{"id":9431,"date":"2012-03-08T23:08:54","date_gmt":"2012-03-09T07:08:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/?p=9431"},"modified":"2015-06-07T12:44:25","modified_gmt":"2015-06-07T20:44:25","slug":"how-to-recognize-and-deal-with-controlling-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-recognize-and-deal-with-controlling-people\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Recognize and Deal with Controlling People"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp.me\/pAjjf-2s7\"><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Why do people end up trapped in relationships with someone who has a controlling, even abusive, personality?<\/p>\n<p>The main attraction of the controlling person is his charming and disarming fa\u00e7ade while he\u2019s in the beginning stage of obtaining what he wants. <em>(Both men and women can have a Controlling Personality; in this post, I\u2019m using \u201che\u201d for simplicity\u2019s sake.)<\/em><\/p>\n<p>His dedication to the person he\u2019s zoomed in on is flattering and intoxicating. <strong>The big red flag, though, is the short time frame and the intensity of his onslaught.<!--more--><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Everyone is infatuated with the start of a new romance. It feels good to explore someone new and to slowly reveal yourself to them in return. But the controlling individual comes on much too fast. He\u2019ll shower you with gifts, attention and adoration. He\u2019ll immediately talk about significant future plans such as children, marriage and things which normally take time to unfold.<\/p>\n<p><strong>He seems perfect and too good to be true<\/strong>. You\u2019re so blown off your feet, it\u2019s hard to determine what type of man you are dating. Watch out for:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Saying \u201cI love you\u201d very early on in the relationship.<\/li>\n<li>Wanting a commitment from you to date only him, after a very short period.<\/li>\n<li>A rapid show of affection (this is usually a sign of shallow emotion)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>He\u2019ll convince you that he is the love of your life, making all kinds of promises \u2013 but he can detach himself as quickly as he declared undying love and devotion.<\/p>\n<h2>The Warning Signs You Need to Watch Out For<\/h2>\n<p>This personality type is so much fun to be with in the beginning, it\u2019s easy to overlook significant warning signs. Don\u2019t rationalize or trivialize what you see: this can save you a lifetime of pain and psychological stress.<\/p>\n<p>Watch out for these:<\/p>\n<p><strong>#1: He\u2019ll probably have a scary temper. <\/strong>It will be directed toward others and not you. He will quickly dismiss his temper under the guise of being someone else\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#2: He\u2019ll talk a lot about incidents where he needed to stand up for himself.<\/strong> Maybe he gets into fights or had to tell off his boss because he didn\u2019t like an assignment. He may say that his relatives consider him the black sheep of the family.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#3: He can switch from mean to sweet at the drop of a hat.<\/strong> The worst sign is if he ever hits you, even once, or hurts you physically. No matter what he says, it\u2019s deliberate. Get out of the relationship immediately and do not look back.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#4: He doesn\u2019t have friends \u2013 or if he does, they\u2019re all people like him.<\/strong> Ask yourself, do you like his friends? If the answer is no, step back.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#5: Your parents, siblings and friends dislike him.<\/strong> Don\u2019t assume that they simply misunderstand him, and don\u2019t let him convince you that they\u2019re being jealous.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#6: He treats people badly.<\/strong> Look at how he behaves towards people who are obligated to serve him, like waitresses, store clerks and cab drivers.<\/p>\n<h2>The Dangers of a Relationship with a Controller<\/h2>\n<p>Suppose you don\u2019t recognize a Controller\u2019s character or you\u2019re so blown over by his love and devotion that you end up trapped in a relationship with him. What happens to you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>First and foremost, you are going to be abused, if not physically then verbally, probably both.<\/strong> Abuse thwarts positive psychological development. You lose the basic sense of safety. You constantly expect to be attacked, and gradually you lose your positive self-esteem. Your life becomes one of heartache and emotional damage. You know you are being hurt on purpose, but you can\u2019t stop it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>You lose your zest for life because so much energy goes into placating the Controller and in defending yourself.<\/strong> The longer you stay in the relationship with a Controller, the more you will be hurt. Your life becomes centered on this one individual and this is exactly what he wants.<\/p>\n<p><strong>He isolates you.<\/strong> You have no support group, probably not even family members. You have your self-esteem so battered you become too weak to resist. If you do reach out for support from a friend, your abuser will destroy the friendship.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Any and all attempts to escape will be met with promises to change, threats, and constant attention until you give up and go back into the relationship. Don\u2019t be fooled. <\/strong>A controller will panic if they think you are going to break up with them. He\u2019ll do anything: cry, plead and promise to change (especially promise to change). He\u2019ll offer anything and he\u2019ll finally threaten suicide.<\/p>\n<p>Remember, you are not responsible for him. Don\u2019t go back to him: instead of changing, he\u2019ll simply build a higher fence and make it impossible for you to leave again.<\/p>\n<h2>Escape \u2013 And Don\u2019t Go Back<\/h2>\n<p>Now you recognize the Controller, what course of action is open to you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Don\u2019t get involved \u2013 no matter how charming and physically attractive he\/she is.<\/strong> If it\u2019s too late and you are already trapped and fenced in, emotionally punch and kick your way free and DO NOT GO BACK.<\/p>\n<p>Once you escape, don\u2019t look for the same kind of controlling person again. There are plenty of good people out there who are much more worthy of your love and attention.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Bio: Wayne Woods is the author of the ebook <em>Martial Arts for the Soul, <\/em>a guide to dealing with difficult personality types. It costs just $4.99. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.espressobooks.com\/wayne-woods\/\">You can find out more about the book, and read reviews of it, here.<\/a><a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/pickthebrain\"><img src=\"https:\/\/myap.liveperson.com\/se.asp?e=177&amp;id=7952\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><em><strong>Related Articles:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"..\/self-discipline\/\">How To Increase Self Discipline<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"..\/how-to-motivate-yourself\/\">How To Motivate Yourself<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This personality type is so much fun to be with in the beginning, it\u2019s easy to overlook significant warning signs. Don\u2019t rationalize or trivialize what you see: this can save you a lifetime of pain and psychological stress. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-recognize-and-deal-with-controlling-people\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12163,"featured_media":9432,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[21,6],"tags":[56,1930,1820,66,4635,4651,4652,4629],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How To Recognize and Deal with Controlling People<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why do people end up trapped in relationships with someone who has a controlling, even abusive, personality? The main attraction of the controlling person is his charming and disarming fa\u00e7ade while he\u2019s in the beginning stage of obtaining what he wants. (Both men and women can have a Controlling Personality; in this post, I\u2019m using \u201che\u201d for simplicity\u2019s sake.)\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.pickthebrain.com\/blog\/how-to-recognize-and-deal-with-controlling-people\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How To Recognize and Deal with Controlling People\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Why do people end up trapped in relationships with someone who has a controlling, even abusive, personality? The main attraction of the controlling person is his charming and disarming fa\u00e7ade while he\u2019s in the beginning stage of obtaining what he wants. 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