12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate

Hi Barrie.

I gladly say no to draining relationships. There was a time in the past when I wouldn’t, but now I do. Also, if part of a relationship is good, I’ll compartmentalize and keep that part, and get rid of any draining parts. We have to do things like this to maintain our sanity and sense of partial control.

Also, I agree with your point about having too much stuff. I think we all like the feeling of keeping some stuff around and adding to it, creating a nice comfort zone, but the comfort zone doesn’t protect us from potential problems, and makes us feel like we are more safe than we actually are. I have to get rid of some books.

Magnificent article. Every single one of the 12 situations you talk about makes such a huge difference in life and it is incredibly powerful to see them compiled here in your list. And you are so right, just recognizing what we tolerate is often enough to fuel our hope and energy and with hope and energy, we can make our life much, much better. Great words here. Thanks!

Hi Marion,
I am so glad you liked the article. Yes, our tolerations are sometimes invisible to us. We just keep putting up with them, wondering why we feel so bad. It makes so much sense to evaluate this in our lives. Once we see that we are tolerating something, it’s pretty hard to continue to let it go. Thank you for your kind comments.

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#2 is a HUGE one!

My wife has a 2hr commute every single day, and it really is taking a huge toll on her well-being.

This is why we’re moving closer to her work next month. I’m so excited for her to not have to deal with this in her life anymore. Driving is without a doubt the most stressful thing most people do.

Thanks Barrie!

It would be a great idea to create more jobs that have an option to work from home. The morning Nascar scene is unbearable at times.

I would imagine stopping periodically, and reflecting on your life would be beneficial to make any necessary changes. It seems like people have forgotten that they still have the ability of choice in any situation.

#1 is definitely a first.

If you’re happy with your current job, then work would be less stressful and there’s a tendency that you can give more than what you are expected. Being happy is a choice. That’s why, I admire and envy people who take risk in fulfilling what they love they to do. Too bad not all people can make that choice in this world today.

Oh, I feel a dagger in the heart! I have been guilty of all of these at some point in time! We shouldn’t tolerate these things, but I think that many of us don’t feel worthy, OR we don’t want to put the effort into change.
Great post!
Bernice
The Struggle with the Juggle-WAHMs

“If there are people in your life who are abusive, demeaning, angry, hurtful, not supportive, unethical, or crazy, it is time to let them go.”

Sorry, but sometimes their family and integrity wins.

Otherwise wonderful article.

Sean — that’s wonderful you’ve made the decision to move. It will be great for both of you. More time and less stress makes for a happy couple!

Justin– I agree with you that we often forget we have choice. That has certainly happened for me in the past. When you realize you do have a choice, your old ways suddenly become unacceptable.

Hi Bernice — I think we all have been guilty of all of these. As I’ve gotten older and become more aware of my mortality, many of these things just aren’t acceptable to me. I want to make the most of every day.

Richard — I know what you mean — it’s hard to let go of family members, even when they pull you down. I did mention that if you can’t let these people go, you can manage the amount of time with them. And I guess a lot depends on how draining and debilitating the relationship is. Glad you liked the post!

“Stumbled Upon” this post. It hits a few nerves here and there. I’ve been working on some of these for a while: happiness at work, shorter and better commute (by bicycle), simplifying my life, paying off my debts, becoming less negative, losing weight. It’s not easy, but I hope it’s doable. I’m looking to relocate to a nicer, quieter and slower place and get a less frustrating job. Those can really consume your soul and make your life miserable. Good article, recaps a lot of I have been trying to address in my own life. Cheers!

These are such great things to think about! Especially since overcoming complacency is a difficult process. Even simply being aware that we aren’t happy with something is the first step to changing it. Thanks.

You are a douche.

“Have this ? Well quit now.”

Thanks for wasting precious second and kilobytes with your article. Overstating the obvious seems to be a great way to spread opinion these days. I commend you on your immesurable lack of creativity. I look forward to not reading anything else you ever write.

I’ll work off of #11, and accept my ignorance of this article ever being written.

@Normal Person;

Nope, Your a douche.

Your comments reek of self-righteousness and chances are, you rate your own intelligence above average, far above what it actually is.

Maybe #13 should be; Ignore Serial Complainers (A subset of Draining Relationships)

Hi Adam, congratulations on your hard work toward making your life better. It takes time to figure out what’s important, but it looks like you are on the way!

Ascending Dream, so glad you liked the article and found it useful. Awareness is absolutely the first step to change.

Kevin, thank you for your gallant defense. I sometimes forget that the internet can foster a lack of manners and civility.

Just came across your site today. Great blog, excellent work.

Just went ur site today nice site ….

I stumbled upon this and wanted to thank you. I recently left a career because it was not making me happy. Now I am struggling to find a job in a new field which is tough especially due to all of the experienced competition. But I need to be happier at work so I will keep going.

Dre and Jhon, thank you so much — I appreciate your kind comments!

Tanya, don’t give up on finding a career you love. Have you ever taken the Myers Briggs personality test? If not, it might give you some insights into other areas for a career that matches your personality type.

There is a big difference between “learning from your mistakes” (yes we need to keep making them to learn from life) and recommending that people avoid making them in order to feel better about themselves…life in a bubble… Toughen Up !

#1 is my biggest problem right now. I am in that in between state where I don’t hate my job, but I definitely wouldn’t say I am happy. I know that I shouldn’t tolerate unhappiness, but it’s hard to make a change! I’m trying though, thanks for the inspiration!

@Barrie/Live Bold and Bloom- I really thank you for posting this article, few points mentioned above are difficult to implement in my life. I want to change my life but I am bounded. How can we overcome such situations?

Great post, Barrie! I know that numbers 1, 2, and 3 have opened up some huge shifts in my life and happiness. Thanks for taking the time to remind us all how much these little annoyances can affect our life!

Change can be difficult, but in the end it is totally worth it.

Steph

Too much stuff – Yeah I could never tolerate it. I am kinda minimalist & I love the way simplicity makes me feel.

Girl — I’m not quite sure I understand your comment, but I’m not recommending we avoid mistakes (which is impossible). I’m suggesting we tackle the big issues in life that drain us and inhibit happiness and do whatever we can to eliminate the situation or make it better.

David, I know exactly what you mean. I hope you will keep searching. When you find something that you are truly excited about and really love, you will wonder why you accepted mediocre for so long. Do what you can to keep searching it!

Sandeep, I just I’d need to know what is binding you to the situations and what the situations are. Life does present us with difficult choices. Sometimes we have to go through some pain or hardship to get what we really want. If you would like to contact me personally, my email address is on my blog.

Hi Stephanie, I know you have gone through fire to make some amazing changes in your life. You are an inspiration!

Lavanya, That’s wonderful. Life is so much less complicated when you don’t have lots of “stuff” to deal with. Good for you!

A friend Stumbled Upon this post and sent it to me for a couple of reasons:
1. We are both in the situation of creating work we love, and in shaping up our lives in a number of ways – most of which you hit upon in this post.
2. My new career directly addresses point #1 in your post – I help people find or create work they LOVE. I smiled when I read your comment about the Myers-Brigg’s as that is one of the tools I use to help people find their direction. By far, determining a direction is the most difficult part of the process. I appreciate @Tanya’s comment, too, about competition in her field – once you know what you want to go after there are some effective and low-cost strategies to boost your effectiveness in marketing yourself.

This is a great post – thank you. I’ve tweeted you and subscribed!

Take Care,
Beth

This article is so ignorant of people living in poverty, that it is shameful. This author is ridiculous! Some of the content is so ignorant of the plight of many people such as: “Think about the poorest of the poor, living in squalor and despair without the hope of a better future. When they are lucky enough to see the connection between education and life success, they have found a portal to escape poverty and misery.”
“By removing some of the other stresses from your life, you can make room for pleasurable activities, travel, and entertainment.”

There is no doubt in my mind that this author has never worked or been deeply exposed to anyone other than people like herself. Shame on her!

Hi Beth, I am so glad the article resonated with you just at the right time. I have found Myers Briggs to be so useful in my own search for the right career, and I use it all the time as a coach too. Thank you for your kind comments, and I am thrilled you became a subscriber.

Dear IE, I am so sorry this article offended you. My inspiration for the comment related to the poor was Oprah Winfrey’s school for girls in Africa. These are people who live in abject poverty but who truly get the value of education in spite of their poverty. This school is now changing lives dramatically. The poor are not immune from the desire to make their lives better, and some are able to achieve that. Your comments about my own work and life I’m sure were spoken in haste as you know nothing about me. I have worked since I was 13-years-old and have been exposed to many people, rich and poor, critical and kind.

Fantastic article.

As a result of losing my job involuntary, number #1 and #9 have changed my life. I didn’t realize how much happier I could be without a job that was so misaligned with my values and beliefs! Now I have a beautiful opportunity to develop my strengths and the other things that naturally make me happy. I’m able to and develop marketability for my passions and talents so that my enhanced natural skills will produce an intrinsically rewarding livelihood.

This article left me feeling like I’d been repeatedly punched in the mouth. Thanks.

You know that sick, hollow feeling you get when someone makes a whole pile of criticisms but fails to offer any sort of remedy? Yeah…

i am dealing with at least 8 of the 12 right now. you do what you can, where you can. i would put draining relationships at the top of my hit list.

great read, thanks.

Hi Nick, so sorry it left you feeling that way. It is frustrating for anyone to realize that they might be doing things that hold them back from happiness. Most of us are wise enough to figure out the “how to’s” of making the necessary changes. It’s finding the will and courage to make difficult choices that go with change. Change, even change for the better, isn’t without consequences. If everything were easy, then we’d all be doing it.

Hi Pamela, you can tackle these one at a time, dealing with the most draining first. Do what you can to make it better. Small change will empower you. Even a discussion with a draining person to let them know what is bothering you (in a kind and mature way) can make a huge difference.

“I did mention that if you can’t let these people go, you can manage the amount of time with them. And I guess a lot depends on how draining and debilitating the relationship is.”

If my friend read this article he might feel like Nick.

I think it’s time for an article about bad marriages that choose to stay together for the kids.

“When they are lucky enough to see the connection between education and life success, they have found a portal to escape poverty and misery. It’s a huge shift.”

I don’t quite know the context you’re speaking to here…perhaps you can clarify.

“I did mention that if you can’t let these people go, you can manage the amount of time with them. And I guess a lot depends on how draining and debilitating the relationship is.”

If my friend read this article he might feel like Nick.

I think it’s time for an article about bad marriages that choose to stay together for the kids.

“When they are lucky enough to see the connection between education and life success, they have found a portal to escape poverty and misery. It’s a huge shift.”

I don’t quite know the context you’re speaking to here…perhaps you can clarify.

Great stuff, especially the negative part. Wouldn’t you agree that people want to be around others who are positive? Books, music, movies, blogs, and news can be positive if we pick the right ones.

The integrity piece was huge, also. Forgive and apologize, great recommendations. Too many times I find myself hiding behind something, usually an excuse, to not apologize or let go.

As Og Mandino’s scroll 7 says, I will laugh at the world, having joy and being positive are keys to success in any endeavor.

To Your Success,

Hi Richard, I wasn’t speaking only of marriage relationships.There are many relationships that we have in life that we keep for reasons that no longer serve our best interests. Of course there are some we maintain from our integrity even if they aren’t great. It’s all a balance, and you have decide what to change to maintain your happiness and integrity. Regarding the poverty comment, many people who live in poverty never have the opportunity for a better education. But some do, and if they make the connection between education and life success, they have found a pathway to escape. Most of us aren’t living in poverty, and those pathways are easier to find. We should look for them.

Jeremy, I’m so glad you like it. I probably should have listed integrity first. Everything else has to follow that. Once you define your values and how you want to live your life, it is easier to make decisions about all of the other areas.

Want to say a BIG congrats to Barrie, whose blog has just broken a PTB record. This post (12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate) has had more than 50,000 views in under 48 hours! Incredible job, Ms. Davenport!

Lucky #13: Republicans

Hi Barrie,

Your 90 day confidence booster (above) is erroring out, and I’d really like to sign up for it. Help, please?

[...] The Brain is an excellent source of growth and self-empowerment. Their post 12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate was right on point. Life’s short. Don’t waste your time on any of these annoyances. Especially [...]

Hi Erin, wow, that is so exciting. I am thrilled the post has been so well-received. Thank you so much for including it on Pick The Brain!

Deb, the Confidence Booster is part of Pick The Brain. I will let the editors know and have them contact you.

Since this post has struck such a chord with so many people, I have written a follow-up post on my blog. You can read it here: http://liveboldandbloom.com/03/self-improvement/when-you-must-cut-off-your-arm-to-save-your-life#more-2564

The hits are because someone submitted this link to stumbleupon.

And I’m with Nick, for real…. this is all accurate information, but
in reality, I’m just trying to get my damn head above water. And while
I would looooooooooove to “address” these and clear them out… i had
neglected to set my life up the way i should have when i was younger
and now i have SEVERAL of these as REAL consequences….
So yeah, its about will and courage yes, but numbers dont lie friends,
and some numbers you NEED to survive.

Nick, I feel you homeboy.

PEACE
ISAAC

ooops, at least it was…. i ran across this from stumbleupon but now it seems its no longer part of that ring.

I have written a follow up post to this one addressing some of the questions on my own blog, http://www.liveboldandbloom.com

Dear Barrie,

Thanks, This was a lovely post.

Ann

Great stuff Barrie. I can think of at least one other. How many of us have set our expectations level lower and/or made up an excuse to accommodate poor customer service from a company we work with, the staff at a hotel or resort, the counter clerk at the book store, the waiter at the restaurant, the tech support person on the phone from Bangalore? Why? First, we should consider that the definition of ‘poor service’ is relative to the level of expectation set by the brand you are patronizing. I remember checking into a Ritz Carleton for a conference a few years back. They didn’t address me as Mr Brofman. When I asked where something was, they just provided me directions instead of walking me … to the elevator, to the restaurant, to the bar. Later in the bar, I mentioned this to a colleague of mine and his experience was the same. Neither of us complained about the service, yet we were both aware that this was a level of service below our experience and perhaps more importantly, the Ritz Carleton standard. They always accompanied you to your destination, they always addressed you by your name. While this seems like a small detail, it isn’t when it is part of what you are paying for. If you wanted a lower level of service you would stay at a lower priced hotel with an expectation of service relative to their Brand.

Great Advice! I have the fun without the relaxation. Kids will do that to you. LOL Most important is to be happy no matter where you are going.

Great job, nicely worded. It’s easy for “life” to sneak up on you, and you find yourself in a rut. thanks for all the reminders…

You should have named your article: Life minus any Humor

Barrie, what makes you come up the 12 things?

Fabulous post Barrie!

I’ve done every one of the things on your list and as a result live a much happier life . . .

left an abusive 26 year marriage . . . nearly had to cut off my arm to sell my home but now living my second dream life on the coast with my dreamboat husband . . .

sometimes that leap of faith is so painful we spend more time standing there looking out into the unknown fretting, letting life slip away . . .

my mantra is, “what’s the worse thing that could happen?” If I’m asking myself this question I know I need to take a leap!

Hi Barrie, I just wanted to let you know how much I’ve liked this article. I couldn’t agree more to the 12 things you’ve mentioned we shouldn’t tolerate. Sometimes, we get too excited on what we want to have that we forget to unclutter our life by removing the things we shouldn’t have. This is why we feel overfatigue and stressed with our life. Your blog post is a great reminder of the importance of simplying and making life easier. Cheers! Lou

Well put. I find it amusing that this list is roughly half advice I pass along and half debilitating problems in my own life.

Thank you for this insight!

This comes in a timely part of my life. I am the midst of some big changes to help avoid these 12 critical things. It’s a big step and scary at times, so thank you for the reminder that I’m on the right track.

Anyone with enough confidence and drive to actually change anything on this list already has enough drive and confidence to not suffer from anything on this list. If they do not, they never will.

[...] 12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate! [...]

i love the article and strongly agree with it

I’m copying and pasting as fast as I can! Excellent!

The notion that you have to love your job is totally ridiculous. It’s about a paycheck! If this was true, we would have nobody paving roads, collecting garbage, nobody waitressing at restaurants and no secretaries! Loving your job is some new-wave hippie jargon. Just work and get paid. Go home and enjoy your time there! Loving your job should be considered as a bonus, not a necessity.

I suppose it’s true that most people don’t like to commute, but besides my environmental impact, I really do like to just get in my car, turn on my music and sing until I get to where I am going. I also listen to educational podcasts or get caught up on the sporting world. It’s a good time.

I do not know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else experiencing problems with your website. It appears like some of the text in your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them too? This may be a issue with my browser because I’ve had this happen previously. Thank you

Wow… This is completely unrealistic garbage. It’s so obvious and ignorant at the same time.

Can you add excessive pop up ads to this list?

Much of what is listed here is just part of life. If one has the means to change their career, up and move closer to cut down on commute time, and cut out all financial problems, they should definitely do it. But for many people, these things are just not feasible.

Most of this list is just fluff.

[...] 来源12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate [...]

I really need to stop smoking and sort out my problems in work. As you say, we spend more than half our waking lives there. I’m sick of sorting out other peoples problems. It needs to stop.

I disagree. Loving your job is not about what you do, its about how you feel about what you do. It’s about the attitude you choose to carry with you all day everyday. A guy paving roads might love the fact that he gets to work outside and not cooped up in an office. A secretary might love the fact that she is an integral part of the team, making life easier for others. I was a secretary for many years and I loved my job. Loving you job may be a bonus but it is one that everyone can have if you merely choose to.

The author isn’t saying you HAVE to love your job. The important point is that your job should not make you unhappy all the time.

Definitely one of the best ways to get away from a negative mindset is turn off the TV and stop reading the news.It will give you that holiday feeling 

[...] 12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate | PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement [...]

wow!

life changing article. thank you for posting this

[...] way to put the odds in your favor. Do not tolerate lightcycles.Barrie Davenport \ Pick the Brain12 Critical Things You Should Never TolerateEveryone needs to pay their dues when they enter an industry, but there’s a limit to the point [...]

Maybe you should reread number six.

I was trying to choose a favorite from this list, but they are all great!

Well that’s sad. Everything on this list applies to my life but I’m not going to change anything.

Well all these points are true, none of these should be tolerated but it is also true that balancing between these are quite impossible as some of theses are unavoidable for some people as not every one is perfect.

This list totally contradicts itself at one point. We are supposed to be happy at our jobs, and if we aren’t we are supposed to change that. In reality for a lot of people their jobs and salary are hard-won and in this economy very important to them. A job is first and foremost about a paycheck and gaining financial security. A little further down the list it mentions financial problems and says “do whatever you can to lessen the stress, even if it means delivering pizzas for a while.” So you’re telling me to lessen the unhappiness I may be feeling at my job and “Don’t settle for living this way forever. Find a job that you love.” But after I do that and no longer make what I was at my high stress, high paying job I am supposed to solve my financial difficulties by delivering pizzas? Complete bullcrap. This list can be cut down to three points- motivation and inner strength and logical thinking. People who have these and use them on a regular basis easily solve the problems they may be having.

Well, I should just go out an shoot myself. EVERYTHING on the list applies to me and my husband. We’ve been married for 27 years and are devoted to each other. He works very hard at a demanding job. Sure, he’d love to write books, have a cooking show, or some other dream job, but who actually does those things? A very small percentage of the people on earth. The list may have most meaning for the young who think that the world is a great adventure just waiting to be explored. The rest of us have to struggle, raise kids, and find happiness on a catch-as-catch-can basis. The best advice is to try to reduce worry and live in the moment.

Brian – Thank you so much for this article.  I think you hit on some key elements for many people. 

I would perhaps add one more thought and that is tackling just one or two areas at a time – perhaps one each a month – rather than trying to “fix” them all at once.  Trying to tackling everything – or too many things – at once is something I’ve been frequently guilty of.

I was trying to choose a favorite from this list, but they are all great!

Gee, it all seems so easy now! Great article, very informative.

How amazingly idealistic. Don’t stand for financial problems, genius. 

Great article Barrie

 
I was trying to choose a favorite from this list, but they are all great!

Yeah @serenityhunter:disqus  you are truly correct I find it overwhelming to correct my self too much… But I think people shouldn’t consider them self as broken and needed to be fixed… They should probably think that changes will bring good on to them and the overwhelming feeling will start to disappear this way… (Tried it out myself and it works perfect for me)

And the post is really great…

[...] 12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate [...]

[...] 12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate [...]

This is great. If you’re middle class. The reality is that there are a lot of road blocks for people just picking up and finding a new job. This ignores the reality of the economoics and social divide that exists in our society that puts many people into situations that these little “tips” cannot help. While having a postivie outlook is great, and we should always do what we can to be grateful and happy, the start of this article sounds a little randish to me.

[...] 11. Accepting Ignorance and Inertia. We use both of these as excuses not to do something. 12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate | PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement [...]

1, 3, and 9  are actually in direct opposition to your advice for 8. Many of us are in bad financial straits. Your advice is “take any job you can.” But if that job makes you unhappy, and has a long commute, and damages your integrity (Mine does all three! Plus I work too much to have recreation!) then that casts a pall over your entire thesis.

So after 9 I sort of stopped reading your pie-in-the-sky Pollyanna nonsense

One of the BEST stories I’ve read so far this year. This list was already written down somewhere in the recesses of my mind — I think it is written on the hearts of all humans, but we tend to forget. When we forget that we shouldn’t tolerate these things, everything starts to spiral into chaos — bit by bit. Thanks for reminding me of these truths…

One of the BEST stories I’ve read so far this year. This list was already written down somewhere in the recesses of my mind — I think it is written on the hearts of all humans, but we tend to forget. When we forget that we shouldn’t tolerate these things, everything starts to spiral into chaos — bit by bit. Thanks for reminding me of these truths…

Typo: ” We you aren’t communicating properly” no judgement. Loved the article!

Wonderful article. I mean really what is wrong with people these days?? They should all follow your insightful advice and fix their lives. It is just too easy to not do it.