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How to Find More Time For Yourself

Posted on November 6, 2010 by Ali Luke | CATEGORIES: self improvement

I won’t remind you that airlines tell you to fit your oxygen mask before helping others. You already know that, and you know how the analogy goes.

I won’t waste your time patiently explaining why it’s important to have time for yourself, as though it’s something that only really matters because it lets you help others.

You have the right to private time to play, relax, goof off, or do whatever the heck you want. I don’t need to explain that to you, and no-one needs to give you permission.

The problem that you face isn’t knowing why time to yourself is important. It’s finding ways to get that time on a regular basis.

Here are four things to try:

#1: Block Out Time in Advance

Ever marvel at how you can keep a couple of days free in your calendar when you know you’ll be travelling?

The rest of the time, it seems like every day is packed full: you can’t imagine just having a whole free day open up in the middle of the week.

When you’ve got a meeting, a long trip or a vacation, your calendar stays clear. You’ve blocked out that time in advance, so you don’t fill it up with work or other commitments.

To get more time for yourself, do exactly the same thing. Figure it out in advance:

  • Plan a “weekend off” several months ahead, so that you don’t end up filling it with the usual social obligations, chores and so on.
  • Find an afternoon once or twice a month where you can escape to the theatre, to a gallery or out into the countryside – whatever makes you feel re-energised and alive.
  • At the start of each day, pick half an hour when you get to do whatever you want: maybe reading a chapter or two of a novel, taking a bath, or going for a jog. You can find half an hour if you look ahead.

#2: Get Your Own Space

Ever settle down for some quality time on your own, only to get interrupted by a housemate or family member? Perhaps you’d just poured yourself a glass of wine and settled down with a magazine when your spouse came in to switch the television on, or maybe you were listening to an audio book when your kids started a screaming competition.

It’s hard to recharge your batteries when you’re surrounded by other people: even if they don’t mean to interrupt you, they often do. Find somewhere you can close the door and get away from it all. (If you’ve got children, that might mean escaping to a coffee shop or somewhere else out of the house.)

#3: Say What You Need

It’s absolutely okay to say to a friend I’m not coming out tonight. I need some time by myself. Sure, some extroverts may be puzzled – but they’ll soon get used to it.

Similarly, it’s fine to tell your partner, kids or housemates that you want some quiet time. Obviously you can’t enforce constant silence – but you can ask them to keep it down for an hour while you read or take a nap.

Be clear and assertive (not aggressive) about what you need, and encourage others to behave the same towards you.

#4: Experiment With Different Times of Day

Not all hours in the day are equal. You might find that it’s easiest for you to get some peaceful time on your own before the rest of the household is awake: perhaps you get up early to meditate, exercise or read.

Alternatively, you may be barely human until your third coffee of the morning. Perhaps your best time to focus on yourself is in the evening, once the kids are in bed.

Other options are:

  • Your lunch hour (get out of the office if you can; if you stay at your desk, you’ll still have your mind on work)
  • Stopping at a cafe on the way home from work
  • Taking some time for yourself while your partner or flatmate cooks dinner
  • Swapping childcare with a friend at weekends, so you both get some time to relax

What other tips do you have for getting enough time to yourself? Share them with us in the comments.

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  • Geri

    With finishing my PhD dissertation, working part time and running a home, I find my only time to myself is on my commute! I take the bus, and I get 2-3 hours each workday to read, listen to audiobooks, meditate, read blogs(on my android phone). Of course if I drove to work, my options would be more limited, but there’s always audiobooks! I also used to cycle to work, which was a great way to get some ‘me time’ for exercising. I figured that the commute is here to stay and I may as well enjoy it!

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  • http://hanofharmony.com The Vizier

    Hi Ali,

    Finding time for yourself is always important. Many people out there wish there was more than 24 hours in a day. If you could package and sell time, you would become a billionaire! ;) Having said that, I like how you get at the heart of the problem. “Finding ways to have more time on a regular basis.”

    #1: Block Out Time in Advance

    This is a very useful tip. Unless we make the attempt to block out and set aside some time, we will always be busy from morning to night. You’re right. If we look ahead, we will be able to manage our time creatively. I usually like to plan my schedule for the week in advance so that I can manage my time for the rest of the week around a rest day or something.

    #3: Say What You Need

    As an introvert, I have always been aware of my need for my personal time. Thus when I am really not up to it, I have no problem telling my friends so; tactfully of course. Unless we make an effort to stand up for the time we need, we cannot expect others to read our minds. The good thing is that once they get used to it, you will have that perfect balance of time for yourself and others.

    #4: Experiment with Different Times of Day

    This is so important. Certain days are better for me than others. Certain times are also better than other times. Some times I work better at night. But when I am motivated, I can work just as well in the morning. Thus if I can allocate my most productive hours to work, I will have more time for myself. I usually like to use my lunch and dinner times to catch some me time while my food digests. Not only does this allow me to have some time to myself on a regular basis, it helps me to recharge daily.

    Thank you for sharing this post!

  • http://www.barbaraling.com Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach

    Taking control and ownership of your own time (without feeling guilty!) is quite the needed lifeskill.

    I’ll generally tell my family, Mom is on shutdown time now, and they *know* that letting me be by myself to recharge is a Good Thing indeed. I’m trying to teach them the importance of knowing themselves too; it’s easy to become resentful of people who keep demanding your time.

  • http://www.mizfitonline.com MizFit

    I rock at this and perhaps to my family’s chagrin.
    The adage IF MAMA AINT HAPPY ANY NO BODY HAPPY is around for a reason.

    For me the most important is/was number three.
    I was raised by a woman who expected everyone to read her mind and was exceedingly disappointed (repeatedly) at the worlds lack o’mind reading skills.

    You many not get what you want when you ask for it—-but you RARELY get what you want when you do not.

  • http://www.andrzejkowasz.com Andrzej

    Having a special space for yourself is an important thing. We just have to remeber that it shouldn’t be our bed. I have lived once in a small room where the only comfortable place to be was… a bed.

    For not getting sleepy during the day and to keep myself motivated I chose to sleep at one side and work on the other. I drew an imaginary line dividing it in half and that happen to be quite enough.

    Whatever place we have – let’s make it just ours and made for that one important purpose. After just few days going there sets up our mind to proper state :)

  • http://myovi.blogspot.com Nelson Wee

    I like #1 about Blocking Time in Advance. Many a times this would mean for me:
    1) to block out my white space in my calendar,
    2) get somewhere else, away from my desk
    3) get in earlier into the office before everyone else

    All our time these days are most often hijacked by your loved ones, your colleagues – business, personal and family areas are gradually getting greyed out and intersecting.

    Thanks for your reminders here.

  • http://www.escapethemundane.net/blog Aaron

    I like this, short, sweet, to the point. In the way you’re describing time you really waste no-ones. i like the way you write, by not assuming people are stupid or don’t get self evident stuff, respect. good post

  • http://www.mytidylife.com Emily

    Experimenting with time of day does make a huge difference.

    If I take me-time first thing in the morning, I start stressing about delaying the start to my work day and how on earth I’m going to catch up. And it’s equally hard to end the day a few minutes early to relax before bed, because I end up thinking I could have accomplished “one more thing.” For me, taking a break mid-day for a pick-me-up works best. It took me a long time to figure that out, and the knowledge makes all the difference.

    Thanks for the great post.

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    that’s good and to the point :)

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  • Sue Duffell

    I live in the country which may conjure up visions of plenty of peaceful leisure time, but my chores have increased and I still have to go to work to make a living. My problem is that when I go home to visit family, every moment of my visit is booked out by family members who want me to share time with them. I love seeing them, but my mobile runs hot tracking my every move. I have tried turning it off, but my Mother rang my grown up kids in tears because she couldn’t track me down, even though I had arranged a time to meet her.
    I am planning a surprise visit, where I can shop and go to the movies before everyone knows I am in town. Then I will visit.

  • http://www.goal-buddy.com Sasha Berson

    @ Andrzej Great story!