There is no quick fix or magic pill to move yourself forward from a fearful life to a fearless life. Fear is a powerful glue and you have been stuck for a long time. Getting free will be no easy task.
I went from fearful to fearless the year I turned fifty. As I look back at the process I can identify five steps I took: Healing, Letting Go, Forgiving, Self-Determination and Opening Up. I now live a fearless life. I love without hesitation. I have started two businesses. I jump out of airplanes. I put myself out for the whole world to see. Gone is the notion that I am not good enough.
Fear was the shadow that casts a doubt on all aspects of my life: Fear of loss, fear of being out of control, fear of pain and fear of ridicule.
Heal In Spite Of Your Pain
Take your pain and turn it into purpose. I took the pain of a heartbreaking end to my second marriage and turned it into a purpose – writing. Through my writing I healed and I inspired others.
The pain of loss can stop us dead in our tracks. Either we put a lock on our heart and refuse to love and live or we become bitter and controlling. Both paths are fear based. Turning your pain into purpose is one way to start the healing process. Make it a call for action. Make a difference – find a purpose.
It was only after I let go of the bitterness and hate did I began to feel the freedom of living life. There has been so much pain in my life – beginning with my abusive father. By holding on to hate you will not heal. If you do not heal you cannot let go of the past. You anger blinds you to the joy and pleasure of the present moment.
One technique I used to let go of the past was finding healthy activities to fill up my life. One item in particular was running. I found a beginners running program and slowly but surely made my way to running eight miles at a time! With all those endorphins from running my mind didn’t want to stew and simmer in hatred and negativity. In addition, I was busy focusing on something good, instead of the “bad” in my life.
As I learned to fill my mind with healthy and positive thoughts I actually had a serious aversion to anything negative and unhealthy.
Forgive yourself first. I was angry with myself for the damage I did to my body and my mind over the previous two years. I righted the wrongs I had done to myself, by healing and letting go. Once I forgave myself I was able to forgive those who had harmed me.
Forgiveness does not mean allowing others to hurt you again or even having that person in your life. There are many definitions of forgiveness. My favorite is from the author, Marianne Williamson. She says forgiveness is forgetting the bad and remembering the good.
Once you begin the process of living a fearless life you will find the past wrongdoings of others no longer have a place in your daily life. They are there, in the background, but they are quiet. The behaviors of others have impacted you, but they do not define you. If you cannot allow room for forgiveness you will never heal and the transgressions of others will forever become your identity.
Self-Determination- Life On Your Own Terms
When we are fearful we look to others to make our decisions. What we do and how we live our lives is based on how we appear to others or what they make think.
Healing, letting go and forgiveness allows you to control your destiny. You are in charge of your life and of your decisions. You can be responsible for your own happiness. No longer are you controlled by the past or your pain.
Healing, letting go, forgiving and living life on our own terms allows you to open up your life and your heart to all the joy and love you could possibly want. This is when it becomes easier, for it becomes the only way you can live life. I can no longer imagine being angry instead of happy. I can no longer imagine being afraid instead of fearless.
You have plenty of room for the good now and the pain of the past is no longer an issue.
Going through this process has made me stronger. I look out over the landscape and no longer see pain and darkness. I have become confident in my life knowing I can take what life throws at me, keeping what is good for me.
Be patient and love yourself through these times. You will succeed!
When Shelly turned 50 she kicked off the confines of the job she hated and became the architect of her own life. A Social Worker by education, now she’s a writer, a procurer of ideas and a lover of her life. You can read about Shelly at her personal website.