What Do You REALLY Want?

The statement, “You can do anything you put your mind to,” leads us to believe that all you must do is imagine what you’d like to accomplish, set your mind to the task, and wait for success.

To a certain degree this is true. Focused intention combined with action is a powerful force. But the statement is misleading because it fails to mention the difficulty and necessity of focusing your mind on a specific goal.

Most of us don’t know what we want. We think we do, but we really don’t. We only know what we don’t want. We don’t want a boring job. We don’t want to be poor. We don’t want to disappoint our loved ones.

Knowing specifically what you want is much different than knowing what you don’t want. When you only know what you don’t want, your intentions aren’t focused. Consider this example.

Pete doesn’t want to be poor. He’s sick of earning less than his friends, and he’s determined to raise his status. To accomplish this goal, Pete could take many different paths. He could train for a high paying profession, such as doctor or lawyer. He could start his own company, go into real estate, or do many other things that would lead to acquiring wealth.

But Pete isn’t sure what he wants to do. He doesn’t know which path best fits his skills and personality, so he doesn’t resolve to follow any particular path.

Hoping to answer this question, he investigates a dozen possibilities, but as soon as he runs into adversity he decides that path isn’t for him and moves on to a new solution.

Pete’s actions aren’t focused. Although he works very hard, his efforts don’t build on each other. Rather than building one giant impenetrable sand castle, Pete has built twenty smalls ones that are easily toppled. He ends up confused and discouraged. Ultimately Pete’s lack of focus leads to failure.

Now, what if Pete had chosen a specific path? Suppose he decided on the law profession. His actions would have been clearly defined:

  • Get a high score on the LSAT
  • Attain letters of recommendation
  • Get accepted to a good law school
  • Decide on a field of law
  • Earn a law degree
  • Find a high paying job with a good law firm

A set of specific goals is much easier to achieve than a vague end goal like becoming wealthy. Being focused on a path gives Pete a logical set of actions to follow. Each accomplishment is one step closer to the final goal.

I think we can all agree that committing to a clearly defined path, regardless of which one, gives Pete the best chance of becoming wealthy.

But how can he choose a path if he doesn’t know what he wants? Maybe money isn’t his only goal. Maybe he wants to do something he loves at the same time. Maybe he can’t afford to go back to school. Reality is complicated, and Pete doesn’t want to commit too soon.

And that’s why he fails.

But I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Most people don’t fit neatly into a predefined path. Forcing yourself into one may lead to success, but it probably won’t make you happy.

This is the point. If you want to be conventionally successful, to attain wealth and status, you need to choose a specific path (preferably something mainstream) and follow it to the letter.

On the other hand, if you aren’t particularly concerned with wealth or success, you can take your time searching for that perfect niche.

Just don’t wait too long to decide. Each moment you deliberate, your already committed competitors sprint further ahead.

But, then again, maybe life isn’t a race, and maybe the most interesting people follow a path all their own.

  • http://www.freshome.com Fresh Home

    In these days is so hard to find what you really want, because there are to many things, and most people don’t know what they want.

    • ann

       i agree to that..but lately ive been doing some research,like reading books Conversation with God, it helps me a lot; in sorting out my choices in life. But still its good thing i came across with this book. Thanks at least i open myself in to listen to others. i think thats the very reason why i dont know what i want coz i limit myself.

      • http://www.facebook.com/gurwinder85 Gurwinder Singh Dhaliwal

        can u pls help me

    • canan

      absolutely right. and the worst thing is at the end of this progress you ll have faced the truth of nothing you ll have done till that time. that s pity! 

    • ChicInnovation

      i somewhat disagree. sometimes knowing what you DONT want is actually a start, it narrows the number of paths you have to choose from. for instance, if youve never been a biology or business person, at least you know your options are probably technology or some other feild. it also helps if you research on the amount the work and hurdles that can get in your way toward a specific career. if youre ready to give  up before you even start and say “forget it ” chances are thats not the path for you

      • Placewithspace

        “sometimes knowing what we DONT want helps narrowing the path…”
        Off course it does. So then it’s easier for you to find what you want, which the ultimate building blog of personal change and/or achievement.

    • ChicInnovation

      i somewhat disagree. sometimes knowing what you DONT want is actually a start, it narrows the number of paths you have to choose from. for instance, if youve never been a biology or business person, at least you know your options are probably technology or some other feild. it also helps if you research on the amount the work and hurdles that can get in your way toward a specific career. if youre ready to give  up before you even start and say “forget it ” chances are thats not the path for you

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

    Very true, and one of my personal problems. I think the hardest part is committing to something when there are so many equally attractive alternatives.

    • http://pickthebrain.com chima

      i’m 21yrs old,am an undegradute, am in my final yr in high institution. i want you to help me, am finding things very difficult around me. please help me in this generation i find my self, i will like to contribute, i will like to do and be something good. i want to be independent, someone is there to sponsore me.i need help pls.

      • Valascy

        First things first, I hope in the three years since you’ve posted this you’ve learned how to spell and be a little more literate then you were then. If you’ve done that well that’s a huge step forward!

        • Spellchecker

          I think you meant, “… a little more literate THAN you were then.” ;)

          • Wjam0987

            In the online world typing in caps is considered yelling. Why are you yelling at Valascy

          • Bluejester_

            That person is trying to make the poster NOTICE the error. Not yelling.

          • Ryciafraser

            no its only yelling if it’s all in caps… one word in caps is accentuation or emphasis.

          • bigred

            WANKERS!

          • Whatevs

            Right…

          • Billybob

            So was that accentuation or yelling? Your logic for defining accentuation versus yelling doesn’t fit every case, as we see here. The poster wrote one word in all caps, which leaves your explanation for differentiation AMBIGUOUS!

            See what I did there ;)

        • Jackson09nicole

          you know what doesn’t help, discouraging people to go forward.  

          • darien

            I like your thinking. 

          • darien

            I like your thinking. 

          • Ruam

            I was going to point out the “than” as well. Quotations work just as well instead of YELING MOTHER F*CKER!

          • Movsoldier_12

             i just think how funny it is, that one post started a whole argument over something so stupid as someones grammar especially when you read the statement right you realize  he really isn’t yelling he’s enunciating using caps because he didn’t care to do it another way.  now i know someones going to say something to me and about this and all i have to say to them is send me an e-mail about it and  see if i give a shit about what you think.

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  • Xdroot

    In the last seven years, I’ve moved from assembling computers, to working with teens, to running a back office insurance team and now I’m a regional manager for business continuity.

    Even today I don’t know what I want. There are too many goals/things/ideals I want. But rather than choosing only one thing, I prefer to pick and choose the bits I do like. I don’t follow a path. I create one.

    • Kidsgodisco

      Well said, you have just made my mind at ease. I’m just recently lost my job bçoz I followed money over happiness and left my old company to a new job and I didn’t like it so I left. I have another job to fall back on working in the disable industry, lucky I had that as a casual job… So I was a workaholic and now with no permit job…..Ive been racking my brain into what I want to do… and your right I should just keep doing bits I like as I will create my own path.. Thanks :)

    • Balal-star7

      Read Quran

      • Anon

        No.

      • Hgh

        lol god can’t save you only you can save youself. Stop believing in things outside of you and start believing in yourself. That is the path to happiness.

        • Missy

          God is the only one that can save you if you believe in Him, you will have all the happiness you deserve…..

          • Guest

            There’s nothing wrong with believing in a higher power, but God only helps those who help themselves (from what I understand). This is only one person’s interpretation, of course, but it never seemed like He wanted us to be reliant on Him to the point of co-dependency. 
            I’m agnostic though, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, if my opinion is worth anything to you, then I just want to tell you that you should be trying to find your own happiness and not waiting for it to come to you. That is, if you’re indeed implying that you should wait for God to show you a path to happiness. I disagree. 
            If you were saying that by believing in something greater than yourself, you can have happiness though, then, well, that’s subjective. 
            I’m just glad you found something to make you happy. :)

          • Guest

            There’s nothing wrong with believing in a higher power, but God only helps those who help themselves (from what I understand). This is only one person’s interpretation, of course, but it never seemed like He wanted us to be reliant on Him to the point of co-dependency. 
            I’m agnostic though, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, if my opinion is worth anything to you, then I just want to tell you that you should be trying to find your own happiness and not waiting for it to come to you. That is, if you’re indeed implying that you should wait for God to show you a path to happiness. I disagree. 
            If you were saying that by believing in something greater than yourself, you can have happiness though, then, well, that’s subjective. 
            I’m just glad you found something to make you happy. :)

          • Guest

            There’s nothing wrong with believing in a higher power, but God only helps those who help themselves (from what I understand). This is only one person’s interpretation, of course, but it never seemed like He wanted us to be reliant on Him to the point of co-dependency. 
            I’m agnostic though, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, if my opinion is worth anything to you, then I just want to tell you that you should be trying to find your own happiness and not waiting for it to come to you. That is, if you’re indeed implying that you should wait for God to show you a path to happiness. I disagree. 
            If you were saying that by believing in something greater than yourself, you can have happiness though, then, well, that’s subjective. 
            I’m just glad you found something to make you happy. :)

          • Guest

            There’s nothing wrong with believing in a higher power, but God only helps those who help themselves (from what I understand). This is only one person’s interpretation, of course, but it never seemed like He wanted us to be reliant on Him to the point of co-dependency. 
            I’m agnostic though, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, if my opinion is worth anything to you, then I just want to tell you that you should be trying to find your own happiness and not waiting for it to come to you. That is, if you’re indeed implying that you should wait for God to show you a path to happiness. I disagree. 
            If you were saying that by believing in something greater than yourself, you can have happiness though, then, well, that’s subjective. 
            I’m just glad you found something to make you happy. :)

        • http://twitter.com/jacktreese Jack Treese

          What’s wrong with people having a belief system?  Is it that hard to accept that people are open to believe whatever they want?  Get over yourself.

        • http://twitter.com/jacktreese Jack Treese

          What’s wrong with people having a belief system?  Is it that hard to accept that people are open to believe whatever they want?  Get over yourself.

      • Man

        Why u guys bring religion in everything. everyone is religious of there own.

        • http://www.facebook.com/rycia.fraser Rycia Fraser

          Right? LOL.. I agree. Some ppl just gotta take things out of context and detract from the issue….

      • stranger

        How the fuck religion comes to the picture…seriously open your mind and look further than religion..and stop preaching people….you probably need more help than anyone else out here…

    • http://www.facebook.com/gurwinder85 Gurwinder Singh Dhaliwal

      can we have talk …

      • Hayekpeter1

        lolol @ your comments

  • http://www.lifeoptimizer.org Donald Latumahina

    Personally I take Steve Jobs advice on this one (from his commencement address at Stanford):

    You’ve got to find what you love…Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.

    Keep looking. Don’t settle. You’ll know when you find it. These are what I hold.

    In my opinion, life is not a competition. It’s more important to be what we love than worrying about competition.

    • Indian Guest

      I kiss steve for this :) Don’t settle. Well as he says am not settled yet and looking to do something better than others, yes only to gain wealth. But everyone is discouraging me, even my own mirror discourages me. But posts like this is what acting as energy for me, just like a spinach for Popeye!

      • Binodkumar

        mam actually i love wid a good girl but after sometime she have to go foreign for study i always miss her what we should to do p/z give suggestion

        • Brasco100

           lol! She’s gone! Start looking for another girl dude

          • pete

            lolol

        • bigred

          sorry dude, but Brasco100 is right, she is gone! you should read the Quran!

          • stranger

            Wow…does quran has dating tips? 

          • Shazaam25

            Yeah, actually it does….  Go blow up some group of people including yourself, and you’ll go to someplace with some number of virgins for your pleasures.

          • john

            binod is a hindu why would he read the quran. you ignorant people

    • Farrah_styles

      this is the most relieving words i’ve come across so far. thank you for posting this. now i’m not as worried about life. i feel more relaxed. life really isn’t a competition :) i have to keep reminding myself that.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Seyfe-Michael/100000312833863 Seyfe Michael

        no. you have to keep lying to yourself like that.

        • http://www.facebook.com/rycia.fraser Rycia Fraser

          what you cant let that person have a little relief and confidence?? u gotta stick ur palm in thier face? Whats wrong with you?

          • Hayekpeter1

            chill mate

    • Anonymous

      Life may not be a competition, but unfortunately our economy definitely is. Doing what you love is probably one of the dumbest bits of advice out there. Doing what you love usually does not pay the bills. And that comes before everything else – having a roof over your head, food in the cupboards, means to get around, i.e. the ability to be self sustaining. Only a very few will have the luck to do what they love. The rest of us work to pay the bills, and there’s nothing wrong with that. People can do a good job and shouldn’t be expected to love their jobs. Reality is cold, but you still have to deal with it on its own terms.

      • Katelyn

        I think where your logic is flawed is assuming that there is only one thing that constitutes doing what you love, and that such a job is not going to pay the bills. People can find happiness in any number of things, and people can also pay the bills without slaving away at a job they detest.

        • http://www.theeternalyou.blogspot.com/ Paul Graham

          Hi Everyone,
          What if you love too many things and can’t get clear about a particular thing?
           I love working with my hands (woodworking, mechanical, building, fixing), solving problems (business, technical, etc.), writing poetry and stories, graphic/web design, spending time with my family, freedom & flexibility, outdoor activities, music, etc. I am also pretty good at anything I attempt.
          I haven ‘t found that 1 “thing” that really moves me and I’m 36. I feel blessed that I’m a “Jack of all trades”, but I’d like to be able to focus my talents & energy enough to become a “Master” of something.

          I guess I’m afraid of giving too much of my life only to realize it was in the wrong field or chasing the wrong dream. Of course, toying along with small bits and pieces in a scattered ADD style life isn’t all that rewarding either.
          So what is the answer when dealing with this sort of situation? Should we just pick 1 thing, block out all others temporarily and go all out in that direction? Or do we try to seek something that has as many of our “loves” in 1 carreer?

          This has been a struggle in my life for years and I feel like I haven’t moved forward. I have gained new life and business experience, but my soul is hungry for something that I can’t seem to find.

          Someone once told me that my affliction is a result of being an older soul. He said that I’ve been here, in many different lives and have done “life” in many different ways. In this life, he said that I’m feeling the echos of all my other lives and I’m not sure what to do with this one. It makes sense, (and I do believe in reincarnation), but it doesn’t make it any easier to find direction.

          I know the path I’m on is the right one for my life, but I also know that I’m not living up to my full potential. I feel like I’m wasting my talents and never really developing who I could be. It sounds like many of us feel the same way.

          I know that the “God energy” in this world is part of everthing and we can tap into it and make our worlds what we want them to be, but as we have all discussed, it requires us to get really clear about what we want. I’ve done this in my life here and there, but with short term things like getting a new job, but that was because I convinced myself, (and the Universe) that I really wanted that job.
          Now I am at a crossroads. I have 3 children and a wife who depend on me, I am on unemployment with a small part time job and we are barely scraping by. I never thought I would be on Food Assistance from the government, but that is a reality at this point as well. I’ve gone back to school (was awarded a government grant) to increase my value and ability to earn money, but I am conflicted with where I want this education to take me. Again, I must choose wisely becuase if I take a bunch of classes that I like, they may not apply to my degree. If I take all the required courses to complete an Associates Degree, I will have spent 2 years at least just to get a piece of paper that sadly won’t amount to much in today’s US. economy.  Chasing what I love (graphic design, writing, etc.) may be enjoyable, but I may be in school for 3+ years and still not have a degree.

          Wow…I didn’t realize I had so much to say about this. Obviously I ended up in this site for a reason. If nothing else, to get my thoughts down in black & white. 
          I’ll end with a quote from Jim Rohn (an amazing business and personal development philosopher) that says, “Profits are better than wages. Wages will make you a living, profits will make you a fortune.” He goes on to say that he realized that he could earn profits while he was making a living and he went berzerk! He got up early and stayed up late working on his fortune while he still was earning a living to pay the rent. Eventually, his profits grew and he no longer had to earn wages.

          Best wishes to you all on your journey!

          • Irma Niza Jamal

            Hi Paul,
            I know how you feel about not being able to choose just one path. I have the same problem too. And I’m always being torn between doing what I know I should and doing what would make me happy. So I guess we’re in the same boat.

            I hope you find your path soon. Hopefully I will too. All the best and take care!

          • Irma Niza Jamal

            Hi Paul,
            I know how you feel about not being able to choose just one path. I have the same problem too. And I’m always being torn between doing what I know I should and doing what would make me happy. So I guess we’re in the same boat.

            I hope you find your path soon. Hopefully I will too. All the best and take care!

          • Eric

            Wow dude you sound a lot like me. I’ve been a graphic designer for 25 years and I keep asking myself if its really what I want to do. I love doing it but there are so many things about it that makes me wonder if I should be doing it or if I am any good at it – so the whole time I’m thinking about this time keeps moving – I’m 52. I’ve tried to think of other things I might like to do instead but haven’t been able to come up with anything – I’ve been doing that since I was 28. Oh BTW you don’t have to go to school for graphic design – it helps but when I first started PCs were just coming on to the scene so I learned (like everyone else at the time ) on my own. Anyway hang in there and whatever you do don’t bum out or quit. When you figure something out let me know maybe I can do it too -Peace

          • aslanRoars

            Thank you guys i found some people in my same situation. Compared to other people, many will see me taking the slow-paced lane. but i see a totally different game… however, i still wonder where to spend my “full energy” on… i’m now standing in the verge of pursuing a PhD in Engineering or in Biomedical Engg., But also am inclined in philosophical aspects of these things… and research i like to do …(see it shows). Yeah, maybe i’ll take a step forward and do corrections along the way. Here’s to all my fellow adventurers… cheers!!!

          • Jane

             Hi Paul (and Irma and Eric),
            Wow, I really identify with you folks too.  Is it something about us and not society that’s the problem?  Is it that we can’t create that path that is our own, like others seem to do more easily?  Why not? There is fear here, and insecurity.  Acceptance and enlightenment are good, if we can truly attain them.  Perhaps that is the only way to knowing what we want.  I could chat with you guys for hours, but I have a job to do in the morning that I don’t love.  Tomorrow, though, I will try to get more into it, and forgive myself for my mistakes.
            All the best to everyone.

          • Epiphany

            Bro you are not alone, I feel exactly the same way. I am 30 and unmaried, by fiancee thinks
            I am not serious and says she is tired of waiting cos we have been dating for 4 years now. I still don’t know what to do i just know that I love knowledge and wld want to own my own company. I do we’ll in any area of life cos I have the ability to put in my all in whatever i am doing,but haven’t found the place yet. Hopefully we would all find what makes us tick. One love.

          • rika

            this is me completely!

          • Sophie

            Sometimes I feel so much pressure finding my ideal job, especially when I
            compare myself with super motivated people who knows what they are
            passionate about since they are 4 years old or those who have a real
            sturdy career plan. But I also feel it’s possible to make compromises
            and appreciate what I do if I can’t “do what I love” (because I can’t find
            what I love, or at least can’t turn all the things I like into one career). It’s possible to appreciate doing an “average” job
            (meaning a job you are not passionate about) just because the pay is
            good, the holidays are plenty, some travelling is involved, the
            coworkers are great, the tasks are diversed or the training is paid…
            Maybe that average job allows you to spend more time with people you
            love, or allows you to afford a more costly hobby. Maybe even it’s a job
            you got with not much effort, and if you don’t like climbing up the ladder, selling yourself, sending CVs or whatever, that’s a good enough reason to settle for
            that one.

            It seems we are very focused on finding one ideal,
            perfect job we really want and are passionate about. Compromises and
            balance between jobs, relationships, hobbies, and so on, are really
            underrated compared to “ultimate passions” and “extraordinary
            happiness”. But where is it said you can’t be happy if you have an
            average job?

        • darien

          I could not agree more, thanks for putting a more positive spin on this! My whole life has been filled with family who do what they do not love, I think it is time for me to be that change. I understand that doing “what you love” may not pay the bills. But I see their lives, my family i mean. They come home and just watch television or even worse, they do not think of what they can do to improve their lives rather than be in a complaining rut. 

          For me, I thought film was my dream… I tried it, but I am moving on. People have to know when to stop their dream and think what am i truly capable of… You can never know until you try. I may not have known i did not like film as much until i tried it. So my advice, if you think you can do something, try it. But know when to quit and know when to work harder. Life is not a nice soft toffee cake…. life is harder like a rock. It takes for ever to crush a rock into soft sand. 

          • Pratik Hakay

            Wow.. Its so true – word by word! I identify myself with you guys so thoroughly. And to add more, I am not quitting this search, although its getting so much tougher by the day, but I BELIEVE and KNOW that this is worth fighting and living for.

            Is there a way we all guys can connect and share our thoughts and discuss how we all can help each other. I would extremely like to explore and learn from you all.

          • So Hail

            let’s create a facebook page and gather?

        • Anonymous

          Finding happiness in any number of things is not a focused strategy, which this article states is the path to happiness and goal fulfillment

      • Hayekpeter1

        I LOVE PLAYING WOW  but that doesn’t make money.

        I am a telecommunication engineer ( i don’t like it a lot) that make very good money >> so i can play wow :D

        when u find what you really want and it turn out that it doesn’t make you live choose something else and do the thing you love in your free time as a hobby>> that way your satisfy. PS: sex can make you think better.

      • Hfjfh

        I had this mentality until one day I woke up and realized you only live once. As long as you have a plan you will be fine. I did accounting because it was safe, I worked for a hedge fund because the money was good. I wish I could go back and get the last 5 years of my life back. You live your pitiful life the way you want and I will live mine the way I see fit. You can enjoy life if you draft a plan for yourself that fits you. I quit my job and decided to start my own business, if it fails I will go back to crunching numbers until I can figure something else out. 

        • Shirley

          sigh. me too. I have been studying accounting and finance for 6 years and now im an auditor figuring out what she wants. the work is okay. im okay with accounting. but I don’t want to live my life feeling “okay” about what I do. I want to love what I do even if its tough. but im not sure where and how to start

        • Johanna

          “Loving what you do” is a mental state. Having too many options in life is a very recent phenomena, and it seems to be paralyzing people all over the place! It used to be that growing up in a certain family involved in certain type of work gave a path to their offspring (for the most part). It is true that this work they were inherited into might not have been their “true life calling” (whatever the hell that means), but due to lack of better choice people learned to find joy in their lives even if they didn’t like pulling weeds in the carrot fields (but they were outside..in the sunshine.. getting exercise….=>happy people) This must have been quite the torturous world for the narrowly driven individual, however, who knew their path and life calling but did not have the ability or opportunity to pursue. Today, these driven folk have the world at their finger tips and the others are left directionless. Funny how it works.
          The world is too stimulated and I am so completely paralyzed by all the static myself. I’m going to business school, almost graduating… And all I would like to do is pull weeds in the carrot fields. Can I make a living with carrots?

      • Nick

        If anyone reads this hear me out. I’m in college going for an English degree to become a technical writer, it’s a good paying job and yes there are plenty of jobs out there for English degrees. I have a roof over my head, plenty of food to eat, a family at home that cares about me and I feel miserable. I have to rely on sleep to keep me feeling good, every relationship I’ve ever had with women and friends ended horribly. So tell me anonymous is my life worth living? I think I’d be much happier living in the gutters and knowing I’m chasing my real dream than living a normal life and trying to please other people hoping they might give me what I need. But then again maybe that’s just me.

        • Eskay6

          i feel trapped as well :( so frustrating. i got the ‘dream’ job with great pay and good career path but it’s not what I want and I can’t quit.

      • Dyl

        I’m only speaking about my life, I don’t care what other people choose to do with theirs. But I couldn’t live a life working a job I didn’t love. In my beliefs, this conscience that makes me “Jessica”, this is my one shot at this life. If I worked a job I hated, or even just tolerated, raised a family, they go on and do the same thing. I would live a comfortable and safe life, with not a lot of extreme pain or extreme happiness. It would be a never ending cycle of getting by and comfort. However I want every moment of my life to be bathed in wonder and interest, I want to feel deep pain which helps me appreciate the little things and broaden my perception, and while I know I won’t always get that, I do what I can. I get a lot of shit from my parents for not wanting a family or marriage anytime soon, or maybe ever, and for having vastly different philosophical and spiritual views compared to theirs (orthodox Catholics). I feel very lucky because the job I love pays very very well, and I’m not conflicted by other interests. I only wish I could travel more.

        “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.” -Marc Anthony

    • Camille

      But in the meantime – develop a skill that feeds you.  As an example, I became a nurse.  the wages are relatively good, with flexible hours.  It did this, not because I had a great passion for nursing, but because I was undecided and need to eat.  Now, 20 years later, I am still a nurse, but I have begun to branch out into other interests.  At 43, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I keep taking steps forward, like taking university courses for example.

      • Kim

        Camille, I’m interested in speaking with you. I also became a nurse, but want to find something new (either in nursing or somewhere else). I have been doing research, but I’m still immobile. Any suggestions?

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  • http://www.thefitshack.com JoLynn

    Hi John, thanks for the inspiration! :)

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

    My pleasure JoLynn, it’s people like you who inspire me!

    • Climer Jay

      Hi John,  I also thank you for posting :D God Bless., Bdw, im 22 now and i have a difficulty on finding what i really want to do in life. Reading your article and the comments somehow helped me to feel at ease. ^_^ cj

    • Climer Jay

      Hi John,  I also thank you for posting :D God Bless., Bdw, im 22 now and i have a difficulty on finding what i really want to do in life. Reading your article and the comments somehow helped me to feel at ease. ^_^ cj

    • Climer Jay

      Hi John,  I also thank you for posting :D God Bless., Bdw, im 22 now and i have a difficulty on finding what i really want to do in life. Reading your article and the comments somehow helped me to feel at ease. ^_^ cj

  • http://www.businessadvicedaily.com/ Dave Prouhet

    John,

    What a great post…so true, in today’s world the options are limitless…and the opportunities are so varied and grand. Would be great to see a article (maybe you wrote one already) on how to choose an opportunity and how long you should commit to it. I just started Business Advice Daily, but from the beginning I have a three year commitment to make sure it works. I really enjoy the blog and the associated marketing. It has been really fun to see the blog grow and the audience increase. And like you said set solid goals…thanks for the inspiration for more persperation.

    Dave
    http://www.BusinessAdviceDaily.com/

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

    Dave,

    Making a three year commitment is definitely a good move. You don’t want to give yourself opportunities to back out. When I started this site, I knew it would be a couple years before it really gets established. This really helped during the beginning.

    I haven’t written an article dedicated to choosing an opportunity, partly because I’m still not sure where my own life is going.

    Living your life is entirely personal, some people might switch back and forth between goals their wholes lives, but if this works best for them, who can say otherwise?

  • http://buzdale.blogspot.com/ Buz Dale

    I think that in today’s society, we often don’t take the time to find out what we love. We seem to expect things to come easily and often when they don’t we change course. Much like changing the channel on the TV. IT seemed like there was more on TV when I only had three channels, because at some point I became invested in some of the shows. Now I can barely make it through a commercial without seeing what else is on.

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  • john doe

    where do you go when you dont fit in society or reality,you can hide from one but not both.what if all you can be in life is what life lets you be?what if all life would let you be is nothing like me?

    • http://www.facebook.com/gurwinder85 Gurwinder Singh Dhaliwal

      hhhhhhiiiiiiiiiii

      • Hayekpeter1

        dudeeeeeee O_o XD

    • rahila

      thats very negative,you have one life to live,who cares about society live your life the way you want to people will have alot of interference thats where the problem is ,dont live your life the way people and society want,you have choices and can go any direction you want,make your own decisions and focus on exactly what you want be happy in what you do and take no crap along the way

    • rahila

      thats very negative,you have one life to live,who cares about society live your life the way you want to people will have alot of interference thats where the problem is ,dont live your life the way people and society want,you have choices and can go any direction you want,make your own decisions and focus on exactly what you want be happy in what you do and take no crap along the way

  • http://www.thefitshack.com JoLynn

    @john doe:

    I would highly recommend beginning with loving yourself just as you are. Although I think that there are probably others who are like you and you think you are alone, everything comes back to how you feel about you.

    Until you fully love yourself as you are today, how you perceive you “fit” in society doesn’t matter. I, myself, have often felt like an oddity, but what does it matter? I know that many people feel the same way that I do, they just don’t always talk about it.

    I’d recommend Louise Hay’s book “Love Yourself, Heal Your Life”. Whether male or female, love is where it’s all at, and you begin with loving you. Follow her exercises and see where you get.

    I wish you all the best with this; it will get better if you take the action to work on loving yourself. It is your life and your reality (in your thoughts) that you are living in. As long as you’re not committing crimes against humanity, it’s fine that you are different, in fact it will make you much more interesting. :)

    JoLynn

    • shar

      I really enjoyed your thoughts, thanks for sharing them.

    • Guest

      Some times JoLynn life does dictate to you what you are allowed to be and what your not.  May be this person is  felon and not a violent offender such as myself.  I made a big mistake 12 years ago and it has caused career sucide for me.  People give you advice and you follow it: I have a Master’s Degree in Social Work and 20 years experience and no job prospects but I am very good at what I do. My record cannot be expunged as I have consulted with an attorney.  i have volunteer list 500 miles long and nothing helps.  So now do want to say: keep loving yourself???? The world has turned it’s back on me, am I suppose to keep having positive thoughts? At this point when I have paid my dues so to speak but I still wake up every morning as burdened to my husband because no one will hire me….. I think it’s a disgrace because I can give so much more back to society and Lord knows I don’t expect a huge pay check in return,. that was never my reason for becoming a Social Worker. This isn’t the land of the free only the land of suppression!

  • Brian

    Your comments are perhaps relevant to people with definite skills and abilities to pursue a path. But they aren’t relevant to my son, who has an good knowledge in some areas which seem to have no practical application. I was really looking for help, but didn’t find any. However, I wish you the best.

  • Nocturnal Emissions

    John:

    This article is very inspirational, and for the most part – true, or rather applicable, and equally interesting are the comments you have received!

    Brain:
    You can apply comments in any way you personally interpret them to be. That’s why so many different kinds of people are touched by music, whether it is: rock, classical, or jazz, people are still touched by it. Why? Because ‘some’ unknown mechanism inside of ourselves (presumably) is triggering a relationship between the comment (or the song in my example) and conducting a response that is appropriate in their state of thought.

    What precisely does your son have knowledge of, that you think is not applicable? You see, application of skill is highly relevant to one’s environment. For example, a very skilled car thief, will get into lots of trouble with the law when exercising his skills, however, is a token 17th century like economy, his/her skills might be highly appreciated.

    One more thing…

    JoLynn, your comment was very well put!

    JohnDoe:
    Everyone to some extent thinks they do not fit into society, because they don’t. Do you think there is a ‘norm,’ in our dynamic universe? Of course not, there is only the illusion of the norm, which is prescribed by our society on a regular basis that we believe the illusion of a norm. However no such thing ‘exists,’ (except for in our ideal imaginations) because evidently all life is governed by diversity and (seemingly) sporadic motions. In addition, you should not compare yourself with the lives of others; you are not them, and they are not you, you are you, and whatever that may mean is a conjecture for your fanciful imagination. Perhaps your choice is to do nothing, not even get up from your bed, so be it, that is your choice, but make sure you chose what you want to become, and don’t let the ever-changing tides of society conduct ‘who’ you will be (although to an extent, even control is uncontrollable).

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  • Ryan Williams

    I understand what these guys mean when they say they don’t know where they fit in. This is a big issue in my life right now. I am 24 years old and have pretty much not accomplished anything since I graduated high school. I have jumped from low paying job to low paying job, and taken a few classes in college/universitys. I never get anywhere though. I don’t know what I want to be, and I have no passion for anything other than my loved ones. I feel that as a child I was spread to thin, tried too many things and never stuck to any of them. I played a lot of video games but that hasn’t done anything for me. I always thought I grow up to be a game designer, but have come to realize I know nothing about it and enjoy it even less. I just wanted to come up with the ideas.
    I have discovered that I am good at alot of things, but great at nothing. I don;t even know how to define me. The hardest thing to me is feeling out the “about you” section of something like Facebook. I have always strived to make it that the people I am around like me. And I realize now I’ve developed few intrest/talents/opinions that define the person I am. I now feel like an empty shell floating through life, waiting for someting to happen. And when that is the case it is hard to motivate yourself to do anything other than get by, and I am barely pulling that off. I could go on all day, but I’ll see what you think of what I’ve said thus far.
    -Ryan

    • Richard

      you would be a fantastic psychologist. i mean that in a good way. that empty shell you speak of is a perfect way to be (when youre a psychologist) because it means you are more objective and open minded toward what you study. if you dont have a strong sense of self, that means you are in a great postion to help others. that is the good side of the equation. the other not so ideal side, is that you can help others more when you have a strong sense of self. but you are young, and are empty and eager to fill that emptiness. that journey could be a process in the making of a fantastic psychologist. and you never stop being a student of the mind. our weaknesses end up to be our strengths eventually.. so therefore, youre emptiness will eventually be your strength. start taking classes in psychology and good luck.

    • David

      Ryan, After reading your personal story,I thought I was reading about myself. I’m 51 and have spent my adult life going thorough what you’ve been experiencing. I had a career in the travel industry for 22 yrs. Until I just couldn’t do it any more. Looking back I was so very passionate about my job until management and the general public broke me and left a bad taste in my mouth for what I once loved and was proud of. Now I ask myself this same question…What now. All I want to do is sleep in! Bless you.

    • Julian

      Hey Ryan,
      Im in the same situation as u mate, 23 at my first year of uni as a physiotherpist, but not enjoying it and realised that physiotherapy industry is going down hill. but i dont know what else id do as i dont really have any strengths or money making skills…how have you gotten along since your post? have u found what you want to do in life? im interestd in ur progress as it could help me decide what i want to do – cheers, Julian

    • Sunshine222008

      Same thing here. Ill be 25 soon and im absolutely lost. Im good at things or maybe just ok, but never pursued anything further. So here i am stuck and lost in life, sad to say its put me into depression and anxiety. *sigh* so your response sounded like where im at. Made me feel good to know im not the only one.

    • Strwbrryswng

      3 years later, do you think you’ve found what you were loooking for?

    • Aa

      Me too :(

    • Kim

      4 years later and I hope you have found something that has turned the tables around. I must admit, like others I felt like I was reading about myself here. I am 22 and I graduated last year in Education Studies. I have been trying to pursue a career in teaching for the last 5 years and only recently, it has hit me that I can’t really see myself teaching or that I’m just put off the idea due to the lack of employment(so it feels that way). Right now, I don’t know what I want to do in life or even worse who I am anymore. I suppose everything seems to be falling apart little by little and now I am questioning myself.  I suppose I lacked role models in life (long story) but all I want like most people is to be successful and not having to worry about living expensense. I’ve travelled south east asia for 6 months after graduation hoping to find some answers but to be honest this hasn’t really helped me.  When does life begin? When do I start knowing who I am and what I want to do. I don’t believe in waiting for something to happen, I believe we make it happen.. I suppose I just need some ‘guidance’ because I can’t keep living like this. Sometimes I think I am going insane but I am too scared to see a therapist since I don’t want this on my track record just incase I do go into teaching. I just don’t want to waste life following a dream that’s not even real..  Then again I don’t want to fail in life. 

      • Cordelia

        Kim, 

        I’m gonna say that you’re not so unfortunate as you say you are based on the things that you’ve managed to accomplish as far as education goes. Being able to graduate from college with Education Studies and striving to pursue teaching is actually better than NOTHING. Unlike you, I’ve only manage to do 1 year in University for a degree in Fine Arts, in which I was barely passing courses so I doubt I can make it for 3 more years of school. Prior to that, I was spent so much time trying to figure out what I want that I couldn’t even motivate myself to find a job just to save up for a rainy day. Fortunately right now I’m just working full-time at a fast food restaurant, which is better than not having anything to do with my time. I still aspire to become an artist, it’s always been my dream and as long as you continue to work, whether it’s to do more research, network, or finish up with school, a dream will soon be a reality. I’ve been on the same boat as you as far as feeling like a failure and being so overwhelmed with fear, that I came to a point where a therapist or counselor was exactly what I needed to get my life on track. And I’ve never regretted having one to help me out with whatever that’s holding me back. There’s no shame in seeing a therapist if you know that there’s simply no other way for you to get to where you want to be. But you have to start somewhere ’cause I know that the only reason to fail in life is do quit moving.

    • Trissy

      Same things happen for me in recent. Im 24 years old with less than 1 year working experience after graduate from University. My whole life just seem like going smooth with ‘god’ blessed or you may said its fate. My university course was choosed by me (which in my top 8 list), but I just simply put the name and don’t even know what is the course study for. I bet not much people know what Geomatics (a.k.a land survey) is. But, I do enjoy the 4 years life time in University because I was learned new things that I haven’t try before in past 20 years. When I’m almost finish my Uni, I was simply apply a job that ‘pop’ in my brian. At that moment, my brain ‘ask’ to to apply quantity surveyor (QS) and I just did. Mostly is because of I scare to be the last one among coursemate who get the employed after graduate. That is very ridiculous why my mind will ‘pop’ the job – QS, which I also never understand. Fortunately, I success to get the job and work until now. Unfortunately, I feel boring with this job. I can’t even determind that is my problem or is the company problem that make me feel depressed. I need to know the answer only I can move on to make changes. I need to know is my problem that I don’t like the job (as a QS) or is the company problem that I’m not suit with the working condition in this company. If that is my problem, I have to change myself; but if is the company problem, then I have to change company. So that brings me to another more headache problem, that is, what I actually like to do? I want to be good in everything, or master in one skill will do? I totally very confuse and blur in this few months. It just like lost in middle of road, do not know which road should I continue. Should I choose to be myself or to be the social? The answer in my heart is to be myself, but, what am I want? I cant even have the 1st major answer, how can I continue?    
       
      Another sad things is my thinking always deny my own decision. That is another me who just too negative, rasional & realistic and will always bring me back to real world which need money to pay rent & bills. It make me scared of make dreams, it tell me I must face the world with money in hand but not dreams in head. Im just like in battle with myself right now. I like this company because they are all nice, but no project in hand make me everyday just do a officer job. I just feel waste time for me. In the other hand, Im scare after I quit, im not suit with the new job, then it will make alot of problems some more. Im just way too scared of failure, scare to facing it, I will just run away from it. Im so depressed. I really don’t know who can help me. Im a quite person and scare of public, I only feel free when together with my buddies.

      • Kaoya

        wow. I understand what you feel.

    • Trissy

      Same things happen for me in recent. Im 24 years old with less than 1 year working experience after graduate from University. My whole life just seem like going smooth with ‘god’ blessed or you may said its fate. My university course was choosed by me (which in my top 8 list), but I just simply put the name and don’t even know what is the course study for. I bet not much people know what Geomatics (a.k.a land survey) is. But, I do enjoy the 4 years life time in University because I was learned new things that I haven’t try before in past 20 years. When I’m almost finish my Uni, I was simply apply a job that ‘pop’ in my brian. At that moment, my brain ‘ask’ to to apply quantity surveyor (QS) and I just did. Mostly is because of I scare to be the last one among coursemate who get the employed after graduate. That is very ridiculous why my mind will ‘pop’ the job – QS, which I also never understand. Fortunately, I success to get the job and work until now. Unfortunately, I feel boring with this job. I can’t even determind that is my problem or is the company problem that make me feel depressed. I need to know the answer only I can move on to make changes. I need to know is my problem that I don’t like the job (as a QS) or is the company problem that I’m not suit with the working condition in this company. If that is my problem, I have to change myself; but if is the company problem, then I have to change company. So that brings me to another more headache problem, that is, what I actually like to do? I want to be good in everything, or master in one skill will do? I totally very confuse and blur in this few months. It just like lost in middle of road, do not know which road should I continue. Should I choose to be myself or to be the social? The answer in my heart is to be myself, but, what am I want? I cant even have the 1st major answer, how can I continue?    
       
      Another sad things is my thinking always deny my own decision. That is another me who just too negative, rasional & realistic and will always bring me back to real world which need money to pay rent & bills. It make me scared of make dreams, it tell me I must face the world with money in hand but not dreams in head. Im just like in battle with myself right now. I like this company because they are all nice, but no project in hand make me everyday just do a officer job. I just feel waste time for me. In the other hand, Im scare after I quit, im not suit with the new job, then it will make alot of problems some more. Im just way too scared of failure, scare to facing it, I will just run away from it. Im so depressed. I really don’t know who can help me. Im a quite person and scare of public, I only feel free when together with my buddies.

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com John Wesley

    Ryan,

    To me it seems like you are waiting for your passion to come up and grab you. I used to think the same way, and it doesn’t work. Instead of waiting, I recommend actively looking for what you want to do.

    Try to new things, experiment, take some chances. You’ll never find what you are really good at unless you get out there and look for it.

  • Ryan Williams

    I’m definitly trying, but as much as everything cost these days, Its pretty tough to get out their any explore, when your struggling to pay your bills.

    Ryan

  • http://www.powerofmortality.com/ Patrick Mathieu

    In my opinion, the only thing worse than not knowing where you want to go – is going somewhere only to find out that you don’t REALLY want to be there! Life is too short to spend time on something unless you are SURE that it will leave you happy in the end.

    My test for deciding what you really want?

    If something is causing you some degree of stress, frustration, anger, anxiety – or ANY other negative emotion, simply ask yourself: “Is this worth it? If I knew that I only had six months left to live, would I want to spend my time and energy on this?”

    • http://pickthebrain.com chima

      i’m 21yrs old,am a student,am in my final year. i want to be independent, and there is some one there to sponsore me, pls help me i have prayed to my heavenly father, i want to know why am here, because i dont have any goal ahead of me, i need help because this generation i find my self, i will like to contribute something good.pls help me.

    • Venkat

      hey hai thank u

    • Trissy

      Patrick, I understand your question and I have ask myself also ‘ what will i want to do if the world end 2012 is truth?’. very sad to say that my answer is “i do not have anything wish to do even world ends soon. I can die now, I won’t feel regret or feel sad about it, i dont even missing anyone”. This answer scared me, because I scare of living with this thought in the rest of my life for the next 10/20/30/40 years. However, I can sure that I wont suicide.

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  • http://usiku.net Usiku

    We can gain a better understanding of what we want by opening the gift of childhood.

  • http://www.urbanmonk.net Albert | UrbanMonk.Net

    Finding out what you really want truly is so important, one of the most important things in the world. Sadly most of us live according to what others want – our parents, society, TV. Sucks, but even now I still feel some old conditioning working on me.

    Cheers,
    Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
    Modern personal development, entwined with ancient spirituality.

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  • http://lehammurabi.blogspot.com Raphael S.

    Hi John,

    I appreciate your slew of wisdom. I found your blog a few days ago. — about your post: When I first started attending college, I knew that it wasn’t for me, or at least felt that way. I decided to leave and get a job working in film (which is what I wanted to do). I did that for about 4 years and reached some success. But then, about a year ago, I decided I wanted to finish my education. I’ve been attending school ever since, at a community college here in Los Angeles, and it’s fantastic. For about $20 a unit I’m taking great classes, and learning great stuff. I also bought a few books on tape, which I can highly recommend: (check out http://www.theteachingcompany.com)

    Here’s my question for you and for other readers: I’m applying to schools now to transfer. I’m considered a non-traditional student, because I didn’t follow the “normal” path. I’m about to be 24 and applying to finish my undergrad degree. Some schools seem to frown upon this. Whatever. I’m wondering, in your opinion, does the institution matter? Maybe, not so much the institution, but the professors the institution is able to garner? Or the other students? Or the resources?

    Am I better transferring to some place like UC Santa Barbara this fall, or waiting another year and applying to some of the “couture brand” institutions?

  • http://lehammurabi.blogspot.com Raphael S.

    For Patrick:

    I disagree with you that “the only thing worse than not knowing where you want to go – is going somewhere only to find out that you don’t REALLY want to be there!” Life is an experiment and you have to be ready to try stuff and see how it works out. Sure, life is short, that’s why if you don’t like something then you have to be prepared to move on. But if you DON’T do something based on it being stressful or frustrating then your actually ending up worse: there was some post, I think it was on this site, about the different learning curves between a drop-out, an amateur and an expert…the drop-out does what he does because of frustration, the amateur makes it to where he is with time, the expert makes it to where he is through time, focus and passion to make it where he’s gotta.

    I worked for some time in film, because I thought that it’s what I wanted to ultimately do, but after some time, I realized that it wasn’t, that there’s more in life than just that, and I moved on. And it’s totally ok.

    • Trissy

      I like to have some new try, but i’m not sure how long it takes for me to 100% confirm that this job not suit me. Because I scare i miss-understand the tough condition to not suit. Then will waste my time. I just way too less confidence.

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  • http://www.drjerm.com/Self-Improvement-Guide/What-Is-Your-Purpose.php Finding Your Purpose – Jeremy Johnson

    This is a very good question and you’ve outlined some very good things. I really like the emphasis on being focused and narrowing down to specific goals. Finding what you want really takes some soul searching and the knowledge that what you really want will always take effort through the good times and bad.

    • Sara13

      I am in a situation at the moment- i did go to university because for some reason i was completely dreading it. I know now that i was feeling not ready and i didn’t want to do the course i chose. I have no idea what i want to do. I know i need to go out and do work experience and experiment but i am stuck in the pit that i cannot get out of. I am being lazy and non-proactive – i have no motivation at all and i feel so low right now. It doesn’t help neither that my family are (although they don’t say it) disappointed in me.

      • Christine

        Sara, I feel like you just hit me spot on. 

        I graduated from college in 2011. By the time I graduated, I felt like the main thing I accomplished was realizing how much I disliked what I spent my last 4 years studying. Right now, I am working, doing something I never saw myself doing and quite unrelated to what I studied. Not only is working here only confirming why I never saw myself doing this, but, also that I won’t continue down this road. However, I am just grateful that I got the privilege to realize this now in this impressionable state of my life. Ever since I graduated, I’ve felt so confused, a bit lost and quite sadden about not knowing what I want to do with my life. Furthermore, the pressure from my family constantly telling me to go back to school and go pursue this or go pursue that (things I have absolutely no interest in) hasn’t helped at all. Because of this, and other things, I have no motivation to do anything. I feel like I’m stuck. It’s just frustrating because I don’t want to be like this; I want to make moves and do something worth my while….I just have no idea what that is. I have no idea where to begin.
        It’s always nice to come to places like this and read stories from people who are going through the same thing you are; helping relieve that feeling of being alone. It’s nice to find a little encouragement, especially when it’s so greatly lacking in your life.

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  • neelam

    hey there, thanks

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  • Mo

    My problem is that I have worked so hard for years and have accomplished everything I wanted. I have an amazing well paid job and live in another country in a great house driving a great car but now I don’t know what to do with myself.

    Where do I go from here?

    I have some hobbies I could take up but they don’t seem to interest me as much as they did.

    The one area that hasn’t turned out like I wanted is my love life.

    • http://writerswhirlpool.blogspot.com Usiku

      Just spend some time getting to know the rest of yourself first and developing friendly relationships. I believe that many of the things we should be doing now were in our desires from childhood. Revisit those years to remember the things you thought about and said you would do.

    • Strwbrryswng

      Travel. The world’s a beautiful place :)

  • Jonathan

    This is my senior year, and college is right down the block. Most of my senior friends, already have an idea, or have already started studying subjects based on their careers. And whenever they ask me what my plans for the future are, i say, I’m going to study medicine. It’s a fair enough answer for them, but not for me. As you know medicine has thousands of fields, and i haven’t decided what i really want. I just hope to find it out soon, before i run out of time.

  • Nikki

    John, I happened upon this article from a Google search, and apparently, I’m a year late. I hope you’re still around and have some avenue for knowing when there are new posts.

    I am Pete. Pete and I may have different back stories or choose different avenues for making all this money, but the person you described is exactly me. Here’s the important question to which I do not see the answer:

    Okay, let’s say Pete pushes past the realities and the limitations. Let’s say he forces those out of his mind. Let’s say he looks exclusively at his own talents and interests and compares those to how they match up with each high paying profession on his list. Let’s say he makes the list of what he needs to do. Okay, he’s done it. Great. Now what the heck is Pete supposed to do? He has a family. He’s supporting four people on 50K per year. He DOESN’T have money to go back to school. He can’t get a master’s or JD or whatever he decides upon because his Bachelor’s degree was never finished. He has no money for school and he can’t get financial aid because he exhausted all available funds when he went to college the first time. There really isn’t any money for school, so which is the reason he fails? Is it because he doesn’t focus because he doesn’t want to want something only to find that he has no means of achieving it?

    Tell Pete and me how to overcome completely limiting physical realities and I’m sure we’ll both be raring to go.

    • Trissy

      Nikki, if you really have the burden of family need your money to support, then you actually have no choice just to choose realistic rather than what you like to do.  This is a very realistic world. If you wish to chase your dreams or what you like to do, then you have to give up what beside you, unless you very lucky to have a family who will support you.

  • Joe

    John Wesley. i’m joe from malaysia. this few days i met many problem. my english not that good enough but i hope u do understand what i wrote. do you have e-mail add ? so that i can write to you and get your advise. i got a lot to ask you. hope that you are able to help me.

  • http://blogtoread.com/ way

    Sometimes we think we want something, but when we get closer we change out mind and decide that we hate it.
    We really need to be certain what we want and not just guess or hope. You have good ideas in your post why some people fail…

  • vivian

    well,I have to say thank you.In fact,I keep thinking about it for a long time,what do i really live for?I made my mind that I have to be clear that what i really want in a short time cause I don’t want to waste my life any more.

  • mohamed

    well,I have to say thank you.In fact,I keep thinking about it for a long time,what do i really live for?I made my mind that I have to be clear that what i really want in a short time cause I don’t want to waste my life any more.

  • http://tradexmindnow.com JorgeN

    Very insightful. Life is a journey; embrace it as such. Tony Robbins recently introduced me to a wonderful software that helps program your mind for success and achieve anything it wants. I believe it complements the message of this article – put your goals and key messages in front of you for maximum impact.
    Ohhh, here’s the link: http://www.tradexmindnow.com
    JorgeN

  • coolsap

    man!!! you are a rockstar.. cant believe there r so many like me.. i am 25 n fully confused what i want 2 do..m havin cyclical thoughts on tht.. got this link searching for i really want you lyrics at 1 35 in the night..strange conincidence..it seems like the story is on me.. but this confirms my thoughts are correct.. thanks

  • Austin

    I’m a 23 yr old in my first year in the university and having alot of problems with who I really am in the society.I don’t really know what I want 2 do most notably because I have been in the same class 3 times now and in 2 different schools.My main aim is 2 get into school and graduate with a top class grade but when ever I’m in school,I realise I’m very different than other students and find it difficult 2 mix up and get information from other students as a result really feel moody all the time.I’ve read alot of motivational pages but have not been able decide who I really am.I really want 2 know who I am and what I want Irrespective of what other people think.I succeded in disappointing my loved ones on more than one occassion.getting into school has never been my problem but it has always been the issue of having enough drive to pursue it to the letter that has always been my problem and therefore end up making mistakes that cost me dearly.I hasn’t only been with my accademics that I have this problem but my social life as well.I think the basic thing is just to love myself as I am but that has not really worked for me because I end up feeling down most of the time.Pls I really need advise.

    • Julian

      Hi Austin
      Im 23 and in my first year of university and not really enjoying it but dont know what else id do. Im just wondering how u have gotten along since your post? have u found out what you want to do in life? Hope all is well – cheers

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    • grassman

      Yep, so encouraging.

  • http://www.mychaga.com/shareross Share Ross

    This article still stands true today. It is crucial to focus our intentions upon a clear path. The clearer the better. The challenge is choosing that path amongst the myriad of choices available.

    As an artist, I get weighed down with so many ways to go, this article is a terrific reminder. Thank you.

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  • LLL

    THIS JUST BRINGS MY HOPES DOWN I FEEL SO USELESS AND I KNOW WHAT I WANT BUT I CANT DO IT IF IM STUCK IN SCHOOL HERE!!!

    (MIDDLE SCHOOL)

    I KNOW WHAT I WANT BUT ALMOST EVERY GIRL AT MY AGE WANTS IT TOO AND ITS SO IMPOSSIBLE I MEAN I OVERHEARD MY DADS FRIEND SAYING I REALLY GOT THE TALENT FOR IT AND THAT I NEED TO GET INTO A SCHOOL FOR IT BUT THE ONLY SCHOOL FOR IT IS OVER A MILLION MILES AWAY I JUST WISH I COULD DO WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ALL THIS DOES IS BRING EVERYONES HOPES DOWN IN A SMARTY TALK LANGUAGE SO WE COULD BELIVE IT! DO U WANT US TO FAIL IN LIFE OR WHAT!!!

    then again i didn’t read the whole thing because i dont really feel like reading rite now. yaya i no im spelling rong o well its not like im in school or any thing.

    things at school keep making me feel im usless but my conshens keeps telling me its b cuz i havent shown my talent yet.

    btw what i want to be is like a pianoist/singer i mean my dads friend or something told him i was good at playing the piano and no one even taught me anything i mean could i at least get one lesson! Plus im in choir and im singing with the city choir on sunday and my choir teacher and my parents tell me im a good singer but i cant do anything about it!

    I belive that once you find a talent you should use it and use it for good. Thats exactly what im TRYING to go for but i have no idea on how to go for it. PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL KIDS TO CHASE THEIR DREAMS BUT HOW COULD THEY CHASE THEM IF THEIR STUCK IN SCHOOL?!? Its impossible for kids to follow their dreams with their school limits and other limits. I think the sky should be the limit and the sky is pretty high on planet Earth. I just want a way thats possible to follow my dreams and finnaly catch them.

  • http://vixstar1314.wordpress.com/ vixstar

    wow, its kind of a relief to know that there are people feeling just like me. I’m 22 recently graduated, came back from traveling. Now wondering what I should do with my life. Quite confused about the whole issue. But I think whilst surfing the net I have discovered a tad of light. And ironically just before graduating one of my lecturer’s showed us the Steve Job video that Donald Latumahina mentioned above. which has reminded me a bit about our purpose in life. Pursue what is right for you, not what others think. At the end of the day you live with the consequences of your own actions. so live without regrets, follow your heart. Even at times when you feel alone and the road is tough. Believe in yourself, believe in God! Have faith and hope all!!!!! ^_^

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    i really dont know what do i want.but still have a little hope!

  • whereamigoing

    well this is my story…im indian and as an indian, parents usually force you to becoming a doctor, engineer or anything with a high salary that brings a lot of respect. i’m currently in dental school in india, since it was the faster way to becoming a dentist. I have had a little interest in high school and took some pre med courses at the university i attended for 1 year, just in case. I didnt like the courses i was taking so i decided to switch over to business. well I wasn’t too excited when my dad brought up the idea of coming here and my dad, being a psychiatrist, tells me ”its up to you..i’m not forcing you.” I knew deep down he wanted me to come here because he want whats best for me..i mean whose parents don’t want the best for their child? they have supported me financially my whole life and alot of people dont have that type of support. so he buys me and my mom first class tickets, just to motivate me more. we go to the city where the dental college is to observe and look at it. i know deep down they wanted me to go here. i wanted to say no because the campus, environment, students, everything was sooo much different then where i was currently going at the time. im in my third year here and im losing interest more and more every year..im starting to have trouble here and i just feel like i need to start fresh back at home…maybe at some community college. i feel like life is about doing what you as a person need to do, not what society, and even family tells you to do..but in my situation being indian and all, its hard to step up to them. i recently told them i don’t like it here, and they just get angry. i’m so confused and lost.

    • Julianna

      The bottom line is THIS IS YOUR LIFE. You feel every moment of it. And since only you can feel what you feel, and your parents can’t get inside of your head to feel your feelings, they are not really in the position to tell you what to do. I mean if they actually can get inside your head and feel your pain, they would probably say something like “son/daughter, I can feel how much pain you are in, you should quit dentist school and study the subject of your choice”.

      You ONLY have one life to live! Sometimes you have to be a little selfish with your career choice. This selfishness is well justified, cause you know why? You have ONE life to live, and after you are dead, you are gone forever. While you are here, do what makes you feel joy. You only have one shot, one life to feel joy!

    • Trissy

      I always belive that we have to sacrify if we want to gain new things. Its very hard for you to choose, but thats only way you can bet. If you not willing to let down your parents, then you have to swallow your wish/dreams and follow what they want. This is the way for you to pay back and make them happy in rest of their life. Second ways, follow your heart do what you want and let them go. You might face difficulties which they do not approve you, you might feel depress, alone, sad, bla bla bla. But, I do believe your parents will understand you one day, if you really decide to follow your heart, from the way your father treat you. Actually from this 2 ways, if you work hard and get through the tough time, I belive you will see the happy ending also. So the Main Point is, choose the path you like to walk (for yourself – whether you wan to be you or you want to be a good child), and do it! Do not feel regret after choose/when facing any difficulties. Just continue walk and believe in your choice! You will see the rainbow ahead.    

  • Jakoza

    well it’s interesting topic, and I’m from Sudan (in middle east – north Africa) well i know what i want to do, but i don’t know how to do it, and yes it’s so complicated when you feel that your in love in some things that you want to do but u don’t know how to do, by the time past you will feel that the passion that you have and the energy that you have it gradually fade, till you feel empty and defeated person without hope and dreams. some time dream hurt you when you want to do some thing that you can’t do it or you can achieve it. as in my situation i want to be a graphics designer, and what dream that i have but by the time past without finding some one to support me from my family or from any where, i start to look back from it, because it’s so hard on me to stand up alone, and you must have some one to lean on it. till no i look back and trying to re-back it (my dream) but nothing it’s still just like i left it a big gap between me and between my dream blocking me to achieve or to walk behind my dream, but im still waiting and im fighting to do what i love to do. And im sorry if my language not understandable.

  • Aspirin

    I am 40 years old and still wondering what I should do. Part of my problem is that I was probably too intelligent for my own good (sorry, I’m not bragging). I never had to work hard to be top of the class, and I never gave any time thinking about what I wanted to do with my life because it was assumed that I would be a doctor or similar. And so I studied Medicine. I did enjoy science and biology so I went with the flow and eventually became a doctor. After a few years, I realised this wasn’t for me. I took some time off, got interested in computers and games, and decided that I would become a game designer. I went back to university to study computer science and then graduated, but couldn’t find a job in the gaming industry, so then got a job with a standard IT company that had some clinical software too. And guess what, this is not what I want to do, but with a wife and a huge mortgage, I’m stuck. Worse still, even if I could go back to school or get a lower paying job, I don’t know what I would do.

    However, part of me is coming to understand that I can never be happy doing the same thing for any length of time. I get bored so easily. Once I know enough about that field, it bores me silly. I have had different dreams, but to achieve a dream takes time, and during that time I, myself have changed and no longer have that dream. So I’m incapable of being happy. The only way I can see myself being happy is by winning the lottery so that I can indulge myself by doing something for a year or two, then going back to university, then doing something else for another year or two. Because without having stacks of money, chopping and changing career every couple of years is surely the way to poverty.

    And I can see myself when I’m 70, and finally retired, looking back on my life and thinking “What a waste. All that time, and suffering, and now nothing to look forward to.” But what’s the alternative? Quite possibly if I indulge myself I’ll end up at 70 looking back at my life, but rather than being seated in a comfortable chair in front of the TV, I’ll be wrapping myself in newspapers on the street.

    • Matter

      Hello Aspirin.
      I have to tell you that I, too, am in a similar situation, married, kids, and a mortgage. Being 46 now I have also reached that point where I ask myself “what have I done with my life to date?” When I look back on it and what I have done, I have to at least acknolwedge that I have made it this far, have a marriage and children. Yet, I still yearn for more. I yearn for the satisfaction that comes from being passionate about work, truly loving what I do with my mind and my hands so that setbacks encourage me to do better, improve, etc…However, I am in an occupation (sales) where my heart finds little joy in the daily grind. I feel lifeless. I hate Mondays and Sunday evenings…anticipating Mondays, etc. There was a time when that was not so, when I had dreams and pursued those dreams without concern for financial gain. those were happy times, yet, they, too, had their moments of anxiety as it was more difficult to pay the bills.

      My true desire now is to write. A fantasy perhaps? However, I have spent a good deal of time on this type of pursuit yet the lack of earnings in the area of authoring books (unless you are famous) is quite modest.

      Do you want to know what you love to do? I would suggest looking at your bookshelf and observing the pattern of books that reside there. This will tell you quite a lot about what your mind and heart search for.

      Take a look at that bookshelf and see what you think. then, report back here and let us know what you find!

      Good luck…to you …and me… :)

      • Paul Graham

        Hi there…its a year later & I’m curious where your dreams have taken you. Your story is identical to mine which is comforting to some degree. However, I think we can really learn from each other along our journeys.

        I hope to hear from you.

        Paul

    • Trissy

      I wonder if I have the same probelm with you, easily get bored when feel like know enough. Im having my 1st job as a quantity surveyor now while I was studied land survey in University, which totally not related although have a word ‘survey’.  Until present i have work for 10 months, and i feel bored about this job and environment. I wish to change new job, but i totally no idea what should i choose for. So im stuck in middle which i was not happy in company right now, but i dunno what else i can do. so i dont quit yet because i have to earn money to continue my living. Im very blur is that i have same easily bored attitude or actually i really don’t like this job. im very confuse.

  • emran

    this is the best article i have ever read! simple yet inspiring..coool!

  • http://www.ido-doi.com Stella Aghenie

    You will have times in your life when you will feel like you’re the most unattractive person to walk the Earth. You will need somebody to pull you aside and say – you will not reach higher with your hands in your pockets. You can set many records, if you do guarantee yourself that you will do what you promise yourself, and listen to your dreams, to self improve faster

  • Badri

    Aspirin,

    I thought it was me when i read your post and you have written with true feeling and blunt honesty. In fact, while walking on the terrace for about 40 minutes, i was asking the same question “What do I really want?”. I had some vague responses that were more logical than emotional and hence the credibility factor is quite low.

    Matter,

    I took your advice and looked at my bookshelf. It has lots of biographies of corporate and achievers from different fields. Then there are books on self-improvement but mostly the former category. I am keen to know what you make out of that piece of information!

    Cheers

    Badri

  • http://www.pickthebrain.com yasmine

    hi,iam yasmine,iam from egypt , iam 21 years old am from egypt,i don,t know exactly what i could do, or what i should do,i just finished my universety study 3 months ago,my studty was about supply chain it has arelation with managment ,commerce and part of my study was about maritim transport, which is my fathers jop, i choose this universty to be able to help my dad in his work,but unfourtainly the study wasnt focused on the maritim , so there are alot of things that i dont know about that field,iam my fathers only daughter, i feel that my dad is alone he begain to be older one year after the other and i think he is tired he was waiting for me to help him, but now i will marry after one month as we in the arab countries most of the girls get marry early,……….. all my wishes to find the way to work with my dad and to improve the work to make it expand all over the world,to make our agency multi national, and to gain more money and to make sucess, and to make my father proud of me,… but i dont know how could i do that ,from where i should start, dad refused to help me this time, i think he couldn’t stand for me much more, and although my fiance didnt want me to work…….

  • neverborn

    hi

  • Marc

    What you really want? I have the answer.
    I don’t want anybody to kill himself/herself but don’t take it seriously (just read)
    when you get to live enough, you realize that the life has no meaning. It is literally empty. In addition, you are alone in this universe. You may have wife, children, relatives etc. but you are still by yourself. When people realize this they do different things; some try to fill this emptiness with drugs or alcohol; some dedicate themselves to helping other people; some set up charity and some of them go crazy and start killing other people.
    Actually, the question of “what do I want” should be put into correct context. The real question is “My conscious realizes that I will die one day. What is the best way to use my scarce time in this world and leave my mark in this world so that people can remember me and I can satisfy my big ego”
    That’s all I got to say about this.

    • Venkyrgm

      great one…..
       

  • elisa ferreira

    Marc,
    ‘touché’, and thanks, that’s a ‘dark’ish’ way to approach the issue,and probably the most realistic and honest. witty too, if you see the positive side of it, really liked it!, Obrigada! elisa*

  • Priss

    Wow. That was deep. I am 23 and feel in a huge rut. I know the things I would like to do but it comes down to surviving. I feel like that always comes first and doing the things in order to survive are not the things I want to do. I hope that makes some sense. The main thing that is important to me is money. I cannot live without a job, therefore Ive gone from job to job. I was going to school but after my dad losing his job I could not afford my books. I pay rent, therefore it comes down to just focusing on my rent and being able to eat. I want more and don’t want to live on the edge anymore but at the same time I don’t really believe in the path of going to college and having success. It just seems like a scam. It seems to me either way ,you are a slave to the system. I really don’t want to have to owe some years of my life to loans. Here I am now, sick of working for people. Im so tired of working these odd jobs and dealing with shitty managers and supervisors. My tolerance for this has gone down very low and Ive quit 2 jobs within 6 months. I thought working and saving up would be a plan so I could do the things I want to do. But being that my tolerance has gone extremely low and I can barely find a job that will give me the hours I need ,it all just seems to be leading me nowhere. I don’t want to work for people anymore. So that leads me to going to school and learning something I can start my own business with. However I can’t figure out what that would be. Not only that but in my mind, Im stuck on this, nothing is guaranteed thing. But thats even worse becauce it would be like not trying at all. I really don’t think I was made for this and I just don’t understand the point of this whole thing. It just seems like I have to live and do what the majority is doing and whatever happens… happens.

  • Affen

    Reading this article is afwully close to things i think about, eventhough i am only 20

    I went trough high school in the netherlands with al lot of ease and a ton of friends. Due to my and my friends ability to learn fast we had tons of spare time, which we spent reading al kinds of books, playing video games, watching tv and hanging out with friends, making music, partying hard. Enyoying ourselves. Overall, good times.

    Passed my exams not knowing wat i really wanna do in life because i am interested in so many proffessions and science fields , i am very much spread out to thin. I chose to study archictecture eventhough the vast majority of classes i took were exact sciences. In the first week of studying architecture i realized it was not for me, al the desinging stuff . I gave it some thought and realized i only chose for studying architecture only because the whole atmosfere the students created was fantastic to me, and because i did not want to do calculus, because i am very bad at math. Kind of scared myself away from that. I realized i never thougt about what i wanted to do

    So i transferred that same year to another university, which did not work out either. I really had some intensly dark moments that year, as life as i knew it fell to pieces, seeing my best friend studying medicine having a great time, whilst i was failing classes the rest of the year long due to demotivation. I did manage to actually pass some classes in chemistry, because they were group projects so i had some fun interacting with people and chemistry interests me. The next year, this year i chose to study chemistry to someday be a chemistry teacher.

    However, i struggle to motivate myself. I pass my classes barely awhilst working hard for them, meanwile a close friend of mine is studying biology doing very little and having the timeof his life. I just somehow can’t make myself feel happy, i truly miss the happyness and social life of high scool, which just is not present nowadays. I really tried having fun with fellow chemistry students, and some of them are cool people, i just feel like shit for not enjoying my life .

    I am now 20 years old, i wasted a year of mylife already,and i am now in the first year of universty studing chemistry being not happy. Meanwhile my friends are good second year students enyoying what they do, and i have to deal with personal problems .

    My dad says i have to try and make the best of things studying chemistry, but i spend a lot time contemplating about my life and what i want to do with it. I just want to enjoy mylife, and not feeling like i do now. I feel like i am having a midlife crisis,but i am only 20.

    • Julianna

      Hi Affen, I’m probably in no position to offer any definitive answers to you, as I am in the process of choosing between full-time job or law school, which is why I stumbled upon this blog by literally searching on google “how do I know what I want to do” =P so you’re not alone. Tons of people of your age are just like you, not knowing what to do. But I do have two stories from my friends that perhaps can make you feel better.

      First story, my friend took a year off after high school to work at a restaurant, earn lots of tips money and started university the year after. She studied for one year and just felt like the program was not right for her, so she took a semester off and travel in Europe. But after traveling she still doesn’t feel if her program is right for her, so she transferred to another program. As far as I know, she is still not happy with her program. Will she ever find the thing that she wants to do? Who knows. No one can help her other than herself. But this is something I learned in life that “you can never really do what you want exactly, but you can always do what you FEEL.” Because no one can have the perfect life doing exactly what they want, but the thing is that you always have a choice, and you can make that choice based on how you feel. So ask yourself what do you feel?

      Second story, a friend of mine that I met in first year university. I was in business, he was in science. First year science class, he failed 2 course, barely passed 3, second year science, again the same thing. So in 3rd year, he switched to business and had to start fresh taking 1st year business course. But STILL, he can’t seem to motivate himself to do the work. So now, all of us are in 4th year, final year of our undergrad, whereas he is working at a telecommunication company as a telephone service person. He told us only if he had sticked it out on something, doesn’t matter what thing, at least he could be better off than answering telephone calls all day.

      Life is about 10% of what happens to us, and 90% of what you do about it and how you think of it. So if anything just know this – the way we think shapes our reality.

      So what you think in your mind will be your reality. If you think a certain way, then your reality will be that way.

  • Christina Olsson

    Thank you for the article. I am a 36 year old woman who still don’t know what to do or what I want. It is so frustrating. I realize that I worked in the same field for 15 year. Different companies but the same stuff. I am good at it now and confident with what I’m doing but it’s not what I want to do. Everytime I get fired or quit, I say “Yeehh” now I can do something I really want to do. But the thing is, I never have enough time or money to figure it out, so I go back to the same old. I am in the same old now, and think about what I would want to do instead. Where would I make more money, and what would fullfill me more?? I pray and I pray, and when I think I got the answer it will only last for a few days, and then the idea seems stupid. Hmm… I believe that you can have whatever you want, if you sincerely want it. I wish I knew what it was so I could feel that sincerity that produces the drive.

  • dd

    wow realizing that I’m not the only one feeling this way on Earth gives me energy and courage. thanks a lot for sharing people…

  • Keith

    I am 49 and will turn 50 in a couple months. I have been a self-employed businessman the past 10 years following my divorce from a 20 year marriage. Back then I devoted myself mostly to the ministry and working other jobs. Now my children are all grown and on their own; some married with children of their own. I have spent the past few years taking care of two different grandmothers who have passed away and left me with a couple of houses and a little money. I suppose my greatest pleasure these days is with my 3 young grandchildren. However, I have reached a decision point and that is: “What do I want to do?” (Which is how I arrived at this site.) I have neglected my business to take care of my family, which has paid off with the inheritance, because I am virtually debt free with two houses, 3 cars, an no payments. But I have devoted myself to helping others and have even started helping couples mediate conflict at a mediation center which is a non-profit organization and pays very little. The dilemma is, should I commit myself to becoming the Director of a program that I know will never financially pay off and continue to allow myself to be “used” and taken advantage of and not get paid what I know I am worth? Or, as the article says, sit back and watch competitors sprint ahead in a business where I know I can be very competitive. The first will continue to drain my assets but could be very rewarding and fulfilling, yet the other would require getting back into the daily, weekly, rut of dealing with business and trying to get ahead. I wish I had enough money to just retire at 50 but I am not there yet. Plus, I am at the highest earning potential of my life and really need to make the most of it. It’s just that there is nothing that I absolutely have to get up and do each day if I don’t want to, and I kinda like that. So……as far as what Marc says about realizing death and satisfying a big ego…..I am clearly aware of all that, but let’s not forget how much our society focuses on retirement and the desire to just be lazy. It’s a real motivation killer. Plus there are the kids and grand kids to fulfill that since of accomplishment and satisfy that big ego. Maybe I’m just lonely and Yasmine is more on the right path than she thinks. Fathers have a way of getting their ego stroked and being very proud of their children when grandchildren come along. Success isn’t always about money; the only way I got through my divorce was staying close to my children and waiting for those grand kids to come along and I am so very proud of them. But the question now is, What do I do with MY life? Someone once said, “Choose a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”

    However, Affen: Chemical Engineer is one of the highest paying jobs you can get with just a 4 year degree. I researched if for one of my kids, $60k a year starting salary!?

    • Julianna

      Hi Keith, I’m only 22, so I’m not sure if I’m the most suitable person to comment on your situation. But here is how I look at it, I hope it might be of some help to you.

      You are 50, if you’re lucky, you’ll be able to work until 70, and live until 80 with good health. So that leaves you 20 years to work and 30 years to enjoy life. And since you mentioned you have enough financial resources to support you, but not enough to live off it forever, then perhaps you can work for 5 more years to accumulate more wealth, while volunteer at the mediation center during weekends. At the same time, look into the possibility of working as board of directors at some of these organizations, so that later on in life, you can serve as board member and be able to lead the organization. Because to me, it seems that you’re a competitive person, and sitting at home all the time probably won’t satisfy your ego for long. One of my professor is 75, but he looks like as if he is 65. He loves his job and says working makes him feel younger than ever.

  • Darren

    Hello
    There are some great comments on this site. I think that the more you worry about the ‘big question’ the more you move away from finding the answer. I would suggest you stop beating yourself up and try to live in the moment. It will come for thoses who dare to ask the question. And give yourself a pat on the back for actually asking the question, because there are millions of people out there who simply can’t be bothered to ask the question!

    I love the comment Matter made. I believe your onto something there.

    Be grateful and stay well my fellow lost souls

  • Kristina

    Hello! I m happy to hear and see that there are other “lost souls” out there…I think i have to agree with Darren, the more we worry the more we move away from the answer…But still its good to have a dialog with ourselves..
    I loved the fact that many of you guys shared your stories… I am especially very touched by Aspirin, Matter and Affen´s stories…i can clearly see myself in your situations, guys…
    A bit about myself…
    I am a 22 year old girl (actually almost 23, turning on december 3-d) that is born in Moscow. I finished high-school when i was 16 . Since i was a child i have always been interested in foreign languages, different cultures and people! When i was 15 my dream was to be a journalist! I even tried to enroll into Faculty of Journalism of Moscow State University… Unfortunately the competition was very high( and once again we hear that word “competition”….maybe that is what we all are afraid of….) and i didnt make it on the last exam…. I entered another university, faculty of Foreign Languages…i studied there for 2 years. When turned 18 i moved to Italy, Milan. There i studied Fashion Communication and Marketing..i had one year left when i got into depression…No medications, nothing helped…only time healed it….Only today i know the reason to it… I wanted too much! By saying it i dont mean wanting more or dreaming about more…i mean , not being able to enjoy the present moment. I couldnt enjoy people i was with, i couldnt enjoy my school, i couldnt be myself…i was asking myself “what if..?” and i was living my life as if 5 minutes from there were far more important then the instance i was in!
    …Then i met a guy! The right one! He helped to find the meaning in life…
    So i was 20 by then… we moved in together… First we lived in Norway, then we moved to Sweden( that is where he is from) and now we live in San Diego,California. We have a 9 months old baby and i know that our baby is one of the most amazing things that happened to me…BUT! I still dont know what do i want from life! I mean i have tons of hobbies and i love being around people, i speak few languages( 5) and i still cant find a way how to combine all those things in one to come up with the perfect dream job for me :)))
    So i guess, as Marc said, i want to do something that the humans remember me after i am gone…

    and here is an example of a person that found out what he wants to do with his life!
    Its my husband. He is 25 and he has just started his dream education.. He finished high school when he was 19…since then he has been working,travelling and getting to know himself…When i asked him once, why he didnt go to study before he said: ” I didnt feel inspired, i was not motivated,i didnt know myself good enough”…He also added that since he met me ,i opened new sides for him that he wasnt aware of and that now more then ever he knows what he wants from life! ….So he is going to be a pilot!
    Cheers for my darling, my big example ;)

    • Julianna

      Hi Kristina! Thank you for sharing your story. I’m from Canada, but is currently on exchange in Milan at Bocconi University. So when I read that you live in Milan and studied fashion, I instantly said to myself I have to contact this girl! I suppose it’s all about connecting the dots… I have many dots in my life that are just not connected. But I want to believe that one day in the future that these dots will be connected and things will make sense.

      In terms of realizing your strengths and weaknesses, I watched Marcus Buckingham’s guest workshop on Oprah, I find it an eye-opening experience. Here is the link http://www.oprah.com/money/Marcus-Buckinghams-Career-Intervention

      Although strangers who have never met, but I wish you all the best! Keep in touch.
      Julianna

  • http://ecoexperiment.blogspot.com Layla

    Some interesting comments! Some of you might find reading Barbara Sher’s books helpful – especially Wishcraft (free online) and Refuse to Choose… She mentions some people are ‘specialists’ or ‘divers’ and some are ‘scanners’ interested in multiple things that scan the horizon for something new (when they get bored with the old). I’m totally interested in a lot of things too, and I feel like things are finally ‘getting together’… (For what I’m doing now, the eco projects, being interested in a lot of things is VERY helpful!!)
    /Still trying to figure out the money aspect, most of the rest of it really comes together nicely though! :)/

    You may choose to find something you hate and then find the opposite of it – the solutions, and then fight for it, using all your multi-skills!!

    There are some other possibly helpful books too..

    Keith, it doesn’t have to be ‘either – or’ it can be, a bit of this and a bit of that… Can you make the non-profit more financially successful? (Maybe by getting better grants and improving fundraising or such?)
    Can you only do non-profit work part-time, and work on more profitable things otherwsie? (The non-profit would appreciate any donations too!!) So, there are ways to make a difference directly and indirectly!!

    Affen, you can maybe study chemistry (or something else) and still hang out with the cool architects or artsy/crafty people? ;)

    Kristina, you can do journalism even without a journalism degree!! Look up the books for freelance writers by Jenna Glatzer and Kelly James Enger!!
    It can actually be helpful if you DIDN’T study journalism!!

  • Jdog

    I think that when millions of people cant find the answer to one question, there must be a problem with the question. Maybe “how do i know what i want” can never really be answered. Reading everyones stories (which sound just like mine), it sounds like money and enjoyment are two opposites that are trying to be reconciled, which are two things that are extremely difficult to combine (if not impossible).
    i think i just dont want to work, which is why the lottery really would be the perfect solution. I am by no means lazy, i paint and learn languages and love to travel (like a lot of other people here), but there is no money or prestige in that, its just what i do. So maybe the problem isn’t knowing what to want, its being able to do things you like without all this mortgage and student loan crap. So the ideal solution is to get paid to paint and learn languages and travel, but the reality is that nobody pay anyone to do that stuff! its a catch 22.

    a favorite quote of mine from milan kundera
    “we can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come.”

  • BigTimeLoser

    I find this a little bit comforting to know that there are also other people feeling in a similar way… I am a 24 year old doing a Masters Degree in computer science and I can’t put my heart and soul into the studying because I am not totally interested in it… I still don’t know why I chose to do MS in computer science since I had always loathed the IT industry… Moreover I left my job for this higher studies that I am doing now because I was not good at it… But I loved the job and had my manager as a very good guide… I left it since I was not good at it and then went on to pursue the so-called higher studies in the same field that I hated and now I suck at the graduate studies in which I have a very low GPA and I have no job (even on campus or part time), no internship and am an international student studying in US on a bank loan…. I seriously do not know what to do with my life… I am feeling so depressed.. anyone there to suggest something for me?!?!?!

    • Julianna

      The only logical thing I could thing of doing is – quit the program and go back to your old job. Because first of all, you don’t like what you are studying, so chances are you won’t have a good career. Second of all, continuing studying will only accumulate your bank loan… you are basically borrowing money from the bank to study something that you don’t like. Doesn’t make much sense to me.

      While working at your old job, you can look into the opportunity of finding a job in a different area. But the key thing is – stop studying something that you hate, cause it won’t lead you anywhere other than more bank debt.

  • http://none Look on the Bright side

    Hi there Big Time Loser…I would call you…have a go guy! Be positive!! you are doing a hell of a lot more than most people I know who have NO motivation to get on with life. I wish I was 24 again. I am 52 with no qualifications. Along the way I have taken short courses and now I work with children who have holes in their education. I love it. But if you had said to me at 24, you will work with disadvantaged kids….I wouldn’t have believed it. We do things for a reason, and what ever that reason was at the time you decided to do what you are doing now. It may feel a waste of time,…but look around you..what opportunities can you see. You are an intelligent person who took on a lot of responsibility . Maybe you are expecting too much too soon? If you really loved that job…you wouldn’t have left it. Don’t look back, look for new opportunities. You are letting small failures cloud your vision. There is something there for you, ….you can use your qualification do to many other things. It shows you are capable, studious and not scared to take a challenge. OK it didn’t work out, but I think you are the type of person who will have a great life. …sorry this is sounding like a tarot reading.

  • BigTimeLoser

    Hello ‘Look on the Bright side’, you are a real good speaker and thanks for the pep talk.. :) what you say makes sense.. Happy to hear it from some one more experienced than me..Anyway, I am trying even though I fail at times.. And thanks to you for making my day!!
    All the best!
    Thanks!!

    • Julianna

      After reading “Look on the Bright side” comment, I realize I didn’t add that if you’re almost done with your program, then you should just stick it out! Don’t stop running if you’re almost near the finishing line. Finishing up your education can’t hurt you! =D

  • Jeff

    I’ll also say that reading Aspirin’s comment was like finding a lost twin brother! I don’t think our modern world accommodates “Renaissance” people who like to dabble at a lot of things (and are good at it), but not focus on any one as “the” career for their entire life.

    I think that Marc’s “in the end we all die” comment has insight, but for me misses the mark. I don’t want to make a mark for all eternity and satisfy my ego. For me, knowing that in the end we all die (and, being a history major, knowing that most of the ~100 billion people who’ve lived and died on Earth are forgotten to history) means that I need to lead a full life and love all the beauty now — no one else is going to do it for me. JDog’s Kundera quote is informative on this point; we can’t truly know what it’s like to walk in another’s shoes, to know what would have happened if we hadn’t left that job / chosen that degree / broken up with that person. And we can’t come back and do it again, so stop and enjoy life now while you can.

    Throughout our angst about “what do to?”, the sun shines, the flowers bloom, and the dog wags its tail. We live our lives like we’re driving on a freeway, making decisions at 70 m.p.h., when all around us is exquisite beauty and life. I take a lot of photos, and one of my favorites is of a chicory flower on the side of the road in Illinois. I’d only pulled over to let the dogs out, and there by the guardrail was this amazing flower. Never would have noticed it at 70 m.p.h.; instead I would have zoomed past looking inward, wondering about where to stop to eat, whether I needed to get fuel, etc.

    So I think what we need to do is stop asking what we *want* to do, and instead start enjoying and taking in all that is around us already.

    • Julianna

      This is beautiful.

    • julien

      Jeff, I’m 17 and I need to decide what to do – or do I? Anyways, I’ve known deep inside that’s how I feel. I don’t want to work a job, I don’t want so much material. I want beautiful nature and companionship. I wanted to let you know your comment reassured me and made me cry. Thanks,
      Julien

  • Hello!

    Jeff – I think you’re spot on! I’m a 19 year old living in Canada; after my first year of university I decided that Medicine wasn’t for me and that I should transfer into the Faculty of Education. In the past year, I’ve rethought this decision MANY times. I couldn’t make up my mind! I’m still rethinking my decision over and over again – mainly because I have other interests that are nagging at me, like so many people here. I’ve always been interested in religion and the idea of getting a PhD in Religious Studies gets me tingly with excitement.

    I think it ultimately comes down to diving in and sticking with a plan. If it turns out to be something you do not like, you still have gained so much experience! You never know when that experience will come in handy in the future. Don’t fret about it and DON’T lead yourself to believe that it has all been a waste. I believe it never is a waste.

    Marc – you left an impression on me! I love what you had to say because it rang with so much truth when I first read it. But if what you are saying IS true, then what do you propose we do on this earth before we die? Just wait around?

    …What are you doing with your life as an egoless human being? I’m curious.

    • http://www.pickthebrain.com Editor, Pick The Brain

      Thanks for your comment, Jeff…love Canadians…I’m one, too!

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for the
        great tutorial on writing tutorials. I’m thinking of doing some on my blog so
        this came about at the perfect time for me!
         

    • Julianna

      I’m Canadian too!! So happy to see Canadians here!

      Jeff what you said about “I think it ultimately comes down to diving in and sticking with a plan” is so true. I have two options in front of me, both are equally interesting and challenging. The thing is that doesn’t matter which one I choose, if I choose it, I have to stick with it, not going back and forth.

  • Lily

    So many people feel the same……I thought I was alone.

    Im 20years old and I feel like a failure. I did well at school and when it came to going college I wasted a year because I changed my mind on what career I wanted so had to change courses so then after doing 3years at college I went to uni and did Wildlife Conservation with Zoo Biology for about 7months (not even the full first year) because I realised uni wasn’t for me and I wasn’t enjoying the course or being there at all. So I left. That’s another year wasted. And realistically the animal profession won’t happen for me even though that’s what I love. And now I don’t know what career I want! I feel so shit because I need a proper job – I have a casual waitressing job atm which is only like 2days a month! So income isn’t great, and I’ve been looking for another job now since I left uni last April but haven’t had any luck. But the problem also is that I won’t be happy in any job unless its a career job aiming somewhere and that has meaning. And getting such a job will require qualifications that I don’t have.

    I really need a career but I dont know what I want :( I feel crappy coz all my friends n people I know that are my age are getting degrees and getting married moving onward with their lives but I’m stuck!!!!

    I’m planning on going on a gap year with my closest friend this year, hopefully that will help me figure out what I want while I’m away, and then after that I may be gettin married so I have 2 things to look forward to. But for now I can’t help feeling like a failure.

  • Bob Barker

    Terrible article. Not cogent and poorly organized.

  • Hello!

    Lily! I’m so sorry to hear all that and I hope you come to the realization that you’re not a failure! I have a 20 year old sister who has been severely depressed for the past two years – and I mean severely depressed! There have been months when she hasn’t gotten out of bed and I was the only person she talked to. She was popular in high school and got honors with distinction – she’s aiming for Medicine right now but is stuck because she has some roller coaster marks from her first three years of university. She went from a 0.0 one semester to a 4.0 the next semester! And this pattern has repeated itself during the course of three years.

    So, Lily, don’t beat yourself up!!! ABOUT ANYTHING. I’m sure you’re an amazing person and YOU’RE SO YOUNG! I know that my sister has this habit of dwelling on the past – and I think you might to – and this might be preventing you from moving forward with confidence.

    I think it’s great that you’re getting married and planning to spend time away thinking things over and hanging with your pal – you’re on the right path! And the fact that you are guilty that you’ve “wasted” time means that you’re not some lazy bum who’s playing video games all day.

    Why can’t the animal profession work for you if that’s what you love?

  • Lily

    To: Hello! ^

    Thanx for yur msg, it made me feel better n after speaking to a few friends I do feel better that I have a rough idea for the future, I don’t feel as helpless as before. Yur right I do tend to dwell on the past and being negative does knock my confidence. The animal profession won’t work out for me given my location and more so family/cultural traditions n expectations… but I am thinking of possibly becoming a Paramedic once I’m back from my gap year..that’s the only career option I’m taking a liking to at the moment.

    I’m really sorry to hear about yur sister being depressed, I understand how awful she must be feeling..I do. i think its good thoh that she’s talking to you and not shutting you out. It says a lot that even though she’s feeling so low, she can trust and confide in you! I truly wish her all the best in doing Medicine and hope she gains back a lot of confidence to go as far as she can in the future.

    X

  • Hello!

    Best of luck, Lily! :) :) :)

  • Lily

    Thanx :)

  • Molly

    Not sure if comments this far down ever really get read, but here is my opinion.

    A lot of people seem to be able to relate to this article which I think is great BTW:) Saying they cannot find what to do in life etc. I can also relate but have seemed to be on the up side of the climb.
    When I was in high school I dropped out, I thought, I don’t need school! Thought it was a bogus waste of time and dropped out 3 times. I always had confidence that I wouldn’t need it and I would get my just fine on my own. Always having this huge desire that I was going to make it. Not famous but I would have money, what I wanted etc. As I got older, I still had the feeling but I began searching on, how or what was going to get me there. Trying different things never really got anywhere but good things did always seem to be on my side.
    I think we are all born with this drive of greatness because face it, we all are great. We can accomplish anything we want to do. That brings us back to the question, what do we want to do?
    I can see being at 45 and feeling this way might feel worse then at 25. I think the answer lies in us. We never really stop to get inside ourselves and see what touches are hearts. Were so caught up in finishing school, getting pushed by our parents, what to take in the next school etc. We loose track and load ourselves with stresses and completely forget why we are here. I myself didnt go on to university after high school, hell i didnt even graduate until I was 25. But I spent that time getting to explore things, screw up be a kid, enjoy life and learn about life. Yes I have always been searching for what I want to do but never in a rush to do so because nothing ever called to me. I mean how many people WANT to be an accountant?? lol… not many I dont think but sure it pays well. But do you want your life to be revolved around money? I sure as hell dont. If it means slaving away just so I can have a nice ass sports car and a big house for what? SO I can say hey look what ive accomplished in my life! Heart burn, no hair, over weight and unhappy!
    And no turning back now because I have 4 other people to support and depend on me!
    Being 27 I am only just starting to figure out what I want to do, and I am so excited to get started. I think a big part of the picture is how can I help or how can i serve the rest of humanity? Nothing makes us more happier then to give, help, serve for the greater good. There is so much out there and we are capable of so much more then 9-5 and money. That is all man made bull that has taken over and we are slaves to it.
    So think or ask yourself, how can i help? or maybe even what would make me happy right now to go and do? See my grandma? Go skiing? Take the dog and my camera for a walk? Take some time for yourself and slow down. Get inspired, read a book, journal, ask yourself questions. We are great divine beings keep the spark alive!

    Much love and peace
    Molly

  • a moments peace, please

    Thanks to Look on the Bright Side who made me realize that I was letting ‘ small failures cloud my vision. I’m going to try to take that to heart and move forward with gusto. The hardest part is knowing in which direction to move forward in.

    I am currently about to take a job that I feel is not right for me. I’m constantly beating myself up about all of the things in life that I have not done. I have this voice inside my head that is telling me that I should be more that what I am- that I should have taken on more challenges- that i’m too lazy to accomplish anything significant- that I’m not smart enough to do what I really want to do. And as many others stated at the beginning of this conversation- I’m not really sure what it is I want to do. I feel as though i’ve been floating through life without ever making a good plan. I often feel as though i do things completely backwards and out of order. And yet, I can’t seem to change.
    I guess I got bogged down in over analyzing everything. Every failed relationship, friendship, job, hobby, project. I want to be more than I am, and yet all I want is to be happy with who I am. This is a recipe for unhapiness… striving to be happy with who I am yet, yet only wanting to be someone different.

    I got a degree in horticulture and have since been pursuing jobs within the agriculture industry. somehow I often end up at a table eating with 10 men between the age of 30-60 and i’m a 26 year old female. I realize that it doesn’t make sense for me to be pursuing this career, yet I can’t seem to walk away. Mostly because i’m not sure what I want to do. My mind is scattered and not linear, I can’t seem to keep my thought logical and in order- my brain is constantly jumping from one thought to the next and so of course I can’t acomplish anything because I can’t focus long enough to do one thing!
    I think I will get some meds for Adult ADD. I’ve also battled depression on and off throughout my life- spending countless hours telling myself how awful my life is and beating myself up for not doing anything about it. How silly.
    Sometimes I just want to turn my brain off and say STOP IT, let me be in this moment. let me have moments peace please.

  • nitya

    I am 26 years old, married and having a daughter…..I am doing my masters in mechanical now,I worked for 3 yrs before….I dont know anythng about what I study,politics anythng but how to overcome this and more important I am not serious in anythng always funny but try to be serious it does not happen……help me out what can I do? I waiting for the change, I want to learn from basics…………………..

  • Lily

    Molly – thank you so much for your comment…..I love how positive you are even though life can be difficult, you don’t agree with letting society shape you, it seems yu do what you want and what makes you happy, and that’s good! I envy yur positivity and zest for life :)

    I hope that I too one day develop that amazing spark! X

  • Nima

    why do i love to hear another mans problems that i have the same?!

  • Madis

    Peace!

  • Madis

    I wanted to post some helpful tips, but It doesnt allow me to post =( Maybe too many letters.

  • http://www.fezmiester.blogspot.com Fez

    Wow, that was useful
    1. nobody knows what they want!
    2. many people are (like me) interested in many different areas and skilled in many areas at once!
    3. The esoteric goal of being well off and ‘happy’ DOING what we love is about as common a projection as it gets.

    You ARE going to die, it’s a fact, what you do with your meanwhile is up to you. Most people are taking the fastest road to wherever it is they think they are going, with out stopping to take photos of the flowers along the way. It’s a sad truth, and even when you are ‘at your peak’-not in all life, but say for the month or week.- You probably are thinking about your ‘global picture’ and bringing yourself down again real fast afterwards.
    I am 27/m home schooled in OR. lived in motor homes (travelling and parked for 5 years. backpacking for years out side of the USA for a year at a time as a kid and lived in Greece the last 6 years. The bad part is I went Legally blind 10 years ago.
    AND I KNOW WHAT I WANT. haha I just had the cake first. now ‘combining the outer systematic / financial world with all those interests and art skills brings an half sweet half bitter answer.
    The best teacher, (assuming you read Elkhart Tolle and already agree with several people int his forum about being present and
    “You can enjoy just about anything, if you really want to take it as a spiritual practice, -use ‘it’ as energy to help you remain conscious of your reactions. this is a better way to spend your time before death then any other I can think of.

    MAY YOUR REACH ALWAYS EXCEED YOUR GRASP ]

    so if that is true, then that DESIRE to grow and change your situation is not a burden or a thing to ‘get rid of’ so i can comfortably sit here on my ass and indulge my senses forever. That is a crock of poop-ola-dude.
    -=– if you win the lottery and can sit there and indulge yourself.. it’s nice, really nice, I did it for 4 years basically, but you get SOFT, you stop being (dare i use the word?) competitive! you slowly stop stretching yourself out of your comfort zone.

    what most people here are really talking about is getting out of their comfort zone and seeing what develop out of it. That fear, “if i change I dunno what I’ll get!!” .. MAYBE what i have is better then the UNKNOWN.
    That is a recipe for disaster in your life. if you are doing anything write, it should be CHANGE,

    CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT.

    and with out that gift of awareness going on, every attachment you have will tell you, ‘I dunno what I want’, because I want the future to conform with the ideas of who I was in the past (Dutch chemistry dude;z) that I have of myself’. BUT I want the future to be DIFFERENT as well…
    well..

    “if you don’t change your path, you’ll end up where your going!!’

    theres a lot of goal setting work in there, and goal following work..
    which goals to set?? hmmm
    you have to dream,
    if you can’t dream, then you got a big problem, and I don’t mean a general vague dream like ‘wealth’, it has to be concrete, you have to TASTE it! you have to practice focusing on it so hard for just a few minutes a day that you can imagine the way it would feel in every onf of your 5 senses!
    otherwise the motivation to follow that ONE DAMN PATH…. is going to allude most of us.. because we are going to drift with our interests… we will quit when the opposition comes…

    THE BEST STUDY I RECOMMEND, is Integral by Ken Wilber

    – That’ll get you to look at your goals, dreams, situations, from a ‘new’ perspective I guarantee it, because I have not so bad IQ and experiences from life, and he actually started the process of me looking at everything in balence and a perspective that was not just a partial sliver of my needs/wants from one perspective. — Ok I say the best I have had lately; z;z)

    May we all stay connected to the feelings that guide us through life choices. not the thoughts which lead us astray lol.

    Fez Miester

  • Jennifer

    Life is isnt perfect. We have to make it work.

  • http://. Jennifer

    For a moment I thought I was the only one struggling with this issue. I am a 20 years girl from The Netherlands. At this age, I still dont know what I want. Cause I want so much. I finished high school in 2009. I was very smart, maybe the smartest of my class. (I dont mean to bragg, but I just want state a point after this) Everyone in my class wanted to be a doctor. At the time I also thought I wanted to be one. Maybe a gynaecologist or a dermotologist, a brain surgeon. My best friend who had lower scores, way lower marks than me, got in to Medicine and I didnt. (In Holland, they select Medicine students by drawing of lots) I went and studied Medical Science, thought I would finish it and take a small detour to Medicine. Well after I completed the year, I saw Medical Science wasnt it for me, even thought I completed all the subjects succesfully. And I also saw Medicine isnt it for me. So I stopped Medical Science.

    My dad always wanted me to study economics. I thought well I dont know what I want so let me try it. I went for Econometrics, cause I like maths. Unfortunely this maths was totally different than I was used to. (I like calculus, algebra, but im really not good at probabilities). I stopped after 3 months, cause I felt a presure to try and go on. So now all my friends are studying Medicine, except for me. Yeah did I mention they all got in, except for me? Yes..This was also one of the reason I thought it wasnt meant to be. I feel just like affen, my best friend is studying her Medicine en being happy. And I who was once the smartest, is a drop out. I feel like im wasting my time, and my years. Im getting older, and my motivation to go to school is also fading.

    Thinking back I should have took the time to decide what I really wanted instead of just choosing something and hoping to get in Medicine school the next year. But I felt pressured by my dad, by his fears. I know He thought I would have gone back to school. I have never been this confused. I dont want to be poor, but on the other side I dont want to be unhappy. And I really dont want to be both. (What is happiness even? For me it is being succesfull in life doing something I like to do, and earn a living. I dont have to be rich. I just have to survive. What is even the true definition of rich?)

    I enjoy so many things, art(drawing,designing), music, singing, languages, chemistry and maths, giving advice. These are the things im good in. But why is it so hard for me to choose something. In the back of my head I have always wanted to be in music/entertainment, but I know my family would be against it. Being pressured by time, family, choosing between university or just college. (College is more based on gaining experience by interships etc, whiles when you finish university you dont have any work experience) The other reason why I dont know what I want, is because I cant see myself doing 1 thing in life, for the rest of my life. I think it would be very boring, and it would make me unhappy. I guess a lot of people are with me when I say that. I’ve been working somewhere now for 4 years…doing the same thing it has become a routine. I always go there with a bad mood, but I try to put a happy face on. This is what I want to avoid in the future. I want to be usefull in different areas. (As Im typing this I guess, a lot of people are having this problem. It would be nice if there where programs or more (succesfull) people who could encourage us (mostly the young people from 6-25 maybe), into “what we want to do”…So the young people will not be put into this wilderness of choices and decisions as some of us have been. “Knowing what you like, Knowing what you want, knowing where you want to go” and “Being mature/leader”….things like that)

    What marc said was the truth. The real question is not what do I want to do in life? but “what is the meaning of life?” (nobody should kill themselfs now, im just saying something) This is also one of the things I have been struggeling with. I dont neccesarily want to be famous or something. I just want to be remembered. Cause I know one day I’ll no longer be on this earth, I want to have done something of importance, before I go. I dont want to waste my life (and more important money)

    Even though I’m also going through this, I would want to advice you some of the things I’ve learned in these few year. (Things I know I will surely pass on to my kids and others). Maybe it will help some of you.
    1. The most important thing you should remember at the end, the choice is yours to make. Listen to advice, but dont act on them. Like for example, if your parents tell you to study Law. Only do it, if it your own vision. (I said vision, dreams are not always focused)
    2. It is your life and your path. I guess we came alone in this earth, so dont compare yourself to others. (And this is one of the things I had been doing)
    3. Happy yourself! Cause nobody else can/will.
    4. I dont know if you are religious but I know you have to have God in your life (for Him to direct your path). He will give you the strength during these hard times. To dream, you have to believe(in yourself also). To hope, you have to trust. Ask God for direction, in your life

  • Madis

    :)

  • Madis

    What are you good at?
    What do you love to do?
    What does the world need?

  • Madis

    The intersection of these answers is your passion.
    For example: I have computer skills and it interests me, I am good at this. Even so, I wouldnt want to do this whole my life, It doesnt create passion in me and I think it’s not my true calling. The world may need improving computer technology, but there are still some things I find more important.
    Now.. I am also good at giving positive energy to others, finding positive aspects of different problems, helping people. I am also good at playing guitar, which may be connected to the previous ones.
    I like to help people, make them smile, guide them. I also like to get new experiences, improve myself and think about the world and life.
    I think the world needs more positive energy and love, people who are passionate and love themselves. I believe that each person’s own development will develop the whole world.
    So.. my passion is probably/maybe psychology or something similiar. I havent decided yet as I havent gone to the university yet(exams soon)

  • http://pickthebrain had it

    All of you have good thing’s to say .wish that i could say the same .My head feels like it is about to bust open I

  • http://pickthebrain had it

    All of you have good thing’s to say .wish that i could say the same .My head feels like it is about to bust open I am 48 and i have not had the schooling that you guy’s have had .and what’s sad about that is that i am the only keeping myself back because i am ashamed of myself for waiting so long.I have lost my job of ten years and feel like a total has been.My kids are grown and doing well . have two grands kid’s girl’s .on unemployment but not for long . and just can’t seem to push myself out there any more .And i know that i have a lot more to give.HELP. THANK YOU HAD IT

  • Lewis

    As a 19 year old who has just dropped out of his biochemistry course from university due to a little “blip”, or the fact that I was extremely depressed with a topic I had no interest in, and because I was permanently ill due to poor living accomodations, I can say that I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do; I can’t even think of things I enjoy… I went for biochemistry as I felt pressured into it by my parents, and by my highschool who told me that everyone must apply to UCAS in one month; my time was limited and so I looked at the subjects I was best at and choosed a course based on that. I understand that you have to work to live, and that not many people enjoy their jobs; but I want a job that pays at least a decent amount of money, so I can get a place of my own; and get a girlfriend without being ashamed of who I am. “work to live; not live to work”. People say money can’t buy happiness; I certainly disagree to an extent on that.

  • Lost

    I empathise with the older people here…because I am 51 and I feel lost. I have only myself to blame for my current circumstances, but I can’t help feeling let down by my parents because they didn’t make me realise the importance of education etc. I was a very immature 17 year old who went off to University to be a Vet. Instead of taking studies seriously, I had fun. Joined a fraternity etc. In the end, I did get a BS in Science (wanted to be a Vet). However I realised in the end I hated blood and guts. After graduation, I did not have a plan for the future. Luckliy, I got an opportunity to be a model, and did so for the next 20 years. Great travel, some decent money.

    I did not learn from the past. I did not plan for the career to end. Still immature..

    Near the end, I did try a few business opportunities, but none stood the test of time. I currently have a failing internet based business that I no longer believe in.

    I am not very happily married and have a 7 yr old. I have no meaningful income. Luckily we sold our property before the bust and put the money in the bank and Gold. Our savings gives me a sense of security and a lifeline. The savings even provided an income until 0% interest rates.

    My BS Science means nothing today, and I don’t fee qualified for anything in today’s world. I feel NUMB. I keep searching for new opportunities, but no real results yet.

    Bookshelf Test result: I love finance, and investment opportunities. I scour financial blogs all day long…maybe to a FAULT…Are they addicitve, or is finance my passion? If it’s my passion, I’ve found it too late as nobody in the industry is going to hire a 51 yr old ex-model! I have never been employed by anyone as I was always self-employed.

    Reading and learning what’s happening in the financial world gets me depressed. The financial system is run by corrupt bankers, and I do not see a way out of this mess. I don’t want to be a part of it either…

    I have escapist thoughts to move to Hawaii…but how can I escape from my self, and my predicament?

    This article has resulted in few answers. Maybe we put too much onto our shoulders at once? Maybe we don’t allow ourselves to dig deep because we are creatures of routine…and we are too easily distracted by everyday needs…

    I am going to try to sit down and think deeply about what it is I really want. ONE STEP AT A TIME. Enjoy the NOW. Make inroads to the plan with each step I take.

    I wish I had the conscious thoughts and worries the younger posters have now. You are still young! You have the whole world to discover! Take time out to find out what you passion is…The are some great exchange programs out there like this:

    http://www.icemenlo.com/

    Go out and find yourselves…

  • LouLou

    What a great article, and great comments, makes me feel not so alone. There is a gulf between my reality and my dreams and desires. I always wonder if I ever did reach my dreams would I be happy? That in itself is a little de motivating! I have to say that reading these honest comments has made me feel me feel happier than when I read articles on how to be happy. In the honesty I find connection, connection = happiness. We humans are too divided by money and materialism and weighed down by the pressure of striving for crap that mucks up the world. Perhaps we all need to reshape our lives and stop reaching for what we think will make us happy. Easier said than done, I know.

  • Manny Man

    Glad I found this article and glad to know I am not alone in the way I feel. I eel the same way you do Lost.
    I am 36 and on the verge of getting fired from my current job because I have hated it for the past couple of years and am completely burned out. Nothing me or my boss has tried has been able to get me to perform my duties to the best of my abilities anymore. I used to be a great employee but I just don’t care. In a way it feels like relief is coming because I have been thinking about quitting for a long time but have been too afraid to take that first jump, this just takes the decision out of my hands.
    To the young people out there, don’t despair. I would recommend NOT going to college right out of high-school if you haven’t figured out what you want to do and take a year or two to try to figure that for yourself. I’m a little wary about recommending a college or school counselor because from my own experience it seems their solution is to go to college and figure it out.
    I wanted to be a vet but my parents shuddered at the idea of having a son who works with animals “in a filthy occupation with no respect or dignity.” I folded like a wet paper towel to their criticism and today have a career that I detest.

    Take some aptitude tests, take some jobs or look for some internships you might be able to to in order to figure out what it is you want to do. Talk to a counselor and if you don’t like their advise, go talk to another one. Just like a shoe if you don’t feel completely comfortable with one pair try another.
    Take some time by yourself and write down what it is you really enjoy and see if you can come up with a plan. Does not matter if you don’t, but at least you will know what you want.
    Don’t envy what your friends are doing, it will only make you feel worse and more confused. Some people are just late bloomers and can’t figure out what they want until later in life. Others simply know what they want to do from the moment they are born. Yet others seem to go though life without having a clear picture of what they want. It does not make you any less or a person.

    I look back at my life with a lot of regrets until this point. I knew what I wanted to do when I was younger but due to family and social pressure I ended up doing things that I hates but had their approval. Seeing where I am now I would do it all differently.

  • denville klockner

    Oh good LORD! this site is what i’ve been looking for for years now. i just cannot believe it. well here i go: i’m just 18, probably the youngest here but old enough to make my own decisions. Back at junior high, i was almost unstoppable. just learning and cracking the scores! and i did really like it back then, but when i went to high school, everything kinda changed for me. i was still among the best but wasn’t feeling good enough. Then the bomb dropped on me, there was this programme hosted on TV for brilliant students of which i was part. the team performed horribly, i got back to my home devastated. it took almost a year to get a little normal. i realised the reason why things went bad was because i wasn’t focussed and lacked a goal strong “enough” to move me on. Now i’m in a pre-medical course and still haven’t figured out one thing to turn me on! i live on daily inspirations which i don’t like. i want to be the best i can be, and i know GOD has endowed me with skills to excel but i just lack that ONE THING. i would be greatful if anyone can help cos it’s driving me mad!!

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    ELIZA IS A BABE:)

  • Alex

    True, i was considered a genius in high school, i was top of my school in 2 subjects, but when i attended university, i was just lost! i did not even know what i want anymore, things just went from wrong to very wrong then to a totally sh*t hole. And now i’ve finished my degree, i could not find a job because i am not very sure if i really want to work in finance industry. i have no idea what i want! then i seek out drug to make me feel better! but now i realize that drug is only ruining my life so i quit, but i feel lost again…more over, i am all by myself, i feel like no one is with me, even when i am with my friends, i just feel like i am all alone and lost…!!!!

  • soso

    i am a college student and would like to get a degeer, but my problems is that i dont know how to do my assignments,i have worked very hard but still could not do any better. should i give up college or what?

  • Lauren

    This was good, but it didn’t really help me. I know that choosing a specific path is what I need to do. The problem is…I genuinely do not know what I want to do. I truly don’t know. I’m not even sure anymore what would make me happy. …So where do I go from THERE? …. :/ …blah. But I still enjoyed reading.

    -Lauren

  • tracy

    alex…. i feel the same as you. im lost to..i feel alone lost, and no job to. im trying to get in to school and start over.. i feel so lost some times. tray.

  • micaela

    I second Lauren…I am interested in so many things that I have no idea which to choose or where to begin. I am loving this site though. At least now I know that I am not alone on not knowing what to do.

  • SAM

    I truly agree with lauren , he did speak the same things as i also feel all the time, i try to change me for a while thn i get frustrated….. which leads me to a bad & depressed state…..i feel lonely even though i am not……..by reading all these comments i feel that i am not the only one….i keep running away from my responsibilities ,my fears…..

  • Will

    its amazing to know people are stuck in same situation as me , unforunately unlike most topics this would be a helpful thing but it just isnt in this case, i jsut feel like im no good at anything after progressively falling from top to medeocore compared to most and feel liek i have no true idea of what i want to do what i woudl like to do and can i even do it if i want to?

  • faith

    wow after reading the comments, clearly I’m not the only that feels lost, alone, confused, depressed, undecided. I currently dislike my job, and know what I don’t want…but I don’t know what I want….working on my masters and unsure what to major in??? I’m sure God will lead me in the right direction…..keeping faith

    • Joy

      Hi faith,

      Think of something that you love to do. What is your talent? When have you been somewhere on earth that you said, “Wow this is where i belong?” I was singing since age three and writing my own songs. I have been denying one of my talents because of my lack of commitment. Everywhere I go, every time I sing I have shocked faces and compliments. One time I went in a karaoke bar and I sang my own version of over the rainbow that fit my voice-no one was paying attention to anyone in the bar, but when I started to sing all eyes where on me and not a sound was heard. I received so many compliments afterward. I was not telling myself that I was good, other people were. What do your friends say about what you are good at. What do you love to do. It might be a few things. Some things are just hobbies and attractions, other things are your gift shining through. Hey write it down-make a list of ten things you love to do and then circle the two that stand out and start with that…jump into who you are meant to be and take it step by step-don’t expect it all to happen in two weeks. This is a lifetime of being who you are meant to be. Good Luck.

  • komanda

    … I think it will help our world better if all people know exactly what they want… This will make people know the right price required of them

  • Andrew

    You guys have made me feel so good. I’m 34 and I used to feel like I had a future, I even got into law school like Pete, but when I went to orientation I realized I didn’t really care about law or the actual work. Money doesn’t mean anything, but now I can’t get a job and when you can’t find work money seems to mean more. Problem is, I still don’t know what to do and feel like there’s nothing I can do.

    • Allison

      Seek God’s will for your life – He will direct your steps.

      • stustu

        i wish i had your certainty in “god”, but i see myself as being too “rational”. I dont think your wrong, i just think differently. i envy the certainty you must have in your faith, it must make it easier to be certain about the other commonly uncertain parts of life?

    • http://www.probodybuildingdiets.com Bodybuilding Diets

      Hi Andrew,

      I know how you feel. I went through the same stage in my life. You’ll eventually find what it is that you want to do. When that day comes, you’ll be able to understand why you had to go through this predicament you are experiencing now. The important thing is that you don’t give up!

  • Quasem Azam

    Things get more complicated than just not knowing what we want. Even if we know exactly what we want right now, our want changes with time and what we have at the moment. Hence, not only do we not know what we want, our want also changes, and therefore making us almost impossible.

  • http://dpny.net/ gina

    It is true that we think we know what we want but lets be honest we do for one minute then it changes. As far as focused on what we want that is another story. We have too many choices these days and it can be hard to decipher what its going to be like to have it. So we find that trying a little bit of everything will help us on our self discovery.

  • Lip

    I like the idea breaking up the entire process into smaller, more realistic and quantifiable goals. This way, the fear of a total failure can be significantly reduced. However, we must constantly check at each stage, if the environment and our objectives are still relevant. The one thing I’ve learnt in life is, “Change is the Only Constant.”

  • http://www.goaltrainingen.nl Marloes | Any Workshop?

    It is true. How do you know what you want? It is for some of us a daily drama to find the answer on that question. It is not something that you can learn in a training or workshop. It is in following your heart and adapt to what is happing to you. As long as you get energy and joy out of that what you are doing you are on the right track! :-)

    • Julianna

      Hi Marloes,

      I’m happy that I read your comment, “It is in following your heart and adapt to what is happing to you. As long as you get energy and joy out of that what you are doing you are on the right track!”

      I received a law school offer and a very good summer internship offer almost simultaneously last week. For a moment, I thought my future is doomed, I won’t get anything after undergrad. The next thing I know, staying up until 4 in the morning, emailing lawyers, professors and friends, seeking for their advice on which option I should choose. The thing is that everyone’s advice is different, some says you are still young, more education can’t hurt you, if you reverse the question of “what if law school is going to be a waste of time of 3 years” to “I’m gonna miss working for 3 years if I go to law school”, then think are you actually going to miss working? You’ll have the rest of your life to work! Others say if you don’t intend to be a lawyer, just want to have law as a background when you are in business, then don’t do it. It’s a lot of work, and for the most part, it’s very theoretical, not very applicable to business unless you want to do corporate law. Or alternatively, work as a corporate lawyer for a few years, then go to into business after, so that your legal education will actually become more valuable.

      The truth is I don’t know what I want, and I am not sure if I will enjoy law school. I’m curious to know what a legal career would be like, but not sure if I want to commit myself 3 years in school to find out. I’m just utterly utterly confused… I wish I can still hear that little voice in me that tell me what I should do, you know like gut feeling. But I have research so much about this, thought so much about it, I honestly don’t know what my gut feeling is anymore.

      My apologies for this long message. Just something that came to my mind after reading your comment.

      Cheers,
      Julianna =)

  • curt

    you can’t think in terms of “What do I want?” Because economics are based on “What the Market wants!!!” If political forces drive society into a direction of intense socio-economic stratification (fewer haves having a lot more and a lot more have not’s or have nothings) your ability to do what your ability to do what you want becomes proportionately limited unless you are one of the HAVES. In which case if you are a HAVE you can do just about anything you want because what you do doesn’t have to be based on survival. In a reverse scenario – what is commonly referred to as a “good economy” There are more people economically in the middle, not at the extremes of wealth and poverty. This scenario gives the most opportunity to the most people to trade what they want to do against the fickle demands of a strong and diverse marketplace.
    At the same time demographics matter…. When the baby boomers were young they placed incredible market demands on various things, surges in demand for music, clothing, then later housing and cars… and now we know their final demand surge is to be healthcare as they age. And a wake of overconstruction as they downsize and no longer need vacation homes while financial speculation, bad lending, technology squeezing commercial property and strict limits on immigration has all also put huge downward pressure on real estate. So, not a good time to strive to be a homebuilder… not a good time to open a retail store… the market rules. It is a good time to become a nurse… but will it still be good in 20 years? Baby boomers will die… someday there maybe too many health workers! What is happening to the baby boomer bubble is very interesting! It was once a bulge in the demographic charts, from birth to later years… but as boomers age they die and so the age population categories have been getting flatter and flatter… soon the bulge will be gone. Instead there will just be more flat categories of older and older people. In other words… the population is nearly equal in all age categories!!! That is a strange situation. 0-5 year olds, 5-10,10-15… on and on up to 100 years old… each category is nearly equal in terms of population. This means that no market based on age is large! it’s a bunch of small markets. Sure some products and services span many age categories, but most do not.
    Look at the market and see what the market wants and then look at yourself and see where you can best serve it. Some people want to sit around and be fed grapes by bikini clad models while they lounge about by the pool. There are only so many roles available for that… and most of them are filled at the moment.

  • sham

    After reading the article, I have come to know that I’m not the only that feels lost, alone, confused, depressed, undecided. I currently dislike my job,and want to change.but i dont know what i am good at.what is that i like.
    I need help.pls guide

    • Julianna

      Hi Sham, I am just as confused as you are. So you’re not alone. I found this video a while ago, Marcus Buckingham’s guest lecture on Oprah about how to realize your strengths and weakenesses. Highly recommend it, might be of some help.

      http://www.oprah.com/money/Marcus-Buckinghams-Career-Intervention

    • http://cashflowcopywriter.com Copywriting Services

      Lot’s of people don’t like their job. I think that’s the greatest pain in the world, worse than a bad relationship. Keep searching yourself, you’ll find the answer. Good luck.

  • pramila

    but i really dont know what i want…………………………..given all words are true and motivate us but …………how can i know wat i want????????????

  • angie

    life is full of suprises and unknow wating for things we dont knwo come so dat wen comes times can final make our minds as wat we maybe wat or not in life :)

  • wbc

    Here’s a great perspective on things, from Steve Job’s 2005 Stanford Commencement speech:
    http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

    Hope it provides some things that might resonate with some of you.

    • Julianna

      Loved that speech!!

  • Anonymous

    I’m also feeling a bit lost at the moment. At school I had very definite talents and interests so those led naturally to university study and to my first job. But along the way I did other things as well like committees, traveling and part time jobs. Those other activities made me realise I have many more talents and options than the ones I considered at school. Also I’m now more mature, so I can cope better in situations that don’t suit me. Suddenly I feel like i have a lot more choice, and I’m a bit bewildered by it. I always thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but the more life experience I get the more indecisive I am!

    • dave

      “but the more life experience I get the more indecisive I am”

      -my god yes, something feels right about that comment

  • Akeem

    I get caught up in LaLa land wondering maybe I should do, Programming, or become a Stock Trader, sometimes I get random thoughts of being a photographer. I just seem to have to many things I want to do and can’t seem to stick to one goal. I know deep down, since a kid I wanted to be an actor. A couple years back, I tried out for this reality tv show and went off to the second round of auditions. The 1st part of the audition were questions coming from the producers to 20 of us in a room at the same time. When I was in that room and the questions started rolling, I shined! I took full control of the opportunity. I answered the questions in the most entertaining but yet clever way. 2nd audition/interview came and I bombed. I was nervous because this time a camera was shinning in my face. But I can remember how electrifying that feeling was to command attention like that. I’m 25 and I feel fearful of what comes with being an actor. I know I can put in the hard work, its just the lifestyle that comes with it im fearful of. I guess that’s just part of growing that skin in life.

  • http://yahoo Ronald C Holmes

    i am gong through a midlife transition wiyh no definite specific goal in mind.how can i come to a clear logical conclusion in deciding what i really wanted do with my life.Please could you send me some helpful literatrue.Thanks.

  • joan

    I dont think that its just about knowing what you want , its more about knowing who you are. Many people dont know themselves very well, so they waste time with the miscellaneous details like money, status and power. But what about you, i thought the most important thing in life is to be happy. If its that easy to be happy then why not just take a risk. Follow a career that you love regardless of its pay or status. After all you have to do it for almost the rest of your life. Dont waste time, just start getting to know yourself better by opening to new experiences and seeing from new perspectives.Sure it seems a bit naive but arent you the most important factor in picking a career. Money is nice it keeps you comfortable but money is just paper, its worthless in the sense of happiness. Material possesions are nothing compared to the people we meet.And the most important thing is to feel like your a part of something, that your job feels like you actually belong there. Sure everything has its ups and downs but if at the end of the day you feel like you still want to be there then trust me you picked the right career.

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  • Anne

    Ok I found myself in every comment people left here…
    I’m 18 and going to law school this fall on the state university in my country.My mom’s a lawyer,but since i was born she never worked a day as a lawyer she was kind of a bussineswoman a succesful one until the recession.
    I always admired her because she obtained so much with so little.She was on her own since 16 living with her sister.After that she went into my country’s capital with no money and survived through law school.Long story short she was always my Idol and if anyone asked me who do I admire it was my mom .Also when people asked me what do i want to be when i grow up since I remember about myself I always said a lawyer.
    She never forced me to be like her,always left me to make my own choices and now I dont know what I REALLY WANT !!!!

    Sorry for being so long but i needed to get this out of my chest !

  • Jason

    All the comment makes this article only better and better.
    I also struggle with this question myself. I’m almost 25 and wasted a lot of years. I didn’t finish my education, I didn’t experienced love in my life yet. I even haven’t kiss yet. I struggle with social anxiety, which basically means I avoid people. Because of this I have wasted many years.. And feel like a complete failure, I see my peers going to live together, some even have children. Most have stable jobs.

    But I, I still feel like a little boy. I’m currently  going to start a home based study, its not what I want, but I don’t know what I want. I just do this so I can improve my life, financially and can be independent some day.

    Hitting the age of 25 hurts a lot, I feel like I have no time left to really enjoy life. My youth has passed me by without me being involved in it. 
    I have zero friends, part time low paying job, no education, no hobby’s nothing.

    Because I lived such a “small life” the past years I did had a lot of time to think about what I want in my life. But let me tell you this, thinking about is not going to give you the answers. I think that is doesn’t really matter what you do, job wise, or how you live. 
    I think we all crave love, acceptance, respect, and want to be part of some group.

    All jobs that are now existing in the world are “unnatural” by the way. Not one human being is here with a goal like becoming a lawyer, or a financial controller.

    I think we should just try to be as happy as possible, which at the end always depends on the quality of the connections that we have with other people.

    The job is just to survive in our world as it is right now. We all consume so we have to do or duty to make that possible.

    What I also wanted to mention is, when thinking deeper and deeper about what I want to do in life, I always set higher and higher expectation about myself. It started with, a decent job, but it ends at dreaming of being a famous superstar.

    Of course some people make it, but I guess we just have to focus on what we can do right now in the situation that we are right now. Stop dreaming of unrealistic adventures that can’t happen right now. I think we should start making baby steps and just do what is possible now, in that way we get direct feedback from or emotions which is the only thing what can guide is true life and give is feedback about what we do like and don’t like.

    Good luck everyone!

    ps. I don’t like the thought of  ”you have to leave the world with an impact, so people will remember you when you’re gone”. This makes me feel like I should sacrifice myself now and the result after my dead is only thing counting. 
    That’s such a depressing thought. I rather be happy right now, I’m not going to experience anything after my dead so who cares if I leave the world with something left.

    If you’re a loving and good person for the people around you then that’s far more worth then leaving some material impact after your dead.

    pss. I’ve also experienced that doing something totally different then you’re normally do can shake you up, and bring you more to what matters right now. 
    This is actually very simple. For example, turn on some music and dance the most crazy’s dance that you ever invented. Do it with some others and you will have the most fun every! 

    May be crazy dancing is all that matters.

    • Sean

      Jason I would like to talk with you sometime, I’m pretty much in the same boat.  You seem like you are a great motivator and I could really use that right now.

    • Strwbrryswng

      Lol. I’m like you in those thoughts, Jason. You know what we all should do? I think we all should share our email IDs and be friends. People like us (whoever has commented, not just you and me) have a lot to share with the world. What more is required out of life than to love, eat and pray (I haven’t read that book, I’m not interested, lol). Humans have tendency to complicate things. Life is simple. My comment is not an answer. Hence, it’s called a comment.

      • June

        @ Strwbrryswng 

        Firstly, “..They were sitting, they were sitting in the strawberry swing..” – lovely song eh !? :D 

        You have no idea how much you and Jason made me laugh ! 

        I love the idea of exchanging email ids and start some crazy chain of events or something, what say ? Let’s do it man ! Let’s do something crazy, for that’s all that really matters ; ) 

        Oh btw, I watched Eat, Pray & Love and me and a friend of mine have a corollary to it which is – Eat. :-P

  • http://screw9-5.blogspot.com/ Screw9to5man

    Pete sounds just like me. In fact, in some ways I’m still not as sure as I could be about what I want, but I’m still setting goals, which I hope will get me to where I want to be. 

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  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2PW4M47UBU4TG5T5IW5Z7ZFIBY JMS2011

    I just graduated from college with a bachelors in psychology.  I wanted to be a clinical psychologist.  I don’t even want to go into the field anymore.  I guess the good thing is, I could get into many masters programs with the degree.  But I just don’t know what I want to do with my life now.  I feel terrible because of it. 

  • morgan

    I am a 17 year old running on 18 and going in to grade 12, I’m pretty lost in life and have been searching for a way to find myself , who I am , and really how to push myself to be a better person.  Reading this helped me figure out what I really want.  I am glad that the internet is here so everyone can share there life stories and help others.  Thanks

  • Airgel

    I always worked hard and focus to everything that I do. I always think for good and I do it with all of my heart, but why it seems everything that I do is not enough and end up nothing. I always felt I am used for the benefit of others…

    How long will wait and what do i need to do to make my dreams come true…?

    What I have lift in me now is my strength to persevere and faith that someday i can have my dream in reality.

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  • Xraycentury

    its not even the wanting that makes things difficult nor challenging, it how well you’d settle on what you have, and not looking on to what you dont have…..
    contentment is what makes me focus….the rest will be clearer… 

  • Mel

    I have just graduated from college but I realized the beginning of my senior year I needed to have a plan.  I myself want to be a teacher, but I also want to do many other things.  I plan to do everything I want, but I had to choose  a path.  I had to decide what I wanted to do first.  I’ve learned you don’t necessarily HAVE to know what you want to do, we all just need to make a plan and stick to it and then go from there.  A lot of my other friends who are recent graduates are having problems figuring this out.  Any advice for them?

  • Ankita

    just too confused!!!!!:((

  • Eric Heynsbergen

    Pete will despair on his deathbed.

  • Strwbrryswng

    Tailor-made for me.

  • Strwbrryswng

    All you, most brilliant friends, are doubting yourselves.

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  • John

    I am so lost, I feel like my whole life has been cursed…. I am trying to get into university with tertiary prep, while I am working my low wage hard labour job. I try to understand how to do uni essays, assignments, tutorials etc and it’s like a massive wave of information that’s too difficult to process. I honestly think life is just some sick joke, he biggest troll ever geez.

  • Pete from India :)

    Looking at 150+ comments, am wondering how many petes are there along with me. Am also in a same position as pete. Lots of opportunities ahead and thats what the big problem it seems like. If you are provided with just one or two options, you will choose one. If you are put in a ground with lots of options, it will take 7 lives even to analyse and come to a conclusion about all those options. So as of now, am trying to keep my my steady in one direction.
     
      While this article exactly described about me, there was one other article that described about my situation. I dont remember where i read it from. It was clearly asked and mentioned in that article that ‘Assume you take four boats(business) at a same time to reach your destination(wealth in our case). Do you think you can take all the 4 boats or at least sure that you will take one boat along with you to the destination? or do you even reach destination? because it is tough to pedal all the four boats at same time. Rather if you had chose just one boat, you can accelarte it, focuse and reach your destination pretty quickly. So always take one boat at a time’.

        This was a superb advice. Alongwith this article, now am trying to concentrate on one direction. 

       Just give me tips as how to keep my mind motivated and focussed on the same thing.

  • he undecisive loser

    It is so hard figure out what you really want to do, there are so many jobs and not enough time to explore them all this the problem i have come to have myself bouncing from college to college trade school to trade school i once even said hey why dont i just become a medical biller ha ha ha no way my friend no way i love this page though it was informative

  • Jainmika

    I know what I want and also trying my best to focus. But am sacred of failure and lack of confidence that I can achieve my dream….    

  • Huggz213

    I recently quit professional school after only 6 weeks..I realized I felt trapped and didn’t have any passion for eyes (yeah..’eye doctor’ school) and I went into it for $.  I put so much effort into taking entrance exams, applying, traveling for interviews, moving away from home..now I have nothing to show for that.  I also am homesick as I commuted to my undergrad where i got my b.s. in bio.  I am trying to stay at my new apartment, but it is hard as I have no purpose here and no friends.  I am constantly trying to find out what I want to do with my life (job shadowing/researching careers) but I have found myself disappointed in careers I thought I would like.  I have a great interest in molecular biology, finance/investing/budgets, medicine, exercise,  cooking, and home improvement.  I know only a few of those are considered careers..and the others are hobbies but I really don’t know how I can possibly choose a career.  I feel like I’m just looking at careers that other successful people I know currently do (nursing, teaching, social work, accounting, financial advising).  I feel like if I pursue something again I will be disappointed and lost again.  I am 22, yet I feel like I have no path/future anymore.  I wish I could have a passion for 1 thing and not have to worry about my other opportunities….

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  • Matt

    This is a very good post. It’s true that lack of focus leads to failure (the small sandcastles). But it’s also true that jumping on the first train that comes along (i.e. becoming a lawyer just because it makes money ) is probably a bad idea, unless, as you write, you want to be ‘conventionally successful’. Being happy is something altogether different. My advice, for people who really want to find out what makes them happy is to do something they are really good at. The chances are they really enjoy this activity, because it comes quite easily to them. They will find a lot of reasons for not doing this activity (it doesn’t make money, it’s too esoteric etc.) but this is the activity they were born to do.

  • Fidan_haciyeva

    success is a  magical idea  which hides in people minds to help them to reach their goals and turn their dreams into reality not simply because of who they are but more often because of what they do

  • biba

    Every one says to me ” you gotta do what you you want to do”  yes that’s right but sometimes we cannot know what we want !!! or sometimes we love a lot of things that we cannot decide which one to follow .

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  • Flamenco

    My problem is that I really know what I want: I dance and play violin, but since I want that so much, I find myself wanting it done perfectly, and get frustrated almost all the time. Generally I don’t like myself, so I find it very difficult to be happy. I’m constantly worried about unspecific things.

  • Testing

    And how is this helpful???  Nothing new and nothing that will actually help you figure out 
    “What Do You REALLY Want?”

  • Jason_vdbosch

                                                                                           .

  • ena

    thank God i stumbled accross this post. the best thing to happen to me on this wonderful Friday.

  • Rohan ingram

    I’m Rohan 17. Can anyone please tell what should be good for me to do in my coming life ?? i have two options 1) IT engineering 2) A Guitarist. I’m doing diploma in IT, i failed in two of my tests maths and ED .I wanna be a guitarist bcoz i love guitar and my parents want me to be an engineer :’( . i don’t know what to do !! some one HEELLLPPP !! :(

  • Rohan ingram

    I’m Rohan 17. Can anyone please tell what should be good for me to do in my coming life ?? i have two options 1) IT engineering 2) A Guitarist. I’m doing diploma in IT, i failed in two of my tests maths and ED .I wanna be a guitarist bcoz i love guitar and my parents want me to be an engineer :’( . i don’t know what to do !! some one HEELLLPPP !! :(

  • 154443
  • http://sheridanvoysey.com Sheridan Voysey

    I’m coming to this post late, but am fascinated by the feelings you’ve tapped into through writing it. I’ve reflected on this a lot, after pursuing a dream that failed (the brief story here: http://sheridanvoysey.com/what-do-you-really-want ). I think we each long for 4 things: purpose, guidance, liberation and love. For me that realisation led to a spiritual journey – which I guess is what many of us are on,even if we give it a different name.

    I think this discussion goes ways deeper than career path, but on that note, experimentation is key. Try a few things out. Allow yourself the time to. My wife didn’t work out what she was meant to do career-wise until her mid-30′s. She’s most successful in her field now.

  • Cher1993

    i just wana find out if i realy love my boyfriend. i mis him, wana be with him when his far but when his around i dont wana be with him, i dnt feel the sligthest feeling. but when his gone i wana be with him and find out that i anjoy his presence

  • bunger

    maybe its more about what you want at this stage of life. Each stage has differing wants and needs, some materialistic, some altruistic. I have had four work careers in 40 years of life, but I still dont know what I want to do, but I have done what I wanted to do at the time.

  • Vik 300

    The last words make a lot of sense. Most successful and interesting people follow their own path. They start with the smallest idea and don’t even plan to be as successful as they plan to be.  Becoming wealthy just because others are  will only put you in a rat race. Do the things that make you feel free. We all have some hobby or something where we feel the best at.

    • Davidjjamess

      I have
      been reading your posts frequently. I need to say that you are doing a
      fantastic work. Please keep up the great work.
       

  • Davidjjamess

    I am looking
    forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!
     

  • Davidjjamess

    I have
    been reading your posts frequently. I need to say that you are doing a
    fantastic work. Please keep up the great work.
     

  • Voldemort’s Hot!!!!!!!!!!!

    I just finished High school and I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’ve gotten a relatively good score on my final exams but now I’m faced with decisions… What do I focus on? I enjoy more creative things but I did mostly science subjects at school… To be successful I should pursue a science degree…. to be happy I should do something which I don’t know yet… Áll I want is happiness in life and I’m at a crossroads… my decision now could affect the rest of my life. I also want to make a difference in other people’s lives as well… I don’t want a job that will not help people… What should I do after high school? I’ve considered so many possibilities and time is about to run out in choosing… help anyone?

  • Asfdjkh

    This is awful! the final three paragraphs aren’t even focused!

  • Mike

    Consider reaching out to those amongst us who have the greatest need (disabled Veteran or inner city person for example) Listen to their needs and look for ways of satisfying them as I have done and not only is it rewarding $$$ it speaks to the our natural tendency to want to help those who want to help themselves… 

  • Simithy

    Im a dentist! i just graduated and now i realize that i dont want it!!!! i dont know what i want!

  • samson destiny edoghogho

    please i really need help now.my name is samson,i am 20yrs old,i am a nigeria,and i have finished my high sch since 2010,and i want to play football,because i belived the way i play is the best.the truth is that i have always dream of traveling to usa to finished my sch and stay there  to play football,so that i can take care of my family and prove to the world that i can be useful .but i don’t have any money with me and i am the bread winner of our family.they all depends on me.and i am willing to do anything for the God sent person that will help me to accomplish my dream.i do small menial work.please for any help,reach me on my yahoo address:samsonghogho@yahoo.com or my facebook.:enrique samson.please i am waiting.God bless u all.

  • Sarika

    I think the main thing is to take action and choose the one you think you would like best, if it turns out that you don’t you can still change your decision and some of the skills you learnt will be useful in your new role too. It’s better to take action than waste years in limbo. By the way I don’t agree that conventional jobs necessarily always lead to wealth, if anything people have made a lot of money out of highly unconventional ideas. 

  • Crack_shady

    im 17 , half orphan eh .. um like im into smokin weed and awl..depression is killing me inside .. im out from home for days .. i  just dont knw whats wrong with me . i was studyin high school .. just left it .. a golden chance … by gettin into friends awl .. i dont knw what to do … i   miss my dad alot .. and im going deeper and deeper in the path of destruction .. trusting ppl (friends ) caused meh destroyin up my self out there
    ……………

    • H4ejaderic

      go back to school .. it is not too late.. and look for a faith..look for a religion that answers your questions about life and the purpose of our creation, then you will pass your depression, i think i know what you feel, i had been there: not having a passion and not seeing the point of doing anything, like being a doctor.. i would say : then what?..helping people..and then what is the point? we are all going to die! i saw everything like this.. until i found faith. i am still not what i want to be but things had really gotten better.
      hope all the best for you.

  • FEO7

    Imagine you having the ever biggest energy source at your hands and everybody is asking to for it, foes tray to intercept any kind of contacts but increasingly they loss the control about the swicht nodes and so comes to be a common question a common place and this is the end of the History of capital economy. more about

  • Norsangcarpet

    bussiness is a brain game is that true

  • Anonymous

    personal wants or family welfare? which is which to go first?

  • Anonymous

    personal wants or family welfare? which is which to go first?

  • Mushtaque

    if Dream is Strong No matter what facts comes betweeen to achive
    this very easy tell , for this have go through lotts of pain,
    No Pain No gain,
    it’s so easy to define
    if have a job  and looking for new job we will give very less time and
    if don’t have a job we will wakup early morning and started finding in newspaper in all others net sides.
    that’s big diffrence if you have some thing we will never give 100%  for this task to achive.
        

  • Frank

    Just a note to thank Dr.gboco for your recovery spell that you did for me and my family over the past few weeks. The spell has definitely listened and has given myself and my family, what we call a miracle. My Wife was able to retain her position at the company where she is employed after an extremely close call with the possibility of unemployment after eleven years.
    This morning I was called and offered a Teaching position at a Christian School. I had taught many years ago at the public school level. We then moved to California and due to state regulations at the time I was not able to return to the classroom where my heart really was at.
    As I sit and type this up I am just ecstatic …Praise the gods of Dr.Gboco and May God Bless You gbocotemple@yahoo.com Thank you very much.

    frank, De and the three Girls

  • Sthorm Butungbakal

    hahah, great blog. I googled “I can’t focus on studying. AM I TRYING TO FAIL” and I found this page. I’m a mature student and once found myself in Pete’s shoes. I initially majored in Kinesiology, then Political Science, then Economics (and didn’t complete a degree in any program, which is why I’m now a mature student ;) I finally decided on sticking to one major and completing it whether I like it or not…I then thought, “what profession makes a lot of money?” Doctor- nah, I’m not science savvy, Lawyer-nah, I’m not sharp enough, Accountant-hey, that could work! I then set specific goals. 1. Get A’s in school. 2. Get into a Big 4 accounting firm. 2. Surround myself with smart students to network myself later for job opportunities. I’m currently on step 1 and am managing to get straight A’s going into 2nd year. In the words of Matthew Kelly,  “A goal without an action plan is a daydream”. Get specific about your goal and action it. That’s where you’ll begin to shine. Little improvements, day by day toward that goal gets you closer…. And after this rant->BACK TO STUDYING :)

  • Ujjawalalld

    i am ujjawal dubey india i am a failler of 2 years an i am just now in  8 th standard i hat to know that which line should i use for my future an i am good in sports in school level my height is 5 inc an i am sports captain of my school 

  • nothing but the truth

    ….

  • Elizabeth Lorell

    I am a 23 year old master’s student studying European Law. I also have a degree in Law. But I don’t feel any passion for it anymore. I think my initial passion stemmed from “making something of myself”. It was just the idea of making my parents happy and proving to myself that I had the ability. But I realise that it’s not fulfilling me, I feel like there is something missing.  I don’t know what I am trying to prove to myself anymore – the competition and stress relating to keeping up with my peers is just too much. 

    I had a gap year where I really thought about this and suggested completely different career routes altogether, which didn’t really go down well with my father. All I know now is that I’m far from home and missing my family and fiance so much that I feel so upset all the time and detached from everything around me. I really want to switch to something like primary teaching, something that I feel would fulfil me and a job that I would be able to get at  home. But I just feel so guilty about this after my parents have financed me so far through college, especially up until Master’s level. Has anyone else made such a change after many years of training to be something else? What would your advice be? 

    • just finding my way

      I’m 24 and I think I know how you feel. I did a degree in Plant Biology and seemed to be quite good at it so went and got a funded PhD place. However I then found straight away that it really wasn’t what I wanted to do. I carried on anyway though because I felt I should do what I thought others wanted me to do and also because I felt disappointed that I no longer wanted to do what I had always assumed I wanted. I recently quit after I realised it’s just not worth feeling unhappy over something you no longer have a passion for. Although it’s good to consider others in life, you sometimes have to put yourself first. If you no longer have an interest in law it will be an uphill struggle to have a career in it and you will probably have to change direction later on if you commit yourself to that path. It’s probably better to change direction now and give yourself a head start rather than waiting until things are absolutely unbearable to make a change to something you want to do. It’s not your parents that have to live your life but you.

      I’m not sure what I will end up doing now but I know the options that I would be happy with are probably quite wide ranging, from train driver to forester. Maybe I could do both.

      I hope you can make a decision you are happy with. I felt like a massive weight had been lifted off me once I quit. Whereas before I was depressed I know feel much better!

  • lovelyn

    hi guys i read so many comments in this article i truly relate what you guys talking about.I’m 24 years old really don’t know what  i decided to do its to hard to decide there is so many choices.I already tried many things i’l worked abroad,i joined networking,real state,I feel something wrong i’m not happy i mismanaged my life i want to accomplish a lot of things but  where i should need to start?Now i’m doing something interesting and good i feel better i started to learn God’s words.At my age i encountered a lot of difficult experiences in life but i learned a lot from them,I discovered that life must go on no matter what never give up be a dreamer and we should need to have faith in God and be patient do our action w/ his guidance keep him in our heart…Be what we are i do believe that our destiny is written in own our hand…we are the one who is responsible what the future will be for us.Every one of us dreaming to have a better future right?So START NOW…Now is very important don’t waste our time for nothing don’t be afraid take a risk and ready to be failed success is the product of failure…Imagine a lot of good things want you to happen and try the power of our memory using our imagination what we think and what we say it will be the result… thank you guys looking forward to both of you in this article.

  • younggrasshopperhahaidkimhigh

    im 17 and i cant believe theres so many who feel just like me.ive always felt like more of a loner but i never really wanted to be. but now im kinda realizing maybe thats just who i am and i have to accept myself then the rest will follow.im almost 18 so im young and i have a decent headstart among some of my peers. im not sure career/occupancy wise with my life, but i do really love music. but im thinking, what if a job in music doesnt pay as much as i want.i really want a family and kids, so i definately need money. im also very sexual, and having a wife who is loyal, sexual like me, and someone who i can joke around/play around with is very important to me.im guessing ill become this instrument-playing family man or something but i dont know what to do to, as you can say, “roll in the dough.”ive been getting high to get rid of that empty container feeling but it just makes me ask myself “what do i want? who am i and am i sure i want to be that person?” i dont see it as that bad because i dont smoke not that often, weed isnt really that bad in the first place, as long as your responsible and dont let it become something you rely on to get through the day.i just want to skip to the part of life im heading towards in life.i overthink things, obviously. im not even out of highschool, why am i so worried?i know i need to get education, but for what job?i need to find something i can deal with doing but still take home a nice paycheck.

  • Dino

    Iv just graduated and been lucky enough to get a well paid job in the subject I studied when most of my friends were not as lucky. I want to be successful but i have discovered that I never will be in this job.
    To make things worse the people I work with are all 10years older, normally this wouldn’t make a difference but at this place they are so different to me and a generation cap is extremely obvious.

    I now don’t know weather to put up with it and just work there for a few years knowing I will never truly enjoy it or do I pack it in and move on and try to discover what I really what to do as a carrier

    I don’t want everyone to think i should be happy I have a job at these times but I also don’t want to grow up to fast and try to fit in with people I know will never understand me.

    People have these troubles all the time, so I think the best way to answer questions of doubt is just to let time do its thing.

    I’m sure if a decision needs to be made then in time it will.

  • Michael Domnin

    Life is not a race, that ‘s your best statement. I find it difficult to establish and define goals. I am a chess player, that means that my goal is to play better.
    I wanted to be a teacher. But when I taught, I could not convince the kids that what I had to offer was better than they could follow in their dad’s footsteps and work where their dad did. It demoralised me as a teacher! I have not found out if I am a bad teacher yet. but the children seemed to think so!
    so what else can I set my goals to. I don’t really know!
    I belong to a village where ther are a fair amount of Christians. However, I don’t wnat to be a bible basher (I have enough of my carer who is a Jehovah’s witness who I want to convert to Christianity!). I can behave as Christlike as possible, but I know I will fail, because I cannot be perfect ( I don’t think I want to set this as a goal either!) difficult!

  • Veronika

    I’m a sophomore in college and I’m still an undecided major. I don’t know what I want to do with my life at all!

    • lost

      same here :(

  • Anonymous

    My thing is i am stuck between film and art. I am taking film right now, and i know I can get a job right after college… But I cannot help but wonder what would happen if I chose design instead. Would you think career paths such as graphic design or industrial design are a good area to get into? I am very strong creatively and I am very much so a persuasive people person. 

    I am stuck between film and design. 
    The only thing i have interest in, in film is Art Direction. 
    In design, I can do way more things… but who is to say that I will be able to get a job. 
    Does anyone here do design or film for a living? 

    Half  of my family says do design, the other half says stay with film. It is only my first year and I am done in May. I have been accepted into 4 colleges for art foundation to build my portfolio up for a major design school I want to get into… As for doing both, I love to work, and I do not want to go to school for 7 years. I really need to be back in the working environment. 

    Thanks for posting this article by the way, really informative!

  • Anonymous

    My thing is i am stuck between film and art. I am taking film right now, and i know I can get a job right after college… But I cannot help but wonder what would happen if I chose design instead. Would you think career paths such as graphic design or industrial design are a good area to get into? I am very strong creatively and I am very much so a persuasive people person. 

    I am stuck between film and design. 
    The only thing i have interest in, in film is Art Direction. 
    In design, I can do way more things… but who is to say that I will be able to get a job. 
    Does anyone here do design or film for a living? 

    Half  of my family says do design, the other half says stay with film. It is only my first year and I am done in May. I have been accepted into 4 colleges for art foundation to build my portfolio up for a major design school I want to get into… As for doing both, I love to work, and I do not want to go to school for 7 years. I really need to be back in the working environment. 

    Thanks for posting this article by the way, really informative!

  • http://www.facebook.com/gurwinder85 Gurwinder Singh Dhaliwal

    i cant focus in any feild …dont even know  what shl i do ….inrest was n is to be a resercher but in what field,,,can anybody help pls.

  • Lorraine Arams

    Time hasn’t got anything to do with it.  I believe that some people find their path very early in life and, for others, it takes quite a while – zig zagging until they find “something else” they love.  People who grow continuouslyand are curious about their world can manifest many options, each one a step in itself leading to the next thing.  We also see that, many people who find their path early in life, burn out quickly too.  It’s blatant in the movie star world but happens in all walk of life.  So, really, it’s never too late or too early – it’s a journey of many roads!

  • Ricardo_ramirez89

    Posting a comment for the first time , I think this’s really good topic; even though some can’t chooose their own career it builds your mind to really conquering the goals that you want. I still have of yet found my career, but I may have found that something Job that would make me happy and obtain a well income with a nice family.

    What about school ? What about those who can’t really focused but try ?

  • wzrd

    i am pete except im 18 but everything else is exactly me

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  • lost

    I feel like Pete. All my close friends are in a relationship/married for at least 3 years, buying a house, having kids, stable careers that they love and I am the opposite, in a relationship where I can’t commit because I dont know where life is taking me. I dont know what to do? I just don’t want a typical job, I want success! I’ve lived in many places of the world and I dont know where to settle down.  

  • Trixacorpuz

     Very inspiring ! thumbs up ! :)

  • Lost

    i want to have twin baby boys-dnt hav any kids so far :s, lose weight at least 15 kg,doing executive MBA rite now n abt to graduate but dnt want to work in any corporate shit rat race anymore- already hav worked in a multinational for 6 yrs…I am lost on my career choice i dnt know wat to do abt my career???!! but i want to do smething of my own like a business but dnt have any IDEA on wat to do  but dnt want to work for someone or company at all.totally lost again :(

  • Pulybaby

    Life is right here right now live it to the fullest, not saying that because everything is going my way!!! Just broke up a week back with my girlfriend with whom I was for 6 years havent really figured out what i really want to do, dont know where will i end up,will she ever come back??
     BUT I wont give in at all!!!!! Always thought that I will lead my life with her ….. yes it hurts like hell BUT life aint over !!! I aint saying i will try to get up instead I am saying I WILL get up no matter what, LIFE is really beautiful and gonna enjoy it to the core. Imagine if I hadn’t loved her so much and she wouldnt have hurt me how would I know how does it feel to be SAD!!!!!
     Unfortunately we learn Kindness from Cruel, Silence from Talkative but still we aren’t gratefull to these Teachers!!We are human beings GOD is great but then I guess you should do something that will make the Creator Himself Happy!!!! So keep fighting!!Try or Die trying. Have no regrets!!! Dont leave any doubt in your mind that if I had tried a bit harder Life would have been Different!!!

  • Chuck

    The article still does not answer the question of finding what’s really in your best interest. I think the answer for me is about getting in touch with what I’m really feeling on the inside. It’s about working through the unconsious fears we all have. Unfortunately, this is not a simple task. Getting help for this issue is difficult since most people already expect you to know your own mind. I would argue that many of us don’t know ourslves.

  • Nickdeman911

    uh… GAy

  • Meongoodterms

    Hey. I too need help.
    I m currently pursuing an engineering course but i have lost my sincerity aftr i left school( was a topper back den). I don’t know wats going wrong. I dont feel interested. But then i dont know what else to do. Lookin people around me, i feel i am too dull wid no talent. Can any1 suggest sumthing. I feel like ending my aimless life.

  • Charles

    It is incredible how most of us have to spend our lives earning money in order to survive, doing jobs that take up all our time. Curse be upon humans who have made the world into what it is now.

  • Pcp1989

    yes life is not a race for me. I search for my heart. Remove desires, see truth…See love

    • bunyonb

      Unless you are in your second year of college doing poorly and still don’t know what to do and you live in your parents home and your parents are pressuring you everyday and you feel trapped.

  • Zamassage

    why can’t God just let us all know like in a dream or something why He put us here that’s all i want is a hint a whisper something that will inspire me to pursue a certain path, yes it’s all God’s fault….lol…man i am lost dudes and dudettes

  • Guest

    That was not helpful at all.

  • Emanuel_94

    im 18 years old and graduated from highschool last year i had my focus in becoming doctor  because i like to help people alot know i don want to be doctor ive also been thinking in being a soldier a marine police officer or fireman and yet cant decide i try my best and say to my self il become a marine and when i look foward i see a long path to walk  and i end up being afraid of failure and not making my mom and dad proud of what ive what i want to become and what i really want to do in my life is help people since i was 12 ive always wanted to help people but what do i do to acomplish that i dont i know that life is tough i just dont want to become old and look back of what ive done in my life and regret not doing this and that can someone give me advise it would be helpful thank you for listing it means alot .att Jeffrey
     

    • http://twitter.com/KnSPeace Katie

       Just some advice, you need to work on your grammar to be able to fulfill all of these dreams, okay? Best of luck.

  • Yei

    Just watch a movie called Mr. Nobody. That will help…or not! :P

  • Help?

    Is there like a test that I can take to find out what I like?

  • PapitaBonita

    I can’t believe this very short article or discussion received so many comments. I am truly shocked. Ultimately, it is a mix between identifying what you do not like/enjoy, and your experiences (what your environment teaches you and the opportunities that present themselves) and through a continual growth, reflection and awareness cycle, hopefully you begin to find the things that make you happy. However, as the article points out life is indeed complicated, and complex. There are    ethical and moral choices and how we rationalize them may not be the way the people around us do. This creates differences of opinions and sometimes our choices  or lack thereof (to follow our happiness) create unwarranted negative effects for the people we love and/or people that we want to care and love or in the very least like us and accept us. 

    So… what do we do? I don’t know and I do not assume to have all the answers. I will tell you that as corny as it may sound the following tips have helped me through times of speculation, reflection and decision-making.

    Think of the opportunities in all different aspects. It may be difficult to actually do this, so consider using theory to help you. For example, there is theory on different colored hats (yes, silly but helpful); you can google it and find it. The theory helps you consider you problem or situation from different angles. 

    You can write a journal about your specific thoughts and the progress of your decisions. It would be helpful to discuss them with another person but if all else fails you can write it. It is the act of articulating abstract thoughts into sentences whether spoken or written that helps to clarify. 

    And this is where it gets really silly for some of you… Commune with nature. Yes, it is that simple. Spending time in nature, pondering your concerns while taking in the natural beauty and yes, fresh air, has been documented to aid in mental processes. 

    In the end though, I think what stops people from taking the leap and doing something is the sheer fear of the unknown. What if? … What if I fail? What if I do not succeed?  What if I do not like it after all? Get over yourself! That’s what I say. Not many people, actually very few people are lucky enough to pick the right thing they enjoy from the start. Most people are not very happy but they don’t tell you or show it. What you think may make someone freaking burst with happiness (since it would undoubtedly make you super happy) is not really a sense of joy for them. Go figure! That is life. 

    and while we do it constantly, without thinking, we have got to stop comparing ourselves with other people. You can only compare yourself to yourself. For example, if Maria and Candice run a 5K and Candice runs it in 29min and Maria struggles to make it in 45min. Maria should not compare herself to Candice. She should reflect on her aims, and goals, how much she wants to dedicate to getting better and working on setting up a plan of action to improve her time. But comparing herself to Candice is ridiculousness. Candice has been in track and field all through school and while she has not been running in years it is in her system. While Maria, bless her heart has been rather lethargic most of her life with her head stuck in books . 

    Hope this helps some one out there. 

    Kind regards, Blessings and Happiness

  • Krishtrip

    Iam 25.. a govt. servant.. yet not know what i really want

  • Poonam

    absolutely right but does anyone know how exactly one is supposed to find an answer to the question, “what is it that I really want?”

  • Someone

    I believe most people who come in such blogs don’t have to get tensed.What you have to do  in life is to not wonder,but to enjoy. Whenever you are wondering , you’ve succumbed to the social trauma. Stop wondering. Be flexible like water. Be a little curious about different things in life and keep giving in your honest efforts in everything. But Curiosity kills the cat. Point I want to make is being curious about how life responds to different experiments you make in gives you some experience in life and its a good thing. But, being curious about your own life, asking questions like how you are doing in life or like is your life really fine? it would always make you succumb to your thoughts and one day your insight would want you to say no and ask questions like where my happiness lies? So, as much as it is wonderful to know that you have done something special in this world. Something worth being proud of. You don’t really have to change yourself a lot.Planning sounds efficient but it only helps you achieve short sighted goals. if you look at it in this way, it looks stupid to think so much about your future. you just gotta flow like the waves and keep doing things.While somethings would make you feel having done something, some would make you feel having got something.What you’ve got or what you are doing doesn’t matter. It isn’t about working too hard, just too smooth. You’ll have had enough more than what you will if you decide to leave this thought up and keep working just to learn something, while being happy. 

  • Human First

    To all my friends who have placed thoughts more or less similar to mine, the following link throws a lot of light and gives new direction “http://diovo.com/2009/07/what-do-you-really-want-to-do-with-your-life/”

  • Prachi

    The only problem is that you might not really like doing what you are doing while you are on that path.

  • Unheardmentality

    I think fear is ultimately what keeps most of us from actually figuring out what we want. Saying you want “this” and not achieving it is a worst fear than settling with you have , even if you’re not happy.

    When you consider the risks involved in going for what you want, most people will back down from the challenge and its no wonder. We’re taught early on that we should be content with what we have. Don’t go chasing waterfalls…follow the path most taken, don’t be foolish!

    “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”

    ~Ipictetus

  • KnowJoe19

    Napoleon Hill also talks extensively about the importance of definiteness of purpose. I can concur that it’s made a huge difference in my life – from knowing that I just wanted a ‘better life’ to knowing EXACTLY what would make my life better(and thinking about this every day) has enabled me to walk the path I used to only dream about.
    However, I would say that even just having a vague idea of wanting a ‘better life’ is a good starting point. From here you might be struck with an idea or plan that can help your vision take more definite shape.
    This link can help you find out more http://www.screwthesystemnow.com

  • Mefabk

    Thanks, you have helped me.Am confused what I really want.But with your advice I think I can do it.I want some more words, post on me thru my facebook-mefabkaoma@gmail.com

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  • Baljeetsohibalala

    i think you are wrong at some points and cause of pete’s failure is he don’t know how to think that what he wants

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  • Shazaam25

    Been through the gamut of thoughts and emotions described here.  Not that this is my prevailing thought, but sometimes seems its all about coping.  Came across this online, “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” from Bhudda.  Sometimes this can seem like just a deadening of the mind, but occasionally its like taking an aspirin, and can help get ya past a particularly low spot for a bit.  Someone said something about having to lie to oneself, and this would be in a sense a lie of omission.  But as I said, sometimes seems like its about coping till we can get to a better place.

    But sometimes, its not always just about what one has butterflies for, rather what, “works”.  Do the positives outweigh the negatives such that the negatives are then better tolerated?  Does it pay the friggin bills, at least in terms of basic living?  Does it allow one to occasionally do some of the things (usually just small things) that one enjoys in life?  Then it would seem to, “work”.  I had a job almost like that, but it stopped almost working for me, now I’m back to looking for something else that will work for me again.  I’m 47…

  • Manu Nair

    theres a book called the monk who sold hius ferrari. Trust me you guys will love this book.. its related  to the same topik i really feel good when i read taht book. whenever i feel depressed about life i just read that book and ttrust me its one of the best books that you will buy.. The monk who sold his ferrari by Robin Sharma

  • Katlyn

    I have this same problem, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I like a different variety of things. But sometimes I just don’t see myself doing the same boring job day in and day out for the rest of my life. I’d rather be happy and poor anyday than to waste away my life doing something I hate. Because even if it pays the bills, there would be no point since I’m unhappy. That’s just my opinion on that subject. I know I have to find what I like doing but I like a bunch of things…that’s the confusing part :( If anyone can give me any direction on how to sort my problem out, please feel free to reply.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charles-Barnard/100001243123145 Charles Barnard

    Nowhere is it written in stone that you can only do one career, or one activity or that your plans and desires cannot or will not change.

    What you wanted as a child was not what you wanted as a teen which was unlikely to be what you wanted as a young adult and what you want will change as you grow through time.

    When life expectancy was 35 years, few had time for more than one career. Life expectancy is rising, and many alive today may well live active lives into their second century.

    There have been many throughout history who had multiple careers, some simultaneously, other consecutively.

    ‘Success’ depends upon many things, among them is luck…but most important is your definition of ‘success.’

    My singular goal is to leave things better than I found them…have I done so? It can be hard to tell, often my actions appear to have no effect, sometimes a negative affect, but we never really know the full extent of the results of our actions, even tiny things we say and do can and do have profound effects upon other people–very often we are unaware of any effect at all!

    My parents were teachers, and for decades I’ve heard occasional bits from ex students about the effects of this or that unmemorable conversation…often things which changed people’s lives are things you take no notice of at the time.

    This is particularly true of the young, who are far more likely to copy your actions than your advice.

    Long before the ubiquitous video monitoring, everyone’s actions have been watched and caused others to modify their actions…we live in groups and imitate each other.

    When your actions are not in line with your statements, your actions will be remembered and they will be both copied by others (if they seem to work) and will discount your words.

    What you do for a living is far less important than how you live your life.

     We tend to think that a life w/o obstacles would be great, but such a life might just as well be that of a machine.

    Life is an experience. A happy pacific animal with plenty of food and nice living conditions is not experiencing anything, such a life is lived on autopilot. If each day replicates the last, you are not creating experiences and memories…not truly living.

    It is in our nature to want what we don’t have, and to tire of what we have when it comes without cost.

    A person’s reach should exceed their grasp…the highest goals are difficult to reach, but it is the attempt which counts more than the result.

    Over 1/3 of those who joined the Klondike Gold Rush of 1898 and reached Dawson City, returned home without prospecting or mining. But their journey–months of hardship–taught them that they had limits which were far higher than they had suspected, and a disproportionate number of them became community leaders in their lives.

    The homily ‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.’ Is completely wrong in my opinion.Short of violating the laws of physics, there is NOTHNG which cannot be changed. While you may not be able to change things by yourself, within your lifetime, that doesn’t mean that your efforts to change things are failures because ‘you cannot’ change them, only that you may only create a small change…from such seeds grow the major changes of our society.More usual is that you cannot effect change using the methods you are using…apparent failure may benefit from rethinking the change you are attempting.For instance. We have made a huge change in the past 10,000 years from an egalitarian society without personal property to a paternalistic society with greed and hoarding.We did this because our way of life changed from a life of abundance and few physical possessions as hunter-gatherers to the more restricted and boring laborious life of agriculturalists.Over the past few generations, we have untied ourselves from the harsh and restrictive cycle of agriculture and can now perform both mental and physical labors which are boring but necessary without using human muscle or brain power–freeing us from drudgery and providing us with an abundance beyond imagining.We live in an economy based upon the concept of scarcity–but scarcity has not been a reality for decades–abundance is upon us, but we allow our leadership to create scarcity which is then used to control us.We have access to billions of times more energy than we need a few thousand miles above our heads. Since energy is the sole limiting factor to our capabilities (other than the laws of physics,) such availability means that we all can have our needs met without anyone having to live without.If we so chose.

  • Dex

    Eh this article only states the problems without giving any answers… what a completely useless read…

  • Scout

    Boring, redundant,

  • Jade

    Such a well written piece! I chanced upon your site after searching for guidance in my life. Having recently resigned from a high paying job in the finance industry, I needed positive support and clarity on what I really want. Your illustration of ‘Pete’ resonates with me and I am grateful for your work in improving people’s quality of life and bringing the best out of them. Keep it up!

  • merial molett

    I need to take this advice… Cause I myself gave up on thing and try new things but instead not going for my Gaols I Quit cause in my head I was thinking negative thinking that I Couldn’t do I was not sure what I wanted Back then but now I know in my heart that I want to go for My goals get my G.e.d and be come a C.o and don’t stop into I Get there…

  • Impulses

    Hey I just release an app to share to answer questions such as this and share personal stuff anonymously. You may find inspiration from other people and help you get honest feedback as well.

    You can check it out for iOS:
    https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/impulses-what-do-you-really/id795001644

    And Android:

    https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.Impulses.android

  • http://fashionphotolifestyle.com/ Maria

    Hi, i’m Pete.

  • nikky

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  • nedu

    Hello peeps I really am touched, inspired and spirit moved by the article and your comments it reveals what great substance and value inherent in we all needing urgent utilization as it is wasting in the face of time. I believe we are here for each other. I have so many things I love which I have been able to compress and articulate in on vision or career, which is knowledge sharing and motivation via seminars, tv/radio show, publications, films, music and audiovisual training materials. All I need are people skilled in any area related to events planning, media, literature and art, graphics as it centers on knowledge and motivation in right living towards attaining desired state of life. I hope I can find those people amongst you here