferences. For example: “Where in the world would your wife most like to travel?” or “What drink would your husband most likely order in a restaurant?” The idea was that the more the answers correlated, the stronger the relationship. And research seems to support this.

Having a good ‘love map’ means knowing your partner’s tastes, aspirations, which of their co-workers they like or dislike, and so on. Stronger bonds are created by knowing the details of your partner’s inner and outer life (whilst allowing for some privacy). One woman I worked with didn’t know the name of her (underappreciated) husband’s company and one husband couldn’t tell me the name of their family dog! (Much to his wife’s consternation: “He shows no interest!”)

For better relationship navigation, strengthen and update your love maps.

Fostering a happy marriage is a wonderful way to ensure long-lasting contentment for you both. Ask your partner to read this, as well, so both of you can follow these tips.

Then the two of you can enjoy learning what not to do to maintain a happy marriage by watching Fawlty Towers DVDs.

Mark Tyrrell is a Guest Blogger for PickTheBrain,  therapist, trainer and author. He has created many articles and audios on self help and personal development, including many on relationship problems and marriage.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

How To Achieve Your Goals With Health Habits

An Analytical Approach To Self Improvement

(1) In a paper called, “I just want to get married – I don’t care to who! Marriage, Life Satisfaction and Educational Differences in Australian Couples”, doctoral candidate Shane Worner of Australian National University reported that married people are happier than unmarried people. Worner surveyed 5,000 Australians, asking them to rank their level of happiness on a scale from one to ten, then inquired as to their marital status. In general, Worner found that married men are 135% more likely to report a high happiness score than single men. In contrast, married women are only 52% happier than their unmarried counterparts. Another UK-based study found that both married men and women were happier than non-married, but women more so than men.

(2) Professor Robert Kaplan, who led the study, said: “A variety of studies have shown that unmarried adults have a higher probability of early death than those that are married. Accumulated evidence suggests that social isolation increases the risk of premature death.” The findings are based on national census and death certificates of nearly 67,000 adults in the USA between 1989 and 1997.

(3) Dr Gottman has studied couples for over two decades at his ‘love lab’ in Seattle.

  • Pingback: Tweets that mention 5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage: Secrets every bride and groom should know - PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement -- Topsy.com

  • http://www.shakeoffthegrind.com Joe Wilner

    This is a very valuable post. Marriage is something that is very important to many people and really signifies a committed for life to another partner. I think one of the most valuable aspects to making a relationship work is communication. Specifically, making sure to compliment and provide positive comments MORE than providing negative one’s. A relationship will not work when both people are constantly bickering with each other. It is so important to show respect to each other. Another way to do this is to learn each others love language. I have always found that concept to be interesting as well.

  • Lila

    The general directive seems to be: Communicate, but not about what you really think and while you’re at it, ignore the details of who you’re actually married to so that they can seem terrific–which seems really silly unless the only goal is staying married.

  • LifeIsShort

    I’d say these apply to your relationship with your children too. Everyone really.

    • Lisa

      If more people concentrated on communication and the details of who their intended really is BEFORE they married, then maybe there would be less need to do so afterward, which would logically facilitate the success of more marriages.

  • http://survivinglimbo.blogspot.com Emily

    I agree. This is a valuable post. My husband is my best friend. Our biggest problem is stonewalling, which usually ends up in a blow up. It doesn’t happen very often, but it’s something we could work on. One thing you didn’t mention though is that “happiness” in a relationship ebbs and flows just as it does with everything else. As long as you communicate, the important thing is that you remember that you love your partner and expect the happiness meter to fill back up soon.

  • http://www.publicspark.com Tina

    This is an excellent blog article. I have found that your points (especially on accepting you partner’s imperfections) is definitely an important part.

  • http://www.personal-development-training.com Robin Alley

    Also, I think the biggest thing is you need to WORK on your relationship. Too often people let it slide, and think that they should just love one another.

    That’s true to some degree, but you’ve got to be more methodical about it. Make sure you are showing your partner you care on a regular basis. Don’t take their love for granted, even if you know it’s always there.

  • http://www.thehappyseeker.com Christopher Foster

    Thanks for the excellent thoughts Mark. Can I add one more? A good, stable marriage is an equal marriage. JoAnn and I have been married 15 years. Not all that long. But it keeps getting better and better — because we value each other’s input as much as our own, and so have been learning to complement one another more fully.

  • http://www.thepersonaldevelopmentblog.co.uk Colin Bell

    Hi Mark,

    Great post, with some really interesting points.

    I always find it interesting to read about ‘strategies/route plans’ to improved and ongoing healthy and effective relationships. For me it’s one of life’s key areas for human interaction: our ability or lack of, to maintain such relationships.

    I tend to believe that after a while, people often take their partners, friends, families for granted, and assume that because the relationship exists and is working at that time, that will always be the case.

    Thanks for the post.

  • http://uncommonhelp.me mark tyrrell

    Thanks everyone for some really great comments. Certainly unrealistic expectations of relationship perfectionism can lead people to assume that because the relationship isn’t happy all the time then it is seriously floored. Thanks Emily for that and yes a relationship needs to behave equal input and not be taken for granted or left to “take care of it.” Brilliant thanks

    Mark

  • http://www.conorneill.com Conor Neill

    I attended a relationship workshop a couple of years ago based on the IMAGO relationship therapy technique. It was excellent for me to understand that even though we are the results of millions of years of evolution, a good relationship does not just flow naturally. It takes work. It takes doing things that don’t just come easy. If I spend 10 hours a day “working” at work and 0 minutes making plans, joint visions, serving in my relationship then I will be a bit more successful in my job ;-( Thanks for the post.

  • http://www.gofightforeclosure.com Kyle Ransom

    great post thanks for the headsup. This will definitely help me to be a better hubby.

  • Pingback: The Simple Dollar » The Simple Dollar Weekly Roundup: Dealing With Stress Edition

  • Pingback: The Simple Dollar Weekly Roundup: Dealing With Stress Edition | Financial News and Information

  • Pingback: The Simple Dollar Weekly Roundup: Dealing With Stress Edition | Tolly Blog

  • Pingback: The Simple Dollar Weekly Roundup: Dealing With Stress Edition « Finance Blog

  • Pingback: The Simple Dollar Weekly Roundup: Dealing With Stress Edition | Frugal Living News

  • Pingback: The Simple Dollar Weekly Roundup: Dealing With Stress Edition

  • http://www.promdressesol.com prom dresses

    I love everything that youre saying and want more, more, MORE! Keep this up, man! Its just too good.

  • http://www.aplusonlinedating.com/ Aplus

    This is an great blog, everything you said here makes perferct sense. If we all had to go on this way, just think how empty the courts are going to be, which don’t get me wrong will be a good thing. Communication is the key to any relationship.

  • http://romancerookie.com Bret

    Excellent article Mark. Every relationship needs strategies and some type of plan if it is ever going to work. My wife and I agree early on that divorce was never going to be an option and here we are 24 years later and still married. Lots of rough roads behind us and probably a few ahead of us too…but at the core of any strong relationship is love and commitment with a little romance mixed in.

  • http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com/article/lifestyle-&-health/health-&-fitness work out tips for groom

    That’s really a fantastic post ! I added to my favorite blogs list..
    I have been reading your blog last couple of weeks and enjoy every bit.

  • haoxinren

    There an enormous amount of numerous instructor outlet store, but not everyone certainlyCoach Saledisplay with great best quality at reduce pricesIf you need to acquire probably the most stylish dude or lady on thisCoach Cheapoutlet store, I dare to say that only instructor handbags can help you Thus, you can help save an enormous amount of income when getting instructorCheap coachthis could be completely absolutely nothing but a delusion affordable mentor purses The coloration and aromatic scent can not be in comparison with other substancecoach outletAny query or concern, please really feel free of cost to make contact with us hold your actions now! 

  • spell caster

    I am so thankful to Dr opingo spell temple! My husband of eight years overnight “decided” on a separation and suddenly felt that we should be separated to see how things work out for us. I immediately knew it was the end of the road for us, lets face it, how many people do you know who get back together after a separation?I don’t know many. Having a marriage break up sucks big time and to be honest it did hurt my ego and played havoc on my self esteem because I didn’t want to go out and have people ask me all the time “ where’s your husband? Haven’t seen you guys in quite some time.”
    I was looking up the internet and I came across all the crappy articles about how to get back with your ex and I was a little turned off… Then I saw a testimony about Dr opingo spell temple,
    Then i contactd them, I immediately ordered for a spell, and to my surprise after four days I suddenly got a call from him. We met up some time soon and he was desperate to get me back! I know this sounds bad but it was really nice for me to see him in such an uncomfortable situation begging for me back!
    So after a few days of him trying to win me back over I allowed it to get to the point where we would flirt with each other like we use to do. We finally had that serious conversation and sat down to talk things over. Thank you Dr opingo  spell temple for your powerful spell to get my man back . It worked out marvelously for me and I would recommend it to all the ladies who want to be back with their men. contact Dr opingo on his Email:alterofcandle@gmail.com

     

  • Lisa Ambers

    It’s rare to see a nice blog like this one nowadays..Very helpful and informative to us readers… Keep it up!

  • Pingback: 10 strategies for a successful marriage | Keys To Happy Marriage

  • http://www.facebook.com/asim.abiad Asim Abiad

     To some, marriage may seem old-fashioned, but research repeatedly shows
    that people who stay married to one partner are the happiest

  • http://www.facebook.com/asim.abiad Asim Abiad

    To some, marriage may seem old-fashioned, but research repeatedly shows
    that people who stay married to one partner are the happiest

  • http://twitter.com/rihanna81336247 rihanna

    The spells cast by prophetharry@ymail.com made wonders! all of a sudden my man who broke up with me 2 months ago kept calling me to see how I am doing and just talking constantly and I knew it was because of the love spell which prophet harry did for me, my man wanted to hear my voice. Only 3 days after the love spell was cast my man told me that he wanted to come by to the house claiming he needed a outfit and he looked so lost and sad like he lost his best friend and I knew he missed me and I felt it, because i can see the sadness on his face….He said he would come the next week to visit and 2 days later after he said that at my house he wanted to move back in with me. to my surprise, he came back the next morning he was all on me kissing and rubbing on me telling me how much he missed me and loves me so much that he wants me back. i was happy and i gladly took him back, thanks to prophet harry for helping me to bring my lover back

  • juis

    I am so happy my husband was gone for over a year and with win ex back spell help me, now he is back! We just renewed our marriage vows, and are much happier than we have been in over ten years! If you are reading this and need help and are lost not knowing where to turn,email winexbackspell@gmail.com You will be so glad you did! His spells work so fast and he knows all about Divinity and Angels and he will even teach you all about that too !Contact E-mail: winexbackspell@gmail.com

  • juis

    I am so happy my husband was gone for over a year and with win ex back spell help me, now he is back! We just renewed our marriage vows, and are much happier than we have been in over ten years! If you are reading this and need help and are lost not knowing where to turn,email winexbackspell@gmail.com You will be so glad you did! His spells work so fast and he knows all about Divinity and Angels and he will even teach you all about that too !Contact E-mail: winexbackspell@gmail.com

  • GerriDetweiler

    Last year I broke up with my girlfriend due to many misunderstandings and I remember very well how hard I had been fighting to get her back. She changed her number, changed her job so that I don’t visit her office and none of her friends would give me any information about her. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get her back then a friend recommended me to contact dr.marnish@yahoo.com that he will help me and as my friend said, dr.marnish helped me to bring back my girlfriend just in 3 days, I now have her back and this is the biggest joy of my life
    Gerri Detweiler

  • http://twitter.com/Howardpaker Anonymous

    i contacted dr.marnish@yahoo.com to help me to bring my ex back who left almost 1 year ago and dr.marnish used his spell to bring back my lover i am so glad that my lover came back just in 3 days. Thanks to dr marnish
    wayne pipera

  • http://twitter.com/Howardpaker Anonymous

    My name is linda Alexis. My ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago because we were fighting all the time. he was always nagging, I wanted him back and I was wondering how do that, so i told my friend what happened between my boyfriend after some days he asked me to contact dr.marnish@yahoo.com, i emailed dr.marnish@yahoo.com and after 3 days my lover reconciled with me

  • http://twitter.com/Howardpaker Anonymous

    I read a lot about dr.marnish@yahoo.com on the Internet and i was wondering if he can help me get my ex back, when i contacted him he said he can bring my lover back in 3 days and he did as he said, he is a man of his word, he keeps to his promise
    Louise

  • http://twitter.com/Howardpaker Anonymous

    I want to know if dr.marnish@yahoo.com can help return my ex boyfriend home cus we been broken up for a month in a relationship for 8 years, i never what dr.marnish can do at the first, i was doubting his powers, he said my lover will come back in 3 days time, everything he told me happened just as he said, my lover came back, i thought it was a joke but no this love spell from dr marnish is real
    Rebecca Yeatman

  • Tainia Lami

    I have been married for nine years my husband and i where living happily
    and just two months ago my husband meant his ex girl friend whom he had
    in school days and all of a sudden he started dating her again and he
    never cared about his family again all he does is to stay late at night
    and when he come’s back he will just lie to me that he hard some fault
    with his car,there was this faithful day i caught the both of them in a
    shop,i walked to them and told the girl to stay of my husband girlfriend
    again,i have suffered too much in the hand of a cheating husband but and
    when he came home that evening he beat me up even despite the fact that
    i was pregnant he was just kicking and warning me to never point a
    finger on his affairs. thank to Dr.Osaze.Malacca whom i got from a blog
    site after a long search for a real spell caster i was so happy that he
    fulfilled all what he said in just less than three days after the spell
    was cast they quarreled and he broke up with the girl and his senses
    are fully back and he now care and love me like he have never done
    before and if you are their suffering from a broken marriage or your
    husband or ex cheats? you can email:spirituallove@hotmail. com

  • stella kyes

    I was searching for help on the internet to get my ex lover whom will got divorced 5 months ago, i came across this wonderful man called Doctor Kasee of onimalovespell@gmail.com who did a nice job by helping me to get my divorced husband back within 48hours.. I never believe that such things like this can be possible but now i am a living testimony to it because Doctor Kasee actually brought my lover back, If you are having any relationship problems why not contact Doctor Kasee for help via email: onimalovespell@gmail.com or call him at +2347051705853. Then i promise you that after 48hours you will have reasons to celebrate like me.

  • Anonymous

    My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We dated about 4 months. I did everything for him whenever he needed help with something, I love him so much and cared about him a lot. I never asked anything from him. I have no kids and a good well paying job. Everything was so perfect and good between us. He told me he would take me ring shopping and we would settle down and have a baby together. Everything was great. We met each other families and everyone told us we were perfect for each other. Out of nowhere he surprisingly left me to be with another girl, so i met a friend who gave me this Phone number + 1 9 7 1 5 1 2 6 7 4 5 of this spell caster Robinson to contact him, i contacted him because i was so heartbroken and don’t know what to do with myself but after 3 days of contacting Mr Robinson , my lover came back to me

  • stacey Bruno

    I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is Dr ATILA he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is atilahealinghome@yahoo.com
    .

  • Nadezhda Vyacheslav

    I have been reading about spell casting and its powers for a while but i never thought or it never occurred to me or i rather say that it happened that i never got myself in any situation that will make need the help of a spell caster. I read a lot of testimony on the internet on web pages, blog, and some on the Facebook page of some web site i linked with my Facebook with. I was more concerned about a certain spell caster MUTTON OSUN. That his name kept appearing on almost every comment form different individual claiming he has helped them a great deal in spell casting of all kind but mostly relationship problem that is from divorced man and women to lost love and cheating wife and husband was like don’t even know the word to use.All of them had just one thing in common that he help then resolved their problem that even therapist could not solve i guess the problem was passed the place where talking was not doing any good at all.But some how i believed them and their story cos the testimony were just too real and were from different people. I just enjoyed reading how he help those people and asking myself how possible it was that this spell caster could do all this with no effect of what so ever.Year they said his spell had no negative effect on the person who asked the spell to be casted and the person the spell is casted upon. I just wanted to know how it worked so i tried it and now i am among those writing this to tell those like me reading that this MUTTON guy is real. I am a single 32 years old mom of two two girls. I have always had a thing for this guy or i would say i liked this guy but he was kind of a mess cos of the lost of his wife.Like he had nothing to leave for any more.He never came out of this house and even went he did he doesn’t talk to anybody even i tried ti make a conversation he just smile so he doesn’t look cruel and then walk away.At night you can hear him breaking things and sobbing. I wouldn’t say i knew what he was feeling cos really i didn’t know but i knew i could make him happy again but no matter how i tried to get close he shuts me out. I really liked him and hated to see him miserable i mean he still have a chance to be happy with me.Contacting MUTTON OSUN was really easy for me cos all those other article had an email address i could use to contact him.So i send him an email to him but i didn’t get a responses immediately i mean it took three day before i saw his mail in response to my mail where he told me that he could help me make the guy to love.Am sorry i can mention my name or his cos i really don’t know who is writing this thing i am writing.Any way i was not allowed to tell any one till i have seen the result and important he told me i needed some materials for the spell casting.Most people tend to thinking his asking you to pay for the spell but not you have the choice to buy these materials and send them to him or you can ask that he get them for you if you can get the materials or the cost of buy and ship them to him is to much. In my case i gave him money to get the materials cos it was way less expansive. I guess he made some kind of harmless powdery substance with those materials and sent them over to me.He asked that i follow this instructions on how to make the spell active which i did. I must warn you it take at least two day to be effective cos it was after two days the man that never talks to me knocked at my door asking if i would like to watch movies with him at his place form there we kicked off.We have been together for 4 months now and still counting he is a really nice man i can am the luckiest woman in the world. I mean this only means that what MUTTON did is working and it changed both our life for good. I will also leave his mail here you contact purpose >> godsofosunx@rocketmail.com