If you think about it, your decisions are the only things you are truly accountable for in your life. Everything you say or do is a result of a decision you have made.
In order to improve the quality and confidence you have in the decisions you make, as well as developing more trust in the decisions others make, consider the impact your emotions, vision and needs have on your decision making process.
Manage Your Emotions
Decision making is an emotional event. Emotions bog you down and cloud your ability to make good decisions. Medical science has shown that we make decisions emotionally, not rationally. The data behind this theory points to a small, almond-shaped part of the brain called the amygdala.
The amygdala receives the information before it is passed on to the cognitive part of your brain. The amygdala is primarily responsible for controlling our “flight vs. fight” responses.
Its purpose is to help us react quickly, without really thinking through the situation. This is good if you are confronted by a hungry tiger, but not so good if you are faced with deciding which job offer to take or any other life-changing event.
Based on this theory, science also suggests that 78% of what we think is wrong. Therefore, controlling your emotions and changing how you think is a big contributor to making better decisions. To do this, you must work on your emotional state. If you sometimes struggle with controlling your emotions, try these ideas:
- When confronted with a decision, create a visual image of a blank slate. Your blank slate should be free of clutter or old thoughts and assumptions. Try not to allow any other thoughts or feelings interfere with this image. This blank slate represents your true starting point for making a proper and quality decision.
- Pay attention to your body’s physical clues. Lower your voice, calm down and focus on not making any sudden moves. Stay in control to better control your ability to make a rational decision.
- Don’t get too high, or too low, when confronted with a tough decision. Instead, try to visualize, in advance, the outcome of your decision. Consider what will be beneficial and what might be problematic.
- Practice. Just like refining your golf swing, the more you do any thing the better you will become at doing it.
Create a Vision
Your decisions are also formed by your vision. When you see something, clearly and personally, your opportunity to make a better decision is improved.
Consider wearing seatbelts in your car. Many studies have proven, without a doubt, that wearing a seatbelt can dramatically improve your chances of surviving a car accident. So, why do some people ignore this? The answer may be they have not visualized the outcome of their decision.
If someone you know refuses to wear a seatbelt, ask what he or she think would happen if they were travelling down the highway at 70mph and hit a tree? Ask them to visualize what this would look like. Perhaps, a different decision would be made.
On a similar note, every year around the time for the prom our local high school puts a wrecked car in front of the building. The purpose for doing this is to give the administration the opportunity to show, or visualize, to the students what can happen if they drink and drive after the prom.
This technique is more powerful and effective than quoting statistics which may not be heard by the students. However, they do grasp what a wrecked car looks like and the tragic outcome of making the decision to drink and drive.
Control Your Needs and Neediness
Buying a new car is a difficult decision. More times than not, we become very needy when we smell the aroma of a new car. Car salespeople love needy people. The needier the potential customer is, the better the sales person chances are for making a sale – a much higher sale. Many times, when people are in the process of buying a car they get caught up with the emotional aspects of owning a car.
They believe they need to have all of the bells and whistles like an installed DVD player, leather seats and sun roof. These are really just wants, not needs, but their amygdala is kicking in and the person is about to fall in the 78% again.
When you are needy, you are in greater danger of making a bad decision. Others can sense this and may take advantage of you. Instead, replace your neediness with confidence. If you are not feeling particularly confident, step back and ask what a confident person would do in this situation. This will give you a path to follow.
Good decisions result from good choices. While you can’t control the choices others make, you are in full control of your choices and decisions. Use this knowledge as a source of empowerment and freedom. Better decisions do indeed lead to greater happiness and success.
I blog about this all the time. I train in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and many of these lessons are revealed to me on a daily basis.
Instead of just trying to kill someone, in Jiu Jitsu, you approach an intense situation with the utmost calmness, so that you have the clarity to make good decisions, and follow the vision you visualized for the match.
http://yinvsyang.com/
It is definitely difficult to keep your emotions out of decision making. I often have to remind myself to sort of set my emotions aside and think about the situation logically and rationally. Only after I do this am I able to then think more clearly and make more sound choices.
I have the opposite problem. I tend to be too rational or logical ignoring my deeper, subtler instincts (not raw emotions). It’s important not to forget those. ; )
Ahhh… The classic struggle of mind vs. brain. In short, it is wise to remove oneself, whenever possible, from situations where emotion is prevalent and has the greatest potential to do harm (i.e. passive stock investing, automatic saving).
If proaction is not possible and we find ourself in “the emotional moment,” it is best to defer reaction (i.e. delaying purchase decisions, allowing extreme emotions to pass before communicating).
“It is easier to exclude harmful passions than to rule them, and to deny them admittance than to control them after they have been admitted.” ~ Seneca
There is much to learn on this subject and even more that has already been said.
You’ve done a fine job of saying much in the relatively short space of a blog post.
Thanks…
Analysing and judging what could be the consequence of our decision is a great way to find out which decision are we comfortable with.
Most important of all. When it comes to life decisions don’t make them with your mind. Your mind is made for it – it doesn’t have the full spectrum of information.
Use your intuition and your gut feeling….
Cheers
Thomas Herold
CEO Dream Manifesto
http://www.dreammanifesto.com
I love the list for managing your emotions especially starting with a blank slate, Tabular Rasa (Clean slate) is one of my favorite terms. But I have not really associated it with making decisions, I do use it a lot when starting a project or trying to find balance and center myself. I will definitely be practicing those four points when making certain decisions.
Thanks for a great post,
Cheers
The Vision is for me the most important part. If you have a vision, or to a lesser degree, if you have defined objectives, these will condition (even if subconsciously) your decision making.
Brilliant to have you back Alex!
Excellent post and the prom story is amazing. I can understand exactly why that would work.
BTW, if you haven’t, I’d really recommend a brilliant book called ‘Stumbling on Happiness’ by Daniel Gilbert. He looks at why often we make poor long term decisions. It’s a fascinating and very funny book reminiscent of Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
Yes…we tend to make poor decisions when we are emotional. As you correctly pointed out, it is best to be free of them, for better clarity. I’m also trying to develop more of my intuition as I believe that much of the answers are there but lie untapped.
Interesting article. I just finished the 3 episode of a three part series of videos on how to control your emotions readers might want to check out.
Physiology:
http://www.distinctionsforlife.tv/2008/07/14/physiology/
Focus:
http://www.distinctionsforlife.tv/2008/07/21/how-to-use-focus-to-change-how-you-feel/
Beliefs:
http://www.distinctionsforlife.tv/2008/07/28/how-beliefs-effect-your-emotions/
I’m glad neediness is listed because it can really lead us to regret. Neediness opens the door for someone else to take control and manipulate our thinking – then we’re living their decision not ours. Good stuff Alex!
Really helpful………..thx
great article, thanks for sharing.
I like this piece very much. I used to read Alex’s site every day, but for the past three weeks or so various browsers I’ve used are all asking for username/password. This never used to happen. What can I do to read thenext45years.com? Thanks
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