Discipline is freedom. You may disagree with this statement, and if you do you are certainly not alone. For many people discipline is a dirty word that is equated with the absence of freedom. In fact the opposite is true. As Stephen R. Covey once wrote, “the undisciplined are slaves to moods, appetites and passions”. And in the longer term, the undisciplined lack the freedom that comes with possessing particular skills and abilities - e.g. to play a musical instrument or speak a foreign language.
Self-discipline involves acting according to what you think instead of how you feel in the moment. Often it involves sacrificing the pleasure and thrill of the moment for what matters most in life. Therefore it is self-discipline that drives you to:
- Work on an idea or project after the initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away
- Go to the gym when all you want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV
- Wake early to work on yourself
- Say “no” when tempted to break your diet
- Only check your email a few of times per day at particular times
In the past self-discipline has been a weakness of mine, and as a result today I find myself lacking the ability to do a number of things which I would like - e.g. to play the guitar. But I have improved, and I can say that it is self-discipline that got me out of bed this morning at 5am to run and then write this article. Believe me, I would love to be curled up in bed right now, but this desire is subordinated by my inner sense of purpose.
If you struggle with self-discipline, the good news is that it can be developed. For example, it is only in the past two years that I have trained myself to wake early. The following are what I have found to be the five traits of self-discipline:
1. Self-Knowledge
Discipline means behaving according to what you have decided is best, regardless of how you feel in the moment. Therefore the first trait of discipline is self-knowledge. You need to decide what behavior best reflects your goals and values. This process requires introspection and self-analysis, and is most effective when tied to written expression. I highly recommend taking the time to write out your goals, dreams and ambitions. Even better, write out a personal mission statement. I found that writing such a statement gave me a greater understanding of who I am, what I am about and what I value. Dr. Covey has an excellent Mission Statement Builder on his site.
2. Conscious Awareness
Self-discipline depends upon conscious awareness as to both what you are doing and what you are not doing. Think about it. If you aren’t aware your behavior is undisciplined, how will you know to act otherwise?
As you begin to build self-discipline, you may catch yourself being in the act of being undisciplined - e.g. biting your nails, avoiding the gym, eating a piece of cake or checking your email constantly. Developing self-discipline takes time, and the key here is you are aware of your undisciplined behavior. With time this awareness will come earlier, meaning rather than catching yourself in the act of being undisciplined you will have awareness before you act in this way. This gives you the opportunity to make a decision that is in better alignment with your goals and values.
3. Commitment to Self-Discipline
It is not enough to simply write out your goals and values. You must make an internal commitment to them. Otherwise when your alarm clock goes off at 5am you will see no harm in hitting the snooze button for “just another 5 minutes….” Or, when initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away from a project you will struggle to see it through to completion.
If you struggle with commitment, start by making a conscious decision to follow through on what you say you’re going to do - both when you said you would do it and how you said you would do it. Then, I highly recommend putting in place a system to track these commitments. As the saying goes, “What gets measured gets improved”.
4. Courage
Did you notice the sweat dripping from the man in the picture at the start of this article? Make no mistake, self-discipline is often extremely difficult. Moods, appetites and passions can be powerful forces to go against. Therefore self-discipline is highly dependent on courage. Don’t pretend something is easy for you to do when it is in fact very difficult and/ or painful. Instead, find the courage to face this pain and difficulty. As you begin to accumulate small private victories, your self-confidence will grow and the courage that underpins self-discipline will come more naturally.
5. Internal Coaching
Self-talk is often harmful, but it can also be extremely beneficial if you have control of it. When you find yourself being tested, I suggest you talk to yourself, encourage yourself and reassure yourself. After all, it is self-talk that has the ability to remind you of your goals, call up courage, reinforce your commitment and keep you conscious of the task at hand. When I find my discipline being tested, I always recall the following quote: “The price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret”. Burn this quote into your memory, and recall in whenever you find yourself being tested. It may change your life.
Peter writes about how to enjoy life at The Change Blog. If you enjoyed this article, you may wish to download his free e-book, A Year of Change.
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2Pac had a great line “B****es do what they can, Real Ni*** do what they want”
It may be a bit hostile, but such was his life. The point is he was a big proponent of that philosophy. Self discipline is the only thing we really need to learn. With it we can pretty much do anything we set our mind to. Anything at all.
http://yinvsyang.com/
Excellent article - I especially like your “Courage” segment. I find myself constantly downplaying any achievement and not feel any satisfaction from it. I don’t like admitting that something is difficult for me to do. My motto for so long has been, “life is easy - everything is easy”. Some part of me still believes it…I think I just formed a cockeyed way around with semantics. Life is easy, I can do anything, I just lack the drive. Of course that means the things you lack the drive to do are difficult…but you get the idea. Heh, I could convince myself of anything - so it’s definitely nice to read something like this - Thanks - Excellent post.
Great article!
BTW….great post!
Although this mind not be the best mindset, I write down how I feel after I’ve done something like go to the gym.
So for example say i haven’t been in a while, once I’ve been I feel better in so many ways. I write them down so I can look back at it when I feel like not going and realise how much better it is for me.
That is all the motivation I need
[…] How to build self confidence […]
Great Article, although I have accomplished many of my goals, waking up early is still a challenge. The earliest I have been able to do is 6:30am. I believe I could use the hour and a half if i do 5am.
Just downloaded the ebook a Year of Change, and I am loving it!!!
“You don’t overcome challenges by making them smaller but by making yourself bigger.” – John C. Maxwell
Interesting….
I can’t argue with what you say… but…
Will it last? Will it endure? How long can you keep control until you low your guard?
The difficult thing about self discipline (at least in my case) is that it feels like something I should force myself into it.
Of course I can do it. I’ve done it many times (diets, exercise, etc.). The problem is that in the long rung I will inevitable slip.
Why?
Because you can force yourself out your balance only for period of time.
And that’s it. You can’t keep a sustained effort indefinitely.
The moment you relax, you naturally return to you point of origin
The solution is obviously changing your “point of balance”. Changing your habits instead of forcing yourself not to follow them.
That of course is very challenging path that will require lots of self discipline, at least at the beginning.
Peter, I love your points on internal coaching. It’s something I do daily.
Marc
Great post, Peter…
I agree with Mariano with regard to striking balance. Self-discipline and self-motivation can be quite hyper-intentional, yet floating around like a leaf in the wind may be equally harmful.
I do believe, however, that you make a case for balance within the frame of what I refer to as “mind vs brain.” Over the course of time, the will of the mind can overcome the desires of the brain. Forming good habits takes time and attempting to do this quickly may be self-destructive, and you do a good job of saying this.
We each have a certain potential and we can not reach it with out some form of self-discipline. Success is no accident. We simply need to find our own balance to find it…
Kent
You must have a strong enough reason to commit to the change. For me, I was a nondrinker till age 30 (due in large part to my dad’s alcoholism and others of my family’s alcohol and drug problems). My big reason beyond my own health was to be a shining example to my 3 younger sisters. Unfortunately, by age 30, I found that being the teetotaler actually alienated them — and most of my peers. So, when my first boss at a law office insisted I take a shot of Stoli as part of an initiation ritual upon hiring me, I decided it was time to break my life-long habit. During the next 10 years, imbibing helped grease the wheels of social and business exchanges (including with my sisters), so I had no reason to stop. However, since last year, when I began my blog, I have been wanting to cut back and possibly quit alcohol altogether. It’s expensive and the fuzzy mindset it gave me was not what I wanted anymore — though it was very useful whenever I needed to relax from a day of legal work in a corporate environment.
I had been trying ever since I quit law last October to stick to a healthier diet, regular exercise, and less alcohol. All with minimal success. Finally, I decided to try a water fast. I successfully fasted for 10 days, followed by a 5 day post fast (which I chronicled at http://shanelyang.com/2008/07/03/fasting-log-day-1/ ). But, the real trick would be to maintain my amazing results (20.40 lbs. lost in 15 days, no alcohol, and only raw food for 5 of those 15 days). Since I no longer was trying to be a role model to anyone, I had to find a different, sufficiently important purpose to keep to the habit of not drinking alcohol and of eating more raw foods despite the many temptations all around me. Then, it came to me: Treat my body like a temple. Now that is the type of all important goal that can sustain me through any temptation. Why treat it like a temple? Because it is the vessel that can extend my life to 120 years if I thus treat it — and to also cleanse it periodically with water fasts 1 - 2 times per year. : )
6. Consistency
Good post — excellent points! I have to say — I couldn’t agree more that commitment is key!
Excellent primer on self-discipline.
To Mariano’s point, I’d like to offer another angle to look at it.
Self-discipline is an ability to control your behavior.
That’s it. Simple. Yet, most of us don’t feel that we own our behaviors. We feel out of control, that we can’t subject our own actions to our conscious minds.
When you define self-discipline that way, then the common equation that binds self-discipline to the ability to stick some rigid regimen disappears. Of course, self-disciplined people can stick to rigid structures. But when you gain true mastery over your own actions, then you don’t need some set of rules or protocols to decide how you act. You don’t let any other entity beside your conscious mind to drive your actions, except for carefully chosen habits that you either leave in or instill in your system. This creates the sense of freedom Peter is talking about. You are finally free to decide exactly what to do with yourself. You’re not enslaved to some habits that you can’t unlearn or emotions that you can’t suppress.
Mastery over your own actions can be practiced and cultivated by challenging yourself to a certain routine, like exercising and diet. The more victory you experience over other forces trying to control your behavior, the more you trust your consciousness to control your actions.
Besides, habits can be formed even around things you initially think are hard to do. Let’s say you commit to running 5 miles a day, though you can barely run 1 at the beginning. You have a hard time keeping up the habit in the beginning. But as you subjugate your body to your will and keep up the routine, the routine of running 5 miles start becoming more comfortable than not running it. You’ll start feeling odd, like you’re missing something, on the days you run. At this point your action is not so much a fight of laziness vs. will. Actually, doing it will seem normal and easier than not doing it.
ari
The statement “Discipline is a dirty word” is such a true statement for so many people. It is like a muscle. The more you work it, the better it gets!
I agree with the notion of consistency. My first admonition to myself when I need to sit down and write (every day) is always: Turn the f*ck up.
Discipline all begins with writing things down and analyzing them.
Thought provoking Peter, thanks. Perhaps this relates to the Self Coaching trait but I think one of the keys is ‘wanting’ to be self-disciplined rather than ‘needing’ to be self-disciplined. In other words I really believe you have to acknowledge up front that self-discipline has benefits for you and therefore seek to achieve it. For that reason I love the quote you noted - ‘the price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret’. That’s my motivator.
Simon
Hey Peter, I just love the quote you have here “the price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret” and not to mention, the picture of the guy you posted on this post…LOL….it’s a sure motivator for discipline!
Great read. Some times discipline is just a matter of getting it done kinda thinking. Just get up and go for it.
Great post…
Thanks.
Hey Peter, Very Very Good article. I so agree with what you said that “Discipline is freedom.”
-Harish
[…] Clemens from PickTheBrain Wrote this Great […]
Did you know that Stephen R. Covey is also a Latter-day Saint a.k.a. “Mormon”? He wrote a fantastic book called The Spiritual Roots of Human Relations that I highly recommend. I was 12 when he was on Oprah discussing First Things First and I was taking notes, drawing out my 4 quadrants on a paper.
Shanel Yang, that’s exactly why Mormons don’t drink. Our health code is about treating our bodies like temples.
I found your story very interesting. I decided not to drink for the same reason you initially did. And all these years later, knowing myself better, I KNOW I would become an alcoholic if I took it up. I think that’s a perfectly legit, respectable reason to mention to anyone who’s trying to initiate you with alcohol or who thinks you’re just trying to set yourself apart as “better” in some way. I’ve never felt uncomfortable being the only person not drinking. With enough confidence and acceptance of other people’s decisions, I think any non-drinker can blend into a drinking situation.
(Sorry, I’m posting this twice because I just noticed the REPLY option! OOPS!)
Shanel Yang, that’s exactly why Mormons don’t drink. Our health code is about treating our bodies like temples.
I found your story very interesting. I decided not to drink for the same reason you initially did. And all these years later, knowing myself better, I KNOW I would become an alcoholic if I took it up. I think that’s a perfectly legit, respectable reason to mention to anyone who’s trying to initiate you with alcohol or who thinks you’re just trying to set yourself apart as “better” in some way. I’ve never felt uncomfortable being the only person not drinking. With enough confidence and acceptance of other people’s decisions, I think any non-drinker can blend into a drinking situation.
This site is very motivating, at a time when I need it most. The key here is to create a schedule and stick to it, no matter what (unless in case of life threatening emergency of course).
Christie
http://tinyurl.com/6mox33
“The price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret”.
Wonderful! Who is the author of this quote, or is it unknown?
I’m a big believer in building the trait of self discipline. Very solid article. Thanks.
Robin Sharma uses it all the time and attributes it to a friend - name escapes me.
Cheers
Yes, Robin Sharma made me aware of the quote. He attributes it to the motivational speaker Nido Qubein.
Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone who can stick to anything for a long time.. And it works only when we are obsessed with, in this case self-discipline, or anything else for that matter.. turn into neurotic being
…It doesn’t mean, we shouldn’t pursue the self development path, but adding a little of self awareness doesn’t hurt…J
Perhaps, it will work well as a guide for parents on bringing up their children in this manner…
Also, I’ve practiced self-discipline for many years, such as diet, working out, and even though it didn’t stick totally, that is it didn’t become my second nature, some of it remained with me, and grew to be automatic.
Strong motivation is a key. But when motivation is gone, the old self is back, nevertheless, with some updates J
People often say, “I do what I want to do”, but do they really do what they want, or is it just some sort of programming? Are they really free? Self discipline is a way to get out of being programmed. It develops more awareness of one’s thoughts and state of mind, as well as builds the ability to make decisions based on reason, not just emotions, and to follow them through.
Self discipline is the way to freedom from negative habits. It awakens inner strength and power, and has nothing to do with being rigid, callous or lacking happiness. Any kind of success requires self discipline, be it success at the job, making money, achieving goals or improving relationships.
Actually, it is not so difficult to develop at least some measure of self discipline. You can find a few simple exercises, which can be practiced any time of the day, at the following address www.successconsciousness.com/index_000006.htm
[…] 1. Pick The Brain has a great post about self-discipline: http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/self-discipline/ […]
Great post. I have four words that can help sum up some of this message:
live in the moment.
Barbara
[…] How to Build Self-Discipline […]
Great and inspiring article!
[…] Posted By Peter Clemens On July 29, 2008 @ 6:00 am In self improvement | 36 Comments […]
TL:DR
Please note that FranklinCovey just launched a new website and the Mission Statment Builder mentioned in this article has moved to: http://www.franklincovey.com/tc/resources.
[…] How to Build Self-Discipline […]
[…] How to Build Self-Discipline […]
I agree live in the present moment.
Self discipline is not a natural thing. It is the result of a man made modern lifestyle. You will never see an obese kalahari bushman yet this person has no self imposed discipline - indeed they cannot even write. They also do not sit down and study music or hunting skills yet they have them because they are in harmony with their environment. They “listen” to their feeling of hunger etc and respond appropriately. This comfortable safe man made environment is not natural and the imbalances are seen everywhere - it is a failed and dying system that is now turning on itself. The best self discipline can do for you is speed up this process of destruction and if you are fit you may be the last left to turn off the lights. Better to spend your time coming to terms with what death is - fear of death and avoidance of pain is the cause of all the ills of modern man. What you resist persists.
Great article! So true and well written.
Thank you! Glad to hear you enjoyed it
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Great read. Some times discipline is just a matter of getting it done kinda thinking. Just get up and go for it.
Cool article.
With the progress we’ve made in the developed countries comes a lot of unnecessary substance that leads us to excess.
[…] Getting in the habit of using self-discipline so you can accomplish what you need to and have plenty of time left to do the things you want to […]