grief

5 Ways to Laugh When You Want to Cry

Image courtesy of Roy Lichtenstein

Life is wonderful! Life is a miracle! Life is awesome!

Life is in fact all of these things. Unfortunately, reality being what it is, life can, from time to time, suck beyond the telling of it. Every so often life comes along and metaphorically kicks you in the gut.

During these times it is perfectly normal to want to cry. There is nothing wrong with wallowing in brief bouts of self-pity.

That key is that those bouts be “brief.” Excessive self pity accomplishes nothing. When you are ready to move on, here are five things you can do to laugh when the world wants you to cry:

(Note: I’m not talking about real tragedy, like when a loved one passes away. I’m talking about the occasions when we throw a pity party for ourselves because we got dumped, or got laid off, or lost a promotion to Chuck, the office brown noser…)

1) Take a Look Around

Guess what? Your life isn’t that bad. If you’re reading this, then you have access to a computer and the internet. You know who doesn’t? Millions of people around the world. Things could be worse…

A little while ago, while I was in the midst of a little self pity, I read “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch. It’s a rather moving tale about a guy who, at the age of 46 and with a wife and three kids, gets a terminal diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. The story has some great life lessons, but one of my biggest takeaways was not one Randy explicitly states in the book. I thought to myself, “wow, my life seems bad, but jeez, at least I don’t have pancreatic cancer.” Sounds a bit callous, but I have a feeling Randy would have approved.

There are real tragedies that can hit you. However, so much of the time people waste on being depressed is not about real tragedies. It’s about stuff that ultimately doesn’t matter. Ironically, most of the people I know who did face real tragedies faced those with their chins up and made the best of it. Life is weird that way…

The next time you feel down about something insignificant, take a look around. There are a lot of people a lot worse off than you who are making the best of it. Follow their example and be happy with what you do have.

2) Time Travel to “Someday”

Look, you know for a fact that in a couple of months you are going to look back on what you are going through right now and laugh at yourself for how stupidly you overreacted. It’s a fact. You’ve probably already said, “someday we’re going to look back on this and laugh.” You also know your friends and family are most likely already making fun of you about it.

Skip the mourning period and start laughing about it now. Just imagine that it is “someday” and think about what the future you would say about it to the present you. I doubt future you would say soothing words like, “there, there, it’ll all be all right.” No, future you would say, “hey dumbass! Stop whining. Life is too short and he/she/it/whatever you’re crying about isn’t worth it.” If it helps, picture “future you” as a Terminator speaking to you in a Austrian accent; all things sound funnier when said by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You don’t need to share it with anyone else, but a little self-mockery can get you laughing and give you some much needed perspective.

3) Guffaw, Even If For No Reason

Do this one in private, or you might end up in a sanitarium, but definitely give it a try. Give it a whirl now: just let out a big laugh. Not just a chuckle, but a long sustained, hearty guffaw.

I know it feels goofy, but I bet it also made you feel just a tinge better, right? I don’t fully understand the physiological or neurological reasons why, but I do know that the act of laughing will lighten your mood.

The wimpier version of this is to simply smile rather than laughing. That works too, and is a little easier to do in public.

4) Gallagherize

Gallagher was a comedian who told some very bad jokes, but for some unknown reason was immensely successful. It may have had something to do with the fact that a big part of his act was smashing fruit with a giant sledgehammer.  I am not suggesting you smash watermelons (though really, I don’t see how that wouldn’t lift your mood), but I am suggesting that you try to make your own humor, even when you don’t feel like it.

Here’s a fact: in order to make jokes, you have to look for humor in the world. When you look for humor in the world, you find humor in the world. When you find humor in the world, you take the first steps towards laughing instead of crying.

When you’re down, commit to looking for the humor. A simple way to do that is to get in the habit of asking yourself, “what’s funny about this?” You won’t always come up with an answer, but you will be training your mind to look for the funny.

Like Gallagher, you don’t need to be all that funny to be successful. Just make the jokes, and the laughs will come.

5) Jump Into A Big Pile Of “Ha Ha”

What’s weird is the extent to which people who are feeling down like to do things to stay down. They watch weepy movies, stare at depressing photographs, and listen to depressing music like Morrissey and Coldplay. When you’re in the middle of it, this sounds like a brilliant plan, but any outside observer could easily tell you that you are just feeding into a downward spiral.

Break out of that spiral by switching to fun and funny things. Watch funny movies and TV shows. Hang out with funny people. Listen to stand up comics. The nice thing is you can usually find comedians, movies, and TV shows that make light of what you are going through. This offers a nice perspective shift that you may not even realize.

If you’re unwilling to completely leave behind the depressing material, start with those weird hybrid movies that start out funny and then get serious halfway through. To the average movie-goer, those movies are annoying; to a person looking to come out of a self-pitying spiral, they can really fit the bill.

+++Throw a Hissy Fit

Let’s say that you are unsuccessful at using the simple techniques above to switch from crying to laughing. In that case, stop trying to be so mature and go ahead and throw a tantrum. Do it safely, and in private, but do what you need to get the emotion out.

There are many ways you can do this: rant and rave (to no one), write a vitriolic letter (which you never send), beat the heck out of a punching bag (my personal favorite), etc. Notice how you do not throw a physical or verbal tantrum at the object of your anger; you simply do what you need to get it out of your system.

Years ago I was in the middle of a month long self-pity party. When I decided it was time to get out of it I hopped on a treadmill. The thing is, I hate running and am not that great at it. If I can keep running for 20 minutes or a mile and a half, I consider that impressive. This day I turned on the treadmill, started running, and channeled all my emotion into that run. More than 45 minutes and three miles later I stopped, exhausted, and feeling better than I had in weeks. There is something very cathartic about channeling your emotion into a physical activity.

Be careful that you don’t do something stupid and hurt yourself, but give it a try. When you’re done, take a shower and watch a funny movie…

The next time you are wallowing in unnecessary sadness, try one or more of these techniques. In every moment of every day, you have a choice: laugh or cry, and life is way too short to spend it crying…

Avish Parashar is the Motivational Smart Ass. As a speaker and on his blog, Avish makes people laugh while giving them simple ideas to make their lives easier and more successful. To read more of his ridiculous rantings on self improvement, watch videos of him in action, and download the free “How to Think Quick” MP3, visit http://www.MotivationalSmartAss.com

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Articles:

A Smarter Approach To Time Management

Tips For Breaking Bad Habits and Developing Good Habits

  • Pol

    Good sound advice. I have found that if there is a particular manual job in the garden or around the house I have been putting off, chanelling aggression into that can kill 2 birds with one stone! – and there is a feel good factor to be had when it is done.

  • http://hackadvice.com Johnny

    There are a few moments in my life that always make me laugh when I think of them, so whenever I’m feeling down, I recall these moments and can’t help but laugh.

  • http://www.darrelldavis.biz Darrell Davis

    I love the approach you suggest. I use some of them myself. I have found that what I focus on controls my mood more than what I am experiencing. For example, when something gets me down, I just start thinking about something I love doing or recall things I am grateful for. The techniques you suggest are very powerful.

  • http://enlightr.com/cloud Craig Thomas

    Nice post. Point 5 is the strongest imo – happiness is infectious and if you surround yourself, you have no choice but to be happy. :)

  • http://www.2knowmyself.com Farouk

    num 2 is my favorite, if things went wrong i tell myself someday everything is going to be alright :)

  • http://www.myrelationshipguy.com/lifecoach Guy Farmer

    Great ideas Avish. Human beings have an amazing ability to focus on anything they want. If they focus on things that get them down they tend to move in that direction; if they focus on enjoyable things they move in a happier direction. Perspective is an interesting idea because we sometimes get great pleasure from wallowing in self pity. The trick is to wallow in the things that are going well.

    Take care,

    Guy

  • http://www.lifestylerescue.com/ Evan Roey

    Really a good advice, when we have been feeling blue but can you tell me that these advices will remind in our mind when we are crying?
    Self Improvment

  • Avish Parashar

    Pol – That’s a superb idea – and a great way to keep productive while feeling better!

    Johnny – Good technique. We would all do well to keep a “memory bank” of things that make us laugh that we can bring up at any time. Nothing wrong with writing them down and whipping them out when needed.

    Darrel – Thanks – that’s a similar idea to Johnny’s. Gratitude is good because it takes focus off our ourselves while at the same time giving us some much neede perspective.

    Craig & Farouk – Thanks!

    Guy – You are correct; it really is just a matter of focus. Controlling that focus, is of course, the trick. I love the description of “wallowing in the things that are going well.” Brilliant!

    Evan – You are right that if these techniques are not natural for you, chances are you won’t remember them right away. The key is that when you do have moments of clarity you take the time to apply these techniques (or any other techniques you learn elsewhere) to break out of the spiral. Like learning anything else, at first it will take effort and conscious thought. With practice, it becomes easier and more automatic.

  • Alex

    The thought of whacking a watermelon is sounding pretty appealing right now. Life is like that good news / bad news commercial (“That’s bad news…” “No, that’s good because…”) so grab what good you can.

    Alex

  • http://www.energysmartindustry.com Led Lighting Systems

    ya thanks for such nice things which u hv in your mind .

  • Pingback: پارسه آی تی » 5 روش برای اینکه وقتهایی که می‌خواهید گریه کنید، بخندید !

  • Pingback: 5 روش برای اینکه وقتهایی که می‌خواهید گریه کنید، بخندید ! :از سر دلتنگی

  • Pingback: 5 روش برای اینکه وقتهایی که می‌خواهید گریه کنید، بخندید ! -

  • Pingback: 5 روش برای اینکه وقتهایی که می‌خواهید گریه کنید، بخندید ! | اخبار روز دنی

  • LJay Glanton

    This is so funny and it actually worked on me. Just reading this made me laugh and gave me perspective on things. Thank you very much!

  • Michele

    What do you get when you’re in the middle of a pity party, can’t sleep, so at 3am, you google, “I need to laugh right now”. A link to this article. Ahhhh, just what I needed to stop the downward spiral. Very helpful, many thanks. I think I absorbed the good lessons, and I am uplifted. Again, many thanks!

  • iluvtswift

    hmm I’ve been wanting to cry a lot wishing i new a way to laugh

  • Jack

    you’re a fucking idiot

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002448375392 Tyler Ray Bean

      that aint cool

  • molly

    that wasnt helpful

  • Mandymess213

    Before i read this,i was about to cry.Now,im thinking of my new mantra-life is to short to spendit cryin.AND HE/IT/WATEVER AINT EVEN WORTH SUCH PERSONAL ANGUISH!!! Thank u for the reality check!

  • Sunkist

    Thanks, but it didnt help. :)

  • that odd one

    my mom died and i came here.

    • RaB

      I am sorry! :(

  • Johnpsallidas

    Excellent

  • Allergic To Stupidity

    This isnt helpful at all, stupid piece of advice

  • NoisyQueen

    This helped, thank you :)

    Been married for nine months now, long story short is that his partner set us up and left us with no income. Had to put off my honeymoon and move in with his parents. Still waiting for things to work out and I know they will, but the first year of my married life is so different than what I thought it would be. It’ll work out. Now 15 weeks pregnant so do I still count as a bride? Don’t know if I will ever go to my honey moon, hoping to go to my own house soon. Today really sucks but Boy does Someday seem amazing. It will all work out. To say the truth I should be thank ful- That I know.

    Prayers please and hang in there reader <3

  • Karla La

    Thank You!!! God Bless You!!!