I grew up on a large cattle ranch in a remote part of Wyoming. We were hours away from the nearest small town so I went to a little country school with one other pupil—my brother. During my grade school years, I didn’t count my brother as a friend. Instead, we took turns taunting each other at recess.
It was a lonely existence. When I started to attend a public school at the age of fourteen, I quickly learned that friendship building is an art, and one that can be quite messy at times.
Back then, I wasn’t picky about friends. I just thought the more, the better. Friends meant I was popular, and when you’re a kid who is different from everyone else, that matters a great deal.
At first I thought that once I grew older, friendships would be more sincere and less superficial. I also used to believe in Santa Claus, so call me gullible. I spent a great deal of my early life lacking confidence in my ability to make my dreams come true.
And then there was always that exhortation from adults to “Quit dreaming . . . be practical!” As I’ve gotten older, however, I’ve realized that I deserved better than friends who either would not or could not help me become my best self.
Plato once said, “People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”
Jesus said the same thing in his parables when he warned against putting down roots in poor soil. If we are not nourished, our souls will choke and wither away. It has been said that we grow where we are planted, and rich soil is likened to a noble and good heart.
Pick your friends with care—they create the environment in which you will either thrive or wilt. Give everyone the opportunity to be a friend, but share your dreams and goals only with those who value them as much as you do.
Here are 5 ways to pick better friends:
1. Change whom you hang around with – You have different friends for different parts of your life. If you have moved into a phase of life where you’re determined to set your own course, find people who can help you visualize what that future can look like. Like it or not, you become similar to the friends you hang out with. Your associations have a lot to do with where you’re at in every area of your life. Your friends are going to influence your behavior, so why not pick ones who will be a positive influence?
2. Establish a benchmark test for choosing friends – Ask yourself whether spending time with this person will lift you up or drag you down? Will spending time with this person help you to become your best self? Will you be happier after spending time with this person? Will this person help you achieve your most important goals? If not, find friends who will.
3. List five people who can help you achieve your dreams and goals – Make a list of five people whom you trust to listen to you attentively and tell them about your dreams and goals. Sharing details of our life creates trust, and if you don’t feel you can trust a person with the most vulnerable part of yourself—your dream—find someone else for a friend.
4. Create your own Advisory Board – Identify a group of friends who can help nourish the best in you. Meet with them regularly. Advisory Boards are made up of people who will lift you up, challenge, inspire, and hold you accountable.
5. Find a mentor – Have you ever talked with someone who thought you could accomplish more than you thought you could? Who gave you permission to follow your dreams? Who saw more in you than you saw in yourself? This is exactly the kind of person who would make a great mentor and encourage you to move toward your goals.
One of the best moves you can make in life is to surround yourself with friends who see the potential in you that you may not even see in yourself.
What criteria do you have for finding good friends who help you be your best self?
LaRae Quy was an FBI agent, both a counterintelligence and undercover agent, for 25 years. She exposed foreign spies and recruited them to work for the U.S. Government. Now she explores ways people can empower themselves via her blog Empower the Leader in You. You can find her on Twitter as @LaRaeQuy
Photo credit: ‘Furry Friends‘ by Big Stock
GET THE BOOK BY
ERIN FALCONER!
A big thank you for your article. Much thanks again. Much obliged.
Great article, exactly what I was looking for.
Hey there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll certainly digg it
and personally recommend to my friends. I am
confident they’ll be benefited from this web site.
Greetings from Ohio! I’m bored to death at work so I decided
to browse your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the information you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home.
I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile ..
I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, good blog!
My webpage: joe biden we just did hat
Thanks a lot for the blog.Really thank you! Will read on…
Hello there! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask.
Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing
a blog post or vice-versa? My blog covers a lot of the same topics as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each
other. If you might be interested feel free to send me an e-mail.
I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent
blog by the way!
Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just
your articles? I mean, what you say is important and all.
But think of if you added some great images or video clips to give your posts more,
“pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and videos, this blog could certainly be one of the greatest
in its niche. Wonderful blog!
We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with valuable info to work on. You have done an impressive job and our entire community will be thankful to you.
Hey there! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when viewing from my iphone4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to fix this problem. If you have any recommendations, please share. With thanks!
Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the net the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people think about worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
Hey, you used to write great, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past several posts are just a little out of track! come on!
319832 381475If youre nonetheless on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Finest Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds greater to you, and which interface makes you smile a lot more. Then youll know which is proper for you. 842451
detectives privados orihuela
510280 728544Hey There. I discovered your blog utilizing msn. That is a really smartly written article. I will make positive to bookmark it and come back to read more of your valuable details. Thanks for the post. I will undoubtedly return. 128459
あなたにとって、現実的なダッチワイフはあなたの最高の仲間、あなたが大切にして永遠に楽しむことができる誰かになります。 sex 人形 https://yourdoll.jp/product-category/all-sex-dolls/
Great post.
Profissional em Odonto Tucuruvi, São Paulo – SP
에볼루션코리아
285WxDqFY#<=
에볼루션카지노
558lQHKiD!=+
에볼루션바카라
153NDsqlB]|(
에볼루션룰렛
308HYcopR>=’
에볼루션블랙잭330LyWqqT];-
Fantastic blog article.Thanks Again. Want more.
Really informative blog.Much thanks again. Cool.
I cannot thank you enough for the post. Want more.
I value the post. Will read on…
A highly requested article, we’ll teach you how to find a replica Balenciaga Handbags dealer you can actually trust.
Thanks a lot for the blog. Awesome.
Thank you for your article.Really thank you!
Thanks again for the article. Cool.
Thanks again for the post. Keep writing.
Thank you ever so for you blog. Want more.
Muchos Gracias for your article post.Much thanks again. Want more.
Say, you got a nice article.Thanks Again. Will read on…
Very informative blog post. Fantastic.
Say, you got a nice article. Really Cool.
I value the blog.Much thanks again. Great.