{"id":981,"date":"2009-08-06T09:58:48","date_gmt":"2009-08-06T17:58:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=981"},"modified":"2013-09-27T08:43:05","modified_gmt":"2013-09-27T16:43:05","slug":"thinking-the-best-of-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/thinking-the-best-of-people\/","title":{"rendered":"Thinking the Best of People"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Do you always think the best of people \u2013 or do you think the worst? It\u2019s so easy to make assumptions and to find ourselves falling into a judgmental or critical frame of mind \u2013 both about people we know well (like family members) and about complete strangers.<\/p>\n

So why worry about changing your thoughts? So long as you don\u2019t go around being verbally or physically abusive towards others, what does it matter what you think<\/em> of them?<\/p>\n

The danger of letting yourself think angrily or negatively about others is that the thoughts tend to rebound on you: your internal voice will start to be more self-critical. Plus, your relationships will suffer; perhaps you won\u2019t make contact with a potential new friend, just because you had a bad first impression, or you might find yourself unable to patch up a tricky relationship with a colleague.<\/p>\n

To top it all off, you\u2019re likely to feel a lot more stressed and unhappy if you believe that others are deliberately out to irritate you or to cause you grief.<\/p>\n

Ask \u201cWhat Else Could This Mean?\u201d<\/h2>\n

In his post 5 Questions That Will Change Your Life<\/a>, Tim Brownson suggests asking yourself \u201cWhat Else Could This Mean?\u201d He gives some examples, such as:<\/p>\n

Your partner being late for a date may mean he hates you and doesn\u2019t respect you, or it may mean he got stuck in traffic.<\/p>\n

How often do you jump to conclusions about what someone\u2019s behaviour means? Perhaps it\u2019s a driver who you label \u201caggressive\u201d, but who might be in a hurry due to circumstances that you have no knowledge of. Maybe a friend is being uncommunicative, responding to your attempts at conversation with mono-syllables: you could assume that they are being unreasonably moody \u2013 or you could wait patiently and see whether they open up about some problem or issue in their life that\u2019s bothering them.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve often felt aggrieved when a friend or relative has been snappy or rude \u2013 and have even responded in kind \u2013 only to find, later, that the situation was put into a completely different light by some circumstance which I knew nothing about.<\/p>\n

If someone\u2019s behaviour towards you seems rude, offensive or unkind, ask yourself \u201cwhat else could this mean?\u201d Perhaps they\u2019ve suffered a recent bereavement; perhaps they\u2019re ill, or under a lot of stress.<\/p>\n

In a few cases, of course, people are simply inconsiderate: that guy making an obnoxiously loud phone call on a train, for instance. But you\u2019ll find that your own internal reaction is much calmer if you can come up with a mitigating circumstance that explains the behaviour.<\/p>\n

Recognize Your Own Subjectivity<\/h2>\n

We all grow up with a particular set of beliefs and ideas about the world. In 7 Habits of Highly Effective People<\/a>, Stephen Covey calls these \u201cscripts\u201d \u2013 our ways of behaving that have been formed by social conditioning. You might also think of them as a \u201cmap\u201d of the actual reality of the world.<\/p>\n

Everyone\u2019s scripts or map are different. You probably have a similar framework to your family, friends and peer group \u2013 but you\u2019ll meet plenty of people who come at life from a very different angle.<\/p>\n

This can create friction and conflict. Some examples might be:<\/p>\n