3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Ask For Advice

Written by Avish Parashar - 12 Comments
Categories: self improvement

When faced with a big decision, it is natural for you to seek advice from friends, colleagues, and experts. Sadly, it can also be natural to ignore that advice when you don’t hear what you want to…

I was chatting with my friend Fred and he was lamenting the very high mortgage payments he had to make. Not only were the payments high, but after the real estate bubble burst the property was worth less than the mortgage (not an unfamiliar situation for many these days, I am sure).

Fred says, “the stupid thing is that before I bought the property I was talking to one of these ‘real estate gurus.’ I asked him, ‘is it time to buy real estate yet?’ He said, ‘no.’ So of course I went and bought the house anyway.”

Fred said this not out of anger or spite, but simply out of humorous self-reflection. He knew how ridiculous it made him sound. But we have all been on both sides of this; getting advice that we don’t take and being asked for advice that others ignore.

It’s natural to want to argue against or ignore advice that we don’t like. But just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s right. Seeking advice is a smart thing to do, but before you do, make sure you are ready to accept it.

Here are three questions to ask yourself to before you ask for advice:

Are You Looking For Advice or Validation?

Often when we go looking for advice we are really just looking for people to pat us on the back and say, “yes, what you are doing is correct, keep doing it.” Or we have an option that we want to be right (even though deep down we know it isn’t) so we go looking for advice that will tell us it is.

My friend wanted to buy a house. He wasn’t necessarily looking to find out if the time was right or not; he was looking for someone to validate that yes, the time was right.

Don’t bother asking for advice if all you are looking for is approval. It won’t work out well for anyone.

Are You Ready For the Truth?

Seeking advice without an open mind is like mining for gold while blindfolded: even if you came across a “golden nugget,” you would never even realize it?

If you’re going to go through the trouble of seeking advice, and if you’re going to take up someone else’s time getting it, then the least you can do is be very open to anything and everything they say (Note: this is *not* the same as when someone gives you unsolicited advice; this is just for when *you* are asking *them* for their opinion).

The truth hurts. The person may advise you to do something you really don’t want to do. They may tell you that your brilliant idea has a huge flaw. They may tell you that, in their opinion, you are making a huge mistake.

If you’re not ready to face the truth, don’t bother seeking the advice.

Are You Ignoring Advice Out of Emotion or Logic?

I’m not saying that just because someone gives you advice that you have to take it. Heck, I’ve ignored lots of advice in my day! Ultimately you are in control of your own life and only you get to decide what’s best for you. But if you are going to ignore someone’s advice, then make sure you understand why.

Are you ignoring the advice because you have thought it through fully and decided that in your particular situation it doesn’t make sense? Or are you ignoring it because it makes you uncomfortable, or you don’t like it, or it’s not what you wanted to hear? The former is a perfectly valid reason; the latter is going to get you in trouble.

Be careful! Humans are brilliant at making decisions emotionally and justifying rationally. Make certain that your reasons for ignoring the advice (which you sought out) are truly logical, not emotional.

The next time you are faced with a difficult or complex decision, review these three questions before seeking advice. If you are blessed enough to have smart experienced people who can help you, then these questions just may prevent you from stupidly ignoring what they say.

Avish Parashar is the Motivational Smart Ass. As a motivational humorist and blogger, Avish makes people laugh while giving them simple ideas to make their lives easier and more successful. To read more of his ridiculous rantings on self improvement, watch videos of him in action, and download the free “How to Think Quick” MP3, visit http://www.MotivationalSmartAss.com

Tags: , , , , ,
  • http://topsy.com/trackback?utm_source=pingback&utm_campaign=L2&url=http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/3-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-you-ask-for-advice/ Tweets that mention 3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Ask For Advice – PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement — Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sourav Ghosh, QueenBee77, Self Help Books, Abu Ali, Stephen Pereira and others. Stephen Pereira said: 3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Ask For Advice via PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement http://tinyurl.com/38nsddw [...]

  • http://warriormindcoach.com/blog Gregg Swanson

    Hi Avish,
    Wonderful tips! I think your tip “Are You Looking For Advice or Validation?” is probably the main reason we look for advice. We have our decision made and are looking for enough people to support it. This confirmation is generated by an underline thought that if things don’t work, it’s not my fault…after all “they” said to do it.

    If a person took action with out getting confirmation “advice” they would be the only one to blame if things don’t workout.

    Really great points…thanks!

  • http://topbodyresults.com nina

    Often the best advice for me is the hardest to swallow. It feels uncomfortable and hits a nerve. Whenever I get this feeling I know there must be something there that I need to examine. It make take time to digest and see the truth – because it is quite often want I dont want to hear, but really need to consider

  • http://www.OptimisticJourney.com Jarrod@ Optimistic Journey

    I love the question, “Are you looking for advice or validation?” Aha moment for me. Too often were looking for an amen corner and when we don’t get the answer we want we disqualify that person from our amen corner. The problem is the very person we are releasing is the person helping us and giving us great advice. Great point! Thanks for sharing!!

  • replica omega

    Thanks for sharing your great post,wish you have a nice day,happy every day!You are looking at the new jewelry version of the Double Eagle Co-Axial Chronograph from Replica omega.Nice piece of information and you got very impressive writing skills.

  • http://budurl.com/ynfr Megan Zuniga

    Thanks for this great post. It’s so true most of the time we seek advice, we’re only seeking validation. And yes, it’s hard to swallow sometimes if we ask for advice and we hear something we don’t want to hear. Just the other day, I asked my sister-in-law for something, but I really wanted was just for her to support me. And also remember that the person you’re seeking advice from, just only wants what’s best for you and is just looking out for you.

  • http://www.pauldyer.com Dr Paul Dyer

    Wow, a practical and intelligent post, a rarity indeed. I moaned on each of the three points, because “I’ve been there, done that.” I plan to do better in the future. Thank you!

  • http://www.soulfulbodymind.com/blog.html S. Ali Myers – Soulful Body & Mind

    Great read!

    I agree 100% with the validation posed as a question. People act like they know everything. I can not count how many times someone has asked me a question, just to try to get the answer they wanted. It is very annoying and somewhat condescending. If you seek advice…..seriously seek it. If you want validation, ask for such. Hopefully everyone that has asked me questions for validation will read this post.

    Thanks!
    Ali

  • http://enlightr.com Craig Thomas

    Nice post. Straight-forward questions, but who really asks them? Personally I’ve got a thing about asking for help so I tend to explore everything I can myself first, I only ask if I REALLY need it. That being said, I think I probably already sort out these questions before I ask someone.

  • http://MotivationalSmartAss.com Avish Parashar – Motivational Smart Ass

    Gregg: Thanks so much – yes, the “validation question” seems to be the one the resonates the most. I know I often go looking for advice when I want validation or a pat on the back…then I have to remind myself what the real point is!

    Nina: Very true. Sometimes what we least *want* to hear is what we most *need* to hear.

    Jarrod: Thanks – so tru on the validation thing (see above)!

    Megan: great point – sometimes we can fall into the trap of getting mad at the person we ask advice from if they don’t say what we want to hear! It’s good to remember that they are just looking out for our best interest

    Paul: Thanks. I think I moaned a bit from “been there done that” syndrome myself as I wrote it!

    Ali: Thanks – I agree that if you just want validation you should be honest about it. It’s not the worst thing in the world, if you are aware of it.

    Craig: True. Like most advice, the questions don’t necessarily need to be asked every time, but rather like you say, become ingrained and automatic. I know I sometimes do step back and ask myself about the validation point when I resist advice I am getting.

  • http://www.mindrecipes.com Brenda Freeman

    I came across this blog while I was searching for something else, and I really enjoyed reading this post. I think we have all done these things, at least once, in our lives. Good to read such a straight forward, no-nonsense post.

  • http://easycasecash.com Lawsuit Loans

    Asking the right questions are important to success, but being open to answers and not attached to any one particular thing is equally important