“I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened” - Mark Twain
What Is worry? Worry is a very strong feeling of anxiety. It’s fear of the unknown – the thought that the worst will happen.
We may become overly concerned with future events. We may engage in repetitive negative self-talk with all the worst case scenarios. A lot of our thoughts will begin with …
“If only ….
I would have stayed at home”
I would have said”
I made the opposite decision”
Or
“What if …
I get into a car accident?”
I get fired or laid off?”
My teenager gets pregnant?”
I become ill?”
Worry is a behavior – a habitual way of thinking. If your parents were chronic worriers, chances are you will be too – then you’ll pass it on to your children. Since worry is a habitual behavior, you do have the ability to overcome it – to replace worry with a more positive habit.
What Do We Worry About?
When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:
40% never happens – so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.
30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to “let go” and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past – no one can. Accept it for what it is and go on.
12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.
10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what’s for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.
8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…
4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.
4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.
Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions:
- How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control?
- Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill?
- Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?
I can’t answer these questions for you. What I can do is offer you techniques to overcome worry. It’s up to you to decide to stop the worry habit.
How Can You Stop or Reduce Your Worries?
“Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.” – Mary Hemingway
1. Prepare for the worst – Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.
2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry – get busy on your to-do list. If you don’t have a list – then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.
3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There’s dozens of things you can do.
4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.
5. Make a Decision. If you’re worrying about an unresolved personal or business issue – then it’s time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.
6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It’s usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.
7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.
8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal – but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)
9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.
10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it’s easier to put things in perspective. It’s easier to cope with the unexpected.
11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!
12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as “Calmness is the cradle of power” (Josiah Gilbert Holland).
There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.
Cindy Holbrook manages a blog that focuses on Overcoming Life’s Obstacles. She pulls from her personal experiences as well as through her 15+ years working in social services. Pick up your free e-book “Your Guide to Happiness” when you visit CindySense.com.
Nice statistics. And they are true.
Well written.
Worries are thoughts (often followed closely by emotions to charge them), they are unnecessary.
Discard the thoughts that manifest themselves and deal with reality.
“It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry”
That is correct, because there is no problem until your mind conceives it. Previously it was just a physical reality, no problems no solutions.
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Great post.
I’m very interested by the subject.
Could you divulgue the studies from which you find these statistics ?
Often we adopt the doomsday advice of naysayers and well-meaning family and friends, and, then, their worries become our worries. That’s why I advice people to “Fire Your Devil’s Advocate” t http://shanelyang.com/2008/09/08/all-about-you-day-21-fire-your-devils-advocate/ and “Be Your Own Guardian Angel.” : )
The job of worry is to anticipate danger before it arises and identify possible perils, to come up with ways to lessen the risks, and to rehearse what you plan to do. Worrywarts get stuck in identifying danger as they immerse themselves in the dread associated with the threat, which may be real or, more likely, imagined. They spin out an endless loop of melodrama, blowing everything out of proportion. “What if I have a heart attack?” “What if there is an earthquake?” “What if someone breaks in when I’m asleep?” “What if . . . ?”
While worrywarts insist worrying is helpful, little is solved. Stuck in thinking ruts, they stop living in the here and now–the present moment. Worrywarting is torment–a kind of self-imposed purgatory that makes you feel bad, stresses you out, and wastes precious moments of your life.
Worse yet, worry begets more worry, setting into motion a vicious circle of frightening thoughts and anxious response. It is self-perpetuating, pushing into greater anxiety and more worry. Allowed to continue unchecked, chronic worry can evolve into panic attacks and, in extreme cases, agoraphobia, which is a paralyzing fear of having a panic attack, especially in public. It can be so severe that, in the worst cases, the sufferer can’t leave home. Sometimes panic attacks can be so extreme that the worry-victim thinks he or she is having a heat attack and is rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
Trying to stop worry is usually futile. Instead, we need to become “smart worriers”. Smart worriers do the work of worry and then they soothe themselves to get back to balance. Smart worriers designating a time and place to worry in order to contain it. When mulling over the worry they talk to themselves as a good friend would. After the worry session they employ one of the below techniques to back to balance.
21 ways to soothe yourself and worry smart.
1. Evaluate the cost of the worry
2. Take a deep breath
3. Relax your muscles.
4. Distract yourself.
5. Take a walk.
6. Smile and laugh.
7. Say a little prayer.
8. Find the joy.
9. Avoid caffeine.
10. Shoulds to preferences.
11. Count worry beads.
12. Eat a sweet.
13. Take a warm bath.
14. Imagine a happy ending.
15. Do a good deed.
16. Joke about the worry.
17. Rock yourself.
18. Count your blessings.
19. Make a list.
20. Practice under-reacting.
21. Watch a funny movie.
Great post! I am interested in your statistics from “studies” about worry that you list in this post. Can you point me to the source?
Thanks…
Hi Kent,
I had the same question. Here are some articles/ books to look at:
1. http://ezinearticles.com/?Take-Action-To-Stop-Worry&id=1152760States … References a 2001 study by the National Institute of Mental Health
2. http://books.google.com/books?id=sh2L0sBDVJQC&pg=PA25&dq=worry+percent+never+happens+study&sig=ACfU3U0nKdjS7ElyIslJmK5A6s0fwcmq7AThe battle is the Lords, by James Giley, published 2003 – page 25 … mention a recent study ….
3. http://www.nightingale.com/AE_Article~i~210~article~TheFogofWorryOnly8WorthIt.aspxSource: The Essence of Success by Earl Nightingale.
4. http://books.google.com/books?id=ZtL6TM2SBYMC&pg=PA424&lpg=PA424&dq=40+percent+of+the+things+that+people+worry+about+never+happen%3B+30+percent+are+in+the+past+and+cannot+be+changed&source=web&ots=G7avUcrDNU&sig=UY9IdoatvU-Vem_EJ5cb0NnJg7E&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=4&ct=resultSpeaker’s Quote Book, The: Over 4,500 Illustrations and Quotations for All Occasions by Roy B. Zuck . Page 423 (published 1997) states according to University of Wisconsin Study ….
5: http://books.google.com/books?id=8joWNQsNMX4C&pg=PA87&lpg=PA87&dq=40+percent+of+the+things+that+people+worry+about+never+happen%3B+30+percent+are+in+the+past+and+cannot+be+changed&source=web&ots=fncn_PxFIH&sig=03rnBgWMthT6ViuBB4EntsLmmT0&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=7&ct=resultStop the Chaos By Allen A. Tighe, Page 87 States “According to Statistics”
Also from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” – live in day-tight compartments. Might not make much sense to someone reading this comment, but this one has stuck with me since I read the book. Do yourself a favor and read it too – it’s extremely simple, yet profound, as Dale Carnegie tends to be.
Thanks Peter for listing the sources.
Thanks for your comments. In regards to the statistics:
I looked far and wide for exact sources. I probably came across 50 to 100 references of the above statistics – unfortunately I didn’t keep track of them all.
When doing research I tend to lean on books or trusted sites. I know that I have seen and heard those statistics in various places over the years. I was unable to pinpoint it to a specific research ….
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Wojtowicz4.html
http://yourowndevices.ca/devices_6_012.htm
Another Link that points to Nightingale …
http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:BOVYRk3uzWIJ:www.transporter.com/fatherpeffley/files/PersDevSem2.rtf+worry+statistics+40%25+never+happen&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=8&gl=us
In looking at what I have worried about myself – and what worries my clients have had over the years, I believe the statistics are fairly accurate.
If anyone knows of specific sources, I’d love to know about them – even if mine happen to be incorrect.
Thanks!
“There are a lot of things in life that cause anxiety, most of which are unlikely to occur, unlikely to last, or nowhere near as bad as we make them out to be. We worry about what may or may not happen and whether our lives will work out the way we want them to. Clearly, this isn’t healthy and it’s another thing we need to consider. We need to get over the fact that life is uncertain and that things change. Nothing is forever. We grow up and we move on. All we can do is plan wherever possible and then hope for the best because the rest is out of our hands.”
(From http://www.varsityblah.com/carpe-diem/)
I use worry to procrastinate. If I’m busy worrying then I’m not doing but I’m not just staring at the sky, because I’m often planning and replanning to avoid the outcomes my worry produces.
i’m feeling not good now ,cause my teacher who I like is worrying about his younger sister who has just divorced.
I should stopping my worrying since I am in such an important time of my life that I need to pay full of my attention to prepare for the coming Postgraduate Qualification Exeminations in China . Sigh….
How should I do ? How could I comfort my teacher meanwhile I can narrow my mind and get it out of my teacher ?
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