How To Effectively Change Someone’s Mind

Written by Farouk Radwan - 33 Comments
Categories: self improvement

During our lives we encounter many situations where we feel the need to change someone’s mind about something.

When someone is resistant to changing their mind about something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are stubborn or annoying but rather can simply mean that somewhere in their belief system there is something that is preventing them from believing you.

In order to be able to change someone’s mind about anything you need to understand how they thinks, what they believe in and how you can insert your ideas into their belief system with minimal resistance.

Changing someone’s mind, a step by step guide

Here is a step by step guide to changing someone’s mind about something:

  • Throw the bomb: Start by saying your argument directly, clearly and briefly. For example “What you did yesterday was wrong”
  • Draw a map of the defense lines: As soon as you oppose someone’s beliefs they will start to argue by giving you many reasons for their actions. At this point you must remain silent and record what they say into your mind. As with many things, LISTENING is crucial to success. I call these arguments defense lines because as soon as you penetrate them you will easily change the person’s mind.
  • Debunk their arguments one by one and in the same order: The mistake lots of people make while trying to convince others is that they focus on the main point without understanding that if they managed to get rid of many arguments the other person gave the way to convince him will be opened. Don’t try and bring the castle down all in one, chip away, soldier by soldier until you start to make a big dent.
  • New arguments might appear and that’s normal: If you successfully managed to refute all of the arguments presented they might dig deeply into and find a last one or two arguments. At this point you shouldn’t lose hope but instead know that what you are doing is working! They are running out of arguments and they are down to the strategic reserves.
  • Reply back to the final arguments: Again you should reply to his final arguments by giving valid reasons that proves them wrong
  • Repeat your beliefs and its over!!: As soon as they tell  you “I don’t know” or “I am not sure” repeat your main idea again many times and he will believe in it. For example “You know it is wrong, why did you do that?”

Things that can help you to change a person’s mind

Of course the process is not that simple and you won’t be able to convince someone that his arguments are wrong unless you sound really convincing, this won’t happen unless:

  • Be Real: Nobody is going to believe something willy-nilly. Your perspective must be grounded in reality. No matter how many times you repeat something, if it doesn’t come from a place of truth, nobody’s going to buy it.
  • Do Your Homework/Offer solid proof: Like many things, preparation is key. After all the other person needs stronger evidence than the ones he has in order to believe you
  • Back your arguments by facts: Use statistics, numbers, research findings or even quotes from authoritative figures to sound more convincing.
  • Use social proof: Let the person feel that he is odd but giving him examples of many other people who have opposite beliefs. The social proof theory states that at the time of confusion people tend to stick to what the majority is doing
  • Repetition: the more you repeat your argument the more convincing it will become. If you managed to let another friend repeat the same argument then your probability of changing the person’s mind will become much higher.

Finally changing someone’s mind is all about removing the obstacles he is holding in his belief system one by one then repeating your idea over and over.

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  • http://enlightr.com Craig Thomas

    Nice post, I love the step-by-step-ness of it. Even though the steps can be used to manipulate people, pretty easily – its hoped only ‘good’ people will use it. Although, marketers do this type of approach daily.

  • GD

    Nice Post….But I doubt about the first point ‘Drop The Bomb’.
    I think people get defensive when attacked on their belief and they wud do anything to defend their belief.
    Dont you think so….
    I’m eager to know

  • Quint

    OK, either your website got pwned, this is a late April Fool’s joke or you are baiting a serious troll hook :)

    Thanks for the laugh.

  • Daniel

    As Quint mentioned: You are six days to late with this. :D

  • http://www.officearrow.com Lauren – OfficeArrow

    I agree with Craig- this post could easily be used to manipulate people which is not a good thing! I do think there are some great tips here though. The most important part is doing your homework – particularly in a work environment where you really need to have all the facts and present yourself as knowledgeable. It’s hard to argue with a rational mind.

  • http://www.taskbender.com Pk

    Some great tips like doing your homework… But I feel it is very difficult to change someone’s mind by throwing a bomb! People have egos and they want to protect them. I feel one of the best ways is to use some patience and make them understand slowly without affecting their ego.

  • http://thoughtwrestling.com/blog Mark Dykeman

    This is a very logical set of steps, but I would hope that most people use this as a last resort only.

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  • http://www.asktallgirl.com/ lisa

    Good tips, Also, some people are more open to change then others. Changing the changeable type of people would certainly help too.

  • Pol

    I am sure this can be very effective. I just wonder about the repeating your point. People who argue and I disagree with annoy me so much when they go on to repeat their point, several times. Sometimes we need to agree to disagree. Sometimes the strategy of coming at me with a well reasoned argument then making the same point many times feels like an attempt to railroad me into something. I then feel obliged to continue to disagree with them whatever my feelings on the subject are just to let them know that they cannot tell me what to think!

  • Nicholas Haasch

    This is also an affective approach to getting someone to verbally agree with you without actually changing their mind.

    I’d be mindful of the nonverbal cues with this approach. My guess is that you’ll see the body giving a different story.

    This post would had been hilarious on April 1st.

  • Nicholas Haasch

    *effective

    typo gremlin! i sweat! :>

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  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    thanks Craig :)
    yes like everything else, if the wrong person got it problems might happen

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    Dear Gd
    what you said is actually written in the article
    the main aim of throwing the bomb is letting the defenses come to the surface

    step 2 is called, draw a map of the defense lines:)
    you won’t be able to know them before someone becomes defensive so actually we are trying to make the person defensive on intention
    thanks for the comment :)

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    yes lauren
    you are both right,
    i hope only good people find it

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    that’s a nice point Pol :)
    of course people would disagree if you repeated something while they had opposing beliefs

    but if you removed the opposing beliefs first, as described in the article, then repetition will only convince them more :)

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    i agree with you Mark
    thanks for the comment :)

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    hey Pk
    thanks for the comment
    the purpose for throwing the bomb wasn’t for convincing them
    its just to bring the resistance to the surface so that you can use logic to convince them

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    i agree lisa
    thanks for the comment :)

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    hahaha, it would have been used the wrong way if it was published at that time :) ))

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    sorry didn’t quite get all of these expressions

  • Ramesh Raghuvanshi

    IF we cannot change ourselves how can we change to another?If you want to change another you to manipulate him either show him hope or show him fear. Be remember you cannot change or conquer another person forever.

  • http://www.richardshelmerdine.com/blog/ Richard | RichardShelmerdine.com

    The most important step in this area is to let them think that it was their idea. You talk with them saying things like “I wonder what life would be like if we chose this option” and lead it into “Wow, t hat’s a great idea” when you in fact had the idea initially.

  • http://www.graphical.co.cc/ Decal Sticker

    Someone’s Mind is very varied, and I find it very difficult for all of that. Patience and bombs that might be learned

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    What a great resource!

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    I really enjoyed reading this article.Thanks.

  • http://www.shop216.com seks shop

    change another you to manipulate him either show him hope or show him fear. Be remember you cannot change or conquer another person

  • http://www.asktallgirl.com/ lex girl

    Thanks for the article. Also, a person should be willing to listen though. If someone doesn’t even want to talk that might be harder to accomplish.

  • D. Madhan Kumar

    Its really very nice….ya its true…..

  • http://www.choiceselfhelp.com self help improvement

    What about trying to change the beliefs of someone not receptive to your challenge? When you “throw the bomb” as stated in the first step you stand the chance of losing a friend or getting a punch in the nose.

  • vaish

    Its effective!But how can we say that they wont change their mind again.is this temporary solution for all problems?