Life is full of contradictions. People say they want health food, but McDonalds still makes billions of dollars each year. People say they want to work satisfying jobs, but end up chasing after the biggest paycheck. People say they want news on world affairs, but tune into 24/7 coverage of Anna Nicole Smith.
I’m no different. I have plenty of contradictions between what I truly believe and how I behave. And I think anyone who says they don’t is lying to themselves. Practicing what you preach isn’t easy. It may be impossible to do it completely.
But even if you can’t escape the contradictions of modern living, you can lessen their impact. You can consult what you know to be true, and use that to guide you, instead of rationalizing your behavior and living a lie.
Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance is a fancy psychological term for something incredibly simple: when people hold two contradicting ideas, their minds start to fry. This can be something simple like, “I believe health is important” and “I just finished eating a bag of potato chips.”
Your mind can’t handle the contradiction, as a result it has to go through one of two directions. The first is rationalizing: “I deserve the bag of chips, it’s been a hard day.” This is the easiest option, but it has long-term consequences. Eliezer Yudkowsky has said, “Rationalization is an odd word, because it has nothing to do with thinking rationality. It’s like calling lying ‘truthification’.” Whenever you start rationalizing a decision, you’re taken a shortcut that might make you feel better, but often ends in a poor choice.
The second option when you face a contradiction is to realize that one of the two ideas is false. Either your belief that something is true is mistaken, or your behavior was incorrect. Either you don’t believe health is important, or you shouldn’t have eaten that bag of potato chips.
I think this second direction is much harder to accomplish than rationalization, and why it’s easier to rationalize a mistake than it is to use that mistake to make changes.
Start With the Truth…
You can resolve a lot of personal conflicts by starting with a simple question: “What is true?”
Based on your personal experience and knowledge, ask yourself what is true. Answer this question before you factor in your current behavior. If you feel drinking or smoking is bad for you, recognize this first. You can worry about your habits later, the first step in fixing a contradiction always has to be with your current beliefs.
It’s important to recognize what is true, even if you’re powerless to change it. You might hate your job, but be completely financially committed to stay there. That’s okay, it’s better to know the truth of your position than to constantly lie to yourself that it isn’t so bad, or that work is supposed to be distasteful.
Resolving contradictions can be hard, because most people try to prevent any gaps in their behavior and beliefs. So if they can’t change their behavior, they sacrifice their beliefs, lying to themselves about what they know to be true. This is why separating the truth-acknowledging step from the behavior-changing step is so important.
…Then Fix the Habits
Once you fully acknowledge what you know to be true, you can start the process of changing your behaviors. This isn’t easy. Changing habits can be difficult, especially when the habit has been interlinked into much of your life.
It can be even more difficult to fix situations that are based on more than just behavior. A job isn’t just a habit, it’s also a financial commitment that can be difficult to sever, especially if you don’t have the resources to.
However, the job of practicing what you believe becomes infinitely easier if you have first acknowledged the truth of the situation. If you can realize the truth, you will eventually adjust your behavior and life to coincide with it–even if that is difficult at first.
Begin With Little Steps
I made the switch to a vegetarian diet three years ago after reading The China Study and similar books emphasizing the health and ecological benefits. (Don’t worry if you’re a carnivore, I’m not interested in changing your mind.) Before I made the switch, I still ate a lot of meat. As soon as I realized I believed it was healthier, and that health was important to me, I didn’t magically change. It took time to shift my behaviors and habits towards what I felt to be true.
The same thing happened when I first learned about running an online business. I didn’t immediately change all my plans and start building a business. It took time and patience to change my goals and even longer to succeed at it.
I think the most important step to fixing your contradictions is to realize you have them. Many people rationalize them away so there is never a gap between behavior and truth. Only the people who have gaps, the ones who aren’t living at their ideal capacity, are the people who can grow and improve.
If you perfectly practice what you preach, then you probably aren’t doing either very well.
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Great words of wisdom Scott. Lying to yourself is too much like work! Much better overall just to be honest with yourself and use your energy towards improving your situation or changing your habits.
I think it also helps to make sure you are prepared to do what it takes to get what you (may think) you want. And if you are not prepared to do that, is there a different way?
I think we need to live with a bit of inconsistency. So long as we’re moving in the right direction, and not judging others (too much!), I think we’re on the right track. Thanks for sharing – nice post.
“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.” – Ayn Rand
Great post, Scott! We are all on the path to become what we want to be. If we were there already, there would be no more point to our lives. : )
This was a great article, very insightful. This is at the core of how we change things in our lifestyle. The trick is being honest with ourselves, rationalization is so powerful that it gets in the way of seeing ourselves honestly.
I agree, Scott. So often, the first step is to start being honest with yourself. From there, I think it’s important to really start questioning just why we’re doing what we’re doing. So much of what we do is based on conditioning. We are like wind-up toys, wanting to believe that we’re free, but not realizing that we’re basically controlled by the ways we’ve been conditioned to behave, and the things we’ve been conditioned to believe.
This is why it’s so important to start questioning these things: Why am I doing what I’m doing? Why do I believe what I believe? More often than not, we’ll see that the real answer to those questions is: because I’ve been told/conditioned/manipulated, etc. to do so. Then, and only then (once this is acknowledged), can we start living true to ourselves.
Thus, it’s important to question both what we preach and what we practice. Maybe we’ll see that one, either, or even both aren’t really based on anything valid at all, but rather conditioning, fear, and basic selfish desire. This kind of recognition is the beginning of (real) freedom.
Even harder than practicing what you preach is being consistent about what you’re practicing, whether it’s your own advice or philosophies you adopt. And you’re right, you can’t be perfect at either of these. Being perfect would be awfully boring though, wouldn’t it? What would we strive for?
Some of these topics are covered in a book that was just written.. here..
This post creates some questions for me – I disagree that people are “Lying” to themselves. I believe that everyone makes the best decission that they can at the time depending on where they are in their life.
Someones reason to change has to be greater than their reason not to change.
The post mentions people wanting to eat healthier then going to McDonalds. Why are they going to McDonalds – not for healthy food – they go for convenience. I personally believe if busy people had the option of healthy food that was convenient, that they would choose it.
Thus, the question, what’s more important healthy food or convenience?
So our lifes are all about the choices we make – what’s the most important to us at that particular time.
Thanks for this post. It’s incredible what simply admitting where we’re at can accomplish for us, and in my experience it has a lot to do with letting go of preconceived ideas about what we “should” feel or do. If you let go of your notion that you “should” be satisfied with your job because lots of other people are, for instance, you’ll feel freer to acknowledge your dissatisfaction with it and pursue your true calling.
what an article completly true
Great article, I know I find myself in the same position everyday. It’s tough to take the first steps, but well worth the effort.
One of the major reasons I started my blog is because I WANTED to create cognitive dissonance and practice what I preach. To develop the website, to create content, to increase traffic, to network, etc etc, all of this requires me to immerse myself in the habits and traits that I wanted to develop in myself.
Looking truth is good thing but identifying truth is a very difficult thing, so consult some one who had good experience in life to know what is truth or by our experience we can identify what is truth so accordingly turn ourself, after turning also we get temptetion towards our previous state but keep on turned state & not to give small room to turn towards back because small thing become later large like we started smoking with small quontity than it turned toward chain smoking so be aware before starting or initiating a bad habit.
Thanks for taking a few of us.
thanks for letting me view your guest book and giving me all the information
Good post!
mint page ! nice work ! and that red frame is real nice
Another contradiction…
I know I need to spend time with my loved ones, but those events, those other people, and/or those other priorities came first.
How easy is it for us to rationalize and plug in all the many reasons (or the many excuses…even blaming others) why we don’t find time for our family and friends, but when their gone how easy it is to lie to ourselves (and others) how we were always there for them?
And, to “fix it”…well, our loved ones are gone; so, live with the guilt and let that help to guide you to not make those poor choices again. Be real…stay with the truth…don’t lie to yourself or to others.
I just gave my daughter advice before reading this as she recently lost a loved one: “Don’t lie to yourself or to others. You may have been close to her at one time, but that WAS a long time ago. No matter how much time you did not spend with her that you could have or how distant you became over the years (your fault or not), certainly doesn’t minimize your pain and/or grief. I know you’re hurting and I am here to help you through your grief, pain, AND guilt. Because, I believe that part of your pain, part of what you are feeling is guilt. And, she loved you whether you were near or far just the same.”