Enjoy Love

Day 87: 9 Lies Unhappy People LOVE To Tell

We all know somebody who seems bound and determined to be miserable. Everyone has times when they are unhappy, but there is a difference between experiencing sadness because of circumstances, and living an unhappy life.

Even if you are basically a happy person, take a look at these lies that unhappy people love to tell and see if any of them are keeping you from experiencing the greatest amount of happiness in your life.

1.  Happiness has to wait until everything is perfect. Happy people understand that life has ups and downs and that the key to feeling at peace is accepting our circumstances for what they are and making the choice to find joy in imperfect times.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to change your situation for the better. However, learning to be happy in the midst of your struggles can give you the power and motivation to work towards your goals. Being mired in misery can have the opposite effect and make it that much harder to improve your life.

2.  There is only one way to look at any situation. Unhappy people tend to be very inflexible about their thinking and refuse to believe that they can actively change their perception of events to one that is more positive.

It’s not lying to look for the best way to interpret any situation. Nor is it unrealistic. Instead, it’s a powerful tool that can turn a situation that looks hopeless into one where you feel empowered to make things better.

3.  I know what other people are thinking. It’s devastatingly easy to jump to the wrong conclusion when judging other people’s motivations. Happy people understand that it’s almost impossible to read minds and reserve judgment before concluding that others are being selfish, malicious, or otherwise meaning them harm.

4. Other people should know how I feel. Stubbornly insisting that other people should be able to pick up how we are feeling is a recipe for feeling constantly insulted. Happy people understand that it’s much more proactive to communicate how they are feeling rather than to wait miserably for others to figure it out.

5. I have no control over my life and circumstances. Many unhappy people genuinely believe that they are completely powerless and there is very little that they can do to improve their situations. Who wouldn’t feel unhappy if they believed themselves to be helpless and hopeless?

6. I won’t be disappointed if I expect the worst. Happy people do get disappointed sometimes, there is no denying that, but never allowing yourself to feel excited, hopeful, or optimistic is denying yourself the joy of anticipation. Understanding that you will feel let down or disappointed occasionally in life, but that’s okay and you can make it through unscathed, is a key component to feeling fundamentally happy.

7.  Other people are fools and rubes. Having disdain for almost everyone you meet is sure to make you feel lonely and isolated. You might feel superior, but you won’t be happy. The truth is, most people are of average intelligence and have different interests and areas of expertise than you have. Happy people respect this and look for where others shine, rather than where they fall short.

8.  Thinking only of way things can go wrong is realistic. After all, nothing ever turns out better than expected. Unhappy people love to shoot holes in plans and convince themselves not to take chances or plan for all the things that are sure to go wrong. What they are doing is giving themselves a 100% guarantee that things will not get better.

9. The world is a completely miserable, dangerous place. There is absolutely no denying that there is much pain and suffering in the world. However, there is so much good, too and the potential for things to get better. The advances made in our lifetimes are nothing short of breathtaking and every generation, more people are born into lives where they have a good chance of growing up strong, healthy and with boundless opportunities for success and happiness.

Happy people are not oblivious to the problems in the world. They see it and their hearts ache for the victims, but they understand that living the best life that they can and approaching the world with trust, enthusiasm, and a love of life can make a difference.

 

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Tracy O’Connor blogs about ghostwriting and blogs about living a better life. Follow her on Twitter

  • willy

    Very Good. Where were you years ago when I was struggling to figure me out. Excellent info for a world trying to find meaning in life.

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  • http://www.bitchitudeblog.com P.S. Jones@ The Bitch Blog

    Being happy is definitely a choice. We can’t do it all the time but if you can just let yourself be happy most of the time, life’s a lot easier than not.

  • http://www.thereflectiveself.com Dandy

    Hi Tracy,
    Gosh, I saw myself in each of these. For a long time I used to tell myself these lies and it hurt my life and my self-esteem. Fortunatley I’ve managed to take the choosen path of positivity the past few years and it has made me so much more satisfied with my life. These lies we tell ourselves will keep us stuck in a rut and we will believe we can’t get out. I’m living proof that we can take charge of our thoughts and stop lying to ourselves! Thanks for this important post Tracy!

  • http://richlionhearted.blogspot.com Rich Proctor

    “I have no control over my life and circumstances.”

    This one struck a chord with me and describes much of how I spent the early portion of my adult life. Sure enough if you think you can’t change things, it certainly becomes self-fulfilling and reinforces that self-defeating belief. A cycle for failure without a doubt.

    Thank God I broke out of this way of self-limiting way of thinking and left it far behind me. And if I can do it, anybody can do it.

    Thanks for the reminder of just how far I’ve come.

    Rich

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  • amira fawzy

    i agree with all what said
    couse islam told us to be optimastic all the time and to expect the best

    • Kmandj

      Why the heck would you involve religion in this?

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  • http://www.creditcards0balancetransfer.org/ martin slattery

    very good insight into the world of negativity, it is like cancer it will multiple uncontrolibly if we dont catch it early enought, god bless my friends

  • http://singleagainonlinediary.blogspot.com Yvette Francino

    Yup. Just about any “victim mentality” type of statement might be thrown into this category. We all have control of our attitudes and can find the positive in any situation if we try.

    • ohgodkillmenow

      There is a positive to the “happy people” situation: the look on their faces as they take their last breath with the realization that the alternative to being a victim is to turn someone else into one.

  • http://www.whistlerheather.wordpress.com Heather

    Oh my… this could be why they carry that big cloud everywhere.. I answered no to every statment… whistlerheather :D

  • http://nerds-central.blogspot.com Alex Turner

    Most of what you put here is actually describing depression. All that negativity sounds much more like the underlying belief system of someone who is putting a brave face on crippling depression.

    These are not lies, because lies are deliberate. If you where green tinted glasses, is it a lie to say everything looks green.

    If you know anyone like this, support them, give them time and encourage them to get help.

    One of the worst things for depressed people is to be made to feel even worse for not being ‘happy clappy’.

    To be honest, I think this post is a little irresponsible and more than a little old fashioned in it outlook.

    Kind regards

    Dr Alexander J Turner
    nerds-central.blogspot.com

    • vishal

      It is bcos of skeptics like u there is no hope.
      How can u call it ‘irresponsible’?

      ‘Depression’ comes out of excessive lies, the e.g u gave of ‘green tinted glass’ relates to the “Other people are fools and rubes” remark made in the above post, as people with that quality have worn glasses where others seem to be foolish.

      Kudos to the writer above and u Mr.Turner saying this post as ‘irresponsible’ are on a path of depression & pt.7 defines u, so try to correct urself.

      • morbidpanda

         To say that depressives and sufferers of mood disorders induce their afflictions through self-deception shows not only a lack of empathy but a gross ignorance of widely spread literature and science. 

        I feel you would benefit greatly from reading ‘Great Expectations’ by Dickens and ‘The Bell Jar’ by Sylvia Plath. Perhaps after consciousness raising, you may find that ill-informed arguments such as those you make are borne out of fallacies, misconceptions and laziness. 

        The list does seem archaic in it’s depiction of sad people lauding superiority over happy people. Numerous studies have actually shown that unhappiness is far more endemic in the intelligentsia as has the prevalence of emotional intelligence, which has also been found to be higher amongst unsatisfied individuals.

         The deep truth in the story is that unhappy people and indeed depressives really do experience this list. To say that they/we should positive mental attitude our way to happiness is a farce, you can take your self help mumbo jumbo and shove it up your arse!

        • daughter of the list

          um? wow? you utilize large words to cover up idiotitis… “shove it up your arse”… REALLY???? 

          I have happened to witness this in a relative and she CHOOSES most things on this list and refuses to seek help or treatment and chooses to be miserable.  This list has give me ENORMOUS hope that it’s not my fault like she would have me falsely believe… It’s only up to her to change and seek help – I nor anyone else can do it for her.

          How sad for you to act so intelligent, yet in the end prove yourself so lacking :(  *YUCK*

          • Taylor

            Dr. Turner is completely correct and that is something that none of you can argue, seeing how it is not a matter of opinion, but of medical science. It is hard for someone who has not experienced depression or other emotional disorders to understand, but they are very, VERY real.

            The amount of ignorance streaming from this blogpost and its comments just go to show how uneducated so many of you are on the subject. Before you judge anyone, or deem them a “liar”, do a little research. 

            It is a beautiful thing to be happy, but for those who struggle with it, show a little compassion. I’ve been there before, and many people that I know have been there as well. It’s a very difficult situation to overcome, and I don’t think that posts like these do anything but invalidate their feelings.

            I love reading inspirational self-help posts, but this article just came off as flat-out condescending. 

            This being said, daughter of the list – your mother’s depression is NOT your fault. Don’t ever let her or anyone else make you feel that way. It comes from a chemical imbalance in the brain, and yes, it is up to her to seek help for it. What you can do for her, however, is try your best to understand and encourage her to seek counseling. The hardest thing about this illness is when other people invalidate it.

          • Zip

            Treating depression is not as simple as only treating the chemical state of ones brain (through drugs). As you probably are aware.

            It’s a two-way-path; your thoughts affect your brain chemistry and vice versa.

            I didn’t find anything wrong with the post. Sure, some may take it a bit condescending. But I think most will take it more of as an note to pay more attention to ones thinking.

      • morbidpanda

         To say that depressives and sufferers of mood disorders induce their afflictions through self-deception shows not only a lack of empathy but a gross ignorance of widely spread literature and science. 

        I feel you would benefit greatly from reading ‘Great Expectations’ by Dickens and ‘The Bell Jar’ by Sylvia Plath. Perhaps after consciousness raising, you may find that ill-informed arguments such as those you make are borne out of fallacies, misconceptions and laziness. 

        The list does seem archaic in it’s depiction of sad people lauding superiority over happy people. Numerous studies have actually shown that unhappiness is far more endemic in the intelligentsia as has the prevalence of emotional intelligence, which has also been found to be higher amongst unsatisfied individuals.

         The deep truth in the story is that unhappy people and indeed depressives really do experience this list. To say that they/we should positive mental attitude our way to happiness is a farce, you can take your self help mumbo jumbo and shove it up your arse!

  • Iqraa

    …..thanks………….tracy….:)

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  • Person

    I don’t tell myself any of these lies…actually I believe the opposite with an ton of optimism and enthusiasm….I also however have never been happy

  • Anonymous

    “Happy people are not oblivious to the problems in the world. They see it and their hearts ache for the victims, but they understand that living the best life that they can and approaching the world with trust, enthusiasm, and a love of life can make a difference.”

    Every “happy” person I’ve met is completely oblivious to how dark this world is, and they have even told me that they intentionally prefer to remain ignorant. Where are these angelic humans who can bear the weight of the world without cracking?

  • Charlene

    This is for the people that want to blame someone else for their unhappiness.

  • http://www.howtobehappyperson.com/ How to Be Happy Person

    Great points Tracy. It’s important to understand that being happy is an ongoing process that requires deliberate and conscious action.

  • A reader

    Thanks very much for sharing your excellent post. I especially like the part where you said “you are not lying to yourself by looking for the best in every situation”. I am going to take that with me. 

  • JanK

    Wish I was exposed to these wisdoms many years ago.  Now I know these but my life is what it is :/

    …Wait!

    There’s another way to look at this situation:  It’s never too late to make changes! ;)

  • Mdude

    What a crock of shit.

  • Shadow

    Why I, in this weak piping time of peace
    Have no delight to pass away the time
    Unless to spy my shadow in the sun
    And descant on mine own deformity.

    And since I cannot prove a lover
    To entertain these fair well-spoken days
    I am determined to prove a villain
    And hate the idle pleasures of these days.

    - Excerpt from “Richard III” by William Shakespeare

  • Name

    I feel like this all the time. These aren’t lies. These are honest observations. I am not saying that they are accurite, but this is how the world looks to me.