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Finding Bliss: How to Reverse Engineer Happiness

Posted on July 31, 2008 by Jonathan Mead | CATEGORIES: self improvement

The amount of time we spend seeking happiness in the future is mind boggling. We spend exorbitant volumes of time doing things that will supposedly make us happy at some future date.

  • We educate ourselves to attain a better career.
  • We work long hours to have more money.
  • We exercise our minds and bodies for greater strength and intelligence.

We improve for the sake of improving that somewhere, at some distant point down the beaten road we’ll find happiness.

All the while we’re chasing happiness, we don’t realize the fatal, vicious circle we place ourselves in. We’ve habituated ourselves into placing our happiness in the future. We’ve conditioned ourselves into allowing happiness after some level of achievement, that never comes.

We fail to realize a fatal flaw in our logic: what matters most is how you feel. Now.

We don’t completely neglect this simple fact though. We know what is most important is our feelings. Yet we often get so caught up in improving our lives, attaining goals and climbing mountains, that we forget we can be happy now. Not tomorrow. Not after we’ve completed everything on our to-do lists. Not after we’ve achieved all of our life-long dreams. Not after we’ve cleaned the house, organized the garage and clipped our toenails. Right now.

The only problem with this is the inner mechanics of our mind goes completely against contentment. Our mind is constantly telling us two things at once. Have you ever noticed that the same voice in your mind that told you to do something, is the same voice that later reprimands you for doing it?

Your mind naturally judges and compares everything. The ability of our mind to compare and contrast is essential to our success, but it has one fundamental flaw. It’s intrinsically conflicted. It’s constantly at odds with itself. How can we possibly expect to be happy if we’re in a perpetual battle for our minds?

The answer is, we can’t.

What’s worse, true happiness and contentment runs contrary to our biological wiring. We are wired to be distressed. Our mind identifies with our body and says, “oh no, you can’t be happy, you have to think about survival.” The mind fears that if we get too content, we’ll get become lazy and careless. We’re rewarded with a short burst of happiness when we achieve a goal, or find some type of security. In essence, the mind is not concerned with happiness. The mind is not interested in contentment. The mind is interested in its persistence. The mind is interested in staying alive and keeping itself going.

All this seems overwhelming, doesn’t it? I agree.

So what’s the solution?

We have to learn how to be happy in the present. We have to learn how to be impeccable with our word; to go with ourselves, not against.

Most importantly, we need to learn how to stop thinking all the time. We have to learn how to… shut up.

Jonathan is the author of the blog Illuminated Mind. He writes about finding Authenticity, Clarity and Balance in all aspects of living. His articles include Living Freestyle; Life Without a Template and The Cult of Productivity. You can subscribe to his blog here.

Image by ePi Longo.

  • http://www.pluginid.com/ Glen Allsopp

    Excellent advice, submitted to StumbleUpon. One thing I wanted to add is that some people think they no longer need goals or to achieve things because they can be happy without them.

    Don’t get caught in the mindset of no longer wanting to grow or improve yourself, just don’t look for it to provide happiness.

    Cheers,
    Glen

  • http://www.yinvsyang.com Pete

    I think people do not realize that happiness now is what leads to happiness in the future. The best advice I ever got was to do what you love. Forget money, power, recognition, and all that. Just do what makes you happy and success will find you.

    http://yinvsyang.com/

  • Scott McIntyre

    An interesting perspective on achieving happiness, Jonathan.

    As you suggest, all too often our focus on happiness tomorrow causes us to miss those little things that can bring it about today.

    By all means focus on the future, but not at the expense of relishing the here and now.

  • http://successprofessor.ca/2008/07/19/a-wicked-example-of-customer-service/ The Success Professor

    Very good. I think I would emphasize the need to be thankful. Taking time to reflect on all of the things that you are thankful for today can be a great way to increase your happiness now. I find that for many people the combination of thankfulness for things today, combined with the pursuit of worthwhile goals for the future (think contribution here), provides a better place for happiness today!

  • http://shanelyang.com/blogs/articles/ Shanel Yang

    Here’s 200 ways to feel happy now — with 200 quotes about happiness at http://shanelyang.com/2008/07/26/200-happiness-quotes/

  • http://financialphilosopher.typepad.com/thefinancialphilosopher/ The Financial Philosopher

    The problem with our brain is that it wants happiness — the short-term variety we call pleasure. Where the problem arises is that pleasure is quickly consumed and our brain is soon hungry again, which is why most of us are running in the rat race and chasing the proverbial carrot that we never quite seem to reach…

    What our mind needs is well-being, which is not consumed — it radiates — it feeds itself.

    One of the means of obtaining well-being is contentment, which will have us turn to the present moment and find ourselves satisfied with what we have now, with little desire for pursuing yet another false reward…

    “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ~ Epicurus

    “What is important in life is life, and not the result of life.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    The posts here have been quite useful, which is a refreshing alternative to the vast majority of “personal development” blogs out there today…

    Kent (The Financial Philosopher)

  • http://www.selfimprovementsguide.com/happiness/ Self improvement tips

    Happiness is when what you th1nk,
    what you.say,
    and what y0u do are in harmony.
    Gandhi-M

  • http://www.coloryourlifehappy.com Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.

    That article made me laugh. It echoes what I wrote in an article about my inner critic, Susie. I frequently have to send her to a corner to sit down and shut up.

    You’ve hit on the key to inner happiness. While we may be wired to be discontented, it’s a recipe for bad feelings. Doing what we enjoy may lead to fame and fortune in the future, but it’s more important that it creates happiness as we do it now.

    Thanks for sharing this critical concept.

  • http://www.outsorcerer.com Ishani Mitra

    Really great article!! Happiness is truly felt when one thinks its his.

  • http://illuminatedmind.net Jonathan Mead

    Hi Flora,

    You’re absolutely right. Sometimes you just have to stop thinking and shut up. It’s incredible how much time we spend thinking to ourselves, searching for happiness somewhere.

    In reality, the search itself is what creates the never-ending discontent.

  • http://www.varsityblah.com/about Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah)

    “Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable than risk being happy.” – Robert Anthony

  • http://www.somedaysyndrome.com Alex Fayle

    For me happiness is all about choice – making conscious decisions about life now and being aware and willing to accept the consequences of those choices. But the key is doing it all NOW – in the moment with an eye to the future (instead of doing it in the future with an eye to the now).

    Great post!

  • http://phantasmagora.quiteflummoxed.org/ Amy

    Great article, though I thought the ending kind of petered out.

    What we really need is to identify negative thinking and counter it consciously. Negative thoughts will translate into negative action.

    Yes, it comes down to loving yourself. Happiness is internal not external.

  • http://successprofessor.ca/2008/07/19/a-wicked-example-of-customer-service/ The Success Professor

    Here’s a great TED talk about the science behind happiness.

    http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/martin_seligman_on_the_state_of_psychology.html

  • http://www.fetishself.com/Articles.html Lana

    These are great words, but contradict many articles of yours :-)

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  • http://sulochanosho.wordpress.com sulochanosho

    A very innovative contrary musings on this elusive happiness hunt of us. Specially, I loved the words,
    “We fail to realize a fatal flaw in our logic: what matters most is how you feel. Now.”

    Yes, indeed our mind is myth player. Very realistic rare idea there in this post: the same mind induces us to do a thing, and later the same mind reprimands us for the same act.

  • RaAr

    Its something different ways that explained about the mind attitude, really happiness dosn’t require money, things etc, we can be happy in what ever we have only the way of we think. Just keep attension/tension away from which your mind get dipressed or become unhappy & constrate by what your mind get happy like forgetting office tensions in home & watching laughter channel or speak happy things, there are some other ways too like going to some fun places which makes happy, there are still several ways just we have to search & act accordingly.

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  • EmaMonster

    Thank you for this perspective. Happiness is something it seems we all seek by living in the moment.

    People always ask me how I’m so happy all the time.
    I tried putting it into terms others can understand: Acceptance and positivity. I accept things as they are and make peace with them. My view is we can have problems and situations we can’t change and complain about them, or we can make peace with them.

    Positivity is an attitude. Basically, if something makes you happy and it doesn’t hurt anyone else, then that something is ok.

    Also, it seems focus plays a big part in happiness. If we can find a few things in the moment that we like in the moment, and focus on those things, we can get our mind to ‘shut up’ about the negative things we’re always stressing over.

  • Test

    Oh, shut up!

  • MayuramVsankaran

    Everything in this post sounds fine if only one’s life is moving in the normal manner along a particular course or direction without anything unduly tragic happening  or when there is no deprivation, denial or frustration looming large in one’s life! It is only when life becomes a struggle to live, loneliness overpowering and one’s family and friends appear to be just a self-centered, competitive  and acquisitive lot that is intent on their welfare and uncaring as to what happens to you! If one can survive the harsh ‘here and now’ and still come out unscathed, perhaps one can be happy!

  • MayuramVsankaran

    Everything in this post sounds fine if only one’s life is moving in the normal manner along a particular course or direction without anything unduly tragic happening  or when there is no deprivation, denial or frustration looming large in one’s life! It is 
    Everything in this post sounds fine if only one’s life is moving in the normal manner along a particular course or direction without anything unduly tragic happening  or when there is no deprivation, denial or frustration looming large in one’s life! It is only when life becomes a struggle to live, loneliness overpowering and one’s family and friends appear to be just a self-centered, competitive  and acquisitive lot that is intent on their welfare and uncaring as to what happens to you! If one can survive the harsh ‘here and now’ and still come out unscathed, perhaps one can be happy! only when life becomes a struggle to live, loneliness overpowering and one’s family and friends appear to be just a self-centered, competitive  and acquisitive lot that is intent on their welfare and uncaring as to what happens to you, then the realization dawns that one has really no one else to turn to but oneself as the best friend! If one can survive such a harsh ‘here and now’ and still come out unscathed as a person, perhaps one can still be happy in this life that is so fragile and full of uncertainties!

  • MayuramVsankaran

    Everything in this post sounds fine if only one’s life is moving in the normal manner along a particular course or direction without anything unduly tragic happening  or when there is no deprivation, denial or frustration looming large in one’s life! It is only when life becomes a struggle to live, loneliness overpowering and one’s family and friends appear to be just a self-centered, competitive  and acquisitive lot that is intent on their own welfare and uncaring as to what happens to you that realization dawns that one’s best friend is indeed oneself! If one can survive such a  harsh ‘here and now’ and still come out unscathed as a person of sound mind and a balanced personality, perhaps one can be happy!