Poor Social Skills

You Won’t Get Anywhere With Poor Social Skills

You can get pretty far in life without being smart. Just look at George W. Bush. You won’t, however, get anywhere worthwhile possessing poor social skills.

One reason is that social skills can’t be outsourced (although I would like to see Tim Ferriss try). So unless you plan to live on a desert island for the rest of your life, you need to learn how to deal with other people. Otherwise social awkwardness, difficulty meeting people and being unable to communicate your ideas will hurt no matter who you are.

On the reverse side, having great social skills can be helpful in almost any situation. If you can easily make friends, share your thoughts and empathize, these abilities can make you better at almost anything else you do. Lack willpower to go to the gym? Having a dedicated gym partner can help. Not sure how to start a business? Talking to a mentor can give you ideas. Want to learn faster? Finding the right teachers is essential.

Your Social Skills Aren’t Set in Stone

Genetics definitely plays a role in determining how outgoing, attractive or charismatic you can be. If social skills aren’t your strengths, it can be easy to assume that your genes destined you to introversion. But social skills, like reading and writing, can be trained. If you weren’t born able to read, why do you expect any other skill to develop automatically?

Several years ago, if you had told me social skills was all in your genes, I probably would have believed you. I had few close friends, difficulty sharing my ideas and spent most of my time in isolation. Things could have been worse, but my social life was near bankruptcy.

Finally, I got fed up of the way things were and made efforts to change them. I joined Toastmasters to work on public speaking, I started writing every day and I put myself in new places to meet new people. No improvement took place immediately, but after a few years of work, my old life is barely recognizable.

Today I have dozens of close friends I can count on and hundreds of friends in every area of my life. I spent the first day back at University knocking on doors to introduce myself–something that would have been too terrifying to consider only a few years earlier.

Being Smart isn’t a Handicap

A lot of otherwise smart people have poor social skills. And some incredibly dumb people can be popular and friendly. Given this, some smart people assume that their intelligence gives them no advantage with social skills. They might even start treating it as a handicap, that others’ jealousy is holding them back.

Once again, this is nonsense. Raw brainpower won’t make you friends any more than it will help you bench press 300 lbs. However, if you want to improve your social skills, there is no better asset then your brain. Being able to think and solve problems is crucial for taking your communication skills from awkward to charismatic.

How to Improve

Going through my own experiences with building communication skills, I believe success has two parts:

  1. Surrounding yourself with new opportunities.
  2. Putting in the effort to practice.

One of the big reasons people fail to improve social skills, I believe, is because they trap themselves within a social network. If you keep seeing the same people, having the same conversations and repeating the same habits, you can’t improve. Unfortunately, there isn’t an obvious “social gym” where you can build your communication muscles, so most people stay home.

Find Fertile Ground

The first step to improving your social skills is to break away from the familiar. Talking with one of your current friends won’t give you an opportunity to boost your social skills. Unfortunately, if your social skills are weak, meeting new people can be difficult to do. This is where you need to use your brain to come up with alternatives:

Join Groups. Small clubs and classes with group participation are a great opportunity to meet people. Since the setting encourages friendliness, you don’t need to be extroverted to meet new people.

friends-talking.jpg

Photo by Fred Armitage.

Get Introductions. Leverage your current social circle to meet new people. If your friends are going to be attending an event where they could introduce you, ask to tag along.

Make “Easy” Cold Calls. Walking up and saying, “Hi,” is harder than sending an e-mail. Use e-mail as a way to contact people who you might like to meet in person.

Practice Relentlessly

It’s no secret that practice makes perfect. But how do you practice your social skills. You might be meeting people right now, but that doesn’t mean you are on the fast-track to being charismatic and extroverted. Once again, using your smarts to solve this problem is crucial.

The key is to put yourself in a setting which trains you harder than your regular social interactions. If you went to the gym and lifted 5 lb. dumbbells, you probably wouldn’t win a bodybuilding contest. Only by lifting more weight than you do on a regular basis can you expect growth. The same rule applies with social skills, so it is important to find your “gym” where you can test harder interactions.

Here are a few “gyms” where you can practice social skills beyond what you might be used to:

Toastmasters. I’ve been a member of Toastmasters for several years, and this is one of the best ways to build communication skills. There are some things Toastmasters can’t teach you, but it can give an excellent base for the fundamentals.

Clubs and Bars. Thought going out was just for time-wasting drunks? Think again. Few places give you a chance to test your social skills more than places like these.

Volunteer Positions. Join a volunteer organization where there is a lot of group interactions. Volunteer positions can force you outside your comfort zone, without requiring that you leave your day job.

Sales. Communicating is selling yourself. Working in positions which force you to use sales and marketing skills will help improve your social skills. Try volunteering for a charity drive if you want to get practice without switching careers.

Competition

This week we have 15 copies of A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen to give away. From Amazon: “Bowen is a minister with a very simple message: quit complaining. If you do, you’ll be happier and healthier.”

I (Peter) haven’t had a chance to read this book yet, but it looks very interesting and the Amazon reviews are all positive (it seems readers have no reason to complain about it). To be in the running, just leave a comment on any of the articles we publish this week. We will let you know the winners next Monday.

  • Barrett S

    Thanks- insightful into the disease and potential cures for social atrophy!

  • Max

    To yet again casually pass off the lame George Bush isn’t smart meme indicates you need to do serious work on your own social intelligence skills.

    • http://www.sumsera.com Jacques

      Cheap shot indeed – but en vogue… Most politicians are not the brightest cookies – yet, they compensate that with social skills, which apparently pays off…

  • Bones

    I couldn’t agree more. I spent time in a job with very little social interaction on a daily basis for a year. At the end of this year, my social skills had suffered, and it took a lot of putting myself out of my comfort circle to start to change things. I think the gym simile is quite apt.

    I always try to remember that people are just as shy as me, it’s just that they’re better at hiding it! :)

  • http://galvanizd.blogsot.com Will is GALVANIZD

    Solid post! I can relate to 98% of your article, however I believe that genetics plays a marginal role in the strength of ones social skills. If you’re good looking, it takes the backseat to your personality, body language, energy/vibe, projection of voice, conversational skills etc. It only buys you a few minutes at first.

    It’s funny that you say there isn’t an obvious “social gym” as it’s so true. From the moment we step outside of our houses where people are going about their daily business – THAT’S where the social gym is. It’s anywhere and everywhere people congregate, be shopping, dining, working out, etc. :)

  • Chris K

    I agree. I can be a very shy and non-outgoing person and developing good social skills has been one of the harder challenges in my life. I find that whether or not I keep to myself in social situations or not often depends on my mood. I still have a lot of progress to make in this area. I have trouble just going up and talking to strangers at get togethers and stuff like that. Usually I feel like I have nothing worth saying.. I’m not really a fan of small talk. Lately I’ve joined groups that have interested me and have met a lot of nice people through those kinds of activities. Good luck to all of you striving for self-improvement :)

  • http://www.onemillionandbeyond.com Matt

    You should have mentioned that while you’re building your social skills not to get discouraged. I made a decision to improve my social skills while in high school. I wanted to hang out with the popular kids and with a little bit of effort I was with their crowd. But that social awkwardness was there from time to time – don’t be discouraged by it.

  • http://www.ripplesofimprovement.com Cathy

    Interesting article, and I like that your ideas for getting to know people aren’t the pat answer of “just get out more.”

    As I was reading, I thought of two other ways that have helped me to meet new people and improve my social skills. First, I learn from others. Not only do I get introductions from my more social friends, but I observe what they do to connect with people and copy their techniques.

    Second, I seek out a single individual to get to know. This is especially useful in large groups. Rather than be a wallflower, I get into conversation with one person and don’t worry about everyone else in the room. Obviously we get to know people as individuals, but I find that by focusing on one person and “giving myself permission” to not focus on anyone else, I can be more relaxed and open with that one person.

    Thanks for this article!

    Cathy

    • Bobbi

      I liked Cathy’s suggestion of “giving myself permission” to focus on one person. I’ve recently noted that walking into a room of people you can start by catching one person’s eyes with a smile or simple comment on the reason you’re all there. The relief of someone taking the first step that I notice in their eyes is enough to relax me and get a conversation going. Thanks to everyone for their input. Bobbi

  • Liz

    Hi Peter,

    I’ve been waiting for an article about social skills for such a long time – finally! :-)
    Thank you so much for writing such a helpful article. For some reason our society always expect us to be born with great social skills. While most articles give an explination to why we are so introverted and how we can come over it psychologically, they often lack practical advice on where to go and how. I will definately check Toastmaster out.

    Thanks again :-)

    /Liz

    • http://www.pickthebrain.com Peter

      Hi Liz,

      Glad you enjoyed the article. I would point out, though, that it is Scott Young you can thank for this one. I just tacked on the competition at the end. :)

  • http://www.fitfilter.com Josh

    Very cool article.
    I fall in the category of “low social skills”. I sounds like your “before”. I go as far as to come in early so I can email co-workers (when they aren’t here) so that I don’t feel awkward for not going over to talk to them (20 feet).
    I’ve been trying to push myself lately. I’ve consciously tried to do things on the edge of my comfort zone but I haven’t really committed to improving. I still dread having to talk to someone (new) like the plague. I suppose I haven’t hit that point yet where I am fed up with it.
    -Josh

  • http://financialphilosopher.typepad.com/thefinancialphilosopher/ The Financial Philosopher

    You provide great ideas but they all lack the most important step toward success — one which I suspect you have already discovered — self-awareness…

    Here’s a case in point: I am extremely introverted but I believe I have good ideas. Needless to say, I am not skilled at “working the room.” I could go to any of those social places you mention but what do I do when I get there? If I do not “receive energy” from external sources, how can I find inner happiness practicing extroverted activities? To solve my problem, I created my own business network and structured meetings where each person networks with each other person in a structured rotation. There is no “pretense” and very little social awkwardness — just efficient, productive networking…

    Now, instead of “working the room” the room “works” for me!

    Thanks for the post…

    Everything goes back to self-awareness…

    • http://galvanizd.blogspot.com Will is GALVANIZD

      I agree. Your self awareness and how well you know yourself is correlated to how well you can relate to other people in creating a connection and building strong rapport with another person.

  • http://www.wowfreetrial.info paowiee

    Great Article! I consider myself to be shy so I really need to work on socializing. I find myself feeling more awkward than excited when I’m with someone I just met.

  • elsa

    this is a great article! I have been working at this for the last few days with a Buddhist saying, ‘Always maintain only a joyful mind’ and I’ve got to tell you I’ve had a great couple of days… plus people react in a completely new way… thanks for the article

  • Kibrika

    I think that being brainy is a handicap in the sense, that most people one meets seem too shallow, boring and therefore discourage from wanting to get to know them or any other people.

    • Vic

      I feel this way. I tried talking to different people. I like people and Im not shy. I just don’t find what they talk about interesting and when I come up with something I like they change subject.

  • Shawn

    Thanks for the wonderful tips! I’ll start practicing right now!

  • http://every1dreams.blogspot.com Brian

    These contests are always great!

    I love your site. Keep up the great work.

    And always be social!

  • http://www.varsityblah.com/about Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah)

    The importance of social skills can’t be emphasized enough. You’re right when you mention that it is all about selling yourself. It’s something that comes across quite strongly in Sales Dogs by Blair Singer (part of the Rich Dad series).

    For me, the first thing is to listen (seek first to understand, as Stephen Covey says) and then to give people what they want. I’ve written about it before:

    “Everyone wanted to feel safe. Everyone wanted to be with someone they could trust and confide in. So that’s what I became. I made sure I was a constant force in their lives. I made sure I kept all the promises made and didn’t make any promises I couldn’t keep, even for something as seemingly insignificant as being on time. Whether it was celebrating with them in success or supporting them in failure, I’d always be there.

    “Everyone wanted to feel important. Everyone wanted to feel as though they were special in some way. So that’s what I made them feel. I made a point of congratulating them on whatever it was they’d accomplished. I made a point of turning to them for advice, even when it wasn’t entirely necessary. I made sure that when we were together, nothing else mattered.

    “Everyone wanted to be loved. More than anything, they wanted to be loved. So that’s what I did. I took an interest in their lives and encouraged them to talk about all the things they were going through, no matter how small. My job wasn’t to interrupt with my own babble or challenge their opinions. My job wasn’t even to agree with everything they had to say. All I had to do was listen with an open mind and make a real effort to understand where they were coming from. That’s all they wanted and it’s all I had to do.”

    (Extract from Work in Progress)

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  • Smith

    Great topic for discussion.

    I’ve had to make significant efforts to maintain (and hopefully) improve my social skills. One thing to note is that I’ve found when I’m happier with my job and life in general, my confidence level is naturally higher, so social efforts are actually easier. It’s all linked together. (I realize this may sound like the “it’s easier to access money when you don’t need it” philosphy, but it’s true.)

  • asrai

    For some people there’s a difference between poor social skills and introversion. When I’m in the mood, I can talk for minutes, hours, days. But once I reach my limit of people, I withdraw inside myself. If you met me on Friday of a long week, you might think I have poor social skills when I respond with one word answers. However, it’s just that I’ve had too much people for the week, I’ll all full of conversation and i need to be alone.

    So don’t mistake introversion for aloofness or poor social skills. Some of us just would rather be alone more of the time than others.

  • http://hunternuttall.com Hunter Nuttall

    I like your emphasis on the fact that social skills can be learned. As with anything else, we get good at what we practice. Social butterflies may seem to have some innate talent, but surely they developed much of their ability because they enjoyed working on their social skills.

  • http://www.nezsez.com Nez

    Wonderful topic.

    I’m a parent to two boys, and so I’ve been thinking a lot about how to have them exercise their social skills. When I go pick them up from the afterschool program, it’s interesting to see how some kids play in groups, and how others are “loners”, preferring to read or play quietly by themselves.

    Right now, I’m trying to teach the youngest one to look at people when he spoken to, and to respond loud enough for people to hear. Funny, at home the two of them are TOO loud.

  • Sean

    Love the article, but let me fix that opening paragraph for you…

    You can get pretty far in life without being smart. Just look at George W. Bush. You won’t, however, get anywhere worthwhile possessing poor social skills. Just look at Hillary Clinton.

    • http://manticmedia.com John Wesley

      Haha, that is classic.

  • Cristina

    My dad gave me the best advice when I was 16 – I was a nerd and kind of holed myself up in my room – he said, “You can’t go anywhere in life unless you are good with people.”
    That has stuck with me through every situation, professional, academic and social. Thanks for the post – I sent it to my dad.

  • http://ecosmo.org/ Ecosmo

    I have always been shy growing up. I don’t have that many friends. Recently, I realized too that social skill is very important, but it is what I lack. I have been finding ways to improve myself in that aspect. Your article has given me many great ideas to do so. Thank you!

  • K

    Thanks for this article on social skills! I go to a bubble of an all-women’s college and i wasn’t much of a social butterfly in high school either, so i feel a little stunted when concerning social matters.

    but i took a semester off and spent 6 months living in china. the slate was swiped clean, and suddenly I was inclined to step WAY out of my comfort zone to meet new people and nurture pre-existing friendships.

    sage advice peter!

    K

  • Clem M

    It can be a daunting task to improve my social skills, however, I do agree it also help me discover who I really am. Although in the beginning it seems to address mainly my weaknesses, I do find out later that people have something good to say about me, which I never knew I “possess”. Reading about articles like this, one can appear to get that “feel good” sensation, however it is those steps I take to be more sociable that adds to my skills. Thanks!

  • Greg

    Well put! I worked as a computer consultant for several years. Requirement Number One of my boss was “Keep the client happy.” Happy clients translated into a renewed contract. Technical skill was sencondary (in as much as it could be while keeping the client happy).

  • Meredyth

    Thanks for this timely article. I’m currently in a job where most of the people in my department work on separate projects. I’m also physically in an office at the end of the hall, so not many people just happen by. I could literally come in to work and go home and not speak to another person. I was getting very discouraged with this, but then I decided to have a goal of talking to at least 3 people a day. It sounds very arbitrary, but it really did make a difference. I found it to be just the little nudge I needed to make a point to stick my head in someone’s office or to talk to someone at the gym, etc. Plus, I kept the number small so that it wasn’t too daunting and so that I could build on a string of successful days.

  • http://www.nightlifeserenade.com Nightlife Serenade

    I actually teach social skills. I love it, and students love it and learn so much.

    http://www.nightlifeserenade.com

  • Andrew

    Thanks! And I hope I win the book :)

  • Ally

    Thanks for the great article.
    I am a pretty extroverted person but occasionally I do feel a sense of awkwardness. I am really trying to work on this so I enjoyed this.

  • http://www.smithbarid.com Richard

    Great post! So often we get wrapped up in work, home life, thing we MUST GET DONE… It’s easy to forget that forging these relationships and sustaining them often lightens our load in other areas.

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  • MD

    You just provided me with an incentive (the give away book) to move out of my comfort zone and write my first comment here !

  • http://shaunbala.blogspot.com Shaun

    Great article. I’m in the midst of a similar process myself. Your point about putting effort into practice i think is understated.

    It definitely takes a lot of work. It is far too easy to sit back and say “i’m not a social person”.

    Groups like toastmasters are a great idea. I think volunteering for speaking engagements and going to social functions outside your immediate circle are great growth opportunities.

  • Pingback: Hunter Nuttall . com » Blog Archive » Synchronicities: Just Coincidence, Or Signs From The Universe?

  • DJ

    Hey
    Firstly – great article – i really can relate and its really got me thinking.
    I feel now after reading this article, i am socially poor.
    I would love to be as confident as some of my friends but im not.
    I have always been a small guy. Although now theres people i hang with who are not much taller than me.
    My apperance has always got me down and i can instantly tell when meeting people which ones i can trust and which i cant.
    To be honest, i didnt think i would get to the point of having to write a comment on something like this but im really struggling for ideas and it seems my ‘hopefully promosing’ future is taking ages to come around.
    My height really does annoy me as its been an achilles hill all my life.
    I wouldnt say im not good looking, in fact quite the opposite but i cant take advantage of that as i still look about 15 or 16 despite being 18.
    My family are the complete opposite to me, they couldnt be more outgoing and as i reach the end of my first year at university, i realise there is a problem especially when everyday is spent with the same people who would rather sit in and smoke dope all day – something i am strongly against.
    Ive always hoped that when im about 20 or 21 i will look like im old enough to drink.
    Everytime im in the company of others – i feel nervous – and when i speak – i speak quietly but i feel thats just me – i cant speak too loud anyway.
    Is there any advice anyone could hand me – and im not one to give in to any peer pressure so im not going to do anything stupid to impress people.
    If not a lack of social skills, then its an extreme lack of confidence.

  • http://www.expressyourselftosuccess.com Laurie

    Good article! Your recommendation to join Toastmasters is one that should be taken very seriously. I joined a great club three years ago and it’s helped me tremendously – I’m a much better “everyday” speaker in social situations that I ever was before. Just integrating “vocal variety” and body language in my regular conversations helped me communicate better. Thanks for the tips, Scott!
    PS. For anyone looking for a Toastmasters club: although each club follows the same “curriculum” they vary significantly in terms of feel and social culture. Before joining a club, check out a few different clubs to find out which will suit you best.

  • Martin

    I’m late to the discussion, but I just wanted to share a blog that helped me:

    http://www.succeedsocially.com

    It’s only about social skills, and the person who wrote it has a similar story to Scott’s.

  • Marko

    Excellent point. I had to learn how to use social skills outside of family. The lreason was that the other half of my job was customer servie. Look around and you will see there is a direct relationship between social status(money) and the lack there of. Look in the neighborhoods with high crime, crappy cars,unkept houses and one can easily see the importance of developing social skills.

  • http://? Emily De Palma

    Greetings!~
    I am so glad i found this site.
    What a great article, it was written so that anyone could digest the material and be inspired to do some of the suggestions instantly.

    i have always wanted to join Toastmasters and after reading this article, I am going to call my local group this Monday and join.

    I am a self-taught woman in Film school, aspiring to be a television & film director/producer, so I appreciate all of this information very much!

    Thank you & enjoy every minute!
    Emily

  • Jason Medina

    Great article; I enjoyed reading it. I am a naturally shy, anxious person, and socializing and social skills have always been a tricky realm for me to navigate. I think about, and analyze, socializing in general, and I have some things that bother me. For one, I feel like an imposter or a con man whenever I try to socialize. Most of the time, I really don’t much to say or even a desire to say much, but I feel compelled to follow the “social rules” of human interaction; thus, I find myself “acting” all the time, without really feeling what I’m projecting. So much of the socializing process seems to be so phony and trivial. We(humans) have to feign interest, hide our true emotions and feelings(for the sake of social harmony), and wear “social masks” designed to impress and influence people. All of that is phony, is it not? And I’m not saying that those behaviors are not effective – of course they are – but I can’t get over the feeling that so much of everyday social behavior is fake, contrived, phony…… That the popular, socialy-adept people are just the best liars and actors! Help me out here??? lol….

  • http://www.ehow.com/members/anthonyj33.html?view=3rd Jason Medina

    I forgot to add above: I’ve been battling a social anxiety disorder for years. Many people would never guess that I have such social issues due to the fact that I can function fairly well in most social situations. But there are many instances in which my anxiety level shoots through the roof, and I go out of my way to avoid certain social situations. I’ve actually panicked in a few social situations over the years(a very embarrasing situation) and that has made me a little more gun-shy and reticent. Shyness and social anxiety can be tough, life-altering things……They are no joke!

  • New Guy

    Hello, this was a great article and I am happy that I came across it. I have forced myself off and on for 2 years now to try and be more social, but I can never really build relationships well. It is so scary to reveal myself and open up to people. So, I always give up after a few months of trying.

    Anyway, your article has encouraged me to try again and harder! One place I didnt really try that you mentioned was the clubs and bars. I figured they were kinda “advanced” for my skill level, but, I suppose I should give it a shot.

    Actually, posting this message feels just as much of an attempt as a bar or club, because I am anxious about opening up even in such an impersonal manner as this.

    Anyway, from my failed experiences I feel I should offer some advice as well: Like Scott said, social skills take a long time to build, so don’t give up. You will go through lots of pain before you get any good at this particular skill. I know I have alot more to go through still, but I will keep trying!

    I hope everyone else does too.

  • http://www.west49.com John Fisher

    I don’t agree with this one bit, if you have poor social skills you just have to modify your social behaviors everybody has trouble with social skills in some aspect, but you can get far with poor social skills (only very mild / moderate) but if it’s severe enough or causes misbehavior than than you won’t get far. The thing you get far with is effective communication skills (verbal; reciprocal conversations and non-verbal; body language / interpretations/speech), by using effective communication and being a good communicator you will get far. Not only that if you work in a business you will be able to persuade others and be able to function in a group. Asides that social skills are mis-reffered to as communication half the time cause the term gets used as social communication however when using social skills as seperate components such as; social interaction skill and verbal/non-verbal communication skills that sounds more proper, however it both get reffered to as whole social skills social communication / social interaction, but I disregard that term and it shouldn’t be applied. I don’t agree with you, in order to get far you need effective communication skills that’s how and social skills or interactions (social behavior) everyone messes up there at one point or another, so by saying this you are wrong because it’s communication what gets us far in life, that’s how we form relations with people and that we communicate well…

  • http://www.west49.com John Fisher

    So in saying this, you need effective communication and that helps you a lot, knowing your communication cues (non-verbal), having proper conversations with people (relating to them in some sense) and being able to communicate and persuade people and form friendships gets you far. However getting back to social interaction skills (social skills), you need to also have empathy and try to socialize properly by being polite and remembering to greet them, people with poor social skills but communication skills can fix there poor behaviors (norms) within the setting usually,
    lets say you were an effective communicator but a poor socializor and you did something wrong and you knew it and than you used proper language to get the message signaled that’s what creates a resolved situation, * Effective communication!
    Okay getting back to this, here’s a scenario where Derek did something wrong.
    “Derek had met someone in the park (a stranger), he talked to her and while he was talking in the conversation, he had something inappropriate which had hurt the persons feelings, he realized it quickly and used effective communication to resolve the conflict by apologizing”. (verbal communication situation *1).
    ” John had talked to his girlfriend over the phone and he said something that was in a joking sense, ally had misinterpretated his message and had gotten upset. As soon as Derek saw Sally he had realized she was sad, Derek tried to apologize using effective communication but it wasn’t enough, so after seeing her sad face and knowing her for years, Derek had than gave her a hug and made up by apologizing and explaining to her what had went wrong. (non-verbal communication situation).
    I know I am not the most effeciant communicator but I am trying to be, I have no disorder right now but I am however going for communication therapy to fix some of this conversational awkwardness or that, well yeah my message is communication skills are more important than social skills, cause someone with poor social skills is most likely gonna exhibit poor communication skills as well, however if both are combined than you can’t go in far in life, if social skills are impaired but communication skills are good you will go far in life because you are more likely to have mild/moderate social issues, causing little social interactive dysfunction at all. If you have poor social skills at the severe end you will likely have communication issues as well. If you have poor communication skills you will most likely have social dysfunction to some degree depending if it’s speech, language or communicative use, if you have communicative use such as reciporical conversational use you will have social issues as well impairing your ability to have friends, if you have non-verbal you will not have social dysfunction. Well yeah I hope you get my message, communication skills are more important than social skills cause in order to be a socializer you have to be an effective socializer, well I hope this helps, peace, Sincerely: John Fisher.

  • http://www.west49.com John Fisher

    communication skills are more important than social skills cause in order to be a socializer you have to be an effective communicator, well I hope this helps, peace, Sincerely: John Fisher. * Fixed.

  • grace

    i was born shy, beautiful & smart, i am friendly &i liked talking to people but the problem is they dont seem interested in me, what i have to say or want to have anything to do with me. I feel i am always the odd one in the group. I dont know what im doing wrong, can you help?

  • grace

    Can you give me specific detailed examples that i might be doing that turns people off? Thanks in advance.

  • Herman

    Cool stuff.

  • http://www.mysocialtactics.com JRSocialSkills

    You make many good suggestions here to increase your potential socials skills. The one I most agree with is practicing it. We can read books all day long about how to improve our social skills, but we will never get anywhere if we do not get out their and use what we learned in real time. Practice is the key. Even if you haven’t learned anything from books, going out and trying new things socially till you find somethine that works can be a great thing for your own self discovery.

  • Aj Ash

    I find this article to be very narrow-minded and bigoted.People who don’t have social skills or are not extroverted should not be made to feel ashamed of themselves and be told to be like extroverts.For example in USA and western countries homsoexuals don’t like it if they are told to be heterosexual or women don’t like it if they are told to be housewives.In the same way people who are introverted or abe respected for that, the samre not social should not be forced to think poorly of themselves and be something they are not.If homosexuals have the right to be what they are and be respected then people who prefer not to be social should also be respected for their choice.Afterall USA claims it is a free society.Why be hypocritical while practising freedom.

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  • ashraf mohideen

    Greetings to you and to all my readers loved ones
    The social relationship is what distinguishes humans from other creatures other
    For this successful social relations are always the foundation for success and progress in this life
    But it must be a social relationship based on a sound basis and on the basis of true morality
    So that both parties benefit from this relationship
    That our existence as human beings, our relationship is linked to social and this link that is imposed on us organize our society and our lives keep us away from all creatures
    “God created us and honored our love for each other, a main aim of the created
    Our love for our Creator and worship is a social entrepreneur and is the secret of the universe
    PowerPoint readers we must be isolated and a failed social and complicated, but it must be for the life of social controls and correct
    Greet each of reading a verbal
    I apologize because my words difficult to understand because my mother tongue is Arabic
    The language of the people of Paradise, as stated in the Bible
    Thank you and goodbye

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    Meditation is one of the easiest techniques you can learn to refuel your body, mind and spirit. While many of us have heard of the benefits of meditation, few of us actually want to spend the time it takes to learn how to meditate. We often cling to stress, fear and anxiety because we think we need these things in order to function in this fast-paced world.

  • Kelsey

    Unfortunately, I greatly lack social skills, because I presume that I’m just incredibly shy, even though I am very book smart. I’m going to use these ideas to strengthen my social brain. It works out with the timing as well, because next year I’ll be attending a new school, so I’ll be forced to make new friends.

  • http://www.schoolofsocialskills.com/ Social Skills Improvement

    I
    was in total denial before about my lack of social skills. Having great friends
    made me think that I was ok; not until I started working and meeting other
    people that I realize I am in need of help when it comes to my social
    interaction.

    Your tips here are so helpful and I can’t agree
    with your more that not having good social skills can lead to someone’s
    failure.

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  • Chris

    Thank you for your valuable tips, as I am 31 years old. I have been socially awkward/anxious for many years. Physically I keep fit and I am in pretty good shape and quite a handsom guy, but…..have had very few girlfriends, not many friends, and practically no social life outside of my job. My activities, including gym, are all performed alone. Upon first meeting me, people are sometimes confused as to my behaviour. But I am keeping a positive attitude. I cannot afford a therapist right now. And the “loneliness bug” gets to me quite often lately. But I do have a Toastmasters group near where I stay. You can guess what my next move is. Thanks!

  • Sorca

    Its not a good idea to send e-mail first instead one should try to talk normaly

  • T

    This article is so very true! I used to be really good with my social skills until many of my social circles moved away. I became less outgoing and stopped going at as much. I have recently moved to a new city and I find it much harder to talk to people I do not know as I feel I don’t have that much to say or ‘connect’ with them. I hardly read anymore and do not watch tv. I knew I needed to get out there more and meet new people, that way I would build my social skills. It is scary, but I joined a club and the people were very friendly and we had a lot to talk about. Thing is, I am so busy with work I hardly get the chance to go out on the socials and feel I am losing what I started to rebuild.
    Seems so little time and so much to do. I have promised myself to make time at least once a week, and hopefully I will be back on track.
    Great write up.

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